Without You, a csi fanfic

Yeah, so this was written while waiting for games to start during the all-nighter I pulled to watch the last of the pool games in the Rugby World Cup (cue cheers of 'Go Ireland' and patriotic renditions of Amhrán na bhFiann)

So what I'm trying to say is: I apologize if this story seems confusing, strange or just plain stupid. I was very sleep deprived/distracted when writing it and I edited it the day after the aforementioned 'all-nighter' so I was pretty much a walking zombie. (I love sleep)

That said, I think it's decent and I wanted to post it and see what some of you thought so please feel free to comment, good or bad. I never know how a story turns out because in my head it can make sense, because I'm the one writing it, but to an outside reader it could be complete nonsense.

Enough rambling, enjoy.

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'It's different today.'

'Yeah?' His hands could catch fire any minute from being rubbed together so much. His nerves won't settle and all this waiting isn't doing them any favours.

'Yeah.' An arm is sprawled lazily across his eyes, the other resting on his stomach.

...

'We should tell Greg about this place, he can work on his tan.' The last word leads into a chuckle and Warrick can't help but smile at the man behind him.

Their eyes feel like there permanently squinting from the raging sun and Warrick can feel the sweat roll down his back. The sun beams bounce off every surface and even the birds seem to have the sense to stay in the shade.

'Like you can talk, you're looking pretty pasty there bro.' The words roll off Warrick's tongue and he hears Nick shuffle in the seat behind him. The beat up old car rocks a little at the movement and Warrick pulls his head from its position against the driver side window to look at Nick lying slumped in the back seat. He looks for the entire world like he's just sitting there waiting for someone to call him to a crime scene.

...

'They finally decided on a name.' Nick's looking out the window, enjoying the view.

'Who?' Warrick raises his eyebrows at the sudden announcement. It had been quiet for too long and Warrick knew he should have been keeping the conversation going.

'My sister and her husband.' Warrick smiles when he thinks of the time Nick's niece came to visit a few years ago. You couldn't wipe the 'proud uncle' smile off his face for days.

'Spike.'

'Spike?' Warrick smiles when he sees the relaxed grin plastered across Nick's face.

'Susan's always been weird.' Nick's smile stays put and he looks as though a special memory is replaying in his head.

'And I thought Nick was a stupid name.' Warrick tried to hide his laughter at the hurt face nick made.

'Hey! It's better than Warrick, and don't make fun of my little nephew or I'll kick your ass bro.' Nick lifted his head slightly as if trying to make his point.

'Man, you know I'd kick you into next week if I could.' Warrick tried to keep a straight face.

'Whatever.' Nick's smile returned and Warrick looked back to give him a slight smile.

'I can't wait to go see him. You think I'll be able to get some time off, maybe next week? Just a couple of days.' Nick's grin spreads and Warrick can imagine him thinking about sitting on the porch of his parent's ranch holding his new niece in his arms.

...

'Warrick'

'Yeah buddy.' Warrick's head leans a little to the left, rolling across the headrest.

'It's getting cold, isn't it?' The tone of his voice made him sound more like he was looking for reassurance that he wasn't imagining the cold, instead of just asking a question.

'You want my jacket?' Warrick turns fully now and looks thoughtfully at Nick.

'No, thanks.' Nick's southern drawl seems thicker but Warrick just puts it down to exhaustion.

...

'This is gonna be great.' Nick's wide smile resembled that of a child at Christmas. He was holding the ropes and gear that he needed while Warrick watched the sun high in the sky.

'Alright kiddo, think you can wait a minute for the adults to get ready?' Warrick flashed a cheeky grin towards his friend but Nick's smile didn't falter.

'Hope it doesn't get too windy.' Nick moved closer to the end of the ledge and threw the end of his rope towards the rock face.

Warrick looked away from the sun and took in the desert below.

'Nah, the weather is just perfect.' Warrick laughed as Nick squinted from the harsh sun.

Nick's best friend turned back to the climbing equipment and laughed to himself at his friend's enthusiasm.

Bang.

...

'Warrick? The voice stirs him from his thoughts.

