Title: The Cat Came Back
Chapter 1: Insane Asylums
Disclaimer: We own nothing. We're too poor to own Gilmore Girls, but too rich to be hobos (seeing as how we have a computer and all...).
A/N: I'm Samantha
And I'm Seehoo.
And we're dodgerluvsrory! You know you love us! You especially love me, because I wrote your favorite stories, some of which include--
Shut up, Samantha. No one wants to hear you talk.
You're right. On with the story!
My very first!
*run away to hunt turkeys*
(Open on town meeting. Luke is sitting next to Jess, who has his arm around Rory's shoulders, who's sitting next to Lorelai. Taylor is standing at the podium)
Taylor: Now, does anyone have any new business? (Lorelai raises her hand) Yes, Lorelai?
Lorelai: (stands up) Hi. I'm Lorelai, and I am a coffee-holic. (Luke snorts)
Everyone: (led by Rory and then Jess) Hi, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Hi, Dr. Nick! (only she and Rory laugh) It's from the Simpsons. (still nothing) Ugh. Live a little, people.
Taylor: Lorelai, please sit down! We have important business to discuss, none of which include a dysfunctional yellow family and bazaar people.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, are we not in Stars Hollow? The town that could give even Springfield a run for its money? (Rory pulls Lorelai down by her sleeve) Ow!
Taylor: As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the coffee-holic-- (glares at Lorelai)
Jess: Oh, come on, Taylor!
Taylor: And the hoodlum--It has come to my attention that the hygiene of a local business owner is quite poor.
Lorelai: And just who would this evil plaque-man be?
Taylor: Mr. No-decorations himself: Luke Danes.
(various gasps are heard throughout the room; Lorelai, Rory, and Jess are trying not to laugh-they're not very successful)
Luke: (stands up) Taylor, this is crazy!
Taylor: No, Luke, according to a local, this is food poisoning.
Luke: What?
Taylor: Someone informed me that after eating one of your peanut-butter sandwiches, he spent the night spewing refuse into his mother's toilet.
Most of the Females in the Group: Ewww!
Luke: Kirk! (lunges toward him; Kirk runs behind a big guy)
Kirk: Well, next time you wear lotion, make sure it's completely dry!
Luke: I don't wear lotion!
Lorelai: You should. Then you'd be silky smooth!
Jess: (coughs) Dirty!
Rory: (whispers) Okay, we need to keep you and my mother away from each other.
Jess: (whispers) Yes, we do.
Taylor: I agree with Kirk. Unless you allow the lotion a sufficient amount of time to dry, you should not be handling food. Or I can lend you some of my lotion; it dries fast and doesn't leave an oily residue.
(Cut to after the meeting. Lorelai, Luke, Rory and Jess are walking out of the meeting.)
Rory: Ugh, I will never be able to use lotion again.
Lorelai: I will.
Rory: After Taylor talking about how he uses lotion?
Lorelai: Eww, no I won't.
Luke: Can we stop talking about the stupid meeting, please?
Lorelai: Aww, you're just mad because it was all about you.
Luke: It was not all about me.
Lorelai: Yes it was.
Luke: No it wasn't.
Lorelai: Yes it was.
Luke: No it wasn't.
Lorelai, Rory and Jess: Yes, it was.
Luke: No it-- (sighs)fine, it was.
Lorelai: Yay! I won!
Jess: Don't worry, Luke. They'll have forgotten all about you by the next meeting.
Luke: Why? Why will they forget about me, Jess?
Jess: No reason.
Luke: Jess? What are you planning?
(Jess shrugs)
Rory: Don't worry, Luke, I'll keep an eye on him.
(they enter Luke's. Rory and Jess walk near the stairs and start kissing goodbye. Lorelai walks up to Luke at the counter and opens her mouth to say something.)
Luke: I don't have any pie.
Lorelai: (closes her mouth) I wasn't gonna ask. How about coffee? You got any of that? (Luke sighs) You know, if you keep doing that, you'll eventually run out of air.
Luke: No, I won't.
Lorelai: Yes, you will. It's a fact.
Luke: That is not a fact.
Lorelai: It is so. I read it.
Luke: Where?
Lorelai: I--uh--in a magazine.
Luke: Which one? Pathological Liars Weekly?
Lorelai: No. I don't get that one.
Luke: That's what everyone who subscribes says.
Lorelai: No, that's denial. Everyone who subscribes says they get a different magazine. Like Pathological Liars Monthly.
Luke: You are so weird.
Lorelai: And you love me for it.
Luke: Never. Coffee. (hands her a cup)
Lorelai: Yay! You know, to a Gilmore, this is a profession of love.
Luke: Well, then, give it back.
