Well, this is another variation of the scenario I used in 'Darkness Hems My Heart'. Quistis' fic 'No Tears For Ms.Trepe' [is that right?] may have some hand in the inspiration for this one, maybe plus the fact that I was listening to Aeris' Death at the time I was reading that. Oh, and by the way. If you want a sequel to Darkness Hems My Heart/Shadows Haunt My Soul, write it yourself. I'm not going to, not at this time, anyway.
~k@zen0~ [does the hyperlink work?]
Three Words
Fujin Kazeno leaned against the outer wall of Garden, staring at the sunset. Or rather, staring past the sunset. She wasn't really looking at it, just fixing her eyes on it while her mind, her consciousness traveled beyond the borders of time and space, the constraints of mortality. To wherever she wanted to go. Unlike her existence here.
The little bottle poked her back from where it sat hidden behind her, and she shifted to be comfortable. Seifer would be arriving any moment now and it would not do for him to see it ahead of time. No, certainly not.
The little pills were already working their effect on her, making her feel somewhat euphoric. The shady dealer she'd bought them from had given her a strange look while she was paying, and when he'd told her it was enough to kill ten people. Not that she needed to kill ten people.
And if pills fit to murder ten couldn't kill one skinny albino, she'd eat her shuriken. Which would kill you for sure, a little voice whispered to her. A tiny little smile decorated her lips, the promise of release from the eternal nightmare her life was fast becoming.
Not really a nightmare, her conscience insisted. Well, maybe not, but it was unbearable. People around her all being happy, having fun, chasing the opposite sex, and where did that leave her in the middle of the maelstrom? Alone, nowhere, haunted by dreams and fantasies that would never come true.
It ate at her, but the wounds didn't show. She had become too expert at hiding them. Not even Raijin and Seifer, the two closest to her, knew.
'Closest'. Mocking, silly ... what right had she to think that? Raijin cared for her, she knew, and he tried his best to comfort and protect her, but sometimes having a brother wasn't just enough. And Seifer ... did it matter that she was his best friend? He confided in her, talked to her, treated her well, but in the end she was still just a friend.
Once before, she'd savored their times together, anticipating them, but that had quickly soured when she realized that he was coming to her for support, for friendship. How many times had he brought girls to the disciplinary room to get bored with them, and confide in Fujin about that. Like she was some older brother.
Well, she wasn't, and feelings could only be suppressed, held, for so long.
"Hey, Fuu!" That rich and amused voice. Fujin lowered her gaze to the ground as he sat beside her. He grinned at her and winked. "Sometimes I think you run out here just to avoid me." Fujin didn't answer, although that statement was all too true. She did run out here to avoid him, and whatever girl he had with him. It just hurt too much. "Hey!" He waved a gloved hand in front of her face. "You awake in there?"
"AFFIRMATIVE," she replied, snapping out of her daze. He chuckled.
"You looked like you were asleep." Leaning his head against the walls, Seifer sighed. "Here we go again." So his latest girlfriend dumped him? Fujin thought unkindly. "I left Karia," he said, confirming it. "She was ... well, stupid. And possessive. Would you believe that she even wanted me not to meet you any more? Couldn't believe we were just friends, she said."
Fujin snorted. Just friends. There was that phrase again. Seifer grinned wistfully. "Sometimes I just wish that one of them would just stop blabbing about some stupid thing. And the girls in Garden are so damned inaccessible!"
"TREPE?" Fujin queried. She knew he'd gone with Quistis for a while, then broken up with her. The blond SeeD had subsequently hooked up with another SeeD, with which she seemed quite happy.
"Ah, hells. She and I just don't fit, if you get my meaning. We aren't compatible. Ended up arguing most of the time."
Fujin snorted again. She felt rather dizzy, and her vision was getting dim. It made for a nice effect, turning the clouds and sunset purplish-blue.
"Sometimes I think that I'm doomed to spend my time searching Balamb for someone who's compatible with me," Seifer sighed.
Imminent collapse and the drugs made her bold, and Fujin leaned against Seifer, laying her head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat thudding. Seifer, still lost in his musing, lifted one arm to hold her shoulders. Some scratchings on the wall aroused his interest, and he turned his head to look.
There, painstakingly scratched into the walls, was a list of all his girlfriends, all the flings he'd had even before the Ultemecia affair. And, at the bottom, some words. All written in Fujin's neat handwriting.
Said girl sagged abruptly against him, her body relaxing. A crumpled ball of paper fell from her left hand onto the ground.
Shaky fingers picked it up and smoothed it out, disclosing the words hidden in the folds.
"I'm sorry, Seifer."
Seifer's mind seemed to clog up. He shook Fujin, calling her name. The silver-haired girl slid down in his arms, red eye staring blankly at him. The flame, the fire that was always in her eye, the reason she was Fujin.
Gone.
His fingers found her pulse. It was irregular, wavering and faint.
As his brain froze, his body moved into motion, and he stood and swept the unconscious girl up, the motion dislodging a small bottle hidden behind her back. It was empty. Seifer scooped it up, and saw the words scratched on the wall, insight into the tortured, tormented soul that was Fujin Kazeno. Three words, nothing more. The words that sealed her fate.
It was a private funeral. Seifer and Raijin, and whoever that noticed the albino was gone. Which included Quistis and Dr. Kadowaki. No one else.
Throughout the ceremony, the other two people kept quiet, heads bowed. Raijin sobbed. Seifer sat and stared into space, the way Fujin used to do. And why, he now understood. Understanding that had come too late.
All he could see, all he would ever see, three words scratched into painted, grime-encrusted walls, words she dared not speak in life, and would never speak now.
"Why not me?"