So I wrote this back in February, for the FullmetalXFlame group, fairytale contest on DA (curently I still do not know where I placed in the contest...)

This is not the version I submitted in the contest, this version went over the word count limit, so I had to cut it back, and cut out some of my favorite mini scenes, so here they are in there entirety!

This was fun for me to write, Snow White is one of my favorite Disney Movies...Though it was myfriend Yaya, who helped me decide. I was rambling out louad of how there were so few original ideas at i could come up with...Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, ...ect...When I randomly said Snow White, and then said, "Kay, great so whos unna be Snow? Roy? Cuz he's pale..and has black hair..." Then Meep was all "NUUUU, not Roy!" "Fine, then Ed...But wait, it would work sooo much better for it to be Roy! Cuz then his subordinates could be the dwarfs! (just so you all know, it never occured to me til afer i wrote this fic that I could have used the homunculi..) and then Yaya says, "Awww, Bashful Havoc would be cuuuute." And so...yeah that was that. ^^

This was edited by ol' Meep ^w^

~R&R~

"Goddamn that Bastard and his goddamn sexy smirk and his goddamn sexy hair and his-"

"Brother," Alphonse broke through his brother's ranting. "You know how Winry is when you talk about him, so you should quiet down."

The brothers were staying at their friend's house in a village close to their small kingdom's capitol. Edward Elric worked for the king as an alchemist. However, said king loved to make Ed's life a living hell as far as the blonde was concerned. Alphonse, in his suit of armor that he adored, traveled around town helping the village's residents with anything that might be ailing them. Their friend Winry, with whom they were staying, was one of the town's doctors; with a well-known crush on the elder Elric. "What did he do this time?" Alphonse asked with a sigh, having done this for years, turning back to the book he had been reading.

"That Bastard…I…I think he may know…" Hearing his brother grow quiet, a worried tone taking over his voice, Alphonse looked up at Ed.

"Why would you say that?"

"He's been dropping hints and he won't leave me alone- and he won't stop talking to me. So I mess up my measurements, and then my experiments go wrong and he laughs at me, Al! I swear he knows what he's doing to me!" Edward finished in a rush as he heard the front door open, a bright embarrassed blush on his cheeks.

"Brother, maybe he likes you and is trying to get to know you better?"

"Yeah, right, Al. He can have any woman in the kingdom, why would he go for me?"

Alphonse sighed again as he stood to greet Winry while Ed went to find a place to hide.

Their old childhood friend had turned into Ed's worst nightmare almost overnight. She began to try and convince Ed to love her last year and her attempts had begun to get more and more violent as time went on.

"Oh, Edward~! My love, where are you~?" Winry sang as she pranced through the small garden in their backyard. Edward clung to the tree branch for dear life. As Winry headed for the base of the tree, he tried to blend himself in to the tree's trunk. Sadly for him, his hair stood out too much. "Ah, there is my love with beautiful golden hair and gorgeous golden eyes!" Winry exclaimed as she spotted him clawing at the tree. "Now Edward, darling, you don't want to mar your flawless, fair skin, now do you?"

"If it'll get me away from you, then sure," he muttered as he began his descent.

Another thing that made Winry a nightmare was that she made too many poetic comments about his appearance and had developed new nicknames for him.

"Edward!" Winry whined as he hurried past her and ran for the garden gate. "Why don't you love me? We're childhood friends, I'm like your sister! I know everything about you and you me!"

"Exactly, Winry," Edward spun around to glare at her. "You're like my sister, so I love you. Like a sister."

"But, Ed-"

"I'm going to see Mom!" And with that, Edward was gone. Winry knew she couldn't follow him; he'd only get angrier with her.

She wasn't stupid, (at least not completely), she knew that Edward had feelings for their king. She overheard the brothers talking about him every day. But where could those feelings possibly go?

As Winry turned back toward the house, an evil plot came to her mind.

"Alphonse!"

It had been entirely too easy to trick the younger brother into thinking that something was obviously wrong with his brother for liking King Mustang. And that if he were to knock him over the head with a frying pan, it might get rid of those feelings (and if they were lucky, a few memories). It also helped that she said she held several, small, cute, fluffy kittens hostage…

/~/

Edward sighed as he knelt beside his mother's grave, placing a small wildflower bouquet next to it.

"Mom, what am I supposed to do? I feel like Winry only wants me for my looks and Roy- I mean the King- he's just…Too far out of my league. He can have any woman in all the country, and here I am…" He trailed off, glancing around the tree-dotted cemetery. He thought he had heard something, however he found nothing. Shaking his head, Edward continued, "I think Winry's getting worse..."

/~/

Al breathed a sigh of relief as he hid behind a tree, the frying pan loose in his hand. Edward had nearly seen him- he'd have to be more careful for the sake of the kittens.

Al started sneaking again, positive his brother would never see him coming.

