Disclaimer: There's no way I own VOCALOID and get only 50 bucks a month. Vocaloid is owned by Yamaha Corporation and its proyect collaborators.
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Shuujin [Prisoner]
Another day.
Again, the sun pierced through my skin like a knife and thirst came too soon to my throat. I knew they would't give me water even if I begged, I had to held it in. I knew better than to nag those guards. If I did... I would be next.
I looked at the fence that separated me from freedom and how the ravens flew forward to their next meal, possibly myself. I had been persecuted to the ends of that region and deprived of my freedom, and I would never again set foot in the lush grass that grew just beyond the fence. I had to be strong and stand to continue living on.
I knew that very well but ... my legs were not mine anymore. And so, they gave out.
I fell down, exhausted. Luckily I was in an area far enoug from the guards to pass unnoticed.
My breathing was ragged. My malnourished body wasn't going to last much longer in the prison where I was confined. "Prison." Maybe too soft a word. That was not a "prison", it was an extermination camp for people like me, people who could not afford a ticket out of those walls, for innocent people who had bad luck in life and fell into poverty with really bad timing.
I took my hands off the ground and looked up.
I thought I was alone in that place, away from the area in which we were breaking rocks, but at the other side of the gate, a guy was watching me, confused.
He wore fine, expensive clothes and a hat that, despite depriving me of seeing his face, dimly revealed several strands of blond hair shining like the sun, which reminded me of the place beyond there, the place of freedom that would never come. That kid was you.
It may seem silly, stupid, but, seeing you, not really wanting to ... I think I got in love with you. Between me, dirty and ragged, and you, handsome and immaculate there was such a difference...
I had no more time. Just when I got up, the guard came running to me. You hided in the bushes and watched me being hit, pushed towards the entrance of the prison.
Once at my cell I looked for it. I knew I had some. An outside person will never venture to start a conversation with one of us, prisoners. But there was a way ... I found it!
I picked up the paper carefully. It was a napkin I had saved from my last decent meal -those you get once a week- and a couple of pieces of coal, the food they gave us, burned in a way that made it lose the meaning of food.
I wrote a letter with it and folded it, making a paper airplane. The only thing I remembered of the outside world. The only thing that could reach you.
A plane would fly free over those oppressive walls.
The following day you came back. I don't know if you felt the same thrill as I did when I saw you for the first time or you only came out of curiosity. Although the letter is short and my writting is terrible I waited until the guard disappeared into the distance and threw the plane with all my strength.
"Go and fly" I whispered, almost without the strenght necessary to loosen my sweaty fingers.
It flew.
It flew over the wall to fall into your hands.
I couldn't help grinning. It seriously had worked, it was in your hands, hands that I wished to hold, for some reason, though I knew I never would get to.
Perhaps it was a sign. Maybe I...maybe I can achieve it. I could be free and I... could be outside, with you, someday.
It's a lie, now I know...
If you stay by my side, even if it's a lie I think I could make it happen, so don't turn away from me, stand beside me next to this wall that's between us. Send me your own paper airplane so that, even if I'm suffering, I can continue living in this terrible place. Give me the confidence I need to stay alive every day, give me your smile to make me complete, give me what I need to see you one more day.
You came near the fence, you came to me and started talking.
"So you live here" you said, proud and arrogant "Can't you leave?" your voice became worried and sad.
Those words made my heart skip a beat. Arrogant, proud, worried. I didn't care as long as the words come out of your mouth. But that feeling had no future. Yet my hopes went to a level I thought was lost years ago, when all my family had been killed and my best friend had been taken to the Steamvault to be executed.
"I dun' gotta choice" I said, fun and confident "Ican't leave 'till I'm releas'd" I smiled.
Well I knew it would never happen. I would end my days in that place, the day the director gets tired of having me in a cell or runs out of space for more prisoners. But your smile seemed to get rid of a terrible burden and warmed my dying heart.
We talked for a while longer until you noticed the presence of the guard and ran away.
Although that sentiment had no future I followed you with my eyes. I looked at you for, tomorrow, have the strength to continue living in this hell that only you could get me out of. I looked at you to have more happiness the next day and forget the darkness.
Back in my cell I wrote again. I had the courage to eat part of the coal but kept enough to tell you something, whatever it may be, that made you smile that smile again that. Now I'm sure of it,you had stolen my heart.
Without thinking I smiled, thinking that your face when you smiled made me happy, a happiness I had never felt, and perhaps was not allowed to feel.
One day, a week, a month, every day after that your paper airplanes were for me as well as mine were for you. We learned not to talk, because that got my guardian on the move, and we smiled at what each letter said.
When we couldn't go on more without hearing the other's voice, we spoke, knowing that it wouldn't be long before I was painfully dragged to my cell. I never said how much it hurt. For that, I'm sorry.
I felt the joy I hadn't felt in years. I would say that it was happiness, true happiness.
I kept each and every one of your paper airplanes as a treasure under the blankets in which I slept and I dreamed with their words and your voice.
One day you arrived. Your face looked sad and tired and your hair looked grim and pale. I didn't understand why you were like that, but I didn't like it.
Not. One. Bit.
"Are ya' 'kay?" I asked, approaching perhaps too much to that wall where the ravens rested.
I shouldn't touch it or the guards would know, one way or another, that I was in that remote place again.
But you suddenly said something that hurt, not for the pained face with wich you said it, but for the words you said, breaking my heart, my hopes, my everything.
You took off your hat, showing the most beautiful sapphire blue eyes of the world. More than the sky itself.
I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks, but I certainly did not expect what would follow.
"I'm going far, far away" you said, smiling "Bye bye" and you left.
Your grin did nothing to ease the pain.
You took off running, as if someone was waiting for you and you were really late.
