Ghost of You & Me
Disclaimer: SquareEnix owns Final Fantasy VII & BBMak owns the song
"They say that sometimes when a person wants something so much… It consumes them until they are finally released from their cage."
What
am I supposed to do
With
all these blues
Haunting
me everywhere
No
matter what I do
It's true you know… What they say… I lie here in the moonlight… On my thin mattress bed every night… Wanting the same thing… Wanting someone… That it drives me insane… That it drove me insane… Or that's what my friends believed when they admitted me here a week ago anyway… He's finally lost his mind… He's now only a shell of his former self. That's what they said… Maybe I have lost it… But they would too… If they lost half of their soul like I did. The very reason why I was born, the reason why I was placed on Gaia… Was to find someone… Protect someone…
I fell in love with a girl… A girl who was a glimmer of hope in my life, a girl who made me believe in miracles, a girl who saw beyond my facades, a girl who gave me a reason to keep living… I swore to protect her, to be by her side always… Yet, she was killed right before my eyes… She died in my arms… She died to save me…
Watching
the candle flicker out
In
the evening glow
I
can't let go
When
will the night be over
She's been dead for 5 years now. Dead and cold at the bottom of the lake in the City of the Ancients. Gone back to Gaia like a wave against the sand… Dead and gone… Dead and gone… Her eyes will no longer sparkle like they used to, her touch no longer soft and warm… Oh my heart… My heart… It's broken into so many pieces… Shattered so many times since that day… With every breath I draw and every second I live… I struggle, I suffer, I cry, I despair. I've tried so many times… Until my wrists are scarred beyond recognition… Time and again they stopped me and I failed… Time and again, by living alone my life resounds in emptiness… The sun rises and sets each day… But in the moonlight… The immaculateness reminds me so much of her, I spend the night weeping… Longing to see her smile… To hear her laugh again…
She's dead but yet I live… Why do I live? Why live when she's dead? Dead dead dead dead… She died to save the Planet… To save me… She never told anyone why she left… She went and died… Death by a blade… Death by a sword… Do you think Sephiroth knew? That by killing her… He had killed me too? He had sent me into the depths of despair and beyond, chained and shackled me in the deepest dungeons of hell… They call me crazy… But I'm not…
Will you believe me? If I said that I still see her? Everywhere… Everytime… She comes every night under the light of the moon… That goddess in perfect long honey gold curls, with eyes so green and so bright, it sparkles with vitality… That beautiful beautiful creature of the night… She stands before me, clothed in fabric woven by the stars, her skin clear as water and illuminating in its radiance. Perfection at its best…
I
didn't mean to fall in love with you
And
baby there's a name
For
what you put me through
It
isn't love, it's robbery
I'm
sleeping with the ghost of you and me
We
don't have to say anything to each other… On most nights, I just
spend the night gazing at her, watching her as she shimmers in and
out of the moonlight with the passing of the clouds. Words are
unnecessary… I don't dare to speak to her lest she ignores me or
fades forever… The nights go by so fast… And I always weep when
the first rays of dawn steal her away. She always smiles as she
disappears into the gold…
Seen
a lot of broken hearts
Go
sailing by
Phantom
ships lost at sea
And
one of them is mine
The days are long… Torturous. I can't eat… I can't sleep… I can't focus. The pills they force down my throat every day relaxes me excessivey ands makes me drift in and out of conscious and semi-consciousness… I spend my days just staring out the window in silence and waiting for the sun to set once more… Oh the monotonous days are so hard to bear… I think I would be better off dead. I think that as I trace the countless thin scars across both wrists.
Tonight will be a full moon… The skies are clear and scattered with glitter. But she's late tonight… It was getting close to dawn but she still hadn't arrive. Had my angel forsakened me? Will I never see her again? The thought kills me, my heart is being raped… I was going to lose myself in my sorrow when I spot a shimmer in the moon's path…
Raising
my glass
I
sing a toast to the midnight sky
I
wonder why
The
stars don't seem to guide me
She materialised from a single speck… She looks different tonight… She's wearing that same pink dress that she used to so long ago… She glows so softly and even when the moon hid behind the clouds… She stood there, glowing as bright as ever…
I
didn't mean to fall in love with you
And
baby there's a name
For
what you put me through
It
isn't love, it's robbery
I'm
sleeping with the ghost of you and me
"Hello Cloud…"
"Aeris?" I whisper hoarsely in surprise, completely taken aback. This was the first time she spoke. "Is that really you?"
The
ghost of you and me
When
will it set me free
I
hear the voices call
Following
footsteps down the hall
Trying
to save what's left
Of
my heart and soul
Aeris reaches towards me and crawls over next to me, laying herself beside me on my thin mattress of a bed. "Cloud…" Her voice is soft, gentle… "What are you doing?" "Waiting for you…" I reply, smiling. "You're so thin…" She curls up beside me, her face next to mine. "Cloud… You have to pull yourself together…" "I love you…" I tell her not caring about anything else. "I know…" She smiles, her eyes sad. "But you don't have to torture yourself so…"
Watching
the candle flicker out
In
the evening glow
I
can't let go
When
will the night be over
"Do you remember Gold Saucer?" She nods, smiling. I smile. "I'd sure love to see you spin your toes again like you did then 'Sir' Cloud." We laugh at that. "And the gondola after that? You looked so beautiful just smiling and staring at the fireworks… I swear, you took my breath away more then the fireworks did." "Liar." She jabs, blushing. "It's true." I insist. "I… I wanted to tell you then… I just wanted to tell you that I loved you from the first moment I saw you… That I spent a gil buying a flower just to see you smile… I wanted to tell you… But… I couldn't find the courage."