Lorelai: Nuh-uh. It's my coffee now, buster. (Rory walks over)
Rory: Hey, you ready to go?
Lorelai: Uh! No. I just got my coffee.
Rory: Ooh, I want some!
Luke: No.
Rory: That is discriminatory. If you give some to one Gilmore, you gotta give it to all.
Lorelai: That's my little future government leader-type...person.
Luke: Do you really wanna grow up to be her?
Rory: It's my dream.
Luke: (sighs) Fine. Coffee. (hands her a cup)
Rory: Hee-hee.
Lorelai: Stop laughing and drink your coffee.
(cut to later. Lorelai and Rory are walking out of Luke's)
Rory: Well, that was fun.
Lorelai: Yep, especially the town meeting.
Rory: Yes, it's always fun to see Luke and Taylor yell.
Lorelai: Don't forget Luke and Kirk!
Rory: And Luke and Kirk.
Lorelai: I also liked the coffee at the end of the night.
Rory: Coffee's always your favorite part.
Lorelai: And yours, too.
Rory: I'm surprised you didn't bug Luke about doughnuts or danishes.
Lorelai: Yeah, me too. (pulls two doughnuts wrapped in a napkin from her purse)
Rory: Where did you get that?
Lorelai: From Luke. I've been spending too much time with your boyfriend.
Rory: You mean Luke didn't give them to you?
Lorelai: Nope. I snuck 'em out.
Rory: You stole them. I knew I should have kept a better eye on you.
Lorelai: That's what you get for (sing-song) smoochin' with your boyfriend.
Rory: Oh, no. (starts to walk away. Lorelai follows her)
Lorelai: (singing) Smoochin' with your boyfriend, smoochin' with your boyfriend, la la la la la la, la la la la la la....
(cut to the next day. Rory and Jess walk into the Stars Hollow Book Store, making a bee-line for the classics section.)
Rory: Well, if there's one thing we can agree on, literature wise, it's J.D. Salinger.
Jess: Yup. The fact that you don't like Hemmingway is your problem.
Rory: Let's not start that again. It's just that he's so . . .
Jess: Okay, Salinger right? Here's Catcher in the Rye. (Flips through the pages) Wow. Holden has got to watch his mouth sometimes, y'know? (Hands Rory the book)
Rory: I never thought I'd hear you say that. (She also flips through the pages.) Did you know that people vandalised school property back then too? And with such colourful words!
Jess: The whole book is full of colourful words; it adds to its character.
(They each read books in silence, until Rory sighs.)
Jess: What's the matter?
Rory: Nothing. It's just that February's coming, and . . . there's just a lot of things to celebrate.
Jess: Oh really? (Catching on) Like what? I thought Taylor postponed the Sweater Vest Fashion Show until March.
Rory: Well, seeing as that was the highlight of the month, I'm a little disappointed. (Rory smiles.)
Jess: There must be something happening . . . (Wraps his arms around Rory's waist.)
Rory: Wait, isn't Valentine's somewhere in February? (Leans in.)
Jess: I better check my calender. (Closes the small gap between them with a kiss.)
(Meanwhile, Dean enters the store, in hopes of finding a book Rory suggested to him.)
Dean: Let's see . . . Classics on the right, Sci-Fi to the left.
(He starts fingering the book spines, when he hears murmuring on the other side of the shelf.)
Rory: That somehow brought my memory back.
Jess: My kisses do many things, but regaining memory is not one of them.
(Dean clenches his fist.)
Rory: Actually, I was thinking about another special day in February. Something more . . . personal?
Jess: Maybe you should kiss me. That way, I just might remember.
Rory: Or you could guess; that way, you earn your treat.
Jess: Let's see . . . how long have we been going out? Thirty days has September, April, June, and November . . .
Rory: If you're going to mock me, you might as well give up.
Jess: No, no, I think I've got it. November, November . . . ah, that's right. Our kiss by the gas station was in November, wasn't it? So that would be . . . December, January, February . . . Wouldn't that be our three month anniversary?
Rory: You get bonus points if you can tell me what day.
Jess: Let me guess: The Fourteenth? The fourteenth of February. What a coincidence.
Rory: Good job.
Jess: But I have the feeling this isn't over yet.
Rory: And it's not. I was thinking we could, uh, spend some time together on the fourteenth.
Jess: Well, I don't know. I mean, I've got exams coming up, and I should study. I don't want my grades to fall.
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Rory, it's not like I'm going to miss out on our three month anniversary. Or miss out on spending time with you.
Rory: How sweet. So, where should we go?
Jess: I was thinking we could stay in . . .
Rory: Excuse me, but do you want a parent chaperone on our anniversary?
