David squeezed Katherine's hand, his face unnaturally blank. His eyes wore the only expression—one of immense pain, that of a man well beyond his years. He wanted to move, wanted to do something; stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, look away, move closer, anything, but he couldn't. He was beyond movement. He was beyond tears. This was beyond heartbreak. He forced himself to breathe, squeezing his girlfriend, his survivor, his love, his life's hand one final time, staring at the pale, unmoving body, as her eyes fluttered closed, and the heart monitor slowly went flat.
And then, only then, did he let the tears flow.
~1 Day Earlier~
It was a beautiful sunny day, the first one in months. Spring had finally begun to make itself known, chasing the bitter cold and harsh rains away. Drew and Satoru where out of town for the weekend, and the Tweedles where doing who-knows-what in their room, leaving Windsor in a state of calm. Of course, it was still a madhouse in normal standards, but it was silent compared to the usual insanity that invaded the dorm.
David, as usual, was on his way to the hospital. Katherine had taken a turn for the worse again, and he couldn't help but feel guilty. This was all his fault. If he hadn't been so stupid, none of this possibly could have happened.
Wes, who was in the passenger seat of David's small car, but was being dropped at the gym rather then spend another day in the hospital, cast him a look. "I know what you're thinking. It's not your fault. She'll get better, she always has before." He said, placing a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder.
David's face twisted into what was supposed to be a smile, but turned out more as a grimace, and quickly glanced at Wes. He wanted to say that it was his fault. He wanted to say it had never been this bad before. But, somehow, he couldn't bring himself to say the words to even his best friend. He had to be strong, not just for Katherine, but for himself.
He pulled up in front of the gym, pulling his car into an empty space and waiting for Wes to get out. Wes, however, wasn't quite ready to leave yet. "David…you know you can talk to me." He said, looking hard into his best friend's pain-filled eyes.
David sighed. "I know. I just…can't right now. Saying it out loud would make it to real, and I just can't handle that yet." He said, taking in a shaky breath.
Wes sighed. "I know. Just…call me if you need me." He said, squeezing the pained man's shoulder.
David said nothing, but instead stared at the steering wheel. Wes sighed and climbed out of the car, glancing once more at David before grabbing his bag and shutting the door. David inhaled deeply, blinking away the tears starting to burn the back of his eyes, and put the car in drive.
Soon, he was pulling into his usual parking spot near the entrance to the hospital. He walked slowly into the sterile white building which had grown all too familiar to him. He grabbed some coffee and headed to the elevators, taking it up to Katherine's floor. He rested his head on the cool interior of the elevator. This all had become more of a routine to him then anything. He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes and taking a long sip of coffee as the doors slid open and he stepped out. He walked down the familiar hallways, waving at nurses he knew from all his time here, smiling at other long-term patients he'd met. Finally he reached the all too known room. He stepped in, giving a quick hug to his girlfriend's mother, then leaning in and giving Katherine a kiss on the forehead. He pulled back and looked at her, taking in her pale face and slowly thinning frame. "You feeling any better?" he asked softly, grabbing her hand and tracing circles on it with his thumb.
"A little…"she said trailing off and biting her lip. David knew her well enough by now to know there was something more, something she wasn't telling him. And, judging by the situation and the grim look on Mrs. River's face, it was something big and bad.
'But…?" he asked, gripping her hand a little tighter.
"." Katherine rushed out, looking away.
"That…that's great…right? Do you need me to help pay for anything?" he asked, smiling a little and beginning to pull his wallet out.
"No. We've got it covered." Mrs. Rivers said before David could fully get his wallet out. "David, could I have a word with you real quickly?" she asked, beckoning towards the hall.
David nodded and followed her out, casting a final smile at Katherine before shutting the door. He sighed and gave the older woman a look filled with pain and exhaustion. "Why didn't you tell me." He croaked, it coming out more as a statement then a question.
"We only found out a few days ago. She didn't want to worry you more then necessary." The older woman said, pulling David into a quick hug.
David swallowed a sob. "How…high risk…is the surgery?" he choked out.
"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. It is pretty high risk. The procedure itself could go wrong, or her body could reject the transplant. But there's also a chance it could go smoothly, and she could be dancing again as soon as next month." She said, smiling.
