Ten Things Chad Dylan Cooper Hates and Why He Hates Them
By Wollywood (Bethany)
I, Chad Dylan Cooper, am not a cold person. I don't go around blaming everyone and hating everything. But I do have hate for ten particular things. And you, oh lucky little girl (or boy), are going to have the undeniable pleasure of getting a quick look into my perfect mind. Let's do a countdown, shall we?
10. Mustard. -- I mean, why is it called mustard? It's stupid. For the last four or five years I've been spelling it musturd or musterd. Why? 'Cause it doesn't sound like it supposed to be spell mustArd. It's retarded. Honestly, you think that whoever made mustard would think this through. Also, it's puke yellow. It doesn't look appetizing whatsoever. Also, you can't just eat mustard. You can JUST do ketchup with so many things. Hot dogs taste just fine without mustard and just ketchup. But it you use only mustard then it tastes wrong. If you can't have everything else, you can't have mustard. It's very retarded. What's more? There are so many different types of mustard. Spicy mustard, sweet mustard, honey mustard, normal mustard, etc.... What if I get them mixed up? No one wants to get a little spicy surprise when their hoping for a sweet deluxe treat, right? What if I forget to read? I do that a lot. I mean, what if I forget HOW to read? I have some mad hate for mustard.
9. Hairspray. -- Okay, let me talk you through this. Hairspray is just a lame way for people to try to make their hair look as good as mine. My hair is naturally perfect. I look in the mirror every morning and go, "Hey Chad Dyan Cooper, you look hot today" (and its so true), whereas some people just spend pointless hours in front of the mirror trying to make their hair even close to as perfect as mine. They must be so disappointed to find out that no hair product can come close to this lush field of golden beauty!
8. Dogs. -- Look, dogs are just not meant to be, okay? All they do is pee, poop, make more messes, eat your food, crash in your space, and get in your way. The annoying news reporter on the TV just saw me shoving the dog. But did it show the dog shoving me first? It slobbered all over my perfect skin and tried to kill me, I swear! He just lunged at me and licked his filthy lips. He came into my personal bubble and I just used the only self-defense I knew. No one touches the Chad-bubble.
7. The Director of Mackenzie Falls. -- Mike is just out of it. I mean, he's always telling me "More drama, Chad....more drama!" Well, guess what, you insignificant speck of nothingness? I'm WAAAY hotter than you! And my drama makes girls melt! Here he goes complementing everyone else but me. Favoritism. That's what it is. He loves James more than me and its sick and wrong. James Conroy is nothing but a Chad wannabe. He got all of his best moves from me...and he does the tuck and roll like a two-year-old. I'm not jealous, or anything! I mean, Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't GET jealous. I'm just slight perturbed that he doesn't realize that I have more talent than that camera-hogging freak. My director would be a terrible America's Next Top Model judge. Not that I watch that show or anything..............
6. James Conroy. -- Like I said, my best friend, James is a jerk. He thinks Blondie is hot (she's a broad-chested girl with a squeaky voice...ew). He is a camera hog. I mean, I would take a bullet for this guy, my best friend...but he sucks. No, I wouldn't take a bullet for him...he doesn't deserve it. Breaking Sonny Monroe's heart....not that I care what he does to any girl's heart...but still....
5. Rain. -- Rain is stupid. Who likes rain? It's damp and it is the only time my lush field of golden beauty (hair) gets frizzy. Not too frizzy, of course because I am still too perfect for that kind of stuff. But still. I can't have my beauty time if its raining. No tanning or anything! I need that sunlight and the rain is pointless. Honestly. (What poor Chad doesn't realize is that without what he would die).
4. High School Musical. -- First of all, dumb movie. Who randomly bursts out in song everything three minutes? And the story line is soooo predictable. And what's more? Zac Efron is soooo yesterday. Especially compared to me. So what is Vanessa Hudgens is falling at his feet? I have LOADS more girls who LOVE me MORE. Zac Efron has no idea what its like to be me and I can tell that deep down he is dying with jealousy. When we were shooting 17 Again, we all know that he was intimidated by me. That's why he's not allowed on my set. He's on the 'banned' list . And that's also why High School Musical is a bad movie.
3. The Jonas Brothers. -- Three gay guys would wear tight pants and sing stupid songs that I have stuck in my head all the time. That's the definition. Just because I have all of there songs on my iPod and couldn't live without hearing SOS at least once a day, that doesn't mean I like them. I just need to hear their voices so I can make fun of them on a daily basis. It's only healthy for me. Honestly.
2. So Random. -- Okay, they can't act. They don't know how. They do funny. And not even REAL funny. Just want-to-be funny. It's amazing that they are still on air. No one thinks that rapping bees are funny. No wonder Mackenzie falls is number on the charts and not So Random. Because our so isn't just So Random. It's drama. It's talent. It's intense. And I'M in it. What else does it need?
And the number one thing I hate is:
1. Sonny Monroe. -- Sonny Monroe is cute. Darn cute. She's funny. Darn funny. She's sweet. Darn sweet. And she's perfect. So darn perfect......crap. So you see my problem, right? I love her. I hate that I love her so darn much that I want to run into a pole (which is not fun, I've tried it). Whenever I see her my heart does flips and I hate that. I hate that I love her. I hate it more than anyhing thing else on this list. And what's worse? There is NOTHING Chad Dylan Cooper can do about it. I am unconditionally in love with Sonny Monroe. Darn it.
It's my first Sonny With a Chance thing! I hope you liked it! Now I have to go to bed because if I don't I won't be able to catch the plane that takes me and my family back to the States, tomorrow! I have to wake up at 4:30 AM, YIKES!