'I'm cold.' Nick's voice sounds small, like he's very far away or they're in a car wash.

'Yeah, Do you want my…'

'I should have asked Sara to come.' Nick face has grown dark and Warrick sees the shadows that are under his eyes.

'She had to work. She went to The Strip for a case, remember?' Warrick looks at Nick, deeply, hoping to see a spark of realisation.'

'Yeah.' He doesn't. There's no spark.

...

'Warrick, where were we?' Nick clasps his hands together across his chest.

'You tell me?' Warrick is lying with his back resting against the driver side door and his legs sprawled across the front passenger seat. He can see and talk to Nick easier this way.

'The beach?' It's an educated guess, based on the sand that surrounds them for miles but it's not the right one. Warrick would give a lot of things for them to have been at the beach.

'No.' Warrick tries not to sound disappointed but some still slips into his voice.

'I'm thirsty.' Warrick notices for the first time that Nick's lips are chapped and dry. He looks at the empty water bottle lying in the car door and wills it to magically fill up with the scarce liquid.

'We'll get some soon, okay buddy.' Warrick knows that it's an empty promise but it's all he can say.

'I forgot to go shopping yesterday.' Nick looks at the roof of the car like he's looking at his shopping list. Milk, cereal, beer, pasta, apples…

...

'Warrick… Warrick.' Warrick sat bolt upright, nearly hitting his head off the ceiling, and looked for Nick.

'You alright?' Nick looked at Warrick as if he had two heads.

'Yeah… What's wrong?' Warrick moved back to his position on the seat and put his hand between the two front seats, resting it on Nick's leg.

'Is it… is it raining?' Nick words were coming out slower than before and it worried Warrick.

'No, why? What's wrong bro?' Warrick sat up straighter and put his hand on Nick's wrist.

'My head is… Are you sure it's not raining?' Nick's word's came out slow, as if he wasn't sure that he was speaking the right language. His head rolled to the side and Warrick ignored his question.

He pushed himself up and moved himself around in the cramped space so that he could lean above Nick. He saw what Nick was talking about, liquid had started to pool beneath his head.

Warrick held his hands on either side of Nick's head so that he was looking him straight in the eye. All he saw was confusion, as if Nick couldn't get that last word in the puzzle. He was ignorant to everything and Warrick couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

Nick didn't know that anything was happening.

'Nick… you're…' Warrick looked into Nick's eyes and stopped himself.

'You know this old car, roof must be leaking or something.' Warrick felt the rush of air escape Nick's lips as they curved into a smile. He couldn't help but smile himself, trying to reassure Nick.

...

'I'm tired.' The words sound distant, as if they were talking over the phone with a bad connection.

'Me too, man.'

'I might… just go asleep.' His sentences were getting shorter and Warrick though he could hear a slight slur starting to creep in.

'No. Come on bro, tell me more about that new nephew of yours.' His request was met with silence but he wasn't surprised. It happened when they first got back to the car too and Nick had kept doing it every now and then, leaving Warrick alone with his thoughts. It worried Warrick the first time, he had asked him if he was sure he didn't have his cell phone on him and his answer was a croak from a nearby bird. It was normal now, just something that happened when you were in the middle of the desert with your best friend who just happened to have a serious head injury.

'Fuck.'

...

'Nick?... NICK.'

Warrick's knees smacked down onto the hard stone with a thump. He held his hands as tight as he could on the jagged edge but he didn't look down. He willed every ounce of his body to tilt forward and see Nick waving back up while a small bird sat in the shade watching.

After what felt like forever he tipped forward and a rush of air escaped his lungs. Nick was lying on his back with his arms spread outwards and his left leg bent and resting underneath his right knee. Warrick could hear nothing but air rushing in and out of lungs as he slowly rose, never taking his eyes away from his friend lying on the ledge below. It was as if the entire desert had fallen quiet.

Warrick knew what had happened but he didn't want it to come true.