David tried his hardest not to think of the worst, but it was much easier said then done. He opened his mouth to reply when a nurse walked up to them. "Are you the family of Katherine Rivers? I'm here to give her the anesthesia," said the middle-aged redhead.
"Yes, that's us. Go on in, we'll be right there." Mrs. Rivers said, giving her a tightlipped smile.
David's face was blank with shock. "So soon?" he asked, his voice breathy and higher then usual. Mrs. Rivers didn't respond, but simply engulfed the young man in a tight hug.
She released him and looked in his eyes, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze and opening the door. David stepped in first, silently walking to Katherine's side and grabbing her hand, sitting in the conveniently placed chair. He heard the door click shut, but didn't look up. He and Katherine were staring deeply into each others' eyes, each of them saying what they couldn't put into words.
"Okay, that should be it. A doctor will be in momentarily to take you to your operation room." She said, resealing the IV bag and heading back out the door.
Katherine suddenly had a desperate look in her eyes, and she gripped his hand tighter. "David. Sing with me." She said, her voice strong and clear.
David gulped and nodded. "Anything." He had only heard her sing a few times, and, although he was definitely biased, he had to say her voice was rather amazing. Even though it paled in comparison with her dancing.
Katherine smiled a small smile and inhaled deeply, then opened her mouth, her voice filling the room.
"If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a bed of roses,
Sink me in the river at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song.
Uh-oh, uh-oh."
David immediately knew the song—how could he not? He felt the raw emotion in Katherine's voice, even as she was beginning to feel the effects of the anesthesia. David gulped and joined in, harmonizing with her effortlessly. Their eyes stayed locked as they sang.
"Lord, make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother,
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no,
Ain't even grey but she buries her baby"
At this she glanced over at her mother, who had tears welling up in her eyes. Katherine dared not hesitate, she was fading fast. She looked back at David, gripping his hand as tightly as possible.
"The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I've had just enough time"
David gulped down a sob, but couldn't help but let some tears fall down his cheeks. He knew Katherine wasn't giving up. He knew she was just saying that, if it was her time to go, she was ready.
"And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom,
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger,
I never knew the loving of a man,
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who could have that forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had, just enough time."
David was struggling more and more not to break down and sob, and Katherine was struggling to stay awake. David twirled his finger around the emerald ring on Katherine's pinky, the one from her grandmother that she wore everywhere. He tried not to think about her fingers cold and unmoving, never again able to grip his hand, or hold him as they danced, but it slipped in anyways, even as she smiled softly in her nearly-asleep state.
"So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls,
What I never did is done…"
Katherine sang, mumbling the words together some as she fell into a drug-induced sleep. David continued singing, regardless of the tears mutinously escaping his eyes and ripping down onto his cheeks.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar,
They're worth such much more after I'm a goner,
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing,
Funny when you're dead how people start listening…"
He sang the words clearly, just as the nurse walked back in, followed by another nurse. He quickly wiped his tears on his sleeve and kissed the sleeping girl's cheek softly. He turned to the nurse, eyes still full of pain. "Keep her safe." He said simply.
An hour later, after multiple texts from Wes and urging from Katherine's mom ("She won't be out for at least another three hours, go get Wes and grab lunch or something."), he was in his car on his way to the gym. The radio was playing some up-beat song that he probably would have been singing along with had he been in a better mood, and his phone was lying in his lap. He pulled up in front of the gym and waved half-heartedly at Wes, who was sitting on the bench out front. He hopped into the car, tossing his bag in the back, and examined David as he pulled out of the parking lot. "What happened?" he asked softly.
"Katherine's in surgery. She's getting her heart transplant." David said, staring straight ahead.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Wes asked softly, but confused.
David gritted his teeth slightly. "Because I didn't know." He said shortly, gripping the wheel tighter. And, suddenly, it was like a floodgate opened, and he spewed out everything that had happened this morning, how Katherine had been doing worse again, how worried he was for her, everything.
Wes just sat there as the pair drove along, listening and soothing as best as he could, until they pulled up at a Chili's. He climbed out, and then circled around to the driver's side of the small vehicle, waiting as David slowly climbed out of the vehicle. When he was fully out, Wes wrapped him in a firm hug. "Don't give up hope. Katherine's a fighter. She always has been. She won't let something that could potentially heal her, break her. She's too stubborn to be defeated by this," he said, calmly but earnestly. He had to be sure his best friend got it through his sometimes thick head. She would be okay. She had to.