"…I mean, she's started throwing things at me lately. Like at first, it was her stethoscope, then it was a plate, and the other night it was a wrench!" Al paused for a moment as he listened to his brother and felt his resolve begin to dissolve...That is, until he thought of the kittens.
Al continued to sneak forward as Ed sat on the ground complaining about Winry to their mother. He raised the hand with the frying pan.
"-And she keeps insisting I share her bed and- Al, if you want to talk to mom too, you don't have to sneak around."

Al nearly tripped over his own armored feet.

"What? How could you have heard me? I was being super sneaky!"

"…In a big hulking suit of armor…Honestly Al," Edward laughed with his eyes closed as he turned to face his little brother. "I thought you'd have learned from last time!" Ed opened his eyes, his laughter dying, and fear shone in his eyes as he saw the stance Al was in and the weapon he held. "A-Al, w-why are you-" Al suddenly fell to his knees and cried,

"I can't do it!" Ed stayed where he was as he watched Al. "Ed, I'm so sorry! But she's holding my kittens hostage!"

"Al," Ed began carefully, "we don't have any cats…" This made Al drop his weapon and look at his brother in shock. "And just who sent you after me with a frying pan?" Ed asked warily, although he already knew who it was.

"Um, Winry."

"See, Mom! She's gone crazy! She has manipulated my little brother into her plots as well!" He shouted to the grave then turned back to Al and asked, "so what the hell am I going to do now?"
Al stood, dramatically grabbing Ed by his shoulders and dragging him up as well.

"You can't go home! She might actually try to rape you!"

"Al, don't you think you're overdoing it?" Ed asked skeptically.

"Maybe I am…But you still need to run away!"

"Hm, okay, Al. I'll be seeing you." Ed began to walk off toward the road to another town.

"No, Brother!" Al shouted and he grabbed Ed's shoulder. "They'll recognize you and she'll look for you there!"

"Well then what am I supposed to do?"

"Put this on and give me your clothes!"Al handed Ed a dress that had been in his armor.

"Al…Why was that in your armor?"

"I…Don't know…Who cares! Put it on, quick!" Al practically stripped Ed and shoved him into the dress.

Once done, Al stepped back to admire his work. Ed stood there staring down at himself in shock. His dark blue, puffy, short-sleeved top contrasted nicely with his bright yellow skirt.

"Hm, one more thing," Al murmured as he whipped out a scarlet red cloak with a black flamel symbol. He carefully draped it over Ed's shoulders.

"Al! What the hell? Why do I-?"

"'Cause now no one will recognize you. But just to be safe, you should go into the forest," Al began to drag his cross-dressing brother across the cemetery.

"You mean the one no one ever enters?"

Al nodded silently. "I'm not going in there! There's no way!" Edward began to struggle, but it was useless.

"It's for your own good, Brother. Now go!" Al pushed Ed into the Al didn't know, was that just after that clump of trees, there was rather steep decline.

Al flinched as heard his brother hit the trees and fallen branches during his descent. "…Whoops!"

/~/

Alphonse walked slowly back to the house, a bit nervous. He had no clue what to tell Winry and hoped he could avoid her wrath.

"Alphonse!" He flinched as he turned toward the kitchen. "Where is Edward?" He looked away from Winry's flashing blue eyes.

"Uh, he's in his room now. He's uh, still recovering, you see."

"Perfect." An evil gleam shone in her eyes.

/~/

Edward moaned as he slowly opened his eyes and glanced at the area around him. He sat up carefully, looking around the clearing for any signs of life. He found none other than a few animals that did not appear to be frightened of his presence and several trees and bushes outlining the clearing he had fallen into.

He could faintly hear running feet coming toward him. He tried to get up and hide, but he tripped over his dress and fell face-first back to the ground. He heard the feet slow to a stop somewhere on the outside of the clearing.

"Oh, my! It's a good thing Lustful Havoc's not around, I suppose…"

Ed stayed perfectly still as the person came closer. "Oh, what should I do? I can't just leave her here!"

Ed twitched. "Oh! Maybe she's waking up! But then what'll I do with her?" The voice wailed and Ed sat up and turned to glare up at the speaker only to find…That he was already eye-level with him.

Both squeaked as they jumped back from each other. Ed overcame his shock first.

"First off, I'm a guy; my brother stuck me in this thing against my will. And second…Who the hell are you? What the hell are you?"

"O-oh….T-terribly sorry. I-I'm B-bashful Havoc. I'm one of the eight Havocs."

"…Eight? I thought there was only seven."

"Well, y-you see, there's me, Smokey, Sneezy, High, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy and Lustful Havoc…Though Lustful doesn't count as one of us 'cause he's usually in town…D-doing…S-stuff.." A bright red blush grew on Bashful Havoc's face as he continued talking.

Edward carefully stood up, mindful of the dress, and straightened himself out.

