Author's notes: Yes, yes, I'll continue with my great work „The horror of Northwatch Keep". It will just take time- a lot of time. Here's a one-shot in-between to make waiting more bearable. I had the idea lately, a very funny one. It's a pity that you can't do this in the game. A real pity… Well enough said.
Disclaimer: I don't own TES V: Skyrim. Bethesda Software does. I only own my player character, the female Argonian Miss Scale. Please read and review.
Doing mischief on Solstheim
Miss Scale was so sick of it all… But let's tell first things first. The Dawnguard had sent her to Solstheim to kill a vampire master in Hrodulf's cabin and retrieve another Dwemer blueprint for Sorine Jurard out of Moistsound Mine or whatever the name was.
Miss Scale accomplished both things. But she didn't board the boat back to Skyrim immediately. No, she made the mistake of going on a tour around the island. It was a hunk of rock in the Sea of Ghosts, rich in resources, poor in culture and even poorer in mercy. Half of the island was choked in ash, the other half was buried in snow. And the locals were none too friendly as well. Those Redoran guards in Raven Rock grumbled something about "another hungry mouth to feed" and some even called her "outlander" or "lizard" to her face. So she left for the coast and hiked in eastward direction.
And after some hours, Miss Scale stumbled over this area with the largest mushrooms she had ever seen. Four of these mushrooms had freaking doors in them! Not to mention the ramps, stairs and lanterns. Which people wanted to live in an overgrown mushroom? Miss Scale chose to investigate. And so, she met the ancient Telvanni mage lord Master Neloth. Yup, he was a Dunmer with the foulest attitude this side of the Sea of Ghosts. He was rude, arrogant, demanding, callous and cynical. He did experiments on caged spriggans for the Hist's sake! He talk-ordered Miss Scale into participating in some experiments as well. There was this bond-to-Aetherius-thing, which was supposed to make her stronger. Well, Miss Scale pretty soon found out, that the spell also made her "allergic" to water. And for a swamp-dwelling, water-loving creature this just wouldn't do.
Master Neloth reversed the spell but he kept Miss Scale busy with a motherload of other tiresome errands and "research work". The last straw was the moment, when Master Neloth snapped at her that "Gratitude was for the weak and foolish." Miss Scale stewed a while in her anger. Then she came up with a veeery mean prank.
During one night, she snuck into Tel Mythrin as the mushroom-tower was called. She saw Master Neloth leaning against a wall, empty eyes staring off into space. So the old jerk was asleep? Talvas Fathryon, his apprentice, was also sleeping in his bedroll on the floor. Oh, in this case it would be so much funnier. Miss Scale charged a certain conjuration spell in her right hand and called Arvak. Wait, you've never heard about Arvak? He was an undead horse from the Soul Cairn, all black bones and blue flames on mane and tail. Miss Scale jumped on his bony back and nudged the bony horse-like thing into a full gallop. Round and round and round she went through Tel Mythrin's hall. The reckless charge of the un-horse sent scrolls, soul gems, parts of Dwemer machinery, spell tomes and the dozens of other things in a mage lord's household flying every which way. The din of rattling bones and crashing nick-nacks finally woke master Neloth and his apprentice up. At first, Master Neloth frowned in confusion. Then, the frown became a scowl and his enraged face reached a shade of almost black.
"Azura's *beep*, what are you doing in my hall? Stop it this instant!", Master Neloth bellowed.
"Jussst make me.", Miss Scale challenged. "Now it'sss my turn to do weird experimentsss. Yeehaw!" While Master Neloth choked on his fury, Talvas couldn't suppress a gleeful snigger. Well the end of the story was, that Master Neloth dispelled Arvak and removed Miss Scale from the premises – with shooting some boulder-sized fire balls after her. That wasn't so pleasant but it had been well worth the whole prank.
Author's notes: Oh how I'd love to do that to the old Telvanni jerk! But sadly, it doesn't work in the game.