A/N: Just a preface, I love Kamui's hair, and whenever I draw them, it is super long. So I applied that to this fic. And this can be taken as a sequel to "The Ribbon". Basically, I wanted to write about how Jakob dealt with loving Kamui while knowing he couldn't be with her as her butler.
Jakob was never bashful in boasting about his butler prowess and how he was the only person who could serve Princess Kamui to the fullest. Whether it was simply a cup of tea or charging through a horde of enemy soldiers, Jakob would give his entire being to ensure his lady's happiness. He would do anything for her.
Just for her, and all for her.
However, there was a particular duty Jakob adored above all: brushing his lady's hair.
As her faithful butler, Jakob was well aware of the impassable line between a princess and a servant. He constantly bit back the feelings that had flourished the moment Kamui promised to be his friend all those years ago. Yet, as he listened to her ramblings while taming her mass of white-blonde hair every morning, Jakob allowed himself to indulge. Just for a moment. And, it was only during this precious moment that Jakob removed his gloves, just so he could run his fingers through her long, beautiful locks. He told himself this was as far as he could go. As children, there wasn't a shred of distance between them, Kamui loved holding hands and hugging too much after all.
Yet, they weren't children anymore. And the more radiant and strong Kamui grew, the farther out of reach she became. But, Kamui never thought so. No, even at the age of eighteen, the princess still greeted her dear friend with a hug and said "I love you, Jakob! Thank you so much for everything!".
But he knew she didn't mean it the way he desired, and the weight in his heart increased with every passing day. Yet, he would still respond with a gentle smile and a deep bow.
"Anything for you, Lady Kamui." He would say, his stomach fluttering at her luminous smile.
Anything for you,…my love.
"No training today, my lady?" Jakob asked, coming into the princess's room to find her in a simple, purple dress instead of her armor.
"Unfortunately," Kamui sighed, fixing her bed despite Jakob's constant pleas to let him do it. "Father has sent Xander on a mission to Cyrkensia, so he can't train with me today. And Papa is instructing the new group of stewards on protocol, so I guess I'll spend the day in the library. We still have that book club meeting this week after all!"*
"Papa?" Jakob squinted his eyes in confusion, plucking a pillow out of her hand to fluff it properly. "Pardon me, my lady, but whom do you speak off?"
'Gunter, of course!" She laughed, giving him a playful punch on the arm. "He's basically raised all of us, so that makes him our Papa!"
"Hmmm." Jakob wrinkled his nose while smoothing out the creases in her bedsheets. "The old man is capable, I'll give him that, but I wouldn't consider him a father figure."
"Then what about the time you called him 'Dad' during dinner last week?"
"I thought we agreed to never speak of that?!" His face flushed such a dark red that it sent Kamui into a laughing fit.
"So you DO think of him as a father figure!" Kamui gasped, hunched over with her arms wrapped around her sides. "Just admit it already, Jakob!"
"Honestly." Jakob groaned, rubbing a hand over his burning face. "I will admit nothing, Lady Kamui. Now, I've come to help you finish getting ready, so please take a seat at the vanity."
"Yippie!" She cheered, laughing fit forgotten as she plopped herself down on the vanity stool. "Please perform your wonders, Mr. Hairdresser!"
Jakob grinned at her enthusiasm and followed suit, slipping off his gloves and picking up the trusty pearl comb. Her hair was thick with knots and frizz, causing Jakob to wonder if she trained even in her sleep. But they were no match for him as he gently brushed the comb through her hair, uncurling the knots one by one.
"Y'know, Jakob," Kamui hummed, peering up at his reflection in the mirror. "Gunter really cares about you. He was quite pleased you called him Dad."
"If you say so, my lady." He mumbled, focusing on the task at hand. "If you say so."
But Kamui could see the blush on his cheeks and smiled to herself at how cute he was.
"Thank you for being so gentle, Jakob." She beamed, throwing him a bone. "Whenever you brush my hair, it is almost therapeutic."
"Well you do have beautiful hair, my lady. It would be a crime to ruin it." Jakob replied, gently sweeping a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Hehe! Thank you! However, I do remember that you were rather rough with it when we were children. Having you groom my hair felt more like torture than anything."
"I recall no such thing." Jakob lied, perfectly recalling how horrible he was at such a simple thing. In his defense however, it was because he was so close to Kamui that it made him nervous and sloppy.
"I think you do." Kamui teased.
"I do not." He fired back.
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too~!"
"Do no-Oh alright! I remember!" Jakob groaned, trying to ignore her laughter. "But I have improved greatly, thus annulling my past mistakes!"
"I guess that is fair," She agreed with a teasing grin. "I still have no idea how you improved so vastly in one night!"
"Hard work and discipline." He smiled, soaking in her praise. In reality, Jakob had tracked Felicia down and "asked" her to be his guinea pig in exchange for him being nice to her for a month. Poor Felicia was almost bald when Flora finally stepped in and gave him lessons.
Princess Kamui didn't need to know about that though.
"I must say that your hair is getting quite long, my lady. Look, when you sit, it touches the floor."