If the lab was really slow, and Warrick meant really slow, and he had all his paperwork done and Nick wasn't around to play xbox with then he would sometimes look for some random facts on the internet. He borrowed $5 from Greg once when he read that it has the number '172' on the back in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial. He bought a pedometer when he found out that the average person will walk the equivalent of five times around the equator. Once, he read that a person could survive a 30 metre fall if they landed the right way. It was 15 metres if they landed badly. Later that day Warrick had casually reminded Nick that he should always check his climbing gear properly. That was years ago, Nick had to have fallen 35-40 metres and his landing didn't look good.

'Nick... Talk to me man. Hey.' Warrick could have sworn that Nick's eyes were open, just a little but he wasn't making any movements. Warrick pushed any negative thoughts he had to the back of his mind. He had to get down there and get Nick moving or talking or… anything.

He rushed down the side of the cliff face that they had come up only moments ago. His feet hit the ledge that Nick was on with a thump and seemed to stick there like glue. He was closer to Nick now and his breath shuddered. If they were working on a car he would have called it oil or grease, except that it was brighter. Nick's hair looked wet, it started just behind his left ear and continued to the back of his head. It was spreading on the ground beneath him and Warrick cursed.

It felt like eternity was passing him by with every second. There were other cuts on Nick, his right elbow and left wrist as well as across his right jaw, but none that concerned Warrick as much as the one he had gotten from banging his head from a too-high fall onto a hard rock ground.

'Nick? I need you to open your eyes man. Come on. Don't leave me alone out here bro.' The last line was whispered almost in silence and Warrick tried to hold back the tears.

Don't leave me alone.

...

'I'm cold.' Nick's teeth were chattering and his hands kept shaking.

'I know man, you'll be home really soon though. You'll be complaining about the air conditioning in the lab in no time.' Warrick expected Nick to defend himself, or at least pass comment. He didn't though.

'Please, I'm cold.' He sounded like a little kid and it made Warrick's heart skip a beat. He always felt a little responsible for Nick, like he was the little brother that needed to be protected from the world. Maybe it was because Nick seemed to always end up in situations where Warrick needed to save him, or maybe because he was his best friend and that's what best friends do, they look out for each other.

Warrick had even helped Nick out on his first day when Grissom chewed him out in front of the rest of the team for making a rookie mistake. The guy was fresh out from Texas and hadn't even mastered the right route to the lab yet and Warrick felt like he needed a break. He looked like a lost puppy sitting in the break room, on his own, looking at Grissom's newest experiment. Warrick had tossed him a bone and Nick had taken it. He showed him around the lab, told him the in's and out's and gave him a list of things that pissed Grissom and Brass off. He didn't need any help in the charm department but the fact that Nick appeared to have already made a friend in Warrick didn't hinder his chances of fitting in. By the end of his first month, he was the newest golden boy and had gone for drinks with just about everybody in the lab and PD.

'Stop thinking about it bro. When you're hungry, it always worse if all you can think about is a cheeseburger, right?'

'Yeah, I guess… Why aren't you bringing me home? ' It was an innocent question on Nick's part. He wasn't thinking like the usual Nick, but it still broke Warrick's heart. He should be able to take Nick home. He should be able to do something and not be watching as his best friend was lay across the back seat with blood covering the back of his head and trailing long lines down his neck to cake on his shirt. It was his fault that Nick was limited to only being able to speak short sentences every few hours and stare at the ceiling during the moments he was awake.

'We'll go home soon Nicky. I won't let you down.' Warrick was silently cursing every damn thing that had gone wrong.

...

'Warrick?' Nick's voice sounded slurred and thick.

'Yeah bro?' Warrick was frustrated that he was just sitting there.

'I'm not thirsty anymore, how about you?' Every syllable sounded like an effort for Nick.

'Me either, I'd love a big juicy steak though.' Warrick's mouth started to water and he regretted mentioning the food.

'No. I don't… don't wanna throw up… again.' Nick's frowned at the memory. An hour beforehand, Warrick 's thought had been interrupted as Nick suddenly struggled to sit up enough so he could be sick.

'You'll be fine Nicky. Everything will be fine.'

...

'Nick.' Warrick had gotten out of the car and walked to the back door on the side Nick's head was resting; he was hunched down with his arm on Nick's shoulder.