Jess: (sighs) Okay, what time should I pick you up?
Rory: You're going to make the plans?
Jess: Well, I want this to be a surprise. Although I don't know how much of a surprise it'll be . . .
(Rory hugs Jess so hard, he almost falls over.)
Rory: I can't believe you'd do this for me! I can't wait!
Jess: Yeah, well, I . . .
Rory: And I am late for my lunch with Mom. Come with me to the diner?
Jess: I do live there.
(As Rory and Jess leave the store hand in hand, Dean watches from the book shelf. In anger and rage, he hits the book case so hard, that books start to fall out. The other patrons watch him as he leaves the bookstore, seething.)
(cut to Rory and Jess walking into the diner kissing.)
Luke: Oh, hey you two! Cut it out! Some people are trying to eat here.
Kirk: Actually, I like this little performance.
Luke: Shut up Kirk. So, peanut butter sandwich?
Kirk: If you want my mother cleaning up my vomit tonight, then yes, I'd love some.
Luke: Coming right up. Hey Jess, give me a hand here?
(Rory and Jess stop kissing, and Jess glares at Luke.)
Jess (to Rory): I'll be right back. (He follows Luke into the kitchen.)
Lorelai (to Rory): So this is why you were 10 minutes late? (Wags her eyebrows suggestively.)
Rory: Actually, we were discussing our three month anniversary dinner.
Lorelai: Really? Jess actually agreed to an anniversary dinner?
Rory: He told me it was a surprise. (Smiles happily.) Which reminds me, can I borrow one of your dresses? I want everything to be perfect.
Lorelai: Anything's better than the last time.(Rory stares at her blankly.) Remember? You and Dean broke up?
Rory: Oh yeah. I wonder where's he's taking me . . .
Lorelai: Well, if it's Italian, bring me home a meatball!
Rory: Will do.
Lorelai: Although I wouldn't be surprised if "dinner" isn't actually part of the date.
Rory: What?
(Lorelai starts kissing her hand.)
Rory: Mom, please. We're in public. (Even as Rory says this, she blushes.)
Lorelai: Ah! My baby's deeply in love with the resident rebel without a cause.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Sorry, sorry. Deeply in "like".
(Jess comes back after making Kirk's sandwich. Kirk wouldn't allow Luke to do it.)
Jess: Hey.
Rory: Hi.
Jess: So . . . can you, uh . . .
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, she can go. Even though the whole point of this meeting was to eat lunch, I'm sure Rory wasn't hungry anyway.
Rory: Thanks mom. I'll see you at home.
(Rory and Jess walk out of the diner, while Lorelai watches.)
Luke: They're leaving again? I thought we were going to watch them wherever they go!
Lorelai: No, Lukey dear. YOU were going to watch them wherever they go. And so far, you haven't been doing a very good job. I mean, we don't know if Rory really leaves for Chilton on the bus. She could be skipping school to hang out with Jess at the nearest rave, or something just as illegal.
Luke: Coffee?
Lorelai: And soon they'll be having their three month anniversary dinner with no chaperones . . . think of the possibilities.
Luke: (sighs) Coffee?
Lorelai: Ah! Their anniversary had to be on Valentine's. Now I'll be alone. On Valentine's. Only loners are alone on Valentine's.
Luke: I'll be alone on Valentine's, are you calling me a loner?
Lorelai: With a backwards baseball cap and flannel shirt. (Lorelai hides her head in her hands.)
Luke: Ah geez.
Lorelai: I want to go somewhere.
Luke: Insane asylum?
Lorelai: Dinner.
Luke: At an insane asylum?
Lorelai: With someone.
Luke: A crazy person?
Lorelai: Stop with the insane asylum references. I was thinking about going out to dinner with a fellow loner?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Except if we go together, we won't be loners anymore!
Luke: Oh joy.
Lorelai: So that's a yes?
Luke: No, that's sarcasm.
Lorelai: Please, Luke? What else are you going to do on Valentine's? Watch "I Dream of Jeanie" re-runs on your baby T.V.?
Luke: Actually, I'd have the larger one since Jess will be gone.
Lorelai: Luke! Come on! It'll be fun! I promise. And if it isn't, I'll, uh, I'll . . .
Luke: Give up coffee?
Lorelai: For a week.
Luke: Three.
Lorelai: Two.
Luke: Fine. I will go with you to dinner. But if it turns out to be bad, you must give up coffee for . . . (Signals for Lorelai to answer.)
Lorelai: One day.
Luke: All right, I wil--Hey!
Lorelai: Bye Luke! Pick me up at 7:00 sharp! Actually, no, better make that 8:00. I'll need time to find my shoes.
