ONESHOT TIME! So I should probably be doing homework, but this was in my head, and I really wanted to write it. If you HAVEN'T been reading my other story, We Can't Just Walk Away, I highly suggest you check it out, along with anything else I've written.

I do not own Marvel.

So without further, ado, I present: Make Yourselves At Home.

The hospital staff at SHIELD is incredibly used to having to deal with the chaos also known as the Avengers. They see the team so often that some of the members have started customizing their own hospital rooms to the point of Nick Fury having to interfere because no, Tony, you aren't allowed to put a personal jacuzzi in a hospital room, you shouldn't even be here enough to NEED one.

Of all the Avengers, Bruce is hospitalized the least often. His big, green alter ego has the ability to deflect nearly anything that can possibly be shot at him (literally—when the Hulk gets hit by lightning and a nuclear bomb at the same time and only comes out of it all with a concussed Bruce, Tony starts voicing his jealousy). So the few times that Bruce actually does end up in the infirmary, the staff is quite shocked. However, they generally prefer Bruce as a patient to all of the rest of them, and if it didn't imply that he got hurt so often, would wish that they got to see him more often than the rest of them.

The only things Bruce really keeps in his designated room are some books and a set of tea bags and tea kettle.

Thor comes in second for the "least amount of hospitalization" contest, as, well, he's a god, and anyone who can actually manage to fight the Hulk can generally manage to take care of himself for the most part. He does get some injuries, though, which leads to a massive amount of sedative being used on his all-holy metabolism to keep him out long enough to fix him up. With his constant question-asking ("what IS that beeping noise?" "Thor, that's your heart monitor.") and his habit of waking up in a similar fashion to the way he first did when he came to earth ("who DARES to try and contain the Son of Odin?" "Thor, buddy, calm dow—don't smash the machines, please"), Thor has to be the most destructive of all the patients the staff has to deal with.

Thor insists on keeping a full-stocked pantry of pop tarts in his hospital room, along with a computer with which he uses to Skype Jane whenever she isn't busy. Besides, when he isn't using the computer for Skype, he has a habit of finding his way onto YouTube and watching anything with cats.

Clint and Natasha are almost exactly tied for being exactly in the middle in terms of the amount of times they end up in the infirmary—since they are master assassins and do such a good job at protecting each other, they aren't confined as much as they could be, but because they are human and have a nasty habit of saving each other, thereby causing their own injuries, they still end up in the infirmary pretty often. Clint has to be the one of the most irritating patients the hospital staff has because he is constantly finding new ways to sneak out of the hospital room ("Director Fury, I think we lost Agent Barton!" "Again? Did you check all the air vents?" Needless to say, Clint was found four stories above his room inside one of the air vents eating a bag of chips). Natasha isn't nearly as bad, but the staff is terrified of her. She encourages their terror, of course, but she never outright threatens them. Still—terrified. ("Natasha, please stop terrorizing the hospital staff" "It's not my fault they're a bunch of babies.") She may or may not have made one or two nurses cry.

Due to the constant escaping of Clint, generally to find Natasha, the pair's hospital room has been combined into one. Natasha keeps one of Tony's StarkPads in the room so she can keep up on the TV shows she almost never has time to watch, and Clint keeps a set of Nerf Guns, either to fight with Natasha or to take aim at unsuspecting doctors and nurses. And sometimes Tony.

Steve is hospitalized incredibly often. Because of his selflessness, he is constantly taking risks for his team. Also, as Steve is the leader, the team has found that their enemy most often goes for Steve first to take out any form of leadership they may have. However, while he is hospitalized often, his stays are never very long due to his super-soldier serum ("How did he heal so quickly, he had a major concussion and has better in 36 hours?"). Steve also has a problem with irritating the staff, and while he never sneaks out, he is constantly asking after the rest of the team and when he can go see them.

All Steve ever really needs in his room are a few books, and sometimes Tony brings in a laptop with a few DVDs of old movies that Steve liked. His room and Bruce's are probably the most simple.

Of all the Avengers, Tony is the one who is constantly getting injured. Getting injured an insane amount of times, actually. He literally holds the record of number of times hospitalized in a month ("TONY! This is your FIFTH time in the hospital this month!" "Actually, Pep, it's my fifth and a HALF—I was here once for stitches, too). Tony is a restless patient, so he is constantly trying to leave—he never actually makes it out the door—and trying to get ahold of his technology, even when he has concussions. He is constantly whining, and yet the second he gets out of the hospital, he generally ends up BACK there a few days later.

Tony's room is the most personalized: flat screen TV, really expensive sheets (still white, but they're much softer than that hospital-issued sorry excuse for a sheet), and keeps a few StarkPads there for himself and anyone who wants to use one, all fully equipped with JARVIS. He also has a large couch in the room, because people are constantly falling asleep in the plastic hospital chairs, so he figured he should give them somewhere nice to sit.

So yes, the Avengers were in the hospital a thousand times more often than the average person. And they were literally making themselves at home, because they didn't plan on leaving any time soon.

So what did you think? I'm thinking of actually expanding this story and making oneshots for each of the characters about what happened in the parentheses up there. Good idea? Bad idea? Leave me a review!