Star Wars Duel
"Steve! SteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteve-"
"What."
Fixit beamed at him.
"No."
"But you don't even know-"
"No."
"But you-"
"No."
"But-"
"No."
"Steve-"
"No."
"I don't-"
"No."
"Please!"
"…"
"…"
"…no."
"Steve!"
"…remind me why I agreed to this again?"
"You didn't. I blackmailed you."
"Ah."
"Okay, now, put this on!"
"…"
"…"
"…where the frag did you find this much brown fabric?"
"Steve?"
"…yes?"
"Just put it on."
"…yes sir."
"…that's…a lot of face paint, sir."
"Yes. Yes it is."
"And now, the piece de resistance!"
Steve shrieked in horror.
"What?"
"What the frag, sir!? How did you-!?"
"I walked in and took it."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…don't worry, I'll put it back after my shift."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…Steve?"
"…I give up."
"Yes! This is going to be the one of the most awesome epic things in the history of awesomeness!"
Fixit bounced onto the bridge for her night shift supervising Roombas.
The Vehicons on duty did a double take. What the frag?!
"Don't mind me," she proclaimed cheerfully from under her dark hood. "I'm just preemptively staving off boredom. Now then-"
She swung round with a dramatic swirl of her cloak, pulling the Dark Star Saber off her back and pointing it at the entrance to the bridge.
"Show your face, you cowardly Hutt!"
"…"
"Steve, that's your cue!" she hissed, holding her pose even as her arm started to tremble from the effort of holding up the massive sword.
"…"
"Steve. Squirrels."
There came a deep, heavy vent, and Steve moved into view, dressed in a Jedi robe and carrying a fake glowing Star Saber.
"Your foul plan shall not succeed Darth Fixit," the Vehicon monotoned, obviously an unwilling accomplice.
"Hah!" Fixit sneered, letting her sword drop and artfully turning its momentum into a neat twirl move that ended with it braced against her shoulder. Somehow, her hood also had gotten swept off, revealing elaborate red and black face paint mimicking Darth Maul's. "And who's going to stop me, Jedi Steve? You? Ha!"
"Even if I fall in battle today any victory you may achieve will be only temporary for the Force shall never stand for your injustice."
"Bold words, for a Jedi. Let's see if you can back them up!"
Steve stared blankly as Fixit shifted into an offensive stance, doing a marvelous job of pretending she wasn't wielding a sword larger and heavier than she was.
"…"
"…Steve, that's your cue!"
He vented again, trudging forwards slowly as he reluctantly drew his sword…and promptly tripped over his cloak.
He yelped as he went helm first off the edge of the platform, Fixit just missing his servo as she lunged. The Vehicon managed to twist and land on his pedes, though they slipped out from under him, leaving him lying on his back, staring up at worried dark scarlet optics.
"Steve, are you okay?"
"F-fine," he hastened to reassure her, considering she looked ready to jump down after him. "I'm fine. Good to go."
"…you sure?"
"Yep, peachy. And, um…you have fallen into the trap, foolish Sith!"
"…oh really? And what would a Jedi-" her deep voice was positively dripping with scorn "-know about setting traps?"
"I was not the one who set the trap. You were the one to do that," Steve said resignedly, standing up as Fixit swept down the stairs dramatically.
"I was, was I? Well then, Jedi, care to explain to me just what the trap is?"
"…no."
Fixit paused. "What?"
"You are my enemy, a Sith Lord. Jedi though I may be, I'm not stupid."
"…sure you're not."
"I'm not!"
"Poor little Jedi, living in delusion…"
"I am not-!"
Steve froze as she suddenly brought the Dark Star Saber up to hover just under his chin.
"Foolish Jedi," she chuckled. "One should never allow oneself to be distracted from the task at hand. Any last words?"
He glared. "Just this-"
Fixit made a little slashing motion with the sword, careful not to actually hit Steve. "Too late! Ta-ta, Jedi Steve. You shall not be missed."
She turned to walk off, but paused as Steve just stood there.
"Steve, you're dead, die!"
"Oh, right."
Darth Fixit swept back up the steps as her foe died an overly-dramatic death behind her. She stalked onto the platform, returning the Dark Star Saber to her back and resting her fists on her hips.
"And now, no one can stop me!"
She broke out into truly impressive evil laughter, her voice ringing through the bridge and covering up the semi-hysterical snickers of the Roombas on duty.
A/N: Ah, Fixit. How I love you.
There's going to be no set timeline for when these pranks were pulled, unless explicitly stated otherwise. And since I'm primarily focused on writing the actual story, this is going to be updated much less frequently.
But there will be updates. There's no way I can fit all the pranks Fixit pulls into the story(s).