'Wha…' Nick's left eye opened slightly and his right hand raised off his chest faintly.

'Come on man, I need you to get up for me okay?' Warrick put his arms under Nick's head to support him as he tried to sit up.

Warrick was checking the distance religiously, it had been hours and no one had come. He had been counting on someone coming across the car.

Warrick looked one last time and decided that they needed to walk. Any sort of civilisation was a couple of miles away and Warrick hadn't got much faith that they would make it there but he had to try something. Nick had fallen asleep a half hour ago and when Warrick couldn't wake him his mind began to race. If they even made it half way then at least it meant that when whoever began to look for them wouldn't have to come as far to find them. The only person that knew about the day trip was Greg but Nick had told him he wouldn't be back until that night.

'rick... why?' Nick's eyes opened fully as Warrick pulled him into a sitting position.

Nick's vision swam and blinding bolts of light danced around the car in front of him. Images swam in and out of focus as Nick swayed. He reached towards the seat in front of him but felt nothing but air. A warm hand closed around Nick's and he felt grounded as the striking light left the car.

'It's okay Nicky. Put your hand on my shoulder okay? Right here.' Warrick leaned into the car and pulled Nick's arm towards his shoulder.

'Rick, I can't… please. I don't want to…' Nick sounded like a little kid who didn't want to walk around a shopping centre anymore. It felt like a punch in the chest to Warrick though.

'Were just going on a little walk, okay? You'll be fine.' Warrick started to coax Nick's legs around towards the open car door.

'Rick… Please.' Nick's words caught in his throat and he sounded on the verge of tears.

Warrick continued to manoeuvre Nick around towards the car door. He looked at Nick's face and what he saw was frightening.

Nick's eyes were glazed and dark circles had spread under his eyes. Blood had caked in his hair while fresh liquid had spread across his forehead and down the right side of his face. His pale colouring was a stark contrast to the dark crimson that had snaked it way down onto his chest and discoloured his blue shirt. His breathing was coming in puffs as if he was fighting off nausea.

Warrick froze as he took in the sight of his friend in front of him. He cursed himself for not taking the decision to walk earlier but he didn't think Nick would be able to make it more than a few feet. He still didn't, but the further apart Nick's periods of consciousness became the more Warrick knew they needed to do something.

'Warrick.' Nick's voice snapped him out of his daze. He was looking deeply into Warrick's eyes and it sent a shiver down his spine.

'What Nicky?' Warrick moved his arm up to Nick's shoulder. He just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay, and really mean it.

'Am I leaving?' Nick's voice was clearer than it had been in hours and it chilled Warrick to the bone. Nick's eyes were vibrant and a silence settled. It was as if something unspoken had passed between them.

'No.' Warrick's voice was firm and steady.

'Really?' Warrick couldn't read what was on Nick's face.

Warrick just looked at Nick for what felt like forever.

'Were gonna go together bro. Come on, it's just a walk. You could always outrun me when we went jogging so this should be a piece of cake.' Warrick settled Nick's legs so that they were outside the car and ready for him to stand up. Warrick stood up and looked around him. He could have sworn the desert had gotten darker.

Warrick looked back down at Nick and started to have doubts. What if they only made it half way and were left without shelter in a cold, black desert at night? He couldn't wait in the car anymore though; he couldn't wait there and watch Nick… He couldn't.

'Alright buddy.' Warrick put his arms under Nick's and he pulled himself up slowly.

'Rick…' Nick had squeezed his eyes shut.

'It's alright Nicky, I've got you.' Warrick eventually got Nick standing straight.

Nick's head spun and black dots filled his vision. Sparks began to dance around in front of him and he looked at Warrick strangely as he spun in and out of focus.

'You okay?' Warrick saw Nick pale while his eyelids drooped.

Nick's worlds narrowed until Warrick was the only thing in his vision. The desert behind had faded to mute black and even Warrick head was becoming duller. Nick felt enclosed, like everything was closing in on him.

'Nicky?' Warrick was getting worried as Nick seemed to sag.