(cut to Jess and Rory sitting on the bridge on Valentine's Day. Jess has his arm around Rory's shoulders, and she has her arm around his waist, and they're both reading different books. Suddenly Rory puts her book away and looks at Jess. He keeps reading.)
Rory: Jess--
(Jess holds up one finger and finishes reading the page. He looks like he's gonna stop, but he turns the page)
Rory: Jess!
(He holds up another finger. She pulls the book away from him and it flies into the water)
Rory: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Jess: (shrugs) S'okay. It wasn't mine. (smiles innocently at Rory) It was yours.
Rory: Uh! Which one?
Jess: 1984.
Rory: Oh, that's all right. I didn't like that one that much. (stares at the book)
Jess: (laughs) Don't worry, I have two copies. You can have one.
Rory: Thanks.
Jess: So, what was so important you had to throw poor George over there into the water?
Rory: I wanna know what we're doing tonight.
Jess: Nope, sorry. Classified information.
Rory: Oh, come on, please?
Jess: No, it's a secret.
Rory: Boyfriends shouldn't keep secrets from their girlfriends.
Jess: It's a surprise.
Rory: Tell me!
Jess: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?
Rory: But, I need to know where we're going so I can figure out what to wear. I don't want to clash with the decor.
Jess: Just dress like a knockout. It'll be hard, I know, but if you work at it, you can be Made.
Rory: Been watching MTV to learn how to insult me?
Jess: Anything to get you to make that face.
Rory: What face?
Jess: The one you make right after I insult you and then kiss you.
Rory: I make a face?
Jess: Always.
Rory: Do I really make a face or is it like the blink-y thing when I lie?
Jess: Yes, you really make a face, and yes, you really do do a blink-y thing when you lie.
Rory: I do not!
Jess: Yes, you do. Tell me a lie.
Rory: My mother adores you.
Jess: See? Right there. (points at her face)
Rory: I do not.
Jess: Yes, you do. You really do.
Rory: I refuse to believe that I-- (Jess leans in and kisses her. They part and she gets this really happy/surprised look on her face) I do, huh?
(cut to Rory walking up the stairs of the Gilmore house. Lorelai pulls open the door seconds before Rory can)
Lorelai: So? What'd he say what'd he say what'd he say?
Rory: He wouldn't tell me.
Lorelai: Still? He's a mean little-
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: I wasn't gonna say anything. (holds up her hands in defense)
Rory: Oh, you so were. (starts into the house. Lorelai follows after her.)
Lorelai: Me, say something mean about Jess? Never.
Rory: (spins around and points a finger directly in Lorelai's face) Ha!
Lorelai: Ahh! What? What? What'd I do?
Rory: You lied.
Lorelai: (realizing) No, sweetie, I don't do the blink-y thing when I lie, you do.
Rory: I do not. And you just admitted you lied, so I won. (goes into her room)
Lorelai: Damn. So close.
(cut to later. Lorelai is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Rory runs out of her room.)
Rory: Mom! (runs upstairs)
Lorelai: Rory? (gets off the couch and walks upstairs into her room. Rory is in the closet and clothes are flying) Rory, sweetie, not to be mean, but what the hell are you doing?
Rory: (comes out of Lorelai's closet)I don't have anything to wear!
Lorelai: That's cause this is my closet. Your clothes are downstairs. In your room.
Rory: I know that. But I don't have anything to wear!
Lorelai: I don't believe that, but I have seen your closet, so...(walks into her closet. Rory sits on the bed and puts her head in her hands. Lorelai emerges with a short red dress) Voila!
Rory: Wow.
Lorelai: I know. And you can wear those great red shoes of yours, that silver heart necklace, and the white tights with the red hearts.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Okay, nix the tights. But the rest of it'll work.
Rory: Okay. Thanks. (takes the dress from Lorelai and heads to her room to change. Lorelai walks back into her closet and pulls out a nice shirt and skirt, like something she would wear for a dinner with the grandparents'. She holds them up to her body and looks in her mirror. She smiles.)
(the scene freezes and goes black and white. Kirk walks on to the theme from the twilight zone)
Kirk: Will Jess and Rory have a good time? What is Jess' surprise, anyway? Will Luke and Lorelai have fun at their dinner? Is it really just dinner, or is it a date? And just what, exactly, is Dean so angry about? I mean, really, what crawled up his ass and died? The answer to all these questions and many more questions that might just not get answered, the next time on The Gilmore Zone. (Luke walks on and hands Kirk a piece of paper. Kirk reads it.) Oh, sorry, The Outer Limits of the Gilmore Zone. (Luke nods and walks off) Geek. (Kirk shakes his head and walks off in the opposite direction.)
