*thump-thump* *thump-thump* *thump-thump* *thump-thump*

I listened to the steady sound of Jacob's heartbeat, my ear placed to his feverishly warm chest. It was impossible to sleep with blankets anymore unless Jacob was out of town or up late doing work or meetings with the pack. He joked occasionally that he was the one who needed the blankets now, when I lay cuddled in his arms, my cold skin sometimes gave him the chills. I was born a half breed, but somehow got the worst traits from both of my parents: cold, pale skin and the need for blood from dad; clumsiness and human awkwardness from mom.

"We should just elope." Jacob finally said to me. He pulled me a little bit closer to him, and rested my hand on my stomach. "It just feels right Nessie, who knows how much time we'll really have."

I hated talking about time. Time. Time. Time. I thought we were supposed to live forever? Why were we so recently upset with timeframes and months and years? "Maybe we shouldn't wait."

He sat up a little to look at me better, "I thought we agreed we would wait until we were married." His hand moved from my stomach to my hair, stroking it lovingly out of my face.

I mirrored him and sat up to sit cross legged on the bed, facing him. "You promised my parents that as part of the agreement that you could tell me about the imprint earlier than expected." I reached up and grabbed his hand, "We're not even religious Jake. What's the point of waiting?"

He chuckled a bit. "You do make quite the compelling argument." He smiled, and I saw his eyes searching my face, "But it just seems right, everything is happening so fast, so unexpectedly," the smile left his face, "even if we do elope, I still think we should wait."

I groaned and slumped back onto his chest, curling myself up in a ball. "You're hopeless." I said jokingly.

He laughed "And your horny."

I blushed, "I'm also a teenager, it's to be expected. Boys aren't the only horny teens ya'know. Girls are just better at hiding it." It was true, maybe I was just in a rush to lose my virginity to my werewolf boyfriend of three years. But there were more pressing matters to think of. "But Grandpa Carlisle also said the longer we wait; the more issues we'd have." I unconsciously gripped his hand harder, and tried not to let the creeping anxiety affect me anymore.

Jacob was quiet, "I know the risks Ness."

It was here, the anxiety. It was a constant in my life, this never ending fear of everything that could possibly go wrong. "I'm just really scared." My voice cracked, and that was Jacob's cue to wrap both of his arms around and bury his face in my hair. "We were supposed to have forever. Forever to plan our forever." The sobs were building up in my chest: my lungs were tight, my body felt shaky.

I heard Jacob breathe in deeply, "I know baby, I know. But we're still going to have our forever, okay? Just not the forever that we thought we would."

"I could die, Jacob. You heard Grandpa Carlisle when he was going over the risks. There's a very real chance that I could die."

He growled. "I'm not going to let that happen."

"And what are you going to do to stop it?" I was close to yelling. Hot tears were making their way down my cheeks, and I was choking on the sobs while trying to breath.

"Stop, baby please. You're going to tire yourself out." He held me close and rubbed my back in small circles until I could breathe again. "We'll talk to Grandpa Carlisle and Alice in the morning, and then we'll talk to your parents. Okay?"

My body ached from the sobbing, from any added stress, my body ached because it ached. My body was shutting down, and in short I was dying. After fifteen human years on this earth my body was starting to kill itself. Any vampire venom that was in me was trying to destroy any human cells that were still functioning, and any human systems I had left were attacking the vampire in me. My own body was seeing itself as a threat. This meant I was terminally ill, until Grandpa Carlisle decided that there was a chance that I could survive being turned into a vampire. We were all torn between the decision. On one hand I would certainly die, on the other I would go through the agony of becoming a full vampire along with my family, or also risk dying in the process. The only problem was everything that Jacob and I had had planned. My graduate from high school, going to university together, all the vacations we were going to go on, the dream wedding we had been planning, and a family.

A family. I had been having the dream for months now: Jacob and I visiting the pack on a summer day, we were all at the beach, and Jacob carried around his daughter proudly. A tiny baby, with his russet skin and dark hair. We had named her Sarah, in honor of his mother. Billy was there in the dream too, he held his granddaughter and wept, full of pride and love.

"Please don't think about that dream anymore Nessie." Jacob was begging, his voice strained. With how weak I've been lately, my power of sharing memories and thoughts was out of control. I used to have to actively share with others, mostly with a touch or a hand to their face. Now the connection was haywire, and if I was even touching someone and feeling a strong emotion or memory the other person would share it as well.

"It'll happen baby, I know it will. We'll have the life we always wanted, the life we always dreamed about." He whispered, "The perfect house, the perfect children, we'll travel the world: Paris, Mexico, Morocco, all the places you've ever read about and wanted to go, we'll go." His voice was lulling me to sleep, and I let myself give in to the urge for rest, with my soulmate's voice a deep whisper in my ear.

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