Title: Closure

Author: Tempus Meum

Rating:

Disclaimer: The characters and premise used in this story are unfortunately not owned by me. If JAG was mine…the possibilities.

Summary: When her father dies Mac must return to her home town and face her past.

One

0830 hours

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac walked into her office and quickly dropped her things on to a chair, before reaching across her desk for the ringing phone.

"Colonel MacKenzie!"

("Sarah MacKenzie?")

"Yes, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, what can I do for you?"

("My name is Father Genaro and I work at the Hospice of the Sacred Heart in Fresno, California. We have a patient here, a Joe MacKenzie. I believe he is your father.")

"If you'd call him that!" Mac muttered.

("Excuse me?")

"Ah…sorry, you have my father? What would you like me to do about that? You do realise that I am in Washington?"

("Yes Miss MacKenzie I do. However I must regretfully inform you that your father is in the late stages of liver cancer…he doesn't have very long left!")

Mac's heart skipped a beat, her father was dying, the last time she had seen him she was 16. After all he had put her through. Her life had been a living hell, she didn't like to admit it but there were many times in her childhood that she had wanted him to die or what he had done to her and her mother…but now…now that it was really happening.

("Miss MacKenzie are you still there?")

"Yes I'm still here." She replied.

("It was your father who wanted me to call you. He wants to see you before he passes.")

"I cannot see why…you may not realise Father but I have not seen my…him…since I moved out when I was 16."

("He want's forgiveness…closure.")

"Well…I am not sure that I can give him what he wants Father."

("I am not going to pretend to know what happened between you and your father Miss MacKenzie, because I don't. But what I do know si that your father may only have days to live and his only request was to see you again. I told him I would contact you and that is what I have done. Please think about it, and if you change your mind give me a call.")

"Thankyou Father Genero, Goodbye." Mac hung up the phone before he could reply. Leaning her head back onto her chair she ran her hands over her face, before moving her fingers to her temple where a headache was rapidly forming.

After all these years he wanted closure…he wanted closure, he wants me to forgive him for messing up my life. Standing up, Mac went around her desk and closed her door, it made a little more noise than she had intended it to, but ignoring that, she drew the blinds before sinking into the arm chair in front of her desk.

Harm had just walked out of his office headed for the break room when he heard a door slam, looking up he saw Mac's blinds close. For several seconds he stood staring at her door, he was only brought back to reality when Harriet stepped into his line of vision.

"What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

"Um…nothing…sorry Commander." She turned to leave but Harm stopped her.

"Harriet?"

"Colonel MacKenzie was on the phone before she closed her door, I didn't mean to be ease dropping, but I did hear her say something like 'I don't think I can give him what he want's father!' Not long after that she hung up."

"I am sure whom ever it was just put her in a bad mood Harriet, that's all its probably nothing."

"I'm sure you're right Commander." Harriet went into the break room to make herself a cup of coffee, when she turned back to the door Harm was still standing there staring at Mac's door. Quickly making another two cups she returned to Harm's side.

"Go and talk to her sir!" When he looked down at her she offered him the two cups.

"Thanks Harriet." Harm took them both in one hand before making his way to her door. Tapping on the door lightly, he was not at all surprised when he got no response. Turning the door handle he walked into the room and carefully closed it behind him.

Mac was aware of someone in the room, she knew who it was without having to turn around. She could smell the aftershave she had given him last Christmas. She could also smell the fresh coffee. She didn't look up as he walked around in front of her and leant against the desk, she kept her head in her hands and her eyes facing the floor. She was so confused, she didn't know what she should be feeling at that moment. Should she be upset or angry? She wanted to be angry, angry with her father for thinking that she would forgive him, but what she was feeling was a deep sadness. All she could think was that no matter what he was her father and he was dying. A few tears ran down her nose and dripped off the end landing on her skirt.

This didn't go unnoticed by Harm, at first he just thought that she was pissed off about something, but now, now that he could see she was crying. He left the desk and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in his he removed them from her face she looked up and her eyes met his. What he saw almost broke his heart. He was used to seeing so much life in those dark brown eyes, but now she looked as though she had lost something but didn't know what.

"Mac…?"

"Hmm…?" She was looking at a spot over his shoulder, but when Harm wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb her eyes returned to his. "Why can't I just forget about my childhood…why…it always comes back to haunt me?"

Harm didn't know what Mac was referring to but he decided to respond anyway. "You only get one life Mac, and whatever you do with it, and whatever is done to you, you've got to face that. You can't pretend that it didn't happen." Harm kept his hand against her cheek and continued to brush away her tears with his thumb.

"I didn't ask for this life, I didn't want an abusive father, I never wanted to be an alcoholic, I just wanted to be normal."

"What's normal? Being normal is not necessarily a virtue, it rather denotes a lack or courage…heard that in a movie."

Mac looked up at him again, this time with a hint of rising anger. "Courage?"

"I am not saying that everything that happened to you should have happened, but if those things didn't happen, where would you be now? You wouldn't be here. Your mother wouldn't have left. You wouldn't have become an alcoholic. Your uncle Matt wouldn't have taken you in. You wouldn't have joined the Marines and you wouldn't be at JAG."

"And…I wouldn't have met you!"

"No…Do you want to tell me what got you this upset. What or who?" Mac looked down at her hands as Harm dropped his hand to hers.

"My father!"

"You talked to him?" Harm asked surprised, no wonder she was this upset.

"No…he's in a hospice in Fresno. Liver Cancer…he only has days…to live."

"Oh…" Harm didn't know quite what to say.

"My father wants closure, he wants me to forgive him before he dies. How…how am I supposed to do that Harm. I have to go over there and see him, he wants me to forgive him…I don't think I can."

"You have to ask yourself if you don't go, if you don't talk to him, will you regret it? He wants closure but maybe you need it. I'm not saying that you'll be able to forget…but maybe you'll be able to…let go."

"What has made you so wise all of a sudden?"

"I don't know, maybe all the planets are aligned or something." This got a little giggle from Mac.

"So what you're saying is that I should go to California and forgive my father for making my childhood a living hell."

"I'm suggesting that you do…yes. If I told you to do that, would you?"

"I probably would, yeah!"

"Really?"

"Well…yeah…you wouldn't want me to do anything that would hurt me in anyway. So why wouldn't I take your advice?" Mac pushed the chair back and stood up, she moved away from him then and around her desk. As she sat down she picked up the phone. Harm stood up and headed for the door but her voice stopped him.

"You don't have to go." Harm returned to the chair and sat down, while Mac punched in a few numbers and put the receiver to her ear.

Over the next five minutes Mac talked to Father Genero, and write down all the details she needed. Hanging up the phone she placed her head back into her hands.

"Harm?" She said a few minutes later.

"Yeah…" He replied.

"I don't…think I can do this alone." It wasn't often that Mac showed this type of weakness. So for her to actually admit that she was scared, she must really have wanted his help.

"When do you want to go?"

"Well as soon as possible would be good." Harm gazed at her for a few seconds before standing up.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll see if we can get out of here."

"We?"

"Yes, we!" Harm gave her a dazzling smile before he turned and left, heading for the Admirals office."