Hey everybody I'm back again. This is a fanfic I couldn't get out of my head and one I ended up writing way more than I expected too. It's a companion piece to "Be a Man" and "Addicted" It's also a kind of sequal to "When We Kiss" But it can be read alone. I also plan on doing a piece to fit between this and "When We Kiss" cautiously titled "Take Me Or Leave Me" whether this happens is anyone's guess. Let me know if you think you want something like that.
Disclaimer: I own nothing although I wish Greg and Nick belonged to me. But then this pairing would be Canon no question. Oh and the song I've used is a Backstreet Boys Song Called "Something I Already Know." Hence the title.
Warning: There be Nick/Greg Slash ahead people. You don't like it? Don't read it, it's that simple.
Okay So Here is is Enjoy...
Something I Already Know
It had been three weeks since the team had last been out and this time Greg had been the one to protest. He really hadn't wanted to come he wasn't in the best of moods and it was showing. Catherine had won though; with the success of the last outing she'd thought it'd be a good idea. Yeah it would be, Greg thought bitterly. She was in la, la land she and Warrick were back together and happier than ever. She was on cloud nine, in love and glowing and Greg couldn't help but feel jealous of that.
Damn even Sara and Grissom seemed to be making some progress after Sara's attempt at trying to tell Grissom how she felt. He was pleased for them all, really he was.
He just wished he could say the same. He'd been the happiest guy in the world the last time they had been together for a night out. He and Nick where getting on so well. They'd been together almost two years, since Nick had drunkenly told Greg how much he cared. That Nick loved Greg, wanted to be with him. It had been more than Greg had expected and they had decided to give it a go. Greg hadn't been ago to let that chance go.
He wasn't sure what had changed, but something had. At first they'd both wanted to keep it quiet. They both worked the same shift and both were reluctant to tell their families for different reasons. Nick was out to his but he feared actually having a boyfriend would change their opinion of him and Greg had only ever been out to Papa Olaf. His parents had never been there for him to tell. So they'd kept it quiet.
But then Greg became anxious. Nick was a natural flirt, same as him but as their relationship grew Greg found himself getting steadily more jealous of people, both girls and guys hitting on Nick. This was something new for Greg he'd never felt jealous before. He didn't like it but he couldn't seem to stop it.
So he'd asked Nick if they could tell people, their close friends, their family but Nick had been reluctant. Greg had started to doubt that Nick was as serious about this as he was. He'd grown angry. He thought they were in this for the long run. He thought Nick loved him.
The arguments had started not long after the first outing and Nick became secretive and withdrawn, going to places Greg couldn't follow. The arguments had started to escalate until Nick had simply snapped and stormed out the house. Greg's heart had stopped. Nick had had trust issues long before he'd met Greg and Greg had simply made them worse. Nick had done everything he could to try to forget about them and Greg had just made it worse.
Nick's trust had been taken long before he joined the LV Crime Lab and Greg had fucked up. He'd fucked up, screwed with the trust that was so fragile, the trust that Nick had tried to so hard to give him. He should have realised how close the edge it was getting.
Should have given the time he needed. He'd said some truly awful things the last argument they'd had and he hadn't meant any of them. He should have seen how hurt Nick was before it was too late. Nick said he needed time and Greg should have given it instead of pushing so had.
It had just seemed so simple to Greg. Nick hadn't wanted the relationship anymore and wasn't brave enough to break it off. Greg should have known it wasn't that simple.
Nick had needed time. Greg should have seen that he cared enough just because he was there and he'd stayed but no, he'd just had to go and mess it all up because he hadn't tried to understand. To Greg had been simple. When they'd started their relationship over two years ago Nick had demanded that they trust each other and not keep secrets and to Greg Nick had broken his own rules.
Broken the rules because he hadn't wanted to face the world different and because he was too scared to see what people thought of him. Greg had tried so many times to get him to talk about it and Nick had refused. Greg had gotten angry one day particularly when he'd seen Michelle, one of the new lab techs hitting on Nick and another argument had started.
But Greg just hadn't realised why Nick was keeping the secrets and now they were over and Greg thought he was going to die from the pain. He'd never been happier than when he had been with Nick and he didn't know how to handle it now he wasn't there.
But he knew he was going to have to learn because he couldn't see Nick coming back. Not after the fuck up. And he had to admit it really was all his fault. He had said he'd give Nick the time and he had been impatient.
He just wished Nick had been a bit more up front and this wouldn't have happened. He shook his head. It didn't matter. Now all that mattered was getting Nick back. He didn't want to not have Nick. It hurt too much. He needed a way to put it right before he lost the best thing that had happened to him.
He watched as Catherine and Warrick flirted quietly holding hands and talked. He watched as Grissom tired his hardest to do his best by Sara. Grissom obviously wasn't into the public displays of affection but he was trying. Three weeks ago he and Nick had the best relationship going, now he was worse off because Nick wasn't talking to him.
Never mind talking to him, he wouldn't even look at him. Greg sighed. He hadn't thought about what life would be without Nick and now that he had to live it he was finding it unbearable.
And what was worse was that Nick seemed to be getting along with life quite nicely. He was laughing, joking and flirting and though Greg knew he had lost the right be jealous at all he couldn't help himself.
He was jealous of anyone that got close to Nick. He was jealous of Warrick for the friendship that they still shared and he was jealous of Sara who seemed to be working lots of cases with him. What had happened? It wasn't fair. How was it fair?
