Push Forward
Content: After Daniel has ascendet, Jack has to learn dealing with it. / Season: 6 / Disclaimer: Nothing but the idea belongs to me. Words in italic: Lena Meyer-Landrut - Push Forward (a beautiful song) / Rating: K / Pairing: Jack/Daniel (slash or friendship)
Push Forward
It was one of his rare free weekends. Actually, that would be an event to be very happy about, but Jack wasn't. He couldn't enjoy weekends at home anymore. He hated them.
On Friday Jack had come home late and had went to bed right away. And after having had a strenuuous mission, he fortunately had had no problems to fall asleep.
Even the Saturday had been quite okay: Jack had spent all his time doing the shopping, washing his car and repairing his house's roof, where some tiles had been missing, since the last storm.
However, now it was Sunday afternoon and there was absolutely nothing left to do.
Just three month ago in such a situation Jack would have visited Daniel or he would have called him to ask him to come over.
Yet that wasn't possible anymore. Daniel was gone.
Jack stood in his kitchen and looked out of the window. It was raining, the sky was full of dark clouds, and everything was somber, grey and grim. For several weeks now the weather on earth has been that bad and rainy. Just as Jack's feelings. The weather mirrored them.
It's always the same
A window I can't see through
Don't think I'll ever do
It's covered in rain
Like me as I'm waiting for you
I'm not sure I wanted to
Jack didn't fully understand his emotions, but what he knew was that he was unendingly sad. And he felt impatient, like waiting for something or rather someone:
For Daniel, who wouldn't come back.
Jack missed Daniel. More than he has ever been able to imagine. He had always knwon that Daniel was a very important person for him, but Jack had never realized what Daniel really meant to him.
With a sigh Jack sat down at the kitchen table. Thereon the latest episode of 'National Geographic' was lying. Maybe he could read a bit to take his mind off things. He opened the magazine and saw a picture of an oldfashioned fair with a colorful carrousel in the front: Not quite the distraction he was looking for.
Like horses on a carousel never win but
Always keep racing
Standing here got time to kill, watching
Them a little oh
They don't know
Of course Jack had lived on his life, like he always had done, because it was him.
He had his work. There were enough enemies that needed to be defeated and enough innocent people on earth and out there, which he wanted to protect and save.
And yet, although there definetely was a sense in his life, a task to fulfill, as soon as Jack was alone at home he began thinking. Thinking about the real meaning of his life. Without Daniel...
All that I want is always to push forward
But since you've been gone
I just wanna push rewind
If yesterday could only be tomorrow
Whatever I do I always run behind
Actually, Jack really was a person to push forward. There was no sense in living in the past and in thinking about it over and over again.
Jack had learned or rather acquired to live in the present and to keep racing.
However, since Daniel has been gone that wasn't that easy anymore.
Jack just couldn't forget.
It's alwys the same
I'm staring at the ceiling
Don't know where to begin
All that I see
Just symbols with no meaning
They could mean anything
Like echoes in a hallway
My thoughts are always relecting
Bouncing off the walls of our cold
And empty house and I still
Don't know
Jack's thoughts went back to Daniel all the time and they were pure chaos.
Jack remembered so multifarious moments with Daniel: their arguments, their striving against the Goa'uld, the many times when they thought they had lost Daniel, but he had always come back...
Jack also recalled their great moments: strange events on even stranger planets, the happiness when they have been able to save people, all the times the team had met and the untold afternoons and evenings he and Daniel had spent together
Jack shook his head. There was no use in reading. He couldn't concentrate.
So he stood up and wandered through his house restlessly.
Jack wondered how often it had been filled with his and Daniel's laughter. But since Daniel has been gone, the house was an empty and sad place to Jack.
All that I want is always to push forward
But since you've been gone
I just wanna push rewind
If yesterday could only be tomorrow
Whatever I do I always run behind
If you could see how
My world is tumbling down
Oh how it hurts when you're
Not around
All that I want is always to push forward
Jack had never seriously dealt with how he would feel without Daniel. There had
been no need to think about it. Daniel had just been there all the time and he had always come back. But now...
Jack's world wasn't the same anymore. He missed Daniel and it hurted so much that he was not there any longer.
Jack was longing for each and every part of Daniel: for his company and friendship, for his embracings, for their talkings, for their shared time, even for their verbal duels, for Daniel's tendence of being late, and for his lectures he usually gave on any topic one can think of.
Jack arrived in his living room and stopped in front of the book shelf. A framed photography was standing on it. Jack saw himself standing next to Daniel, one arm put around his shoulder. On the left and the right there were Carter and Teal'c and the four of them were smiling into the camera perfectly happy.
All that I want is always to
push forward
But since you've been gone
I just wanna push rewind
If yesterday could only be tomorrow
Whatever I do I always run behind
Whatever I do I always run behind
Yes, at the moment Jack was indeed running behind. He was stuck in his memories and he was lost without Daniel.
And yet, he had to go on, to keep racing. Jack stared at the photo and nodded thrustfully.
He would continue. He would push forward, because there was still hope.
Daniel had always come back and maybe he would even this time...