Chapter 1: Insane Asylums
Disclaimer: We own nothing. We're too poor to own Gilmore Girls, but too rich to be hobos (seeing as how we have a computer and all...).
A/N: I'm Samantha
And I'm Seehoo.
And we're dodgerluvsrory! You know you love us! You especially love me, because I wrote your favorite stories, some of which include--
Shut up, Samantha. No one wants to hear you talk.
You're right. On with the story!
My very first!
*run away to hunt turkeys*
(Open on town meeting. Luke is sitting next to Jess, who has his arm around Rory's shoulders, who's sitting next to Lorelai. Taylor is standing at the podium)
Taylor: Now, does anyone have any new business? (Lorelai raises her hand) Yes, Lorelai?
Lorelai: (stands up) Hi. I'm Lorelai, and I am a coffee-holic. (Luke snorts)
Everyone: (led by Rory and then Jess) Hi, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Hi, Dr. Nick! (only she and Rory laugh) It's from the Simpsons. (still nothing) Ugh. Live a little, people.
Taylor: Lorelai, please sit down! We have important business to discuss, none of which include a dysfunctional yellow family and bazaar people.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, are we not in Stars Hollow? The town that could give even Springfield a run for its money? (Rory pulls Lorelai down by her sleeve) Ow!
Taylor: As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the coffee-holic-- (glares at Lorelai)
Jess: Oh, come on, Taylor!
Taylor: And the hoodlum--It has come to my attention that the hygiene of a local business owner is quite poor.
Lorelai: And just who would this evil plaque-man be?
Taylor: Mr. No-decorations himself: Luke Danes.
(various gasps are heard throughout the room; Lorelai, Rory, and Jess are trying not to laugh-they're not very successful)
Luke: (stands up) Taylor, this is crazy!
Taylor: No, Luke, according to a local, this is food poisoning.
Luke: What?
Taylor: Someone informed me that after eating one of your peanut-butter sandwiches, he spent the night spewing refuse into his mother's toilet.
Most of the Females in the Group: Ewww!
Luke: Kirk! (lunges toward him; Kirk runs behind a big guy)
Kirk: Well, next time you wear lotion, make sure it's completely dry!
Luke: I don't wear lotion!
Lorelai: You should. Then you'd be silky smooth!
Jess: (coughs) Dirty!
Rory: (whispers) Okay, we need to keep you and my mother away from each other.
Jess: (whispers) Yes, we do.
Taylor: I agree with Kirk. Unless you allow the lotion a sufficient amount of time to dry, you should not be handling food. Or I can lend you some of my lotion; it dries fast and doesn't leave an oily residue.
(Cut to after the meeting. Lorelai, Luke, Rory and Jess are walking out of the meeting.)
Rory: Ugh, I will never be able to use lotion again.
Lorelai: I will.
Rory: After Taylor talking about how he uses lotion?
Lorelai: Eww, no I won't.
Luke: Can we stop talking about the stupid meeting, please?
Lorelai: Aww, you're just mad because it was all about you.
Luke: It was not all about me.
Lorelai: Yes it was.
Luke: No it wasn't.
Lorelai: Yes it was.
Luke: No it wasn't.
Lorelai, Rory and Jess: Yes, it was.
Luke: No it-- (sighs)fine, it was.
Lorelai: Yay! I won!
Jess: Don't worry, Luke. They'll have forgotten all about you by the next meeting.
Luke: Why? Why will they forget about me, Jess?
Jess: No reason.
Luke: Jess? What are you planning?
(Jess shrugs)
Rory: Don't worry, Luke, I'll keep an eye on him.
(they enter Luke's. Rory and Jess walk near the stairs and start kissing goodbye. Lorelai walks up to Luke at the counter and opens her mouth to say something.)
Luke: I don't have any pie.
Lorelai: (closes her mouth) I wasn't gonna ask. How about coffee? You got any of that? (Luke sighs) You know, if you keep doing that, you'll eventually run out of air.
Luke: No, I won't.
Lorelai: Yes, you will. It's a fact.
Luke: That is not a fact.
Lorelai: It is so. I read it.
Luke: Where?
Lorelai: I--uh--in a magazine.
Luke: Which one? Pathological Liars Weekly?
Lorelai: No. I don't get that one.
Luke: That's what everyone who subscribes says.
Lorelai: No, that's denial. Everyone who subscribes says they get a different magazine. Like Pathological Liars Monthly.
Luke: You are so weird.
Lorelai: And you love me for it.
Luke: Never. Coffee. (hands her a cup)
Lorelai: Yay! You know, to a Gilmore, this is a profession of love.
Luke: Well, then, give it back.
