What was he doing here? The thought he'd had been having all night since he walked into the Gun and Rose diner flashed through his mind once more. Just 2 weeks ago- had that been all?- he'd been preparing for a date with Audrey, for a beginning with Audrey, a beginning with the woman he loved (no use denying that anymore). Now here he was at the Gun and Rose watching Jordan pour expensive exotic whiskey. Somewhere between carefully selecting a tie and coat combo and trying to seduce the point person for an underground rebel group everything had fallen apart, broken apart like he'd watched the Chief do, with pieces exploding in all directions far and wide.
Perhaps it was this whirlwind of events, or maybe the strange alluring woman before him, but he felt dizzy and disoriented and perhaps oddest of all, finally sure of what he was going to do next. Yes he loved Audrey, but he didn't always like her. And at this moment as he pulled off his best Duke Crocker impersonation for the women on the stool beside him, he downright disliked Audrey Parker. As he released Jordan's hand and watched her nervously down the rest of her whiskey, he felt powerful in a way he hadn't in months, not since he'd pulled Audrey from that rental car and had her turn her gun on him. Even before he'd realized he could feel her touch she'd had the upper hand. There were never partners- not in the true sense of the word. She'd always ignored his input- on a case, on preserving her safety, and on the trustworthiness of Duke. At the time, he'd appreciated her stubbornness and confidence in her instincts, but now, now he saw her as arrogant. Who was she to tell him about the troubles? He'd lived with them his whole life. Who was she to tell him about Duke Crocker? A man who physically and psychologically tortured him, a poor boy grieving the early death of a mother, whose father wouldn't look him in the eye, who was damned to wake up every 20 odd years a freak. Yes, he loved Audrey and he'd protect her even if he had to die trying. He saw now this was his fate, a notion that would seem romantic anywhere but Haven. A town where fate was a prison and a death sentence rather than a storybook ending. But he was not going to be her faithful lap dog any longer. Let Duke Crocker, newly minted hero, trail behind her if he wanted. See how he liked being forever brushed aside and locked out by the person he loved.
And now here he was in the Gun and Rose, with Jordan, exacting a confidence and bravado he'd never shown, even in happier times. If Audrey could run arms open into her fate without a fight, well then so could he. Whoever The Guard were, whatever they were, he was going to find out all that he could. If it meant destroying himself than so be it. If it meant destroying Jordan, well she would just have to be collateral damage. He saw all of them in her, Duke, Audrey and himself. She was illicit and dark like Duke, with contraband and one-liners. Tough and self-reliant like Audrey with traces of vulnerability and fear traveling almost unperceivably across her face. And isolated, alone and lonely, just like him. When he thought about it, she was his counterpart in many ways. Perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult to destroy her, really just an extension of the self-destruction he'd resigned himself to. Hell, she may even thank him for his trouble.
One thing was for certain. He could touch her. Whether to ease his way into her confidence or alleviate his guilt, he could touch her as much as possible. Not like Audrey, using touch to needle and manipulate but rather to give her a little normalcy, a reminder of what could have been in a trouble-free world. A bribe, an apology and a gift all wrapped in one. He couldn't feel her touch, but he could feel her gratitude and longing and relief. And maybe that could be enough for the both of them.