Warrick put his left arm around Nick's back and pulled Nick's right arm over his shoulder so he could support him as they began to walk.

He pulled Nick past the open door and steadied him as they started to walk. Nick was leaning heavily and it only served to worry Warrick more. Warrick thought about his chances of having a heart attack after all his worrying. He smiled to himself.

'We should go to the beach.' Nick was still pale but Warrick thought he could see some excitement in his friends face.

'Yeah. How's that head doing?' Warrick was feeling the pull of half-carrying his best friend already but he wasn't going to stop until they found someone, together.

'My head?' Nick looked puzzled, as if he couldn't think why Warrick would ask such a question.

'Yeah Nicky. How's it doing.' Warrick pulled Nick's arm tighter across his shoulders.

'Feels like floating. A giant bubble.' A ghost of a laugh left Nick's lips and the left side of his mouth turned up into a smile.

'A bubble? You're not going to float away on me are you?' Warrick returned Nick's smile and looked at him in awe. He could feel the pain through Nick's tense muscle and see the dehydration in his face but somehow his friend still managed to make him smile.

'No, never bro. If I… If I floated away then who'd… who'd I bet against on… a case?' Nick's head rolled to the side and rested on Warrick's shoulder.

'Good. I need your money to buy those football tickets next week.' Warrick focused on keeping Nick alert, saying anything he could to provoke a response.

'I'll be… buying those tickets.' Nick's voice was starting to sound strained from the walking.

'Good.'

'With your money.' Nick's breath rushed out of his mouth and Warrick took it as a laugh.

'Dream on cowboy.' Warrick could feel the sweat rolling down Nick's back as they struggled on. Nick was leaning more and more as the minutes past.

'Warrick… thank you.' Nick's head had lifted from Warrick shoulder now.

'For what bro?' Warrick pulled on Nick's shirt to keep his grip from slipping.

'Being with me...'

'Where else would I be?' Warrick started to wonder why Nick kept making lucid statement amongst the random sentences and questions that had become normal since his fall.

'What?' Nick was looking around the desert.

'I wouldn't be anywhere else Nicky.' Warrick pulled his friend closer and felt the emotions of the day start to take hold.

'Where else?' Nick looked at Warrick questionably and then looked past him to the mountains on the distance.

'I… Nicky, you okay?' Warrick slowed his pace and tried to catch Nick's line of sight.

'We should… sit down… Can we sit down?' Nick looked deep into Warrick's eyes and something caused Warrick to submit to his friend's request.

'Yeah, alright. Take it easy though.' Warrick stopped and looked around quickly, there were no rocks to sit Nick on so he would have to sit on the dusty ground. Warrick felt and urge to put his jacket on the ground for Nick so he wouldn't get dusty, but Warrick looked at the blood stains all over Nick's shirt and the rip in his jeans and abandoned the idea.

Nick winced as he dropped slowly to the desert floor. He let a deep breath rush out as he hit the floor. Warrick sat beside him with his shoulder against him and his right leg outstretched. Nick pushed his left leg slightly until it bumped against Warrick's leg.

'You okay partner?' Warrick put his arm around Nick's shoulders as he began to slump against him.

'The sunset should be nice.' Nick smiled and looked across the desert to the visible horizon. Warrick followed his gaze and found nothing but rusty dirt and sky. It would be hours until the sunset and Warrick hadn't planned on them being around to see it.

Warrick looked at Nick and tried to see a change in his friend. Nick's eyes were glassy and his face was covered in a sheen of sweat but his lips were chapped. The blood had dried and now only a small amount of fresh crimson was visible behind Nick's ear. Warrick noticed his lips moving as if he was talking, but no words came out.

'We'll have the best seat in the city Nicky.' Warrick pulled Nick closer and felt his head rest on his shoulder and his hair tickle his neck.

'Who are you talking to Nicky?' Warrick watched Nick's lips stop moving as he mentioned the phantom conversation.

'I… I didn't do anything.' Nick's eyes darkened. Warrick felt him tense.

'I know. It's alright Nick.' Warrick squeezed Nick's bicep and felt him relax.