Lorelai: Nuh-uh. It's my coffee now, buster. (Rory walks over)
Rory: Hey, you ready to go?
Lorelai: Uh! No. I just got my coffee.
Rory: Ooh, I want some!
Luke: No.
Rory: That is discriminatory. If you give some to one Gilmore, you gotta give it to all.
Lorelai: That's my little future government leader-type...person.
Luke: Do you really wanna grow up to be her?
Rory: It's my dream.
Luke: (sighs) Fine. Coffee. (hands her a cup)
Rory: Hee-hee.
Lorelai: Stop laughing and drink your coffee.
(cut to later. Lorelai and Rory are walking out of Luke's)
Rory: Well, that was fun.
Lorelai: Yep, especially the town meeting.
Rory: Yes, it's always fun to see Luke and Taylor yell.
Lorelai: Don't forget Luke and Kirk!
Rory: And Luke and Kirk.
Lorelai: I also liked the coffee at the end of the night.
Rory: Coffee's always your favorite part.
Lorelai: And yours, too.
Rory: I'm surprised you didn't bug Luke about doughnuts or danishes.
Lorelai: Yeah, me too. (pulls two doughnuts wrapped in a napkin from her purse)
Rory: Where did you get that?
Lorelai: From Luke. I've been spending too much time with your boyfriend.
Rory: You mean Luke didn't give them to you?
Lorelai: Nope. I snuck 'em out.
Rory: You stole them. I knew I should have kept a better eye on you.
Lorelai: That's what you get for (sing-song) smoochin' with your boyfriend.
Rory: Oh, no. (starts to walk away. Lorelai follows her)
Lorelai: (singing) Smoochin' with your boyfriend, smoochin' with your boyfriend, la la la la la la, la la la la la la....
(cut to the next day. Rory and Jess walk into the Stars Hollow Book Store, making a bee-line for the classics section.)
Rory: Well, if there's one thing we can agree on, literature wise, it's J.D. Salinger.
Jess: Yup. The fact that you don't like Hemmingway is your problem.
Rory: Let's not start that again. It's just that he's so . . .
Jess: Okay, Salinger right? Here's Catcher in the Rye. (Flips through the pages) Wow. Holden has got to watch his mouth sometimes, y'know? (Hands Rory the book)
Rory: I never thought I'd hear you say that. (She also flips through the pages.) Did you know that people vandalised school property back then too? And with such colourful words!
Jess: The whole book is full of colourful words; it adds to its character.
(They each read books in silence, until Rory sighs.)
Jess: What's the matter?
Rory: Nothing. It's just that February's coming, and . . . there's just a lot of things to celebrate.
Jess: Oh really? (Catching on) Like what? I thought Taylor postponed the Sweater Vest Fashion Show until March.
Rory: Well, seeing as that was the highlight of the month, I'm a little disappointed. (Rory smiles.)
Jess: There must be something happening . . . (Wraps his arms around Rory's waist.)
Rory: Wait, isn't Valentine's somewhere in February? (Leans in.)
Jess: I better check my calender. (Closes the small gap between them with a kiss.)
(Meanwhile, Dean enters the store, in hopes of finding a book Rory suggested to him.)
Dean: Let's see . . . Classics on the right, Sci-Fi to the left.
(He starts fingering the book spines, when he hears murmuring on the other side of the shelf.)
Rory: That somehow brought my memory back.
Jess: My kisses do many things, but regaining memory is not one of them.
(Dean clenches his fist.)
Rory: Actually, I was thinking about another special day in February. Something more . . . personal?
Jess: Maybe you should kiss me. That way, I just might remember.
Rory: Or you could guess; that way, you earn your treat.
Jess: Let's see . . . how long have we been going out? Thirty days has September, April, June, and November . . .
Rory: If you're going to mock me, you might as well give up.
Jess: No, no, I think I've got it. November, November . . . ah, that's right. Our kiss by the gas station was in November, wasn't it? So that would be . . . December, January, February . . . Wouldn't that be our three month anniversary?
Rory: You get bonus points if you can tell me what day.
Jess: Let me guess: The Fourteenth? The fourteenth of February. What a coincidence.
Rory: Good job.
Jess: But I have the feeling this isn't over yet.
Rory: And it's not. I was thinking we could, uh, spend some time together on the fourteenth.
Jess: Well, I don't know. I mean, I've got exams coming up, and I should study. I don't want my grades to fall.
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Rory, it's not like I'm going to miss out on our three month anniversary. Or miss out on spending time with you.
Rory: How sweet. So, where should we go?
Jess: I was thinking we could stay in . . .
Rory: Excuse me, but do you want a parent chaperone on our anniversary?