He watched as the loved up couples interacted and couldn't believe that things could change so quickly. Greg and Nick had seemed so strong it wasn't fair that they were not anymore! He wanted to go back to the way things were.
Greg felt his and Nick's separation like a spear through the heart. He wanted his boyfriend back. Yes he had fucked up but he needed to prove that he could put it right. He knew he could if Nick would only give him the chance.
A week ago just before Nick had walked out they'd argued about everything. Greg argued with Nick that he wasn't taking the relationship seriously and Nick had retaliated by yelling about Greg's inability not to flirt.
That had annoyed Greg as he'd pointed out that Nick was at times, as bad if not worse than Greg with the flirting. Though now watching Nick casually flirting with the bar staff as he ordered drinks Greg could see his point. Nick had never been that obvious before. Greg had. Now the thought that someone else might have Nick was crippling him. He felt like he was dying.
He sighed and looked down at the drink in his hand. He wondered how long he had to stay before it became okay to leave.
"Greg," Sara said as she slid in the booth Greg had commandeered, with Grissom following her, "are you okay?" He laughed he couldn't help it the question was so stupid yet so heart felt. "I've been better." He said sobering quickly. "What's wrong you've been off for days." "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"You're pining." Grissom said coming up behind Sara and giving her a drink. "I am not!" Greg defended himself. "Yes. You are." Grissom said. "Who is she?" Sara asked sitting forward. "I don't think it's a case of a she." Grissom said quietly. Greg stared at him. "What?" "I'm right aren't I?" Grissom asked quietly.
"You have a boyfriend?" Sara asked her eyes wide. Then she smiled. "Don't know why I'm so surprised you flirt with anything that moves." Greg shook his head, okay so maybe Nick had had a point. He didn't want to think of that now.
"How did you know?" He asked quietly as he looked at Grissom. "I thought we'd kept it quiet."
"You did. I'm impressed you never let it affect your work. Well apart from doing Nick's samples first." Grissom smiled. "But I noticed. People keep telling me I have no social skills but that means I tend to notice other things. Plus you weren't as quiet in the locker room as you thought once." Greg blushed.
"Opps," he offered. "I never did notice a change of address though." "We weren't living together. Not really." He said.
They spent more time together than apart but Greg had kept his house on as cover. He was pleased about that now at least he had somewhere to live. Not that he'd been sleeping well. He didn't sleep well when Nick wasn't with him. He'd gotten so used to Nick sleeping with him it was hard to sleep now he was alone. Greg couldn't help but look up and watch his ex. He missed him so much.
Sara followed Greg's line of sight and her jaw dropped. "You and Nick?" Greg spun to face her. "So?" Sara flinched at the defensive tone in Greg's voice. "That wasn't what I meant. I think you make a cute couple. Just surprised I hadn't seen it before." "You don't care?" "Not at all." She smiled.
"So what's wrong?" She asked. Why have you got a full room between you?" "I fucked it up." Greg said bluntly. "I'm sure if you talk to Nick he'll…" "Not about this he won't." Greg said grimly. "What could have been so bad?" Sara wanted to know. Nick was famous for his forgiveness and caring nature.
Suddenly Greg didn't want to talk about it. It was his mistake and if he had known how to make it better he would have done it already! Were they that stupid to think that he hadn't tried? But then he remembered how Catherine had got up on stage only three weeks before and decided that he was going to do the same. Hell if even Sara could do it then so could he! For better or worse the whole world was about to find out more about Greg Sanders than he ever wanted them to know.
But he'd recently discovered he'd go to the end of the earth for Nick. So maybe this wasn't such a big deal. Not if he ended up being with the love of his life it wasn't much to ask really. He got up and went to the DJ and picked a song. He'd heard it recently and thought it fit the mess his left was at the moment. The music started but no one took notice of him yet. Perfect. He put the microphone to his mouth and sang,
"So here we are seven days and seven nights of empty tries
This ritual's repeatable, but it's never gonna work this time
We're to the point of no return
And along the way the only thing we've learned,
Is how to hurt each other"
Greg couldn't quite believe how well this song fit the situation he had found himself in. It could almost be him singing the words to Nick. He looked up in time to see Nick spin round and face him. His face was pale and Greg winced as he noticed the dark circles under his eyes.
Nick looked as rough as Greg felt. Perhaps this hadn't been as easy on Nick as Greg as first thought. As nasty as he knew the thought was, he couldn't help be glad. He couldn't handle Nick being with anyone else. Not now. Not ever. Whoever came up with that stupid saying it was better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all… it was bullshit.
They obviously hadn't been loved or been loved as completely as Greg had. He didn't want to give that up. And he decided as he watched Warrick and Nick at the bar that he would do anything to have that back again. Now he had convince Nick that he wanted it back.
Greg had always been confident but he hadn't ever had something that he had wanted to sing about. He'd give anything to rewind a week ago and stop Nick from walking out the door. He hadn't even thought this through, but now he was up here he was going to see it through. He watched for a moment before he broke the contact before he tripped over his words.
He hadn't planned this, didn't really know what he was doing, but hey, he was desperate. And desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides after Catherine and Sara had done it he could do it too. And hey it had worked for them, even if it made Nick listen for five minutes he could work with that. Even if Nick never wanted to speak to him again he could hope. He wouldn't give up on them not yet.
He had never been so serious about something like this before but he found himself thinking if it worked, and Nick listened then he'd do it all over again. What he had had with Nick over the last two years? He couldn't just give that up. Now he had convince Nick that he was sorry and he didn't want to give up what they had.