"Shhh… I knew Cloud… I've always known… Forgive me for being cruel Cloud…" Aeris whispers sadly, her green eyes brimming with emotion. "You could never be unkind… You're the sweetest person I know…" I insist. "I've always known my fate… But I couldn't tell you… I couldn't find the courage either. But I fell in love with you… And that made things so hard for me… For the both of us… I couldn't promise you things… I couldn't reciprocate your feelings or you would go mad with grief when I was gone… Forgive me Cloud." I shake my head, smiling at her. "What's to forgive?" She wipes a glistening tear away from her eyes and gives me a crooked half smile.
"Do you ever blame me?" I ask timidly. She looks at me in confusion, as if I were speaking a completely different language. "Blame you?"
I
didn't mean to fall in love with you
And
baby there's a name
For
what you put me through
It
isn't love, it's robbery
I'm
sleeping with the ghost of you and me
So sleepy… My vision is blurry… But she still looks so beautiful… My love… My angel… "Can you forgive me?" I find myself whispering as my eyes start to succumb to slumber. She lies there, hair tumbled over her shoulder in a glorious waterfall that sweet sweet smile on her face… She reaches out a hand to carress my cheek… But I feel nothing… Not the warmth of her skin nor the lovely pressure of her touch… Yet… I know her hand is there… I believe it is there… "What's to forgive?" She repeats my words right back at me.
I fold a trembling hand around hers and placed my other hand across my wrist, imagining the warmth there and smiling weakly, trying to rid the worry that etched her face… I could barely stay awake… My strength was fading… Dawn was approaching… I had spent the night in my angel's arms… What more could I ask for…? I bring my wrists to my mouth…
Huh?
She was mouthing something… Trying to say something… But no words escaped her lips. Her eyes frightened, frantic and glittering with tears. Don't cry… Please don't cry… She closes her eyes, tears falling… Dripping steadily… Screaming silently as she snuggles close to me… "Don't be afraid… I'm here… Shhh…" I tell her… Stroking the place where her hair is. But I'm so tired… So tired… My eyes shutting… I smile as I finally realise what she is saying… The darkness of slumber enfolding me in her soft, cold wings… As sunlight takes her away from me once again, leaving me alone once more trembling in the light's wake.
"I never blamed you… I love you… So please… Live."
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Aeris… I love you…
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"Strife? Cloud Strife?"
"Yes… I would like to see him… Please." Tifa whispered. "How is he?" The kindly nurse looked her over once then once more. "Are you his… Wife?" Tifa bowed her head sadly. "… No… I'm his best friend." She clucked her tongue in disappointment. "My… That's such a pity… You're such a pretty girl… You two would be perfect together…" Tifa tried to smile as the nurse unlocked the gate. "This way please…"
They walk together… Through a hallway that seemed to go on forever. The silence inexplicably loud. "How is he?" Tifa asked. The nurse just shook her head. "Not getting any better. The usual… Not sleeping… Barely eating. He's attempted so many suicides that we had to put his in solitary, a padded cell with only a mattress, blanket and pillow. Plus the anti-depressants don't seem to work." Tifa sighed to herself. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. "You know…" The nurse said breaking the silence.
"They say that sometimes when a person wants something so much… It consumes them until they are finally released from their cage." Tifa looked at her in surprise. The nurse was smiling so kindly… "Maybe you hold the key?" Tifa tucked back a dark strand and shook her head. "No… I used to… A long time ago… Years ago… When we were kids. Someone else does now…" The nurse nodded sympathetically and stopped before a pristine white door, pulling out a ring of keys. "Well… Here we are… Cloud Strife? You have a vistor… A lovely young lady called Tifa is here to see you." She called out cheerily as she fumbled with the keys.
There was nothing… Not a sound from beyond the door. As usual.
Cloud… Why do you torment yourself so? He never talked to anyone… Not anymore since Aeris's passing. Tifa sighed as she rubbed her bare hands slightly, trying to warm them from the chill of the air-conditioner. But what happened next was beyond her expectations… With a sharp clack, the nurse opened the door and stood there frozen at the doorway, her eyes staring straight ahead and practically bulging from her pallid chubby face. "What's wrong?"
Without warning, the nurse's eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed into a dead faint on the floor. "Oh my shiva… CLOUD!!!" Tifa rushed forward and stopped short at the door when a strong coppery smell hit her nostrils. Looking up she saw Cloud lay propped up against a pillow, his pale hollowed face almost translucent, eerily beautiful in the sunlight, ethereal and peaceful looking. Too pale… Both wrists were slack against the bed and slashed so jaggedly and so deep until she saw the white of bone beneath, the floor was an flood of red. That smell… Was blood… How long? Why? How? It was then she noticed the blood dripping from his lips… He used… His teeth?
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Something fluttered from his hands…
Held between his now cold fingers… Blood stained and wound around his ring finger once… Dangling over the crimson sea… And fluttering against the breeze from the open door… Was a silk ribbon… The pale colour of pink roses. A serene smile on his face that held all the innocence and raw emotions of a contented sleeping child. He looks so… Happy… It had been so long since she last saw Cloud smile…
Tifa fell to her knees and smiled sadly to herself finally understanding, trying to hold back her tears, til the very end… She was all he could think about. "Finally… Cloud… You're free… To be with her at last." There was nothing I could have done to save him… Gaia forgive me…
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me…
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Yes Yes… I'm evil… I know… Sniffles… There we have… Sniffles… My first one shot. Hope you guys like it!!
The main difficulty in writing this was expressing the thoughts and emotions that were going back and forth, back and forth in a very erratic, delusional and depressed Cloud's mind.