"Okay, well I hate to bother you, but do you know of a place I could stay?" Bashful Havoc looked down bashfully. "T-There're two towns nearby." Ed shook his head, remembering what Al had said earlier.

"I can't go into towns, I'm on the run from this crazy girl who has a crush on me and is trying to induce amnesia-"

"Oh! Are you Edward E-Elric?"

"Yeah, how do you know my name?"

"Oh, even us magical creatures hear about what happens in town," Looking down again, he continued, "I guess you can stay with me and the other Havocs. Our place isn't in very good shape, but it's better than nothing, I suppose…"

"Really?" Ed asked and his expression brightened. "You'll let me stay with you? Thanks!"

/~/

When Bashful Havoc and Edward reached the clearing with the cottage, Edward's jaw dropped.

There were several look a-likes of Bashful Havoc; one smoking heavily, another running into things. There were two more sitting on the front steps; one chatting happily to one who looked…Well grumpy. Another dozed in a tree while another smelled a flower…Before sneezing all over it.

The cottage that was to be his new home was nothing to look at either. The roof was clearly falling in and the wood looked rather rotten. Also, almost all the windows either had large cracks in them or holes. Edward couldn't imagine the inside looked much better.

Bashful Havoc introduced him to his brothers before ushering him inside.

"As payment for letting me stay, I can fix up your house if you want."

"C-could you? That'd be so n-nice."

/~/

Winry sulked in the bar, swirling her apple juice around her shot glass. When she had gone to Ed's room later that night, she had found that he never was in his room. Also, she mysteriously could not find Alphonse no matter where she looked.

Two days had passed since then and so there she sat; lonely and angry in an almost empty bar.

"Hey there, sweetheart." She looked down to find a dwarf-like person eyeing her lustfully. Winry huffed and turned back towards the bar.

"Damn, she's just like that other blonde," the dwarf muttered as he walked away.

This caught Winry's attention.

After giving the little man several drinks, he had told her all she needed to know about where to find her beloved.

She took the Havoc (he had introduced himself to be "Lustful Havoc") back to her home and kept him in Ed's room. She then began to gather the apples from her fruit bowl and a pot from the cupboard. She then walked over to her doctoring supplies and gathered her sedatives.

"Guess I'm going to have to do things the old-fashioned way."

She left the apples soaking in the sedatives for three days while Lustful sobered up. (He's small and a mythical creature…These things take time).

Once the three days were up, she put on a black coat, put the poisoned apples into a basket, grabbed Lustful, and had him lead her to the cottage.

/~/

The days following were good for Ed. By the end of the week, he had finished fixing the entire house and had only had to stop Lustful Havoc from trying to rape him twice. After the first two days (when the raping attempts were), Lustful had gone off to town and had yet to come back. It was peaceful.

The Havocs were all hanging about their property, doing what they did best. Ed was left to sweeping the house.

He picked up the skirt of his dress as he stepped outside to sweep the porch. He swayed back and forth, humming as he did so. Over the past five days, he had gotten used to wearing the dress…Not that he'd ever admit it.

He jumped as he heard a twig break. He glanced cautiously over his shoulder, praying it was any of the Havocs other than Lustful. Instead, he saw a figure hunched over and dressed in a black cloak. As the figure hobbled into the clearing, it clutched a basketful of bright, shiny, red apples.

Ed blinked, faintly remembering a story from when he was little. He laughed as he shook his head, forgetting the idea and stepping off the porch and towards the cloaked figure.

"Can I help you?"

The figure gave out a throaty chuckle, the voice sounding somewhat familiar as it replied, "Why yes, you can." The (old?) woman came closer to Ed, and Ed actually felt uncomfortable being so close to her. He tried to take a step back, but she thrust the basket in his face. "I need to get rid of some of these apples; their weight is just too heavy for these old bones to take."

"Oh, um," Ed murmured, he had skipped out on breakfast and was starving; an apple would be delightful, though he was feeling a bit nervous that he couldn't see her eyes. "I guess I'll have one." His hand shook a little as he picked his apple.

Winry laughed to herself as Ed fell for her trick and picked an apple. 'Just one bite,' She thought as she closed her eyes. 'and he'll be all mine.' When she opened her eyes, she panicked to see that all Ed held in his hand was the apple's core, and that he was chewing the last mouthful.

'He was only supposed to have one bite!'

"A-are you f-feeling okay?" Ed looked at her strangely.

"Yeah, I feel great. Why are y-?" Ed fell over unconscious before he could finish his question.

Though Winry was a bit worried about the amount of sedatives Edward ingested, she was ecstatic that he was hers now. She laughed a little as she pulled his body over her back, carrying him. "Now he's all mine. I'll just lock him up in the basement and-" She was cut off as Lustful tripped her.

"Oi! You said we could share 'im!"