Relationships where meant to be worked at and he wanted his back. Nick had refused to talk to him so now it was his last ditch attempt to tell him how he felt. That he still loved Nick and he was willing to try again.
He knew Nick didn't really have a reason to listen to him, hadn't listened to him before when he had tried to apologise, but maybe now when he was telling him like this he wouldn't have a choice.
He would have to think about it. Even if Nick told him he never wanted to see him again. At least Greg would know he had tired everything to get him back. But he prayed that what Nick would see instead was that Greg was willing to go the distance and fix it. He would have to deal if Nick told him no but he had to try. He couldn't not. He still loved Nick too much to not fight for him. He had to do something before she drowned in the emotions that were threatening to choke him.
"I'm looking back and wondering why,
It took so long to realise that nothings changed
It never will
All these years of standing still
And still we stay in all this pain
And Nothings gonna make it go away"
"Yeah!" Warrick yelled. "Greg! Go for it." Catherine whooped laughing and Sara smiled brightly at him while Grissom just nodded his approval. Greg smiled even though his eyes were trying to look everywhere but at Nick. He tore his gaze away terrified he'd trip over his words. There had been a few times he'd almost done that already he wanted to finish but the support he was getting from his friends meant everything to him.
He chanced a look at Nick again and found Nick's dark eyes locked on his. He didn't think he'd ever see Nick look at him like that again. That raw look with all the emotion that Nick sometimes couldn't help but give him after a hard day in the lab.
The look that told Greg that no matter how hard a day Nick had had he couldn't wait to see Greg at the end of it. Okay this just might work. All he had to do now was find a way to keep going. Not screw up. Get him to understand. Finish his song.
He could do that. He could. He sent Nick a soft smile and a wink. He wasn't sure but he was sure he saw Nick blush. He smiled. This really could work. He hoped so.
Catherine walked up to where Warrick was stood at the bar and bought her lover a drink. "Nice to be out again isn't it?" She grinned. Warrick's eyes danced as he looked at the red head. He kissed her and said, "I told you before, you started something." Catherine returned the kiss and then said, "Yeah I know but Greg was so happy and hyper the last time we did this who is he singing about?"
"Obviously something went wrong with his girl." Warrick stopped for a minute and said, "Or, his guy." Catherine's eyebrows went up. "You think he had a boyfriend?" Warrick shrugged. "I don't know. But I do know he's toned the flirting right down over the last few months. A guy like Greg doesn't do that unless he's serious about someone. But he's never said anything. Job like ours, not always safe to if you don't swing the way you're meant too."
Catherine sighed and shook her head. Warrick was right and that was sad but also true. She was upset Greg hadn't trusted her with it but then she'd never given him reason too.
"It's sad if he never trusted us." She said sadly. "Never came up did it?" Warrick asked. He turned his head discreetly to look at his best friend. "Think Nicky's showing some interest in what Greg has to say though."
Catherine looked and nearly lost her breath at the look on his face. "Nick and Greg? That's so obvious it's stupid we missed it!" Warrick nodded. "Looks like something went wrong. Now they're not being exactly subtle."
"Don't think they care." Catherine said looking at Greg. But Greg wasn't looking at her, he only had eyes for Nick. "I think he just wants his boyfriend back." "And by the looks of things Nick might be willing to listen to him." Warrick said. He looked torn between staying with Catherine and going and talking to his best friend.
"Go." Catherine said softly, "It looks like he might need a friend right now." Warrick nodded and pecked Catherine on the lips before moving further down the bar to where Nick had drifted too.
Catherine sighed. She didn't know what had happened between them but it couldn't have been anything nice. She knew things about Nick that the others in the team didn't. She hoped that whatever happened between Nick and Greg, they sorted out. Because both of them deserved to be happy. She wanted that for them. And She had to hand it to Greg whatever had happened between them be was certainly making a stand now and fighting for his man.
"Another point to be made?" Grissom asked joining them, handing Sara a drink watching Greg his blue eyes intent. "Could be." Catherine said. "I hope for their sake it works." Sara said making Catherine look at her. "You knew?" Sara shook her head. "Gil did. But Greg just about came out and told me before he started singing. He says he's screwed it up. Maybe this is his way of trying to get Nick to listen."
"Can't imagine Greg having to resort to this though. Nick's known for forgiving people." Sara said. Catherine and Grissom shook their heads. "He has a limit just like everyone else. Maybe Greg knows he went past that."
"Well if it works then good for him." Sara said. "He's looked awful these past days and actually so has Nick. Being apart obviously doesn't suit them." Catherine looked between the boys again and smiled. "And it just might." She smiled.
"How can you be so sure?" Sara asked. Catherine motioned over to where Nick was stood and looked like had jumped a foot in the air when Warrick had walked over to him. "I don't think I've ever seen Nick so surprised before." Sara said.
"Whatever happened between them can't have been small." Catherine said, "But whatever it is I hope they work it out. They both deserve happiness."
Grissom nodded. "I agree. I just hope Greg can talk him round." "Me too." Sara said. They turned and watched Greg on the stage.
"Yeah,
"I don't wanna wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your baby, I'm not in it
We're not what we used to be"
Greg watched as Sara, Grissom and Catherine discussed something at the bar and then looked at him. He could make out their facial expressions as they talked. It had to be about him. Sara saw him looking and smiled in encouragement.