David nodded, sighing. "You're right. Thanks, Wes. Now, let's get something to eat, I'm starving." He said, a small smile appearing on his face as he squeezed his friend back then pulled away. Wes noticed the smile didn't reach his eyes, and his voice was full of fake cheer, but it was a start.
Two hours later, he was walking out of Windsor, heading to the Main Gate. He had made the mistake of walking Wes inside, and had been bombarded by the whole of Windsor, asking if he was okay, if there was anything they could do, the whole works. He was finally saved when Kurt and Wes managed to make them go do something else, the former with the promise of cookies, and the latter with the promise he'd tell them later.
David was so lost in thought, he nearly ran into Merrill as she was dashing by, on her way back to Hanover.
"Oh! Hi, David. You going somewhere?" she asked, smiling her sweet, genuine smile up at him.
"I'm going back to see Katherine. You coming from somewhere?" he asked back, shocked she hadn't asked him what was wrong, but grateful all the same.
"Ah. Yes, I was. I was just at the mall. Christmas shopping, y'know?" The brunette said, gesturing at the shopping bags in her hands.
"Oh, cool. If you ever want a shopping buddy, just ask Kurt or Reed—I'm sure they'd be more then happy to help." David said awkwardly, offering her a small smile.
"Okay, I'll remember that. Thanks. I'll let you go on your way." Merrill said, smiling again, still genuine, still sweet, somehow managing to remind him of Katherine's.
"Okay. Bye, Merrill. See you soon." He said, turning to leave. "David, wait!" Merrill said after he had taken a few steps.
He turned around, a bit surprised, only to be immediately engulfed in a warm, tight hug. The brown-haired Hanover pulled away and smiled up at him. "You looked like you needed that," said the girl simply, before turning and walking away.
David smiled at her retreating form, and continued smiling all the way to his car. He got in and pulled out, turning on the radio as he began the short trip to the hospital. The smile immediately slipped from his face when 'Photograph' by Nickleback came on. He couldn't handle a song about goodbyes right now, not when he wasn't completely sure Katherine would survive. He immediately flipped the station, before giving up and turning the whole radio off. The rest of the drive was spent in complete and utter silence.
Nearly five hours later, David was pacing the floor, desperately waiting for the doctor to come in with news, any news. It had been nearly 8 hours, which was more than enough time for a transplant. Right?
The door at the front of the room opened again, and, just like every time before it, he glanced at the door. He immediately stopped pacing when he recognized Katherine's doctor walking towards Mrs. Rivers. He quickly strode over to them, looking eagerly and cautiously at the middle-aged man before him. "The surgery is done, and went successfully. She should be waking up within an hour or so. She's not out of the water yet, though, her body could still reject the organ. You may visit her now, if you're ready." He said, glancing at the clipboard in his hands. "She's in room 115 of the Recovery Ward," the man said, offering them a small smile before leaving out the same door he entered.
They were both out of their chairs immediately, hurrying towards the elevators, both filled with relief and apprehension. They reached the room quickly, and took seats on either side of the still unconscious girl's body, each grabbing one of her hands. And that's how they sat for over 45 minutes, until the pretty dancer slowly opened her eyes. She groaned softly and tried to bury her head in her pillow, when she noticed the two people gripping her hands. "Hi Mom, David." She mumbled, smiling a little and yawning tiredly. "Am I okay? Are you okay?" she asked, waking up a little bit more.
"You're better. You're all better now." Mrs. Rivers said, tears pricking her eyes. David simply leaned in and pecked her softly on the lips, laying his head down next to hers.
"'M hungry." She mumbled, turning her head and bringing her forehead to David's, her eyes closed again.
"I'll go see about getting you something to eat." Mrs. Rivers said, smiling at the two and heading out to go find a doctor.
Katherine smiled and leaned her lips in to kiss David again. "I love you." She murmured, opening her eyes for a moment to look in his before closing them again.
"I love you, too. So much," David said his voice thick with emotion.
Katherine sighed contentedly and beginning to drift back into a peaceful slumber when her mother walked back in with the doctor.
The doctor got to work checking Katherine's charts and monitors, making sure everything was in order. "I'm sorry, Ms. Rivers, but you'll have to wait until the morning to get some food." He said, smiling down at the dancer as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "In the meantime, you should get some rest. You too." He said, turning his gaze to David, who was suppressing a yawn. With that, he turned and strode out the room.