"I never said anything of the sort!" She dropped Ed off her back as the Havoc attacked her.

Smokey, who was with Dopey, sighed unhappily at the scene he walked in on.

"Dudes, you're killing my buzz." No one paid attention to his complaint. So he and Dopey just sat down and watched the tussle. It wasn't until Bashful, High, and Grumpy came back a little later that Winry and Lustful were separated and contained in a closet at the cottage.

"Dude, is he dead?" Smokey asked drawing his words out.

Bashful ran over to check on Ed and nearly burst into tears when he wouldn't wake up. That is until Grumpy grumbled that he was still breathing. Sneezy came along and suggested that they make a bed for Ed in the clearing where Bashful first found him. The others happily agreed and rushed off to grab the bed Ed had used.

They finished setting it up by that evening. They brought Ed to the bed and laid him down. The Havocs brushed the dirt off his dress and straightened it before covering him with the sheet. The Havocs were tired and decided that instead of watching over Ed, they would cover him with leaves so no one would see him. They left him in the clearing and promptly forgot about him.

~A week later~

Roy sprinted through town, dodging bullets as he ran.

He'd been skipping out on his kingly duties due to his worry over his favorite alchemist's mysteriously disappearance over two weeks ago.

The King had developed sort of a crush on the alchemist. He loved the way his golden eyes would glare up at him when he interrupted his experiments, or how passionate the young blonde was at his work. How he would devote himself completely to his work and forget formality around Roy and snap at him.

He missed Edward greatly and was worried for his blonde.

He dodged another bullet as he ran to hide in the cemetery. He ducked behind a tombstone as a bullet hissed past his head.

His royal retainer, Riza Hawkeye, was rather…Peeved with him for not getting his work done. There were mountains of important papers that needed his signature waiting for him in his study.

Roy glanced over the stone to see her looking on the other side of the cemetery. He knew this was his only chance to run. His only option was the forest behind him that no one ever entered.
Roy, like Alphonse, didn't know of the steep decline.

"Ouch!" Was the last thing, after a string of obscenities, out of King Roy Mustang's mouth. He was on his stomach in an overly-large pile of leaves. "What the hell?" He murmured as he sat up holding his head in one hand. "That hurt, but this can't be the ground."

He brushed away the leaves, only to find a sleeping, young maiden underneath.

At least that's what he thought at first.

Roy's midnight blue eyes widened in shock as he found himself recognizing the beautiful, unconscious blonde. Roy's hand lowered as he cupped the cheek of his beloved alchemist.

His golden hair was in a loose braid and his apparel…Was certainly something Roy raised his brows at. But what Roy was truly shocked at was that after Roy had fallen on top of him, full throttle from his trip down the hill, Ed hadn't woken up.

Roy frowned at this realization. He called out to him as he continued to caress his face. When that didn't work, he gently slapped his cheek, trying to get him to stir. Worried and frustrated, Roy took Ed by his shoulders and shook him, still with no response.

"Damn it, Edward, what the hell is wrong with you?" Roy grumbled as he released the smaller, his body falling back with a thud.

The King started to pace quietly beside the bed when he remembered old fairy tales his maids had told him as a child in which a simple kiss was enough to fix everything.

Roy bit his lip nervously as he sat on the bed and leaned over Ed. Of course he was wanted to kiss the little one, he always had. He just hadn't thought it would be like this. He was inches above Edward's mouth, he could feel the teasing puffs of breath, against his lips. Roy closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Ed's.

Just as their lips touched, Edward's breathing changed. Roy pulled back slowly, a dark blush growing on his cheeks as he watched the alchemist stir. He watched anxiously as the blonde's normally bright and fiery golden eyes opened, dull and sleep-filled. He groaned as he forced himself to sit up weakly, yawning as he did so.

"What the hell happened to me?" He muttered as he rubbed his eyes adorably.

"Thank Gate, you're alright," Roy pulled Ed close to him, nuzzling his face in Ed's hair before Ed could make sense of what was going on.

"Roy?" Shock overcame Ed's sleep-filled mind as he felt strong arms wrap around him.

"You had me worried sick," Roy started to lecture as he pulled back before several gunshots were heard from above.

Roy paled.

"Right, you just don't have your work done and are trying to blame it on me. And you only missed me 'cause you couldn't make fun of me..." Ed turned away sadly.

"No Ed, I was worried." The King turned his alchemist around and cupped his face.

"R-Roy…" Edward gasped as his face flushed a bright pink.

Another kiss, this one Ed was aware of, was shared between the two. Pulling away from the sweet kiss, Roy stood from the bed and scooped the smaller up into his arms. As Edward snuggled into Roy's neck, Roy questioned, laughing,

"Is there something I should know about the dress?"

"Shut it, Bastard."

And they lived Happily Ever After...

...Until Roy called Ed 'princess'...

~The End~