For the first time Greg found himself wondering what they were thinking. They had to have worked it out by now and that had him worried. Not about him but about Nick. He didn't want to cause Nick anymore pain that he already had. He really hadn't thought this through. He just wanted Nick to see him again. Maybe talk to him. Listen to him. Now he worried he might have done more damage than good.
He suddenly remembered all the reasons he and Nick had promised each other they wouldn't tell people. They'd managed to keep their relationship a secret for so long because they had been careful but now he realised he may have blown that out the water. He wasn't being exactly subtle up here. He couldn't believe he'd got up on stage even if there were times he didn't mind the limelight. Nick mattered more than that. What the hell had he been thinking?
He didn't even know whether this would work? What if he outed them for nothing? What if…
He looked up again his heart caught in his throat when he saw Warrick having what appeared to be a really serious conversation with Nick and then managed to breathe again when Warrick hugged Nick strongly. Okay, this might have not been his best idea. But if might not be the complete disaster he was thinking it not a minute ago.
Greg couldn't honestly say whether this would work. Nick was a private person and Greg wondered whether doing this would just piss his lover off more. But he had honestly ran out of ways to get Nick to listen. So he was going to get over his irrational embarrassment and damn the consequences. He wanted Nick back. At least when he looked back later he could say he had jumped in with everything he had.
He just hoped that even if he and Nick didn't get back together Nick would understand. That he would get it. He would understand that Greg had been a complete and utter fool. That he was more sorry than he had ever been about anything in his life.
No, You wouldn't have to lie to me
If you would only let me go
And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear
Something I already know"
Greg remembered the start of the relationship as clearly as if they had started this two days ago and not two years. Warrick had had one of his parties, the crazy ones where no one other than Grissom leaves sober. It had been crazy but he'd noticed Nick hadn't been himself. Greg had made him play drinking games and they'd ended up kissing through those stupid games. Greg had been hooked to Nick's kiss from then. He'd been so focused on it he'd almost forgot they'd been playing a game. He hadn't wanted to pull away.
He'd thought about kissing Nick more than he liked to admit even to himself but he hadn't been prepared for the reality of it. If he was honest he'd been hooked on Nick Stokes from the moment he met him. He'd heard the girls talking about Nick, about how good looking he was. He had thought they were exaggerating. They hadn't been. He had become friends with Nick quickly but hadn't expected to be so completely hooked on him.
Nick had an enthusiasm for things that was often catching. He'd talk about evidence or a football game and his eyes would shine. Something he couldn't hide though Greg knew he tried. Nick was a good person and he liked bringing people who had had their world fall apart around them closure. He liked being the guy that could fix things. Make things better and it was a quality that made people fall in love with him. It had certainly made Greg fall fast and hard.
The night of the party Nick had gotten more drunk that Greg had ever seen him then or since so Greg had taken upon himself to make sure he got home okay. He hadn't expected Nick to drunkenly tell him he loved him. But he had.
They'd ended up sleeping together though Nick had no memory of it in the morning that was when Greg had known he'd made a mistake. He'd talked himself and Nick out of the situation but then had no idea what to do. He couldn't ignore what Nick had told him and Greg had come to terms long ago with the fact that he had been in love with Nick for some time.
He'd tried to go about business as usual but he couldn't help remember the night they'd spent together and the kisses they'd drunkenly shared. They'd had the case from hell in the weeks after the party, that Greg would have had to have been an idiot not to see was hurting Nick. A gay man killed because his ex-girlfriend couldn't stand that he had moved on from her and was happy.
He could see how much it hurt Nick and then he realised he had to tell Nick the truth. He hadn't known how he was going to do it but he knew he had too. In the end he'd walked in the rain for about an hour before ending up on Nick's front door.
"I know.
Something that I already know"
Greg shook his head. He hadn't known what the hell to do when he'd ended up on Nick's front door. He had known he was crazy in love with Nick by then. His best friend. Nothing had changed there. And for a instant he felt more ashamed of himself. He loved Nick and he still managed to completely hurt the person he loved most in the world. He hadn't meant to make such a mess of things, it had just seemed to simple. He should have known better.
He'd knocked on Nick's front door that night determined to set things right and when Nick had opened the door he looked more than a little surprised to see him. It turned out Nick had thought Greg had been avoiding him though he hadn't known why. Greg had felt his heart sink. He had never meant to make Nick think that he just hadn't known what to do with the secret he carried.
He'd eventually braved the storm and told Nick the truth. He created another storm in the process. Nick got the wrong idea thinking Greg didn't want to be his friend anymore. The truth couldn't have been further from the truth. Greg in reality had been trying to tell Nick that he knew how Nick felt and he himself felt the same way.
Greg remembered vividly the silence that had followed that statement. He thought he was going to fall through the floor before Nick had leaned over and kissed him. Relief like he had never known had surged at that kiss. They'd spent the night together that night. That night they both remembered it and both knew how they felt.
They'd had a lot to work on but they had a starting point. And it had been great. Greg couldn't have been happier but then the secrets started to weigh on him, he'd wanted to tell the team but Nick had been more than reluctant. In the end Greg had screamed that if Nick wasn't serious about the relationship then all he had to do was say.
He'd never forget the look on Nick's face when he said that. Or the haunting words that had followed. Though God, he'd tried but even a bottle and a half of vodka and drunken oblivion hadn't made him forget. He had thought he had known heart break but nothing compared to the heart break he had now and the utter devastation he had felt at Nick walking out and not returning his calls.