'It's alright?' Nick looked lost but content at the same time.

'Yeah. Everything is alright.' Warrick tried to think of something to say. Something normal, something that would make Nick laugh. He wanted to say something stupid, something that would make them forget they were stranded in a desert.

'That's good. Everything is alright.' Nick smiled and his eyelids started to droop.

'Warrick, I'm glad we came here today. I don't want you to leave. I… missed having you around.'

Nick's head rolled off Warrick's shoulder.

'I missed you too Nicky.' Warrick watched the space that Nick's eyes were glued to and wondered if that was the spot the sun would set in.

'Does everyone else know?' Nick's eyebrows raised slightly.

'No Nicky. If they did they'd be here. Every single one of them.' Warrick thought about his friends and the new directions their lives were going in.

'Even Grissom?' Nick turned and Warrick saw years of inadequacy in his eyes.

'He'd be on a plane quicker than you could feed that spider of yours.' Warrick grimaced when he thought of the spider that had taken residence in Nick's office.

'I miss him sometimes.' Warrick felt a crushing pressure on his chest at all the regrets he knew Nick was facing.

'You don't need to, you'll see him again bro.'

'Really?'

'Everyone.' Warrick noticed the sky getting darker.

'Can we leave now Warrick?' Nick moved his leg closer to Warrick's.

'If you want to Nicky.' Warrick watched the sky and waited.

'I'm tired.' Warrick could feel Nick's words vibrate on his chest.

'Okay.'

'Can I see Spike?' Warrick's heart jumped into his mouth.

'Sometime.'

'Can you tell my Mom and Dad?' Nick's voice hitched at the mention of his parents.

'No. I'll stay with you though.' Warrick held back the emotions he knew were coming.

'Can I tell them?' Nick's voice broke Warrick's heart. He sounded so lost and afraid.

'Anything's possible Nicky.'

The sun seemed to sweep across the sky in those final moments. The birds disbursed and shadows crept along the mountains in the distance. A lone bird swooped down in front of them and looked at Nick. As soon as he landed he rose into the sky again. A gust of wind broke across the desert and Warrick watched the dust kick up. Moments faded in and out as words broke through in detail, questions and reassurances, laughs and tears.

'It's not cold. I thought it would be cold.' Nick's hand reached out and he grabbed the air. His fingers caressed the wind and Warrick watched his face light up. Nick looked up and smiled as though someone had just walked over to him. Warrick watched him and looked for signs. Nick's lips started to move, the phantom conversation began again.

'Am I leaving?' Nick was asking the air in front of him but Warrick replied.

'Every moment that I'm still around Nicky.' Warrick grabbed Nick's hand that had been touching the air.

He stood and pulled Nick gently with him.

'I'm okay.' Nick smiled and Warrick watched his friend settle into a peaceful stance. The lines of pain that had been etched on his face faded and Warrick could see his shoulders slump and relax.

'We're just going on a little walk Nicky.'

Warrick and Nick walked forward as the sun finally settled behind the horizon. Birds returned to nests and animals returned to their homes. Flowers no longer bloomed and the wind settled as the dust floated down onto the new objects from the day. Stars began to twinkle and Warrick watched as Nick saw something spectacular in the distance that caused every fibre of his being to fill with happiness. It was always the same people, those who had gone before, those who had been lost too soon and those we had never known.

It filled Warrick with warmth as he watched his best friend for what felt like forever. He had missed so much. He had waited for so long. He felt selfish and happy, excited and devastated.

Everything was fine again.

...

Life settled and flowers bloomed. Birds took flight and animals re-emerged. The sun sparkled and chased the shadows away for another day. The lights of the city faded and traffic trickled through. The earth warmed as clouds dispersed.

Winds blew dust across an abandoned car and a split rope swung in the breeze. A blood stain dried into a dark blemish as footprints faded with the new day.

A long line of police vehicles emerged from the distance, uplifting dust and interrupted the new dawn, racing to save lost moments and to find hope amidst the inklings.

Thoughts? I'd love to hear them, whatever they may be. Thanks for reading.