So … almost five years ago, I fell out of the YGO fandom, leaving behind an unfinished story called Ore no Sonzai.
Well, now I'm back in the YGO fandom, and I've been looking over my old fanfics. And though I have parts of the rest of the story written up, I know I could never properly finish OnS: my writing style, and sense of story and character, have changed too much. But I still like the concept, and apparently a number of reviewers liked it, too. (Thank you so much for your kind words, everyone!)
Therefore, I've decided to re-do it. New writing. Similar beginning, but otherwise rather different than what I had originally intended. This is very heavy on both angst and fluff, and focuses a lot on the bond between Yuugi and Yami. You're free to read this however you like (and I'm well aware how easy it is to interpret my writing as shipping), but I definitely intended it to be a platonic relationship. There are hints of one-sided Peachshipping, basically on the same level as canon, with Yuugi denying everything and Yami teasing him mercilessly. Rated for vague mentions of Season 0/manga violence. I plan to post a chapter every Tuesday.
I realized, upon re-reading OnS, that a few concepts were inspired by LeDiz's Akh, and some of those ideas have transferred to this story. So I don't take credit for those. If you have not read Akh, go read it. It's amazing.
Thank you for the support you've given my work over the years. I hope you all enjoy. :)
1
Yuugi adjusted his tie for the fifth time in the last minute, eying his reflection. He sighed. Nope. It really didn't matter what he wore. He still looked like a primary schooler.
"Where are you going, aibou?"
His irritation faded. He tilted his head to the left as his other self appeared beside him, wearing the same dress shirt, trousers and tie Yuugi had spent so much time picking out. Only looking much better in them.
"A restaurant," Yuugi replied, his fingers twitching with the urge to adjust his tie one more time, even though he knew it wouldn't do any good.
His other self looked them both over, brow furrowed. "You're all dressed up."
Yuugi hummed. "Yeah, it's a pretty nice restaurant."
No response. He finally gave in and loosened his tie, before nodding, as if satisfied—he wasn't, not really—and walking toward his closet to find his dress shoes. He felt his other self follow close behind him.
"So … who are you going with?"
Yuugi didn't turn around, focusing a little too hard on the pile of shoes he didn't wear enough to keep downstairs. "Well, um, Anzu's meeting me here, and then—"
A very pleased chuckle from over his shoulder cut him off.
"Oh, finally going on that date?"
"Stop it!" Yuugi whined, trying and failing to force down the blush on his cheeks. "Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun are coming, too!"
He snatched up his black shoes and turned around, head held high. His other self smirked, one eyebrow raised, arms crossed over his chest.
"But you're walking together first. Just the two of you. And you can't switch with me this time, I'm not falling for that trick twice."
Yuugi silently cursed his luck. He really wasn't ever going to let that go, was he?
"I thought you had fun?" he asked, refusing to meet his other self's eyes.
It didn't matter, of course. He could be across the room with his back turned. His other self always knew.
"I did," came the reply. "But that was supposed to be your date, aibou!"
Yuugi snickered at the memory, then bit his lip and looked up. "Actually, I was wondering… if you wanted to come out for a while tonight."
A blink. "Aibou, we just talked about this."
Yuugi shook his head.
"Not like that, I'll walk with Anzu if you insist, but at dinner, with everyone … you should have fun."
His other self looked at him with soft, concerned, almost confused eyes, mixed emotions trickling along the link. "They're your friends, aibou."
"They're your friends, too, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi replied, holding his gaze, trying to project every bit of emotion behind it. He swallowed. "And you should … enjoy spending time with them. I mean, after we go to Egypt …"
His throat closed up. It was doing that far too much lately. He averted his gaze, even as his other self reached out to touch him—not that he could really touch him, but Yuugi knew when his hand was there. Before his hand could brush his shoulder, Yuugi forced his head back up, a smile on his lips that wouldn't have fooled a half-asleep Honda-kun, let alone the spirit sharing his mind.