What was worse was that he couldn't blame it on anyone else but himself. What was worse was Nick had tried to be as normal as he could at work and treated him normally. That had hurt more than the not returning personal calls. Good old Nicky always doing the right thing.
He should have known Nick had a reason for acting the way he had. What hurt more was that in the end it all came down to him. Nick had wanted to protect him. He'd found out during their argument that the reason Nick had left Dallas was because he'd been beaten up by a fellow cop. And then, if that hadn't been enough, his Captain had been nice enough to leave him without back up.
Nick had told Greg in a dead voice that Greg had never heard or wanted to hear again, that the captain had made it plain why he had been left on his own. He had been left because Dallas PD didn't want anything to do with a Queer Cop. Nick had said that he had known right then he had to leave and he had packed up moved to Las Vegas and never looked back.
He'd looked up at Greg after he'd finished and said, "I know what cops are capable of G," "The crime lab is close enough to count. I didn't want you to have to go through that and I won't apologise for wanting to protect the one person that means the most to me." Then he was gone and Greg had felt like the world had shattered around him.
"This goodbye, I'm afraid is permanent
Wish me well try to forget,"
He'd known Nick had issues, what person didn't? He hadn't thought for a minute that Nick had had to see the darker side of being different. He'd have given everything for Nick not to have known that pain.
He had known he had been obsessing a little too much over it. He'd promised he'd give Nick the time he needed but he'd known he was getting impatient. They were arguing about each of them flirting but it had been Nick holding back. Greg hadn't understood it.
He had always got annoyed with people who complained about their partners needing more time. Greg had never been that type of person. But it was so different when you were the one that was caught in the middle. He finally understood what it meant to have your heart say one thing and your heart say something completely different.
He had known in his heart what was needed. He needed to give Nick the time his needed but his head couldn't stop thinking of reasons why Nick would be holding out on him. He should have waited. Now he had nothing. That hurt more than anything he had thought up in his head.
Now he had to hope that this would make Nick see. Make him listen to Greg. Even if it was for only five minutes. If he told him no. then he'd have to deal with that and he would move forward.
He would hurt there was no reason to lie about that. But he'd get over it eventually. One day. Yeah. Right. He could believe that. If that's what it took to get over it then he would believe that. Please Nick, He thought locking eyes with his ex-lover, I'm sorry I love you. please listen to me. I don't want this to end. Not now.
"So save your voice
Don't waste your breath
We're at the end"
He didn't want to give Nick up. Not now, not after everything they'd shared but he knew he would if that's what Nick wanted. He'd get over it. He knew enough about himself to know it wouldn't be easy but he could. He would. Somehow. Someday. He just hoped he didn't have to put his resolve to the rest.
He looked down at the floor and then away from where his team mates were watching her. He could feel that warm brown gaze on him again but he didn't dare look up again in case he well and truly screwed up. Now he was up here he was determined to finish, whatever it took.
"All the fights
And all the ways we almost made it
But we never did
And it's finally come to this!"
Warrick made his way over to his best friend who seemed to be frozen against the wall. "He's got a good voice." Warrick said neutrally. When Nick didn't respond he tried again. "He must really think it's over with his girl. Defiantly making a point here. You think he wants to get back with her?" Warrick smiled at his friend, "You know him better than most Nicky."
"I thought I did." Nick said softly. He still hadn't looked at Warrick.
"You do." Warrick said softly. "Don't ever doubt that Nick. You do know him. More than anyone here." Warrick wrapped his arm round his best friend. "Nick. Seriously what's going on here?" Nick looked at him and Warrick prayed he would never have to see the haunted look in his friend's eyes ever again.
"Nothing." Nick said it firmly. Like he knew what Warrick wanted to talk about and was unwilling to talk about it. "Don't bull shit me Nick." Warrick said just as firmly. "You've never lied to me. Don't start now."
Nick looked at Warrick and then at Greg. "I was seeing Greg." Nick said very fast and all in one breath. Warrick nodded. "We guessed. Gotta tell you though Nicky I'm kinda a bit put out you didn't tell me." Nick looked at Warrick and smiled, "Never could find the words. Not my first rodeo facing cops that aren't opened minded."
Warrick frowned. "Are you telling me what I think you're telling me Nick?" Warrick asked his green eyes intent.
"That the reason I left Dallas is painful? Yeah I am." Nick said softly. He looked down again but when he looked up again he met Warrick's gaze squarely and didn't waver.
"It was never about you Rick. You're my best friend. Always have been, always will be. But I love Greg, even after everything I still do and I wanted to protect him. I won't apologise for that. I won't, I can't."
Warrick looked at his friend and smiled. Before hugging him. "I would never make you Nicky." Nick looked at Warrick before looking at Greg again and said, "I know and I know you have my back that mean's everything." Warrick hugged Nick to him strongly. "Nicky I will always have your back. Who you are and who you love will never change that." He made Nick look at him. "Don't forget it."
"I don't wanna wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your baby, I'm not in it
We're not what we used to be"
Nick looked up as Greg sang the next verse. He got caught in Greg's gaze. He hadn't meant to separate himself from the others. Hadn't realised he had until Warrick came to talk to him.
His emotions had been all over the place since he and Greg had split. He hadn't seen another way. All they'd done was fight and it was tearing them apart. Nick had been lost and honestly had never thought Greg would let him walk away. that he had, had confused him even more. What the hell was he meant to do now?