When you were out of sight I fell down on my knees. It couldn't be true. Why had this to happen to me? Why? Why would this always happen to me? Why, when life brought me joy, happiness, so cruelly snatched it from me? First my family - Miku, Luka, Meiko- then my best friend Kaito... and now that boy with bright blonde hair of which I didn't even know the name.
My vision blurred with tears.
Never, even when I saw how they killed the latter member of my peculiar family, a baby, had I cried so much.
The guard came running beside me and, after a beating, took my body, hurting still by the physical and emotional pain, to my cell.
"She's gotta die son" he laughed, with other guard.
"Maybe we could kill her next time" though his friend, in a loud voice.
"A shame. She'd had been a good woman to 'do'" laughed again her guardian.
"You're a pervert" spat his friend, smirking.
If you stayed by my side an evil destiny as this one would never have come and, if it came, I would have taken it with a smile and say to you 'They are just things about this place' as I always did and, despite your skeptical gaze, always made you smile. I'd take it with a smile and hold out another day just for the sake of being able to see you again.
We found each other and even though I don't know your name and I didn't ask for it, your existence soothed my pain, my fatigue, my relentless desire to die at once. I felt that my own existence shone and won a future just to be with you.
But not anymore.
I can't call out for you. I don't know your name.
I can't follow. I'm stuck here. I can't leave, I can't.
You've gone away and left a hole in my heart, something so painful that my death, already close, is pouncing on me like vultures on dying prisoners.
My sight became blurred, unfocussed. Without you there I had no more strength to eat that vomitive coal.
I fell asleep on your paper airplanes, which comforted my sorrow.
Strong arms grabbed my shoulders. I awoke from my slumber. The guards had found the paper airplanes that you had sent me and I hid so hard, that helped me live through that terrible month. They took each and every one of them, laughing as I watched the one who monitored me take them all.
"No!" I shouted, trying to come loose in their arms.
But it was too late. He began to break the paper airplanes that you had sent me, that with so fine and elegant letters were adorned, that I read again and again ,carefully, to endure another day.
I saw the pieces falling to the ground and heard the laughter of those inhuman beings.
I couldn't restrain myself, not anymore.
Although they pushed me down with all their weight and might against the cold floor corridor of the prison I stretched forth of those two and hit my keeper with all the strength left in my dying body, he who had beaten me so many times without reason, the one who crawled me through the prison no matter what suffering I took by taking a step further, the one who separated me from you every afternoon...
They caught me again, this time from behind and grabbed my legs.
"Damn brat!" said angrily the being that he was before me "You will be executed tomorrow! Carry her to the goddamned cell, morons!" he ordered.
Finally, it was my turn. At the end I would follow my friends and family. I would not be alone anymore. I finally would get rid of all this suffering gnawing on my skin and my insides. At least I could die and rest...
But there was you.
The next day, along with five other prisoners and two small children, I was locked in the Steam Chamber. It was time, you were gone for good. I don't regret leaving this world, but why? My heart cried.
I want to live a little longer, I want to be back near you, I want to exchange paper airplanes, flying free over the barrier between our worlds, I want to ... know your name.
Now I don't have pessimistic or contradictory feelings. I just ... I just ... I just want to see you, I miss you.
For when I returned from my thoughts between those girls and boys, with no hope of getting out alive, no trust, not wanting to leave even if they had been given the opportunity, it was too late. The doors closed. I punched it hard, I screamed with all my strength for my freedom. Too late ...
The days I spent with you began to fill my mind, exchanging each of my insignificant thoughts with your face, your smile, your blue eyes I could only see the day that you left me a month ago.
Those beautiful days didn't and wouldn't ever return.
All those sweet memories were revived in my mind, giving me strength to keep beating that stupid door, to keep standing.
You gave them all to me, one by one, those memories that gave me the strength to live, that desire to see you again that opened its path in my heart over the despair for the inmediate death I would suffer and resignation for what I already, somehow, knew would happen and the pride of rather die that the weakness I was showing.
That was the one thing that gave strenght to my mind, and gave me my life.
The evil of that place that didn't promise anything and you, beyond all, in the middle, giving me hope to carry on with your letters.
Withouth a doubt we lived in different worlds, too different, but that wouldn't change and will not change the mode in which I think of you, I feel for you... but even so I tried to close the gape that sepparated us only to go back to the starting point and feel even more down than ever with your leave.
The poisonous steam started to come out of the walls and the screams and suffering and pain of the ones with me in the room filled the place.
The pain started to emerge in my chest. I squirmed and coughed with every little bit of my strenght to see how the blood came out of my lips and flowed like a never-ending thread down my mouth.
Life stared me in the eyes bidding me farewell as the steam fog was more and more thick. The little boys had already died, they had no hope anymore, and the rest of us wouldn't go on much longer.
I regained what I had lost with pure strenght of will, my feeling of touch, hearing, my sight, which blurred again with the tears...
Please, even if it's the last time, I want to talk with him again, even if it's the last.
In that dark and enclosed room, between the screams of suffering of the ones who still lived, I felt a piece of paper in my ragged clothes.
With the sad sound of my voice, leaning over the wall, from which a steam of light came out, I read carrefully.
"I love you."
More tears fell down my cheeks. My nails sunk in my shoulder and fell down my chest, tearing my rags, leaving a slim blood river that fell to the ground I was dragging myself for. The chest can hurt when I breathe, my heart can stop beating slowly but at least I want to know. I only want to know...
...Your name.
End
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And so, here is the traduction, more or less *DEAD*
I just KNOW there are a lot of #fails but, oh, well, I tried, didn't I?
"An author is nothing without it's readers as an history ceases to be if it's not told"
Review anyone? Comment? Please? I'll give you a cibernetic cookie.