"I know!" She cheered, clasping her hands together in excitement. "I realize it is not practical to have so much hair, especially as a warrior, but it makes me feel…..free."
"Free? How so?"
"Well," Kamui sighed, fiddling with her headband. "whenever I look out the window, train, or even when I'm running around the fortress, wind always rushes past me and blows through my hair. And it…it just feels so liberating, like I can fly away and go to my family."
"Is that why you also refuse to wear shoes?"
"Maybe." She giggled, scratching her cheek. "I've lived inside the North Fortress for as long as I can remember. It becomes hard to breathe sometimes, so maybe that is why such a little thing can feel liberating."
Her words struck a chord with Jakob and he froze in place, drawing Kamui's attention.
"Jakob?" She watched her friend with a concerned gaze, not liking his pained expression. "Is something wrong?"
"Do you…hate it here?" He whispered, his heart cracking at the thought of Kamui secretly hating his presence.
As if understanding her error in wording, Kamui turned around and clutched Jakob's sleeves in her hands with a determine gleam in her ruby eyes.
"Not at all. You know why?"
"Why?" He found himself leaning forward into her grip. "Please, tell me."
"Because by living here, I was able to meet you, Felcia, Flora, Gunter, and Lilith. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."
Her loving heart never failed to amaze and endear Jakob, and he found himself falling in love with her all over again.
"Jakob?" Kamui's voice snapped him out of his daze, and he quickly pulled himself out of her grip, embarrassed to have indulged himself for so long.
"Please forgive me, my lady. My mind was elsewhere. Allow me to finish, then I'll take my leave."
Kamui stared at him for a moment, wondering if she should push further, but she just nodded and faced the mirror once more.
"All done, Lady Kamui." Jakob took a step back after adjusting her headband and slipping his gloves back on. "Is there anything else you require of me?"
"No, thank you, Jakob." Kamui said, picking at the lace on her dress.
"Then I shall take my leave." Jakob bowed deeply and was about to leave when Kamui's voice rang out.
"Wait, Jakob!"
"Yes?" He turned around to see her standing directly behind him, and he stumbled back in shock.
"You will always be my best friend. No one can ever replace you."
"Lady Kamui, it is not necessary for you to-."
"If I ever did leave, I would take you with me. You are the person I trust to remain at my side because I love you, Jakob. You know that, right?"
He wanted to touch her.
To yank off his gloves and caress her face.
To hold her close and never let go.
To be with her, not as a butler.
But as the man who loved her with all his heart.
He didn't do anything though. Instead, he just smiled and bowed once again.
"I know, my lady. It is an honor to serve you."
Kamui looked like she wanted to say more, and Jakob prayed to the Gods that she wouldn't. If she kept pushing him, he might cross the impassable line.
Luckily, a shout was heard from out the window; it was Gunter training the new recruits. Always a fan of watching her 'Papa' in his element, Kamui twirled around and walked towards the window. As she walked away, a light wind blew through the room, fanning her hair back and almost involuntarily, Jakob reached out and let the strands run past his fingers.
This was all he could do.
This was all he was allowed to do.
No matter how he felt, Jakob couldn't cross that line.
And he wanted to believe her, to believe in that promise that he was first in her heart. Yet, as if an omen sent from the gods, Jakob suddenly could see her standing the middle of a field. Two opposing sides called out to her, but Kamui turns away from them with an empty stare he has never seen before.
'Who did this to you?' or 'What happened to take the glow out of your eyes?' is what he wants to ask. But before he could say a word, she takes a small knife from its scabbard on her hip and slowly, she begins sawing off her hair bit and bit until it reaches her ears, curling out in uneven strands.
The hair she revered so much, the thing that symbolized freedom to her and connected her to Jakob was blowing away in the wind.
"I have to form my own path," She whispered, her fist shaking. "I have to find the true meaning of freedom."
Then, she reaches towards him, her hand outstretch. Yet, as he reaches out to her, someone else takes his place. A woman dressed in white with mysterious eyes. And then, hand in hand, the two walk away from the opposing sides, leaving Jakob behind.
"Jakob?" Kamui's voice snapped him out of his daze once more, and he finds himself back in her room. There she is, standing at the window with her long hair swaying in the wind and that radiant glow in her eyes. Even as she reaches out for him to join her at the window, he can't bring himself to move. Because even if the vision was a figment of his imagination, the thought that someone else may take his place one day as Kamui's closest confidant shattered his heart.
Realizing this, Princess Kamui, the woman he loved and adored above all, became even farther out of his reach.
A/N: *In the supports, Kamui says she actually had a book club with Felicia and Jakob. Thought that was cute. Anyways, poor Jakob, huh? While playing Revelation, I knew Jakob was there, but it felt like it was the Kamui/Azura show now, and I felt Jakob would feel replaced. I also noticed the default hair and the short curly hair options were basically the same, so I used that. And in some cultures, the cutting of hair represents banishment or a new beginning. I used both representations since Kamui is banished from both of her homes in the Revelation route. Thank you for reading!