He didn't know what to think and when Greg had gotten up on the stage he'd frozen. He should have known better but he hadn't expected Greg to do that. Although if he was honest he wasn't sure what to expect anymore. He tried to catch Greg's eye but Greg kept his eyes glued on anything else but him. He wasn't sure what song it was, it certainly wasn't Greg's usual style but Nick wasn't sure he liked what Greg was trying to say. He hadn't wanted to walk away he just hadn't seen another choice.
Nick may have proved on many occasions that he has an all round "nice" guy but he had his limits. He still wasn't sorry that he hadn't wanted to put Greg at risk. Now he wondered if all the times Greg had tried to get in touch with him was to talk it out. He shouldn't have been so stubborn but he'd been so hurt and pissed he couldn't see past that. Did Greg honestly feel this way? Honestly see that they were well and truly over? He glanced round the bar and saw Warrick heading towards him. His heart was suddenly in his mouth.
He should have known they would have guessed. He and G weren't exactly being subtle tonight and for once he found that he hadn't cared. He also should have known Warrick wouldn't be like the others he'd known.
It give him hope to know that Warrick had his back no matter what. He had to wonder what the others were thinking. He looked at them and Catherine was grinning, her eyes twinkling he looked away again.
Damn them all.
He could feel the blush climbing up his neck. He couldn't hide it when they suddenly were crowding round him. "Hey Nicky," Catherine said throwing an arm round his waist. "Interesting song choice for our Greg huh?" Her tone was anything but subtle.
"Yeah, you wouldn't know anything about that would you Nick?" Sara said smiling. "Shut up girls." Warrick said smiling. "Don't scare him." Nick sighed. There was no point hiding it now, although he was still pretty sure they'd be shocked to know how long they had managed it to hide it before. He smirked as he realised he and Warrick were more alike than he thought. Both in relationships that had been found out at the end.
Nick was starting to hope that like his best friend he and Greg could sort it out. He didn't want to give up what they'd had.
He thought about it as he watched Greg again and his lover's voice washed over him. He had to admit now that he still found him beautiful. Still wanted him. still thought of Greg as his. And from the way Greg was singing he felt the same and didn't want it to end.
Nick realised then that he should have explained things better to Greg. Shared his fears, if he had this would never have happened. He wouldn't have hurt the one person that he loved most in the world. He watched Greg giving his performance. He couldn't take his eyes off his ex-lover. And as he listened to his words his heart broke.
He defianately didn't want it to end. And he definitely wasn't about to put Greg out of his misery or let him go.
"No, You wouldn't have to lie to me
If you would only let me go!"
Nick had made mistakes, he understood that now. He should have explained things better to Greg. He only wanted to keep him safe. He was never going to be sorry for that but he should have said. He should have shared his fears. He'd never meant for it to hurt Greg. He'd still go to the ends of the earth for Greg but he had figured keeping him safe was the most important thing.
Apparently Greg didn't quite see it that way. Apparently Greg was ready for Nick to call it quits. He'd never meant to say that. Although looking back at his behaviour he should have seen it. But then he and Greg had always worked so well because they while they were best friends they were polar opposites. He loved Greg more than anyone else in the world.
Knew him better than most people could or ever would but his lover still managed to confused him. They had both been hurt by the last argument they'd had and Nick internally winced remembering the last night with Greg. He downed a drink knowing that the pain of that memory would never truly fade.
"And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear
Something I already know"
Nick had never meant to cause this. He realised now he'd done more harm that good. He'd only been thinking of his own pain and he should have realised that Greg wasn't getting along fine like he thought he had been. He knew it was wrong but that made him feel better. Slightly.
Nick didn't understand it sometimes, he wasn't Grissom, he was good with people but when it came to his own personal life everything went to hell. He never knew what to say or how to react though God knew he tried. He had thought he understood people, but when they tried to get close to him he freaked.
Greg had crawled under his skin before Nick had even realised. He was the one person that had been so close in a long time. that scared Nick more than he thought he was able to admit. He should have known what having secrets could do, he'd seen it so many times. Once again Nick was struck by how much he loved Greg and was plagued again by thoughts that he had made the wrong choice.
He looked at Greg and caught his gaze. He could have sword he blushed when their eyes locked but that was impossible his G? He felt the love fill his chest. It hadn't gone but now he had no idea what to do with it. Nick felt his heart bleed with loss when he realised he really had screwed up.
What the hell did he do now?
"We cannot hide what we have become
So sick inside"
Greg sung the next verse getting lost in the words, not really caring that he was doing this. He was beyond that now. He needed Nick to understand and if he had to sing to his co workers and a room full of people he'd do it. He knew he'd have to face the consequences later but, at least Nick would have to talk to him. It had to be worth it.
He had never wanted something to work so much in his life. Never had so much to loose before. Never wanted to have a second shot at anything. Never wanted so much his heart would bleed with loss. Greg then dug into his reserves, everything he had and continued to sing praying it would be enough.
He realised Nick was watching him and he lost all his reservations as his gaze locked with Nick's. He felt a blush climb up his neck and felt like he was about to, once again, trip over the words but he didn't stop. He only had eyes for Nick now. And with Nick looking back at him it give him strength. He'd made mistakes and so had Nick but he didn't want it to be over. They'd worked so hard and they could work at it again. He would work at it. He was willing too. He wanted Nick to know that.
When he realised he'd caught Nick's undivided attention he felt elation like he hadn't felt in weeks. As Nick smiled at him he felt his heart sore. Did he dare believe that his gamble at paid off? He offered Nick a small smile knowing be wasn't about to give up now.