"You really should go get some sleep. And not here, this time. In your own bed, for once. She'll be right here in the morning." Mrs. Rivers said a few minutes later, after Katherine was fast asleep. David sighed, knowing she was right but not wanting to leave. After several moments' worth of thought and hesitation, he silently nodded and stood, kissing Katherine's cheek in goodbye and hugging her mother. He turned and walked out the door, glancing back once.
The next morning, David was up at seven, rushing around to get ready to go. He had planned on waking up early to see her, and, seeing as it was Sunday, spending the day with Katherine. He quickly got dressed and grabbed breakfast driving well over the speed limit in order to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Once again, he parked in his usual spot and walked into the way-too-familiar hospital.
He tried to walk at a normal pace, but couldn't help speeding up. He couldn't wait to see Katherine finally looking better. As he waited for the slower-then-usual elevator, he couldn't help but think of the future—Katherine's first time dancing again, how he would propose, their wedding, their future. As he neared closer to the room, he couldn't help the large smile on his face at the thoughts running through his head.
And then he walked into the room.
You could literally feel the emotions in that room, settling like a stuffy cloud covering the room's occupants. David's smile immediately slipped of his face as he took in the tear-stained cheeks of both of the woman.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" He managed to croak out.
"No, David. It's not." Mrs. Rivers said softly. Katherine's eyes filled with fresh tears and he hurried over to her bedside, grabbing her hand tightly.
David knew what she was going to say before she said it, but that didn't make it hurt any less. "What's wrong?" he wasn't sure how he managed to say it, but somehow he did, though his voice sounded weird even to him.
"David…..her body rejected the heart."
The world stopped moving. It must have. This was just a dream. He would wake up in a minute and realize it was just a horrible nightmare.
"Can't they do something? Give her her old heart back or something?" he asked, frantic. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. This wasn't real.
But it was.
"They can't. She only has-"Mrs. Rivers began, breathing shakily.
"A few hours. I only have a few hours left to live." Katherine said, her voice shockingly even.
It took all of his willpower, but David managed to unfreeze, turning his head so that his eyes were locked with the beautiful, dying girl in front of him.
And then, the girl who'd been so strong for so long broke.
With a heartbroken sob, Katherine's mask crumpled, and she buried her head into David's side, tears pouring down her tired face.
David, as numb as he was, managed to wrap his arms around her, holding the warm and living body as close to him as he possibly could. No. This couldn't be happening. The transplant was supposed to save her life… and now it was doing the exact opposite. He managed to inhale, not realizing until then that he wasn't breathing. He wanted to cry, he wanted to do anything, but he couldn't. He was frozen in shock.
Katherine shifted a little, and David felt her heartbeat against his shoulder. The constant beat, like a drum, pounding strongly. But no, it wasn't right. The beats were irregular, and too forced, as if her heart was pounding away on overdrive. He momentarily wondered how much pain medication she was on, and how much pain she was in. He slowly regained control of his senses, and bent his head down to press a mildly desperate kiss on the dancer's barely chapped lips.
The dying brunette responded immediately, snaking her hands up his body, over the soft skin of his shirt, until they finally locked behind his neck, keeping their faces pressed together.
They sprang apart as Katherine's mother cleared her throat. She offered them a teary smile as they looked at her, blushes coloring their cheeks. David resorted to rubbing circles on the soft, pale skin of his girlfriend's leg.
The next few hours passed in this way, the two lovers staying as close as humanly possible, and all three of them refusing to leave. Actually, given the chance, Katherine would have left in a heartbeat, but the doctors refused to let her out, even if it was only to say goodbye to the friends she would soon be leaving. So, they came to her. Only a few; the one's she had been closest to. The time slowly wore on, the girl's coming and going, and Katherine looking more and more tired and spent.
Katherine looked up at David, meeting his eyes, which hadn't left her face in a while. "Kiss me," she said, though it came out more like a croak. He saw a hint of fear in her eyes, and knew her time was almost up. He leaned in, pressing their lips together, trying to convey everything he was feeling, all of his love, through that one, final kiss. They broke apart, and her mother moved to her other side, gripping the frail girl's hand as tight as she dared.
