Hi guys!!!

So I'm back… I hope you missed me! Just kidding... XD

And here is the second version to the second part of 'It's not a crush'. If you hadn't read the first part – you probably should do it before you read this (obviously), but you don't have to read the first version to the second part to understand this one (although I would appreciate it if you did).

Okay, so first of all I want to thank everybody who read the first version and for the awesome reviews. It was so nice read them… =D

Now, about the story… This is the continuation to the same beginning, but under other circumstances. It takes off exactly where Part 1 left us (if you don't remember where that is, I suggest you go back to the first part and check quickly before starting), and it could absolutely replace the other version. In other words – forget everything that's happened in 'Part two: hide the truth and spread the lie.' Imagine nothing of that happened at all.

The different circumstances are clear: Adam is gay. Funny how much this one little detail changes everything, isn't it? Well, expect more drama and some angst… You know why.

I'll start with a short chapter this time, just to start things up and get into this again…

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Enjoy!

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Part two: I don't have to like it just because it's right.

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1 – Moments

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"Everyone has embarrassing moments, don't worry about it." Lil tried to cheer up Anoop, who apparently massed up some lines in his song that night. We were all waiting outside for the buses to arrive and take us to the next destination.

"I'm not supposed to forget or mess up words anymore. I sang this song like a hundred times by now." Anoop sighed.

"Dude, my zipper was undone during a concert and I found out from a fan!" Matt said with a smile. We all remembered how we laughed when he told us about it. "Yours is nothing compared to mine."

"Yeah, I almost slipped when I tried to kick one of Adam's bras." I agreed. "And Adam forgot to raise the mic once and it took him a few moments to realize no one could hear him sing. So what?"

"It's not a big deal, it's just funny." Adam nodded.

"That's because you never get embarrassed. Besides, anything Adam Lambert does is cool anyway… Wiping the stage floor in the middle of a concert is cool when you do it!" Anoop protested, but now he was smiling.

"Man, it's good to be Adam." I said with a fake sigh.

"I couldn't leave it wet and risk my favorite little sis falling, right?" Adam teased back. We were all cracking up again and then we started to bring up memories of our embarrassing moments on the tour so far. Well, Adam refused to call them embarrassing, but the point was the same. I wondered if he even knew what the word 'embarrassing' meant.

The buses pulled over pretty soon and I prepared myself for another sleepless night on the road. Don't get me wrong, I loved the traveling part and all, but I preferred to be the whole day on the bus just to spend the night at a hotel. I simply couldn't fall asleep in the bus bunk. This left me lots of time to think. I would lie for hours in silence, hearing only the steady breaths of the other girls, and think. The main subject of my thoughts was, of course, Adam. Adam and my feelings for him. Even when I tried to think about something else, he would force his way into my mind, too frequently and possessively to be good or normal for me.

God, sometimes it was too much to deal with and I just wished it would all go away. But I couldn't do anything about it. I felt slightly insane as he filled every corner of my mind, firmly refusing to leave it. It was the worst after something special happened that day. Well, a simple look from him could mean special to me. I could get excited from anything that involved Adam, feeling stupid and obsessed, but unable to ignore it. I got angry with myself every time my heart would skip a beat at a thought about him, or when I had to catch my breath at the sight of him. I mean, it was all so horribly wrong and pointless. It was as if my heart insisted to torture me with all of those endless feelings I had. Nothing could ever happen between Adam and me, there was no doubt about that, so why, for all that's holly, why did I have to be in love with him?

I decided I was clearly punished for something. Let me count my misfortunes. Firstly, I fell for my best friend. Bad enough as it is. Secondly, I fell for a guy who was ten years older than me. Thirdly, I fell for a gay man. And fourthly, this guy was the most amazing person on Earth, or in other words, he was Adam Lambert. Let's sum it up: I was completely and insanely in love with someone who I could never be with. Cruel world, isn't it?

Thoughts of this kind became more and more frequent as the days went by. I started to wonder what could be the end of me. Was there going to be a point when everything would just get too much for me? And if there was, what would happen to me..? Would there be some kind of relief? Would it ever get easier? And would I be able to bear everything until then, even if that moment arrived?

There were many other questions, emotions, tears and fastened heartbeats. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't constantly suffering and drowning in my own misery. There were also many smiles and positive feelings involved… It's just that they eventually always lead to the same dead-end with a lot of thoughts and loneliness, as I couldn't share what I was going through with anyone. Let's put it out this way; I wasn't a big fan of the times when I was alone or when everybody else was asleep…

***

"I'm gonna see my baby tomorrow!" Megan sang excitedly, hanging up the phone and clapping.

"Good for you." Lil smiled genuinely, probably wishing she could spend some more time with her kids too. I missed my family as well, but I got to see my mother yesterday and my sister last week, which was great. I tried not to think of how much I wanted to see Adam. I haven't been able to talk to him for a whole day now and these days it was a lot of time, apparently. Honestly, I tried to think about him as less as possible for all the obvious reasons.

"I wonder what the guys are doing…" Oh no… Megan grabbed her cell phone again, texting someone a massage. I really wished she wouldn't have done it. No boys. Boys meant Adam for me. And Adam meant too many emotions and frustration.

"Of course you do." Lil rolled her eyes and we both giggled as Megan tried to ignore us. She and Matt had some kind of a… 'thing' going on between them. She refused to admit it, so we eventually gave up on trying to figure anything out. Megan insisted they were only friends, but they kept flirting shamelessly. Well, I didn't exactly share this kind of things with others either, so I didn't blame her. Though it was kind of obvious anyway.