"Can't be undone
It's done
It's done"
He knew now there wasn't much left of the song. But he had Nick's attention and that felt good. Nick could see him now, he was listening and for the first time in weeks some of the chaos he felt settled. Nick could see him clearly, and maybe, just maybe, this had worked.
He decided to just give it his all and he threw everything he had left into it. He threw out the last verses knowing the words were coming from his heart. He really would walk away if that was what Nick wanted. But he prayed Nick would listen and that he could understand. That they could do something about it.
I need you to understand. He thought desperately. I don't want to walk away. I know I made mistakes, that I didn't give you time, that you were protecting me but I still love you.
I still love you and if that's what you want I'll walk away but I need you tell me. I need you to tell me the truth. I need an end to this one way or another because I can't keep this up anymore. I can't keep hurting like this.
I can't keep waiting for you to walk back through the door if youre not going too.
"Greg! Keep going!" Catherine yelled and that drove Greg onward. "Keep it going Greg!" Sara joined in. He couldn't stop now. He wouldn't. Nick meant too much not to. He would finish damn everything else. He'd finish this song.
"I don't wanna wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your baby, I'm not in it
We're not what we used to be
No, You wouldn't have to lie to me"
Greg looked up and got caught in Nick's gaze again. He was entranced by the look on Nick's face there were so many emotions running across his lover's face he couldn't read them all. He wasn't sure what to think about that.
"Come on Sanders!" Warrick yelled. "You're almost there. Give it hell. Finish it." The words barely registered as he was caught in the entrancing darkness of Nick's gaze and felt his heart skip when Nick smiled at him. That smile was the one Greg had seen before. The smile that was his and no one else's. Maybe this stupid half cocked idea was worth it after all. He certainly couldn't say he was sorry he'd got up here.
Regret it later? Maybe. That depended on Nick. But right now he'd finish what he started. Damn everything else. He'd taken a stand no matter the consequences.
The end of the song was coming and he knew he had to give it everything to sing the last few lines to Nick alone. The rest of the room disappearing from his view. He would never forget the look on his lover's face. the mix of emotions but especially that smile that he thought he'd never seen again. Greg felt his heart kick into gear. Maybe it wasn't over. Maybe.
Then he heard it the quiet confident voice that meant so much to him, "Come on G," Nick said loudly. "Finish it. Finish it for me." Greg felt his shock but then elation. He grinned at his lover elated when he got a wink back. It give him hope. He would remember this even if no one else did. He would not forget this moment.
He certainly could not bring himself to think of it as a mistake not now. Instead he closed his eyes and belted out the last few lines of the song.
"If you would only let me go
And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear
Something I already know
Something I already know
Something I already know
Coz I know"
Greg finished the song and gave the mike back to the attendant who was stood off to the side. He was gave it back with a grin and the attendant retuned the grin catching his wrist. "Hey, amazing song. I hope whoever you were singing to listens to you. If not I could give you my number."
Greg was stunned. It wasn't like he had never been hit on before but his emotions were running high, all over the place and he hadn't had chance to get himself back together again.
"I'm sure you would love too." A voice said from behind Greg. "But he's already taken." Greg turned and saw Nick stood behind him his brown eyes intense. The attendant smiled and put his hands up in surrender. "No problems man."
As he disappeared Greg got down from the stage and Nick followed him, "You're still mine G, unless that's not what you want." Nick said softly. Greg was about to answer when he was swarmed by his friends. Warrick put a drink in his hand and he tossed it back without asking what it was.
Nick just smiled at him and offered him another which he took a long gulp of. He looked at Nick and Nick offered a soft smile in return. Now he was off the stage he was plagued with doubts but Nick didn't seem to be freaking. Not yet at least. He was starting to wonder if it had been worth it after all.
Now he was well and truly surrounded by the CSI's he didn't want to look at Nick in case he gave away more than he had already though he could feel Nick's eyes on him. Warrick slung an around him, "Nice one Greg. You have a argument with your girl? You trying to suck up?" His eyes were twinkling.
Greg didn't know what to say he had felt sure he'd given himself away. He'd seen Nick and Warrick talking, it hadn't occurred to him that it could be something else. What did he say now… he didn't want to hurt Nick again…
"Give him a break 'Rick." Nick said softly. Nick pulled Greg to him and said, "They know G." Greg spluttered on his drink. It was different thinking it to knowing it. He felt panic for the slightest moment.
"Nicky you're whipped. You let him off way too easy." Warrick said softly. "That's my choice." Nick said smiling. "Great song Greg." Catherine said smiling. "So you sing when you have something to sing about?" Greg nodded. "Yeah. Kinda hope I don't have the same problem again though." It was directed at Catherine but he only had eyes for Nick.
"Depends on what you want." Nick said and then looked at the others. "It took me a lot of guts to own up to this guys." He motioned between himself Greg. "We gonna have a problem?"
It was Warrick that answered. "I've got your back." His green eyes were intent and serious. "I meant it Nicky. I will not let you go through Dallas all over again." The others nodded and Nick smiled. Greg felt blinded its intensity. He'd missed Nick so much.
"We gonna get out of here G?" he asked Greg. "I think we need to talk." Greg nodded. "Yeah. I think we do too."
They turned as a unit and said their goodbyes before Nick led Greg out of the club. Warrick watched them go and looked at Catherine. "I hear they have any problems and I won't be held responsible for my actions."
