AN: Once upon a time there was a Remix. Two authors signed up, just a pair in the creative horde, but since both of them had only offered one fandom, Sanctuary, they got each other. The authors proceeded to discuss the remix almost daily for two months, each sure they had the other, but neither willing to crack.
This is a remix of shadadukal's Practical Cats (And A Dog), which can be found on livejournal, and is written in the same universe as Cat's Paw, which is both here and on lj.
Spoilers: Ha!
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: Very much not mine.
Characters: Helen, John, Nikola, Henry, Will, Kate, The Big Guy
Summary: What it says on the tin.
The One Where They Turn Into Cats (And A Dog) - The Nine Lives Remix
The problem, so far as Will was able to determine, was that Henry didn't actually know what they were in for and had accordingly packed everything he thought might be useful. Having Druitt along made things a bit easier – if nothing else the journey home would be short – but they still weren't sure exactly where they were going, so there was a bit of walking involved in the outward trek. Nikola didn't exactly complain about the weight of his pack, even if some amount of discomfort would be understandable given that he was no longer preternaturally strong, but his remarks got more and more scathing as they continued, and Will figured it was only a matter of time before Kate snapped and threw him down the ravine they were so carefully skirting.
"I swear, Nikola," Helen cut in after one particularly lewd epithet caused Kate to turn on her heel and start towards him in a threatening manner. "If you don't stop talking, I will have John take you back home, and you can hear all about whatever we find from Henry tomorrow after he's finished taking it apart and putting it back together without you."
"I was just," Nikola began with bluster, but quailed under Helen's glare. He offered meekly: "Admiring the view."
His grin a moment later, though, was anything but apologetic.
"Just climb, Nikola," John said. "Save your breath for walking."
From then on it was mercifully silent, save for the sound of rushing water at the bottom of the ravine. The terrain was not exactly unforgiving, there'd been tree cover at the bottom of the hill and there weren't too many protruding rocks to trip over, but Will was still looking forward to the instantaneous trip home. They'd all be rather spoiled since Druitt took up full time residence at the Sanctuary after Magnus had found a way to exorcise his demon. And it was certainly easier to balance their travel budget.
"What about here?" Kate called out from ahead of the group.
She had climbed more quickly than the rest of them, probably to get out of earshot, and Will envied her energy. She was standing by a small outcropping of rock, and when they caught up to her, he saw that she had indeed found something that looked like a door.
"Thank goodness," said Nikola. He pulled off his pack and rummaged in it for the headlamp Henry had undoubtedly packed for him.
Magus was already examining the door, looking for a way to open it, by the time Will retrieved his own lamp and joined her.
"See anything you can recognize?" he asked.
"This symbol here," she replied, pointing to a vaguely familiar looking cuneiform mark that had been etched into the rock. "It's the mark for gateway. I'm just not sure how to open it."
"What's this one?" Will said, pointing to a second symbol located below the first.
"It warns about change," Magnus said. "I think. Something about passing through the gateway and being changed."
"Should we be worried about that?" Kate asked.
"Knowledge always changes a person," Nikola said airily. "It's probably nothing."
Later, Will would very much wish that Henry had recorded that on his camera.
When the blinding light faded, Henry pulled his hand away from his eyes and looked down at the place where the light seemed to have come from, blinking spots from his eyes. There was nothing there anymore, just a plain panel that matched the one Magnus had found to get them into the cave in the first place. So at least there was a way out. Henry wrinkled his nose, sniffing and leaning forward. There was a strange smell to this cave. Along with all the damp air and wet rock he had expected, there was also the barest hint of –
"Achoo!" he sneezed violently. Great. Pet dander from crazy cave abnormals. Just what he needed.
There was the loud sound of tearing fabric and an odd shuffling noise coming from where Magnus and Druitt had been standing, and then, even stranger, the sound of a barking dog. Henry looked up just in time to see a seal point Siamese cat emerge from Tesla's waistcoat, and join a rather large Great Dane next to the pile of clothes that had been his boss a few moments before. Henry watched, mouth agape, as the dog and cat worked together to free a second cat from Magnus's leather jacket. He spared a quick glance at Will and Kate, and was relieved to note they were still human, if no less confused than he was.
"So not good."
John was having a bit of trouble taking himself seriously. He'd always liked dogs, which was a mercy, except for bloodhounds, for reasons he usually tried very hard not to remember. But there was absolutely nothing unkind to be said of a Great Dane, unless one lived in a small flat in a crowded city, which he did not. Still, he was just so ridiculously large. And his clothes appeared to be ruined.
"There's some kind of writing on the console," Will said, waving his lamp at the source of the light that had changed them. "More cuneiform."
John watched, his tongue lolling out of his mouth without his even thinking about it, as Kate helped Helen up onto the console. Helen looked down at Nikola expectantly, and John woofed with amusement as Nikola did his best impression of a mountain climber, albeit one with the aid of claws and tail. Nikola was apparently not amused in the least, because he took a swing at John as soon as he was securely on top of the console, apparently more than happy to have claws back again even in this unexpected way. Helen meowed disapprovingly, which John hadn't thought was possible, and Nikola turned to face her.
"Do you think they still have their powers?" Henry asked.
John hadn't thought of that, but then of course he did, and found himself standing on the opposite side of the console. He woofed again, excitedly, and then watched as Nikola very calmly went after the metal zipper on Kate's coat, moving it down a few inches before she realized what he was up to.
