AN: Ok so this is my 1st songfic and also my 1st Delena. This is set in Season 3, in episode 10, with Damon thinking back on his relationship with Elena, and what I think Elena's reaction should be. It'll switch POVs by chapters. Please R&R if you want me to continue. I love feedback! Well, here we go. The song is Trying Not To Love you by Nickleback.
Disclaimer: I own the thoughts. The characters, everything associated with them and the song are owned by their respective owners.
Trying Not To Love You
DPOV: Boarding House
You call to me…and I fall at your feet
How could anyone ask for more?
Our time apart…like knives in my heart
How could anyone ask for more?
Once again I am sitting here…in this same chair…in front of this same fireplace. I connect with the roaring fire, it speaks to me. You would think that I would be on cloud nine right now. I mean, come on…I kissed her. I finally kissed Elena, and what's better…she kissed me back. She didn't shove me away. However, that thought is now just one of many that dance through my mind every night. I tell people that alcohol helps curb the bloodlust, and it does. But for me, it is my only escape from the thoughts and the flashbacks I have of Elena. So, here I sit with my crystal tumbler in one hand and my favorite bottle of bourbon in the other.
Ever since I first saw her, I was in awe of how much she looked like Katherine, but I could also tell instantly that she was different…simply by looking into her eyes. Her eyes…they haunt my dreams, which also make the large quantities of alcohol a necessary evil. Huh, necessary evil…I guess you could say that I am a necessary evil. I am evil, for one thing, no matter how much she wishes I could be like my baby bro. She also told me that she doesn't know what she would do if I wasn't here, which in turn I suppose makes me necessary. Wow, do I ever tend to overthink when it comes to her.
But if there's a pill
To help me forget
God knows I haven't found it yet
But I'm dying to
God I'm trying to 'cause
Trying not to love you
Only goes so far
And trying not to need you
Is tearing me apart
Can't see the silver lining
From down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying
But I don't know what for
'cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
I know she said that we would have to let Stefan go, especially now that his humanity switch is firmly in the 'off' position, but I know better than anyone how hard it is to let go of love. Katherine…what can I say about her? Nothing I guess. She betrayed me. She was selfish. She claimed to love me and want to be with me. I, being incredibly naïve, believed her. The whole time she truly only wanted Stefan. I don't even realize if he knows that he has always been the one to command the hearts of the only two girls that I have ever truly loved. With Katherine, I had a chance, but with Elena…it was over before I even came to Mystic Falls. A small part of me keeps screaming that I might have a shot with her, that she kissed me back. However, the eternal pessimist in me tells me not to get my hopes up because if Stefan were to come home, back on the bunny diet, that she would leave me in a heartbeat.
And this kind of pain…only time takes away
That's why it's harder to let you go
Nothing I can do…without thinking of you
That's why it's harder to let you go
But if there's a pill
To help me forget
God knows I haven't found it yet
But I'm dying to
God I'm trying to 'cause
Trying not to love you
Only goes so far
And trying not to need you
Is tearing me apart
Can't see the silver lining
From down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying
But I don't know what for
'cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
I stand up and walk over to the bar to get a new bottle of bourbon. "I have tried so hard, and it's not fair," I say to the empty room. "why does he keep saving me? How can he leave her…just give her up like that?" I move to the couch, and sink into it. "He doesn't want her, he told her so!" I start getting angrier and angrier. "I love her," I whisper staring deeply into the fire. Of all the times for my vampire hearing to fail me…
"Damon…"
So I sit hear divided
Just talkin' to myself
Was it something that I did?
Was there somebody else?
When a voice from behind me
That was fighting back tears
Sat right down beside me
Whispered right in my ear
Said I've been dying to tell you…
I froze and squeezed my eyes shut at the sound of Elena whispering my name. "Damon…please look at me," Elena said in a shaky hoarse voice as her sat down next to me. Without looking at her, "How long have you been here?"
I heard her sigh, "Long enough," she put her hands on my cheeks making me look at her. "Damon," she whispered again. The next thing I know her lips are pressed against mine. I reach out for her as I respond to the kiss. I grab her by the hips and move her into my lap where I deepen the kiss. Finally, she pulled back and looked into my eyes. "I love you too."
If my heart had been beating I think it would have slammed out of my chest. I leaned in to kiss her again. I let all of my pent up emotions flow through me into that kiss. It was the most passionate kiss of my entire existence and that way saying something. I used my vampire speed to get us to my bedroom in a flash. I gently laid her on my bed and stared down at this beautiful human girl. She looked up at me shyly.
That trying not to love you
Only went so far
That trying not need you
Was tearing me apart
Now I see the silver lining
And what we're fighting for
If we just keep on trying
We could be so much more
'cause trying not to love you
Ya, trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
Ok, so here was the first chapter. Please Review and let me know if I should continue. Thanks everyone!