Jess: (sighs) Okay, what time should I pick you up?
Rory: You're going to make the plans?
Jess: Well, I want this to be a surprise. Although I don't know how much of a surprise it'll be . . .
(Rory hugs Jess so hard, he almost falls over.)
Rory: I can't believe you'd do this for me! I can't wait!
Jess: Yeah, well, I . . .
Rory: And I am late for my lunch with Mom. Come with me to the diner?
Jess: I do live there.
(As Rory and Jess leave the store hand in hand, Dean watches from the book shelf. In anger and rage, he hits the book case so hard, that books start to fall out. The other patrons watch him as he leaves the bookstore, seething.)
(cut to Rory and Jess walking into the diner kissing.)
Luke: Oh, hey you two! Cut it out! Some people are trying to eat here.
Kirk: Actually, I like this little performance.
Luke: Shut up Kirk. So, peanut butter sandwich?
Kirk: If you want my mother cleaning up my vomit tonight, then yes, I'd love some.
Luke: Coming right up. Hey Jess, give me a hand here?
(Rory and Jess stop kissing, and Jess glares at Luke.)
Jess (to Rory): I'll be right back. (He follows Luke into the kitchen.)
Lorelai (to Rory): So this is why you were 10 minutes late? (Wags her eyebrows suggestively.)
Rory: Actually, we were discussing our three month anniversary dinner.
Lorelai: Really? Jess actually agreed to an anniversary dinner?
Rory: He told me it was a surprise. (Smiles happily.) Which reminds me, can I borrow one of your dresses? I want everything to be perfect.
Lorelai: Anything's better than the last time.(Rory stares at her blankly.) Remember? You and Dean broke up?
Rory: Oh yeah. I wonder where's he's taking me . . .
Lorelai: Well, if it's Italian, bring me home a meatball!
Rory: Will do.
Lorelai: Although I wouldn't be surprised if "dinner" isn't actually part of the date.
Rory: What?
(Lorelai starts kissing her hand.)
Rory: Mom, please. We're in public. (Even as Rory says this, she blushes.)
Lorelai: Ah! My baby's deeply in love with the resident rebel without a cause.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Sorry, sorry. Deeply in "like".
(Jess comes back after making Kirk's sandwich. Kirk wouldn't allow Luke to do it.)
Jess: Hey.
Rory: Hi.
Jess: So . . . can you, uh . . .
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, she can go. Even though the whole point of this meeting was to eat lunch, I'm sure Rory wasn't hungry anyway.
Rory: Thanks mom. I'll see you at home.
(Rory and Jess walk out of the diner, while Lorelai watches.)
Luke: They're leaving again? I thought we were going to watch them wherever they go!
Lorelai: No, Lukey dear. YOU were going to watch them wherever they go. And so far, you haven't been doing a very good job. I mean, we don't know if Rory really leaves for Chilton on the bus. She could be skipping school to hang out with Jess at the nearest rave, or something just as illegal.
Luke: Coffee?
Lorelai: And soon they'll be having their three month anniversary dinner with no chaperones . . . think of the possibilities.
Luke: (sighs) Coffee?
Lorelai: Ah! Their anniversary had to be on Valentine's. Now I'll be alone. On Valentine's. Only loners are alone on Valentine's.
Luke: I'll be alone on Valentine's, are you calling me a loner?
Lorelai: With a backwards baseball cap and flannel shirt. (Lorelai hides her head in her hands.)
Luke: Ah geez.
Lorelai: I want to go somewhere.
Luke: Insane asylum?
Lorelai: Dinner.
Luke: At an insane asylum?
Lorelai: With someone.
Luke: A crazy person?
Lorelai: Stop with the insane asylum references. I was thinking about going out to dinner with a fellow loner?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Except if we go together, we won't be loners anymore!
Luke: Oh joy.
Lorelai: So that's a yes?
Luke: No, that's sarcasm.
Lorelai: Please, Luke? What else are you going to do on Valentine's? Watch "I Dream of Jeanie" re-runs on your baby T.V.?
Luke: Actually, I'd have the larger one since Jess will be gone.
Lorelai: Luke! Come on! It'll be fun! I promise. And if it isn't, I'll, uh, I'll . . .
Luke: Give up coffee?
Lorelai: For a week.
Luke: Three.
Lorelai: Two.
Luke: Fine. I will go with you to dinner. But if it turns out to be bad, you must give up coffee for . . . (Signals for Lorelai to answer.)
Lorelai: One day.
Luke: All right, I wil--Hey!
Lorelai: Bye Luke! Pick me up at 7:00 sharp! Actually, no, better make that 8:00. I'll need time to find my shoes.
