The Hangover Part Three

Chapter One: London Calling

"Doug? It's Phil."

"If you're ringing to tell me you lost Stu or you've woken up in bed with the Queen I don't want to know."

"We've fucked up big time, man."

"Everything will be fine. You guys always work these things out."

"Not this time."

"Look, I've gotta go Phil, call me when you're back on American soil."

The phone went dead. Phil dropped it and turned to face the men pointing guns at him and his friends. He closed his eyes…

~ o o O o o ~

THREE DAYS EARLIER

"Oh, come on Doug, don't be a pussy!" Phil smacked his friend on the back and turned to face Stu. Stu pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose and nodded,

"Yeah! There're three tickets! We can't go without you."

The previous week Stu had won tickets to London (through a lottery at work), all expenses paid for one weekend and, naturally, he'd offered the other two tickets to his best friends. Doug ran his hands though his dark hair and sighed,

"Okay, okay! I'll come."

"Yes!" Phil rubbed his hands together and smiled broadly, "This is gonna be awesome!"

~ o o O o o ~

A woman in a short skirt and high heels strode past Phil and Stu in the airport, as she passed she slipped on a patch of wet floor and fell with a thud on her front. She got up, patted herself down and, much to Phil's delight, her shirt had gone completely see-through. Like a hormonal teenager Phil's mouth made a small 'o' shape and he bit his knuckles to prevent the inevitable 'woop' that wanted to escape his lips. Stu grinned as the woman stormed off and then, behind the woman, Stu saw something straight from one of his recurring nightmares. There, in an 'I Love London' t-shirt two sizes too small and dragging two large suitcases, was Alan.

Stu dived onto the nearest set of seats where Phi had decided to park his behind. Phil looked at Stu quizzically,

"What are you doing?"

Stu pressed a finger to his lips, "Shh! He'll hear you!"

"Who?"

Stu pointed over the top of the seats and Phil poked his head over. He could see Alan scanning the airport and ducked down, whispering,

"Shit! What does he want?"

Stu's eyes widened, "Shit. You don't think Doug invited him do you?"

"Why would he? The guy's a retard!"

"Who's a re-tard?" It was Alan.

Stu sat upright and didn't even bother trying to be polite,

"What're you doing here Alan?"

Phil crossed his arms across his chest and mumbled through tight lips, "Maybe he's stalking you."

Stu turned to face his friend accusingly, "Me? You're the one he's got some weird man-crush on! I bet he beats off-"

The dentist stopped speaking as a woman on a nearby seat turned to face him, shock on her face. She covered her son's ears and marched off. Alan grinned stupidly,

"Hey Phil!"

Phil smiled awkwardly as Stu started to shake a loose fist in the air.

"This is gonna be great you guys!" Alan squeezed between them, "The wolfpack in Lon-dan!"

Realising that Stu was about to have a stroke right there and then Phil stood up, his hands clasped behind his head,

"Alan, there's only three tickets," he went on the defensive, "I mean, if there were more we would've invited you, right Stu?" He looked to his freaked-out friend pleadingly.

Stu nodded vacantly.

Alan laughed and shook his head playfully, "Oh you guys! Doug's not coming!"

Stu shot to his feet and lunged for Alan, luckily Phil interjected,

"Doug is coming! He said he could come!"

The retard smiled lovingly at Phil, "He said something came up with work and that I should take his place. Neat, huh?"

Behind his glasses Stu's left eye twitched manically. How could Doug do this to them?

"We can't go."

"What?" The other two asked in unison.

Phil pulled Stu aside and spoke in a quiet voice, "We can still go man, it'll be fun!"

"Fun? Fun? Twice I've been drugged by this lunatic and almost died. Twice! And he'll do it again Phil. You know it and I know it! He's not- not stable!"

Phil rubbed his forehead wearily, "Look, when are we gonna get another free trip to London, huh? And we don't even have to hang with him when we get there. We can just leave him in the hotel eating cucumber sandwiches and scones! He'll love it!" Phil flashed his teeth and finally Stu caved,

"Fine, we'll go. But we are not drinking with him! He stays away, understand?"

Phil nodded and they walked back to join their bearded companion who turned and picked up his suitcases. He started to walk towards the departure gates,

"Goodbye America, bonjour Lon-dan!"

The other shuffled behind him. Stu turned to Phil,

"I'm going to kill Doug."

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