"Who's up for a movie?" I asked loudly. They would have to deal with it even if they didn't want to watch movies, because I was determined to break my own record and not be tempted to think about the previously described subject. Why did they have to insist make it so difficult for me?

I knew I was just looking for someone to blame and trying to avoid admitting I couldn't live through one day without thinking of the one and only Adam Lambert. More than one, actually. Then we started to watch some romantic movie and everything about it reminded me of Adam and I couldn't concentrate on the plot. Obviously, it wasn't anyone's fault, it was just me. I wasn't usually so unfocused and distracted, but lately I was getting really restless. Honestly, I felt like I was slowly losing my mind. I had to tell someone and fast. Even if I was slightly overreacting.

***

"Hey," I walked out to the balcony of the guys' room, where Adam was sitting peacefully by himself. Danny and Matt were inside, busy with a laptop, as always.

"Hey, Allie." Adam smiled at me as I sat down next to him. "Got bored from those two?" He waved his hand to the entrance of the room.

"Totally. Where is everybody?" I stretched my legs in front of me.

"Who knows? Everybody has a life." He shrugged with a smile. "Apparently." I giggled.

"I didn't know we're allowed to have a life."

"Sure we are. We just don't have time for it." We both laughed at that before I turned my head to look at him. For a moment I even forgot what I was about to say, lost in the thought of how perfect he was as I looked at his beautiful face. Well, perfect for me. Though ironically, he was so, so wrong for me. Impossible.

"So, why are you here, all alone?" It wasn't like him to stay away from everybody else, even when 'everybody else' consisted of two people, completely consumed in whatever they were doing on the computer.

"Just thinking." Adam shrugged and looked at me. A smile spread across his lips, making my heart sink somewhere deep. "I love your hair this way." He said and ran a hand through my newly-cut and straightened red hair. I hoped I didn't blush at that, but I certainly couldn't ignore the shivers that ran up my spine. I wasn't able look away from his azure, piercing eyes, although the eye contact made it harder for me to breathe. When I finally forced my gaze off of his eyes, it froze on his lips. Damn, those lips… He licked them and they seemed so soft, pulling me to them like a magnet… "Allie?" His sudden voice pulled me back from my daze and I was so, so thankful for that. Who knows what would've happened if he hadn't spoken at that moment. Wait, scratch that. I know exactly what would've happen and it definitely would've been something I would've regretted later.

"Sorry, I just thought about something." I apologized. "What were you saying?"

"That I like your hair this way. I think it suits you." He chuckled.

"Oh, thanks." I heard it the first time as well, but I didn't want him to know I was that affected by one sweet complement. I mean, come on, he says a few lousy words, touches my hair, which I can hardly feel physically, and I get practically hypnotized by him and his lips! How pathetic is that? "You're the expert, so I'll take your word for it." I joked to distract myself, wondering what he'd been thinking about before I came. Something was bothering him, I knew it, but I figured he would've told me, if he wanted me to know.

***

"A fan gave it to me." Megan said, showing me her necklace.

"That's cool." I said with a smile. "It's amazing how they're willing to waste so much money on us. I feel kind of guilty sometimes…"

"I know what you mean. They pay to see us and also buy us presents and all." She agreed.

"Nothing can compare to the amount of money that they spend on Adam, though. I mean, it's ridiculous how many bras he gets thrown on the stage. And now there are other items too!" We both giggled at that.

"Well, Adam sort of brought it on himself." Megan laughed. "Being so irresistibly sexy." I gulped at that. She had no idea… "I actually used to have a major crush on Adam, but who wouldn't, really?" Megan giggled.

"Yeah…" I forced a smile on. "I'm practically in love with him." I joked. The truth was that I was completely in love with him. "But he's my brother, so I just love him to death."

"I know." She laughed again. "I adore him."

"Me? Really?" Matt squeezed in between Megan and me on the couch. "Aww!"

"You too." Megan beamed and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"I feel blessed." Matt stated dramatically and put an arm around each of us, sighing contently.

"Dude, you're like the luckiest guy in the world right now." I assured him. "Right, Megs?"

"Yeah, totally." She approved.

"Hey, I'm jealous!" Anoop announced as he and Danny came into the room.

"See? What did I tell you?" I hit Matt lightly in the ribs with my elbow. Then Adam entered the room, humming some song. Well, he was certainly in a good mood. Not that it was something unusual for him… My heart did the usual routine of skipping a beat and quickening its pace.

"What's up?" Matt asked him as he sat down on the couch on my side and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Great!" Adam beamed at us and I immediately knew there was something that excited him. "What's going on with you guys?"

"We're bored, so nothing new." Megan answered. "You?"

"Oh, I bought a pair of new jeans yesterday, can't wait to wear them!" How typical of Adam… Megan and I looked at him, then at each other and then burst out laughing. "What?" He asked innocently.

"You're sort of predictable." I told him, still giggling.

"It's just because you know me so well!" Adam protested. "There are a lot of people who think I'm actually unpredictable."

"Still…" I said, unable to stop laughing. He pulled me to him until I fell onto his lap; my legs still crossed in a meditation position, and ruffled my hair until it looked like I haven't brushed it for months.

"Why do I love you so much?!" Adam laughed when I looked up at him with wide eyes. I was almost sure my heart just stopped beating at that point. Damn, how much I would've given to hear those words from him in an entirely different meaning.

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Thanks for reading… Hope you liked it! Tell me whatever you thought. =D

Next chapter's on the way and it's probably gonna turn out longer.

Until next time! =D