(cut to Jess and Rory sitting on the bridge on Valentine's Day. Jess has his arm around Rory's shoulders, and she has her arm around his waist, and they're both reading different books. Suddenly Rory puts her book away and looks at Jess. He keeps reading.)
Rory: Jess--
(Jess holds up one finger and finishes reading the page. He looks like he's gonna stop, but he turns the page)
Rory: Jess!
(He holds up another finger. She pulls the book away from him and it flies into the water)
Rory: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Jess: (shrugs) S'okay. It wasn't mine. (smiles innocently at Rory) It was yours.
Rory: Uh! Which one?
Jess: 1984.
Rory: Oh, that's all right. I didn't like that one that much. (stares at the book)
Jess: (laughs) Don't worry, I have two copies. You can have one.
Rory: Thanks.
Jess: So, what was so important you had to throw poor George over there into the water?
Rory: I wanna know what we're doing tonight.
Jess: Nope, sorry. Classified information.
Rory: Oh, come on, please?
Jess: No, it's a secret.
Rory: Boyfriends shouldn't keep secrets from their girlfriends.
Jess: It's a surprise.
Rory: Tell me!
Jess: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?
Rory: But, I need to know where we're going so I can figure out what to wear. I don't want to clash with the decor.
Jess: Just dress like a knockout. It'll be hard, I know, but if you work at it, you can be Made.
Rory: Been watching MTV to learn how to insult me?
Jess: Anything to get you to make that face.
Rory: What face?
Jess: The one you make right after I insult you and then kiss you.
Rory: I make a face?
Jess: Always.
Rory: Do I really make a face or is it like the blink-y thing when I lie?
Jess: Yes, you really make a face, and yes, you really do do a blink-y thing when you lie.
Rory: I do not!
Jess: Yes, you do. Tell me a lie.
Rory: My mother adores you.
Jess: See? Right there. (points at her face)
Rory: I do not.
Jess: Yes, you do. You really do.
Rory: I refuse to believe that I-- (Jess leans in and kisses her. They part and she gets this really happy/surprised look on her face) I do, huh?
(cut to Rory walking up the stairs of the Gilmore house. Lorelai pulls open the door seconds before Rory can)
Lorelai: So? What'd he say what'd he say what'd he say?
Rory: He wouldn't tell me.
Lorelai: Still? He's a mean little-
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: I wasn't gonna say anything. (holds up her hands in defense)
Rory: Oh, you so were. (starts into the house. Lorelai follows after her.)
Lorelai: Me, say something mean about Jess? Never.
Rory: (spins around and points a finger directly in Lorelai's face) Ha!
Lorelai: Ahh! What? What? What'd I do?
Rory: You lied.
Lorelai: (realizing) No, sweetie, I don't do the blink-y thing when I lie, you do.
Rory: I do not. And you just admitted you lied, so I won. (goes into her room)
Lorelai: Damn. So close.
(cut to later. Lorelai is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Rory runs out of her room.)
Rory: Mom! (runs upstairs)
Lorelai: Rory? (gets off the couch and walks upstairs into her room. Rory is in the closet and clothes are flying) Rory, sweetie, not to be mean, but what the hell are you doing?
Rory: (comes out of Lorelai's closet)I don't have anything to wear!
Lorelai: That's cause this is my closet. Your clothes are downstairs. In your room.
Rory: I know that. But I don't have anything to wear!
Lorelai: I don't believe that, but I have seen your closet, so...(walks into her closet. Rory sits on the bed and puts her head in her hands. Lorelai emerges with a short red dress) Voila!
Rory: Wow.
Lorelai: I know. And you can wear those great red shoes of yours, that silver heart necklace, and the white tights with the red hearts.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Okay, nix the tights. But the rest of it'll work.
Rory: Okay. Thanks. (takes the dress from Lorelai and heads to her room to change. Lorelai walks back into her closet and pulls out a nice shirt and skirt, like something she would wear for a dinner with the grandparents'. She holds them up to her body and looks in her mirror. She smiles.)
(the scene freezes and goes black and white. Kirk walks on to the theme from the twilight zone)
Kirk: Will Jess and Rory have a good time? What is Jess' surprise, anyway? Will Luke and Lorelai have fun at their dinner? Is it really just dinner, or is it a date? And just what, exactly, is Dean so angry about? I mean, really, what crawled up his ass and died? The answer to all these questions and many more questions that might just not get answered, the next time on The Gilmore Zone. (Luke walks on and hands Kirk a piece of paper. Kirk reads it.) Oh, sorry, The Outer Limits of the Gilmore Zone. (Luke nods and walks off) Geek. (Kirk shakes his head and walks off in the opposite direction.)