"It'll be fun, and you should come out to enjoy it! Though I have to warn you, Jounouchi-kun's been asking for a rematch. Maybe we shouldn't bring the god cards this time, it doesn't really seem fair to duel with them."
His other self didn't even raise an eyebrow. They had long passed the stage of pretending they didn't know when something was wrong with the other. But they had also passed the stage of pushing it when the other wasn't in the mood to talk.
"I don't think Jounouchi-kun would let us duel without them," his other self replied.
Yuugi chuckled, his smile a bit more genuine. "Yeah, you're probably right … he deserves the best I can give. Or the best you can give."
But his other self didn't smile back.
"You should duel him, aibou. It's been a long time since you've dueled for fun."
Yuugi's smile slipped as he heard the ticking of an imaginary clock in the back of his head. It had been there since Battle City, constantly reminding him that his time with his dearest friend would not last forever.
"You hardly ever get to duel for fun, though." He forced the smile up again. "You … you should take advantage of it. No stakes, no ante rule, just a fun game with our friends!"
His other self's eyes had never looked softer. Yuugi wondered if anyone else saw his eyes, without the sharp concentration that came out in duels. He wondered if his other self had even worn those eyes during his day out with Anzu, when there was no threat, only talking and games and friends. Somehow, he doubted it.
"We'll see."
Yuugi did not reply. He picked up the Puzzle from where he had laid it on his bed and slipped the chain around his neck. Then, with a final, uncertain glance at his reflection, he slipped out the door and into the hallway, taking the stairs two at a time back down to the shop.
"Jii-chan, I'm heading out!" he called as he slipped through the door behind the front desk.
"Be careful, Yuugi!" Jii-chan shouted back, probably from the kitchen, by the sound of it. Maybe he was going to try and cook again. Hopefully he wouldn't set anything on fire this time … "And have fun with Anzu-chan!"
Yuugi flushed. He could feel his other self smirking.
"Jii-chan, not you too!"
He got only a laugh—well, two laughs, even though his other self tried to muffle his. Shaking his head and sighing in fond exasperation, he slipped through the empty shop and out through the door to wait for Anzu to arrive.
The sun hung just over the horizon, turning the faraway buildings into silhouettes, the air surprisingly cool for mid-summer. Yuugi forced himself not to fidget with his tie again and clutched the Puzzle instead, leaning back against the outside wall of the shop and straining his ears to make sure Jii-chan wasn't breaking anything important.
Mama had been gone for a week now. He didn't see her very often nowadays, even if she was home, so it made little difference when she left on a trip to see her husband. Yuugi couldn't even remember the last time his father had been home for more than a few days, and he supposed it was about time she went to visit him on his constant business trips.
She hadn't asked if he wanted to go with her. Once upon a time, he might have wanted to, even if it meant missing school. But now the thought of spending time with his father, a man he barely knew, instead of his friends, sounded just as ridiculous as it probably was.
And without Mama around, he didn't have to be quite so careful about his conversations with his other self. Jii-chan had known about him for a long time, and he probably wouldn't have cared if Yuugi started talking to himself anyway.
They had also been getting a lot more take-out, ever since Yuugi realized that almost anything Jii-chan cooked turned out charred.
Life was quiet. He got up, went to school, hung out with his friends for a bit, went home, did his homework and helped out at the shop, and went to sleep. Normally, he would have welcomed the respite. Everything had been so crazy since Duelist Kingdom, and it should have been nice to just relax.
But relaxing gave him more time to think, and more time to talk about things that hurt to discuss.
He had no doubt that his other self had noticed his attempts to avoid the inevitable conversation. Yuugi didn't ignore him, by any means—that would have been cruel, given that he was his other self's only link to the outside world, the only person he could talk to when he wasn't in control of the body. But he skirted around the heavy topics, maybe because there had been so many heavy topics lately, and maybe because another was right ahead of them.
And though he could put it off for a while—his other self would probably let him put it off for months, even years—he couldn't do it forever.