"Do that again and I'll neuter you," she threatened, and Nikola hissed at her.
Helen meowed again, drawing John's attention to her, and he realized that she could still read the symbols, though she couldn't communicate what they meant. Will soon realized that same thing, and as Henry helped Nikola dislodge a panel on the top of the console, Kate looked thoughtfully at the symbols Helen was studying.
"We're probably going to need a book to translate those symbols," she said. "Even if Magnus can still read them, she can't tell us."
John woofed enthusiastically, ready to head back to the library at the Sanctuary with whomever wished to go. Will looked less than sure.
"You have got to be kidding me," he said, but when John barked at him, he followed Kate's lead and put a hand on his back. With a wag of his tail, John teleported them away.
Back in the library, it was almost hard to believe what had happened. Kate didn't usually waste time disbelieving things that were plainly real, hadn't bothered with it since her first foray into the abnormal world, but her boss had just turned into a cat right in front of her, and two men she wouldn't exactly call friends but weren't really co-workers either had turned into another cat and a dog respectively. And the dog could teleport. So yes: one of her weirder days.
Kate knew the library well enough by now not to have to follow Will to where the Sumerian books were kept. Which was just as well, since he seemed a little more unnerved by this teleportation than he usually did. She was up the narrow stairs and rummaging through the collection before he started up the stairs. Druitt stayed on the main floor, which was just as well. There wasn't a lot of space up here, and he was a very large dog.
With Will's help, she pulled down all the books she thought they'd need, getting a few of the Akkadian texts for good measure. Cuneiform was a complicated language that could be vocalized any number of ways, but most of the symbols they'd dealt with so far had been activated by the Sumerian words that corresponded to the pictographs. Kate was glad she'd been paying attention.
The door to the library opened suddenly, and the Big Guy stood on the threshold, staring down the Great Dane and looking a little confused as he sniffed the air.
"Hey Big Guy!" Kate said cheerily from the upper level. This whole thing just kept getting better. "Bit of a mishap. That's Druitt. Tesla and the doc are both cats. We're working on it."
"I miss all the good field trips," The Big Guy said morosely. Will looked vaguely ill.
"I think Henry's taking pictures," Kate said, heading back down with a stack of books tucked in her arms and Will behind her with a pile equally high.
"Will you be back for lunch?"
"Maybe dinner," Kate said. "My Sumerian is about as good as my Cat."
Will was staring at her like she was insane, but John seemed to be all right with her levity. He snuffled, his nose against her hand, and she tried not to think about the part where Jack the Ripper was a Great Dane, and giving her the dog equivalent of a kiss.
"Let's go back before Tesla proves Edison right about how easy it is to electrocute a cat with alternating current," she said, and Druitt took them back to the cave.
Helen had almost gotten used to being a cat when Kate changed her back into a human, though she had to admit it was nice to be tall once more. Kate had averted her eyes as soon as she'd thrown the switch, walking across the cave to stand with Will and Henry, but John and Nikola both stared at her, and Helen was so pleased to see her own body that she couldn't bring herself to object.
John took his turn, and then put on what remained of his clothes. Apparently button down shirts and Great Danes were an ill mix. Nikola looked ready to jump down for his transition, and on an impulse born of sheer mischief, Helen scooped him up instead, and held him against her as she carried him over to the mechanism. He began to purr immediately, though he looked thoroughly annoyed with himself for doing it, and even more out of sorts once she scratched under his jaw and the purring intensified.
"Do you wish to keep him as a pet?" John said. Helen thought he looked both amused and dismayed at the prospect.
"Oh, I suspect he might be even more trouble this way," Helen said. She was entertained by the idea, but she did have her carpets and draperies to consider. Not to mention all the wood paneling. "Besides, he has his uses as a human."
She set him down on the machine, and flipped the switch again, turning him once more into his human self. Helen watched as he inspected all his limbs, as though to make sure she hadn't missed anything, and when she met his gaze, he more than matched her for mischief. John smiled.
"Are you dressed yet? Can we go home now?" Henry asked, still facing away. He was clearly uncomfortable.
"Give us a minute," Helen said, and she and Nikola hurriedly dressed while John bundled up his former shirt.
He grabbed Kate and Will, disappearing and returning quickly for Henry, and leaving again with a wink.
"What did I look like?" Nikola asked, once they were alone.
"You were a seal point Siamese," Helen said. She stepped closer to him, and licked his lips. He closed his eyes, but she kept hers open and saw when John arrived to take them back. They didn't teleport into the same room as the others. In fact, John took them straight to her bedroom, his intent as clear as Nikola's had been when he'd been staring at her.
"I'm going to call Henry, let him know we're back," Helen said, slipping out from their grasp.
She made the call as quickly as she could, and pretended she didn't notice how uncomfortable Henry still seemed about the whole thing. It hadn't been that bad of an experience. Nothing had happened to him, and they were all human again, after all. And they'd all learned a bit more practical Sumerian, which might be useful in the future. Plus, she could tell by the way John and Nikola looked at her that she had been a very attractive cat.
"So that happened," Henry said, replacing the walkie-talkie on its charger. He looked around his office like he'd never been happier to see it looking so normal.
"Yes," said Will. "Yes it did."
"What do you think they're – " Kate thought the better of that question half-way through asking it. "Let's go find something to drink."
"Please," said Henry, and followed her out of the room.
finis
Gravity_Not_Included, April 7, 2011