Catherine put her hand on his arm. "We're all gonna watch out for them. They deserve every happiness and we'll do everything we can to give it to them." Gil nodded. "We'll be there if they want us."
"Amen to that." Sara said before she said, "Anyone want another drink?" She made her way to the bar with the others following her all hoping that Nick and Greg's "talk" went as well as they all wanted it too.
Greg wanted to take the fact that Nick wanted to talk as a good thing but he still wasn't sure singing that stupid song had been the best idea he'd ever had. He wanted Nick back but Nick hadn't exactly been clear about how he felt about the whole thing, and now the whole team knew. What did that mean for them? He'd never meant for things to go this far.
"Did you drive?" Nick asked breaking into his thoughts. Greg shook his head. "Catherine brought me I think she wanted to make sure I didn't bail out." Nick looked at him, "You didn't want to come?" "I didn't feel like it." He offered softly.
"Then how about I give you a lift home and then we'll talk this out?" Nick asked. "Okay." Greg choked out. Nick smiled. "Okay." He led the way to his car unlocked it and opened the door for Greg on the way round to the driver's side. Greg hopped in the car and waited for Nick to start the car up. When it started his eyes went huge.
"This…" "Is yours?" Nick asked. "Yeah I know." "But…" "You've rubbed off on me. I quite like it. Away is a really awesome song." "You played it when I wasn't in the car…" Greg said. "It made me miss you less." Nick said simply.
Greg wasn't sure what to say to that so he said nothing. It looked promising but he didn't want to push his luck. Greg hummed along to the music as he drove his thumbs tapping along to the beat on the steering wheel.
Greg decided to take a chance and placed his hand on Nick's thigh like he had before. Nick didn't look at him but he took his left hand off the steering wheel and threaded his fingers through Greg's. Greg was sure he saw a smile though he couldn't be sure since Nick was facing out of the windscreen.
When Nick stopped Greg realised he hadn't been taking notice of his surroundings and that they were at his house. "I figure if this goes wrong you can always kick me out." Nick said explaining his choice.
"Nicky I would never kick you out." Greg said before he could stop himself. Nick looked at him for a moment and then nodded, "Okay." Greg wasn't sure what that meant so he strode ahead to open the door.
He let Nick in and then closed the door and then led the way into the living area but he didn't sit down. Neither did Nick.
"So the song was good. Not your usual style though." Nick offered. Greg blushed despite himself. "Thanks. I know but… I guess I thought It fit."
"Did it?" Nick said leaning forward. "Is that what you want? For it to be over?" Greg looked away from Nick's intense gaze.
"I never said that Nick." Greg looked at the floor. "I just wanted to know one way or another and you have to admit that we're not like we used to be."
Nick nodded. "No. you're right. Things have changed. But that's my fault I should have explained my reluctance. I was never ashamed G." He said quietly. "Ever. And I'm sorry you ever thought I thought that. I was just so scared for you. I've seen what prejudice can lead too. I never wanted you to have to face that. I wanted you safe."
"I know Nicky." Greg said closing his eyes. "I know you did. I was the one being the bastard. I'm so sorry I thought… I don't know. I knew you loved me. Nothing else should have mattered. I screwed up. I kept thinking you wanted to walk away."
Nick stood up and walked the length of the room before turning and looking at Greg. "I know but why? Why did you think that? We… we made it two years G! I don't screw around if I'm serious about something and I was serious about you!"
"Because you deserve so much better than me!" Greg finally yelled. "What?" Nick asked his eyes wide. "I never thought I was enough for you. every day I'd wake and wonder what the hell you were doing with me." Greg said looking away from Nick.
"We used to argue about flirting because I was jealous. I've never been jealous before. I hated it when people hit on you. I was being hypocritical I see that now but that the time I just couldn't see it. I was… I don't know."
Nick listened to Greg ramble and then laughed. "What's so funny?" Greg asked crossing his arms defensively. "You and I are so different in so many ways and yet so much the same." Nick said. He crossed the room in three steps and kissed Greg soundly on the lips. He was elated when Greg kissed back but stopped before it became too heated.
"Do you want this to end?" He whispered stroking Greg's cheek with his thumb. "No!" Greg said firmly. "I just thought it was what you wanted. I just wanted you to tell me either way." "I don't want this to end G." Nick said firmly. "You're the best thing in my life and I don't want to let you go. I love you."
Greg pulled Nick down for a heated kiss. A kiss that went on longer than the last one. When they pulled apart Greg looked at Nick. "I still love you. I will always love you. I'm sorry I was stupid. I'm so sorry!" Greg said strongly his voice clogged with emotion.
That earned him another heated kiss that Nick dominated and Greg held on for dear life. When they pulled apart Nick made sure Greg was looking at him and said, "I still love you. I will always love you G. I was just trying to protect you but next time we will talk out our problems I don't think I'd survive another few weeks like the ones I've just had."
"Amen to that." Greg said dragging Nick's head down to kiss again. They staggered to the sofa and Greg ended up sprawled on top of Nick and he grinned devilishly at his lover. "Make up sex is always good."
Nick laughed his dark eyes dancing. "Make-up sex with you G will be explosive." Greg grinned and then kissed Nick again. Clothes started to disappear as the lovers showed each other how much they missed each other.
Nick never did get kicked out of Greg's apartment and at work on the next shift the team had to suppress their knowing smiles at Nick and Greg's identical smirk.