The clock was running out.
His other self had worked so hard for this. And Yuugi wouldn't even think of denying him his chance to finally discover who he really was.
"Yuugi!"
Yuugi jerked his head up. His lips stretched into a smile as he saw the figure jogging toward him, one hand waving high in the air.
"Hi, Anzu!" he called back. "Ready to go?"
She stopped in front of him, her cheeks a bit red from exertion, but wearing a smile nonetheless. She had far outdone him in terms of dressing up, part of her hair pulled back into a ponytail while two thick strands framed her face, a her lacy pink skirt paired with an embroidered top and high white boots. She hadn't dressed more than semi-formally, but she would easily outshine everyone else in the restaurant.
He thought so, anyway.
His other self snickered, mentally nudging him in the ribs, and Yuugi shooed him away.
"Yep!" Anzu replied. Then she paused, brow furrowed, and tilted her head. "Are you okay? You look … bothered."
Yuugi tensed and forced his smile to widen. "No, no, I'm fine. Come on, we'd better hurry!"
He slipped past without waiting for her reply, walking so fast it almost counted as a run.
"But Yuugi, we're still early!" Anzu called after him.
"But if we walk really slow, we'll be late! Let's go!"
"Yuugi, wait up!"
He slowed down until Anzu caught up to him. She sighed in fond exasperation, smiling despite her attempts to hide it. Then, side by side, they started down the sidewalk toward the restaurant she had picked earlier that week.
The two of them chatted about nothing and everything. Classes, homework, how Kaiba-kun had almost completely stopped coming to school to run his company, the tournaments that were coming up, whether Anzu had found a new part-time job. She avoided bringing up the trip to Egypt, and Yuugi wished there was a way to thank her without actually saying it.
The sun had almost disappeared behind the horizon by the time the restaurant came into view. Yuugi grinned and picked up his pace, only half-hearing Anzu's protests for him to slow down while she was wearing high-heeled shoes. He hadn't eaten since lunch, and he was all too ready for the delicious meal she had promised this place would provide.
Then he caught a flash of white out of the corner of his eye, and stumbled to a stop so fast he almost tripped over his own feet. He stared across the street, toward the shops highlighted by the setting sun.
Nothing. The flash of white … the striped blue and white shirt …
He could have sworn …
"Yuugi?"
Anzu's voice behind him shook him from his reverie, and he turned to face her for a moment, catching the furrow of her brow, before looking back at the other side of the street.
"I thought I saw Bakura-kun."
"Huh? Really?" She followed his gaze, even though she surely knew as well as he did that they wouldn't find him. She sighed. "I've hardly seen him at all since Battle City … he misses school a lot. I hope he's okay."
Yuugi nodded. They had gotten rid of that spirit, hadn't they? The other Bakura-kun? Now Yuugi had the Millennium Ring. And without the Ring, the spirit couldn't do anything. Bakura-kun was safe now. He probably just needed time to recover.
"Yuugi! Anzu!"
They both turned to face the front of the restaurant. Yuugi hadn't noticed him before with the sun shining right in his path, but now he could just make out a figure standing by the doors, waving and somehow managing to look impatient even though the sun's glare blocked his expression.
Yuugi grinned.
"Jounouchi-kun!"
"What are you two doing standing there?" Jounouchi-kun called back as Yuugi and Anzu started forward again. "Come on, Honda already got us a table!"
Anzu crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Since when are you two early?"
"What d'you mean, early?" he asked, his raised eyebrow much clearer now that they were closer. Though he had put on one of his best dress shirts, he had apparently forgotten to brush his hair. "You guys are late, and we're starving!"
"But we're not supposed to meet for another ten minutes!" Yuugi replied.
Jounouchi-kun stared. "You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago! You said seven!"
"We were meeting at seven-thirty, Jounouchi," Anzu said, both her eyebrows up. "I told you three times."