Katherine gave them a small smile, squeezing their hands back, before sighing softly. Her eyes fluttered a bit, and panic clutched at David's insides. But she wasn't ready. Not quite yet. She turned her head, meeting her mother and her lover's eyes in turn. "I love you. Both of you," she croaked, her voice unnaturally hoarse.
David squeezed Katherine's hand, his face unnaturally blank. His eyes wore only one expression—one of immense pain, that of a man well beyond his years. He wanted to move, wanted to do something; stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, look away, move closer, anything, but he couldn't. He was beyond movement. He was beyond tears. This was beyond heartbreak. He forced himself to breathe, squeezing his girlfriend, his survivor, his love, his life's hand one final time, staring at the pale, unmoving body, as her eyes fluttered closed, and the heart monitor slowly went flat.
And then, only then, did he let the tears flow.
She was gone. Forever.
Three Days Later
David lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd barely moved in the past three days, and ate only what Wes or someone else brought to him, and, even then, barely that. He was shattered, he was broken. And he missed her, so, so much.
But today, he had to move. He had to make himself look presentable—no, more than that. He had to make himself look perfect, for her. Today was the funeral. The day that had come far too soon.
In a haze, he managed to shower and shave, slipping on the black suit Kurt and Reed had set out for him. He glanced at the clock, which seemed to be moving too slow and too fast at the same time. He sank onto his bed, covering his face with his hands, and sighed deeply. Someone knocked on the door, but he still refused to move. The door creaked open, and he removed his hand to see who it was. His eyes fell upon Reed and Kurt, who were standing in the doorway, each holding a bag.
"Come on. We're going to make you look a little more presentable," Kurt said softly, taking in the dark-skinned boy's appearance. He and Reed exchanged a look, moving towards David and each taking hold of an arm. They led him to the bathroom, David not even bothering to put up a fight. They sat him down in his desk chair, which Reed managed to wheel in without tripping, and Kurt immediately began smearing some form of lotion under his eyes.
David simply sighed again, closing his eyes and letting the two go about their work. Much sooner than he expected, they were done. They hadn't done much, just concealed the circles under his eyes and made his face look, in Kurt's words, "more radiant."
Before he knew it, it was time to go. He slowly made his way into Blaine's car, sitting in the backseat with Wes, who squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. By the time they reached their destination, which was a nice, large church wear the Rivers used to attend on occasions, David had managed to relax a little. He didn't know if it was from his best friend's comforting gestures, or the coffee in his system, but he definitely felt a little better. They filed into the church, going off to their assigned seats. David was in the front row, with Katherine's mom on one side and Wes on his other. He didn't take in the decorations, which were probably magnificent, but trained his gaze on the magnificent casket. It was closed—the family had wanted the guests to remember her as the strong girl she'd been, not as the thin, weak girl she was in death, which David agreed with.
The funeral procession began, soft orchestra music playing over the sound system. A man stood up, going to the podium. He said something, which he was sure had been great, but he didn't take in any of it. Before he knew it, Wes was elbowing him, gesturing that it was time for him to speak. His legs shaking slightly, he stood and made his way to the podium. No note-cards were pulled from his pockets, as he hadn't written anything down. This was completely from the heart.
"When I met Katherine, I had no idea how much she'd grow to mean to me, but I knew she was special. The first time I saw her, she was in her element, she was dancing. We started dating soon after that first meeting, and we were together five, going on six, years. She was amazing, and determined. She could do anything she set her mind to, and that's part of that drew me to her. She was beautiful and unique, and incredibly talented, but she was more than that. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, but she was still incredibly kind. She was stubborn, but in the best way possible. She wasn't perfect, but she was as close as you could get. Our relationship was great, too. Of course, we had our rough patches, and we had a few fights, but I knew she'd always love me, and I her. I-I was going to propose, as soon as she got out of the hospital," his voice broke here, and he met Wes's eyes, drawing courage from him. He inhaled a shaky breath, and then continued. "But I never got the chance. Before I go back to my seat, I want to sing something. This is the last song she sang, as she was about to go into surgery. She never got to finish it; the anesthesia knocked her out before she could. So, I'm going to finish it for her." He swallowed the lump in his throat as he finished. The music beginning in the background. With a voice as clear as he could muster as his eyes blurred with tears, he sang.
"If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls"