Author: Melissa
Spoilers: everything.
Rating: safe for everyone.
Summary: Moments in Cordelia's life since she met Angel in L.A.
1.
She never saw that much dust in her entire life. Even her apartment was better.
But the room slowly begins to look like an office. A working office coz hey, Angel Investigations, we help the helpless.
She kicks Doyle out because he's just breezing around. He's just a guy, after all. And Angel is kicked down in the basement because he's just hovering over her shoulder, smothering her.
As she cleans what's going to be her desk, she thinks she has better to do than cleaning on a saturday afternoon. But if it means she's going to have a nice paycheck every month, she can suffer.
She's not done by the end of the day.
2.
Doyle is dead.
She doesn't go home that night.
She doesn't even kick Angel out of his bed. The couch is good enough for her under the circumstances. Night has fallen like the sun will rise and another day happens.
The sun is pouring in and she sits at her desk, half-listening to the traffic outside. Life goes on, they say and she knows it's probably true. For the moment, though, she's grieving. She's remembering. This is all she can do today.
She decides to hide in the basement for the rest of the day and closes the office door. Tomorrow, she won't hide, will face the world head held high. She'll feel better tomorrow. Not today.
Tears add a salty taste to her coffee.
[iFirst soldier down.[/i
She tries to smile when Angel cooks for her but fails. She eats anyway and he takes a seat and joins her. "I thought you didn't eat," she says with a frown.
"I don't need to. Doesn't mean I can't."
She shrugs and goes back to her plate. "Okay."
They eat in silence.
3.
Wesley is a dork. But he's her dork, in a non-boyfriend way of course.
She likes him. She likes Angel, too.
And the three of them are alive - it doesn't matter if Angel's place has been blown up and that her apartment looks like there's been a war there. They're alive and kicking.
Wesley is buried deep in a book, doing some research about some demon they fought earlier that day and Angel's nursing some blood she warmed in her microwave. He's still shy about it but he perfectly knows she won't let him go all broody about that again.
They're family.
She peers outside, holding the curtains so Angel won't crumble to ashes. The sun is bright, warm, bathing the city of angels with its light.
She'd like to go to the beach.
4.
She's fired. Angel [ifired[/i her. All of them. Her, Wesley, Gunn.
She tries to talk to him but he won't change his mind. She's sent home a little roughly, left angry and irritated and confused. She's in tears when Dennis kindly opens the door for her.
She's scared for Angel and at the same time she doesn't want to care. He doesn't matter anymore - she repeats the mantra over and over again in her head and she might believe it in the end.
Later, she realizes she forgot some clothes at the Hyperion but she learns that he gave them away for someone else.
He gives away her clothes, not knowing he also gives her heart away.
And it's not really because of the clothes.
5.
New clothes. On the moment, she's happy, bouncing around the Hyperion lobby as if Brad Pitt has asked her to marry him and be his co-star in his new movie.
But it's only new clothes. Like a high, it's quickly over and she's feeling shallow. Because it's how he sees her - shallow. New clothes and she forgives him, forgives the betrayal - it's not how it works.
She suddenly feels stupid.
It's silent, she's silent and he knows something's wrong. She's standing in the middle of the lobby, her hands clutching a few items of clothing and she's staring at nothing, breathing heavily. He knows what it means and he's there in no time to catch her before she falls on the floor.
It's painful and she barely knows what's happening before it's over. She tells them about the vision, three vamps and a girl in a dark alley, just two blocks away.
Wesley and Gunn rush to get their weapons but Angel stays there, holds her in a half-sitting position and she tells him she's fine, really but he won't let go.
He tells Wes and Gunn to go get the Plymouth, that he'll join them in a minute and the next thing she knows is that he's picking her up and carries her to his bedroom.
He gets a glass of water and pills and she swallows. He then smooths her hair and kisses her forehead, promising he won't be long.
Now she can forgive him.
6.
Fred stays, Fred's here and Fred's a part of the Champions. The team now feels complete.
They spend the night all together, eating pop-corn and watching movies. She sits by Fred's side and feels like the older sister. She's thought it'd bother her but it doesn't.
She looks at Angel and smiles, the big, happy million dollar smile she knows he's completely in love with - because, honestly people [iare[/i in love with that smile.
He looks happy - well, not true happiness, because hello instant Angelus - in his don't-really-show-it -and-from-afar way and she waves, silently telling him to come over. He does.
They make room for him on her apartment couch and he sits by her side. He rests his arm on the back of the couch and she sits a little closer to him and rests her head on his shoulder and he relaxes when she looks up and smiles. He smiles back.
Now it's truly home.
7.
She was mad at him. Was.
She almost forgets why.
Baby Connor is asleep in her arms, not bothered by the afternoon sun as she stands at an open window in Angel's room. She's usually all ga-ga about Angel's son but today, she's just quiet.
She enjoys the moment - there's no demon, no apocalypse and it's day and it feels safe, not only because it's Angel's room and he's here but just because it is.
She doesn't move, her eyes riveted on the tiny creature in her arms, knowing perfectly her favorite vampire is drawing her with his son, capturing this moment forever.
When he's done, he tells her it's when he thinks she's most beautiful.
It's a beautiful day.
8.
She should be happy, well she's not.
There's Groo and she likes him, they spent a wonderful week away and her hunky man didn't get her visions while doing it. And she's back home.
She should be happy.
Instead, she unloads baby stuffs from the trunk and she can barely look at Angel. If she does, she's sure she'll be a crying mess. Teddy bears, tiny onesies, toys... he gives everything away like he once did with her clothes.
Baby Connor is gone. Connor is in a hell dimension. Maybe he's already dead - and she silently wishes he is because no child should ever live in a hell of any kind.
Angel's silent, that's not something new but she'd like him to brood - because broody vampire, she can handle. But there's nothing there, his heart is truly [idead[/i.
Hers aches for him.
He drives her home and she watches the Plymouth disappear at the corner.
She cries in bed later that night and Groo doesn't wake up.
9.
She loves Angel. She [iloves[/i Angel.
She's giddy, she's bouncy and she can't stop giggling. Connor - Steven... whatever - son is back and he's gonna live at the hotel and Angel's happy and she's happy for him and they're gonna meet at Point Dune and she'll tell him that she loves him and he'll tell her he loves her back.
The night couldn't have been more perfect.
She'll tell him and then after, they'll lie on the sand and hold hands and watch the stars above them. She's taking him to the beach earlier than she expected and it won't be daytime and he won't be wearing a plaid shirt but it'll be the two of them, lovers.
She looks at the drawing he's made and that she framed. She smiles fondly, they'll start over and one day - soon - it'll be just like before.
10.
She's screaming and no one hears her. She can't get out, as much as she wants to.
She sees and experiences and feels everything the demon that hijacked her body does. She can't stop it although she's struggling, shouting, she just can't stop it.
It hurts Angel, it manipulates Connor and he's falling for it and everyone else is duped. It seduces her friends, her [ifamily[/i with a smile but they should see that it's not [iher[/i smile. It's fake, it uses her body and memories but there are no feelings, it's not real, just the hurt is real.
She's feeling sick. And it's not because that thing is pregnant and going to give birth to itself.
She closes her eyes every time it kisses Connor and she cries when she can see the hurt in Angel's eyes. She's mad at him for not seeing, for not saving her and she hurts when she sees the betrayal in his eyes. She wants everything to be over because she knows she won't win this time.
It'll be over soon enough.
11.
She feels alive having him against her. Kisses him hard, holds him tight, gives him all of her love and though she wasn't sure it'd work, it does. Electricity courses through her veins, her whole body and converges to her lips. It passes from her to him and it's over in an instant.
Everything. Over in an instant.
The phone is ringing and though she wants to block the annoying sound out, she knows she can't. She misses his warmth, misses [ihim[/i and she knows she'll miss a lot a things but not as much as him.
"Oh, and you're welcome." She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes - he doesn't seem to hear.
As she slowly disappears, she thinks of Angel and her, on a beach, on a Saturday afternoon. He gets a sunburn and wears a plaid shirt and she kisses him, laughing.
She can almost hear the words of a nurse who isn't aware of what they had and what they never got the chance to have, telling him that she's gone forever.
[iSecond soldier down.[/i
He turns around but she's no longer here and he'll miss her eyes and the million dollar smile and the way she'd cheer him up even if she felt down herself. He'll miss her everyday but he'll move on eventually and he says words that she'll never hear now she's gone.
"Thank you."
THE END.