Yuugi knew it might have just been the sun, but he swore Jounouchi-kun's cheeks turned bright red. He coughed.
"… oh."
Anzu sighed, shaking her head, but Yuugi swore he saw her smile. She shrugged. "Well, at least we don't have to wait for you. Let's make sure they don't start chewing on the table, Yuugi."
Yuugi just laughed and followed them both inside.
Luckily, the waiter came to their table quickly, and Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun agreed to split a bowl of edamame that they devoured in under a minute. Ten minutes later, their meals arrived, and as much as Jounouchi-kun had complained about wasting their money at a fancy restaurant when cheap food was just as good, he dug in almost before the waiter had set down his plate. Honda-kun called him a pig, only to seconds later begin shoveling his own food into his mouth loudly enough to draw glares from nearby tables.
Anzu put a hand to her forehead and sighed, but Yuugi just rubbed the back of his neck.
After five minutes of eating, he brought up the rumors of KaibaCorp holding another tournament soon. Jounouchi-kun insisted that this would be the time he finally beat Kaiba-kun's sorry backside, and glared at Honda-kun when he asked if Shizuka-chan would be coming to watch him duel. They discussed new cards that had been released and complained about upgrades to the Duel Disk Kaiba-kun refused to release for free, and Anzu pointed out, in the middle of politely enjoying her own udon dish, that KaibaCorp couldn't exactly run a business if it didn't have paying customers.
It was good food, and even better company, but somehow, Yuugi couldn't manage to do more than paint on a smile and step in whenever they started arguing.
His friends noticed, as always, and tried to draw him into the conversation, but he always fell out again. Anzu watched him with sympathetic eyes, and after a few failed attempts, she stopped bothering him, and distracted Jounouchi-kun when he kept insisting that something was wrong with Yuugi and he wasn't going to stop until he figured out what.
It touched him that they cared. But they couldn't help with this, and he didn't want to talk about it. Not yet.
Unfortunately, while Anzu could distract his two visible friends, his other self hadn't stopped staring at him since they arrived.
He hadn't said anything, but Yuugi could feel him at his side, watching him with soft eyes that none of their past opponents would believe belonged on such a harsh face. He felt a tinge of anxiety from across the link, the sense of helplessness that always appeared when Yuugi was upset or hurt and he just didn't know what to do. Because protecting his aibou was his first priority, what he was best at, and if he couldn't do that, what good was he?
That wasn't true, of course. But Yuugi knew his other self believed it.
Five minutes after Anzu drew Jounouchi-kun's attention away, Yuugi felt something shift in his other self's emotions. From anxiety to … anticipation. Hope. And, of all things, amusement. He resisted it for a minute longer, just smiling at his friends' antics, but finally he gave in and turned to where his other self hovered next to his shoulder.
There it was. That smirk. Paired with eyes that glinted with mischief, barely covering up his concern.
"Anzu seemed to enjoy walking with you, aibou," his other self said, eyebrows raised. "She looked at you more than usual. I think she likes your outfit."
Yuugi's cheeks reddened. He glanced at Anzu out of the corner of his eye, but luckily, she was too busy scolding Jounouchi-kun for eating too fast.
"You should have worn the bracelets, though," his other self added after a moment's pause.
Yuugi wrinkled his nose.
I told you, bracelets don't suit me! And they definitely wouldn't go with this outfit.
"Bracelets go with everything if you wear them right. Especially silver," his other self replied, smirking even wider. "Hey, tomorrow's Saturday. We can go shopping. I'll help you pick out some accessories that'll have Anzu crazy for you in no time."
He winked, giving a mental nudge that Yuugi had come to associate with a gentle elbow to the ribs. His whole face burned.
"Oh, stop it already!"
Only when all three of his friends froze, mouths still open, and turned to stare at him did he realize that he had spoken out loud.
Or, to be more accurate, yelled.
He could feel stares from all around the restaurant as well—Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun had already drawn disapproving frowns—but he ignored them, feeling his cheeks grow even redder as Anzu tilted her head in concern.
"Yuugi …?"
His other self snorted, the most undignified sound Yuugi had ever heard him make, then broke down into hysterical laughter, clutching his stomach even though Yuugi knew he couldn't feel pain as a spirit. Yes, this was definitely the most embarrassing experience in Yuugi's recent past. Even more than when his other self had thrown him back into the body to deal with Jounouchi-kun after the first duel of the KC Grand Prix. He clenched his fists.
"Stop laughing, mou hitori no boku!"
In a second, the confusion on his friends' faces disappeared, replaced by varying degrees of amusement and understanding.
Jounouchi-kun looked to Yuugi's side, as if searching for someone he knew he couldn't see. "Is he …?"
Yuugi huffed through his nose and crossed his arms.
"Laughing it up," he grumbled. "At least go back in the Puzzle if you're gonna be that loud!"
His other self only laughed harder.
Yuugi didn't want him to stop, though, even if it meant he was laughing at him. He couldn't remember the last time he had really heard him laugh. Not a chuckle accompanied by a smirk in the midst of a duel, when he had a way to turn the tables or knew something his opponent didn't. Just laughing.
If Yuugi could fit as much laughter in as possible before …
No. He wasn't going to be sad. Not here. Not now. Not with their friends.
Before his other self had a chance to feel the twisting in his gut, Yuugi broke into an extra-wide grin and asked if everyone wanted to get some fried ice cream to share. All three immediately agreed.
As a bonus, no one thought to ask what his other self was laughing about.
Yuugi found himself smiling for the rest of the meal, without even trying. He let his friends distract him, let himself focus on his other self's teasing and pretend that he would be teasing him for the rest of his life. Jounouchi-kun ate more than his share of fried ice cream, Honda-kun shouted at him for it, and it was only thanks to Anzu that they didn't accidentally leave without paying the bill. And his other self hovered near his shoulder, watching, smiling, without saying a word.
Yes. For now, everything was fine.
Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun waved goodbye, patting their full stomachs as they headed home, and Yuugi insisted on walking Anzu back to her house. As the loud chatter and distractions of the restaurant faded behind them, so did the temporary block on Yuugi's thoughts. He let Anzu do most of the talking. And when they reached her front door, even though she smiled at him with more affection than she had in a long time, he could hardly bring himself to enjoy it.
He wished her a good night and looked over his shoulder three times to smile as she stood in the doorway, waving him goodbye. Only once he was out of sight did he allow his shoulders to sag, his head tilting up toward the starry sky and his fingers brushing along the familiar, cool edges of the Puzzle around his neck.
"You didn't come out at all tonight," he murmured, just quietly enough so that no one could hear him without him seeing them approach first.
He caught the faint outline of a figure to his left. "I told you," his other self replied. "You should have fun, aibou."
Yuugi huffed. "But you should have fun, too."
He lowered his head, and his other self floated further into his line of view.
"I do have fun. Watching you have fun is fun for me as well. And I'm still there. Even if they can't see me."
Despite his reassuring tone, Yuugi found himself biting his lip. He turned to stare at his other self, stare through him at the street and buildings beyond. How could he be so content with his existence? How could he be so content with only one person in the world even aware of his presence unless he was possessing that person's body?
"Promise me you'll take over the next time we go out?"
His other self looked at him as if he had about two dozen things to say to that, but after a moment, all those things disappeared in a sigh. "If you insist, aibou."
"I do." Yuugi forced a smile onto his lips, his eyes gleaming a little in anticipation. "You'll have fun. All four of you."
He got no response. His other self drifted back to his side, and Yuugi continued down the street, taking the familiar turns that would lead him back to the game shop, his feet moving without conscious thought.
He wished, not for the first time, that it could be the five of them.
Him and his other self. Together, side by side, with Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun and Anzu. Just five friends, eating lunch, playing games, making jokes. No arguments over who would control the body this time. His other self had always been so careful about only taking over when there was trouble. He hardly ever got to just be … a teenager.
And that was what he was, wasn't it? Behind his confidence, his skill, even the fact that he had been locked away for three thousand years, he couldn't be that much older than Yuugi. He just never got the chance to act like it.
Well. If Yuugi had anything to say about it, he would get that chance. As many chances as possible. He could set up another not-date with Anzu, tell Jounouchi-kun to meet him somewhere for a duel and then switch places before his other self could protest. Ask Honda-kun if he could borrow that motorcycle again so his other self could feel what it was like to ride one.
Yuugi ran through everything he could think of that his other self might want to do, everything he took for granted, everything he should experience at least once.
Because he wouldn't get to later.
Once they went to Egypt, once they found his lost memories, the chance would be gone.
"Aibou?"
Yuugi didn't jump. His other self had long stopped being able to surprise him. He flashed a smile at the transparent figure at his side, shaking his head.
"I'm fine."
His other self didn't believe him. He lived in Yuugi's head. He knew when he was lying. But he said nothing about it.
Yuugi looked back to the street, eyes on the lights of the game shop in the distance, left on for him even though the store had closed. He let out a long breath that was not quite a sigh.
No, his other self didn't have much time left. And Yuugi was going to make sure he didn't waste a second of it.
Something was coming.
He couldn't see it, he couldn't hear it, but something was coming. Grabbing at him, clutching him. No, not him. Something precious. It had it and it was taking it and he tried to hold on but he couldn't and it was like someone was ripping his heart right out of his chest.
No. No. They couldn't take him. It wasn't time yet. He could still stay, he had to stay, he belonged with Yuugi, Yuugi would help him, Yuugi would keep him safe.
Further. Further. He reached and he reached and he could hear his other calling for him and he couldn't reach him—
Then his eyes shot open as he jerked up in bed, sucking in air like he had nearly drowned.
Moonlight streamed in through the window, illumining his desk and part of the floor but leaving everything else in shadows. The Puzzle lay at his side, just far enough away so that it wouldn't poke him in his sleep, but close enough to lay his hand over in reassurance. He checked everything over, finding himself chilly, shaky with adrenaline, but unharmed, unchanged.
He was home. In his bed. Everything was fine.
"Aibou …"
Yuugi didn't think he had ever been so happy to hear that voice. He let out a long, trembling breath he didn't realize he had been holding.
"Mou hitori no boku." He sat up properly, peering around the darkened room to find where his other self had manifested. "Are you okay? Sorry, I didn't mean to wake—or, disturb you, or—sorry. I just had a bad dream, it's nothing, you can—"
"Aibou."
"Mm?" Yuugi asked, tilting his head.
Then it hit him.
He had heard his other self's voice thousands of times. It was so similar to his own voice, yet so different at the same time. He knew what it sounded like, when he was only a spirit, transparent at his side, when he wasn't in control of the body. Ethereal, distant, echoing in his head as if he spoke directly into his mind.
This voice came from his left.
Below him.
And it was raspy. Weak. Real.
He turned his head slowly, like someone looking over their shoulder in a horror movie when they already knew something was there. Someone was there. He knew the owner of the voice would never harm him, not like the murderers sneaking around in dark corners in the movies. But he couldn't bring himself to move any faster.
His eyes shifted down and fell on the figure sprawled out on the carpet just below his bed, pushing himself up from the floor on trembling arms. Even in the darkness, he recognized the gleam of familiar violet eyes, sharper than his own, and hair spiking up in the same signature shape he saw every morning in the mirror.
Yuugi blinked, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes, forcing away what he was sure was just a hallucination. But the image stayed, and the figure grunted as he struggled to keep his limp, shaky body from collapsing. All the time, his eyes never left Yuugi's, clinging to his gaze like his only lifeline in a strange and terrifying world.
Sitting on the floor, staring back at him, was his other self.
Startled. Solid.
And alive.