A few warnings:
A fair bit of foul language, but I did censor it.
The last scene isn't quite a lemon, but it does get a little raunchy.
This is pretty much fuelled by suicidal themes, if you're touchy about that kind of thing, you might want to stay away from it.
Similar to the above warning: it's a little bloody at some stages.
Secret Box / Seymour's Mind.
"If you could please wait, I'll be back soon. There's food on the table in the lobby. Excuse me."
With that, Seymour left the room, leaving Yuna, Wakka, Tidus, Rikku, Lulu, and Kimahri near the entrance of his house.
"What was the point of letting us in if he was just going to leave us here?" Rikku asked.
"Stop whining. If you're bored there's food on the table, remember?" Auron answered her.
"I was just asking…" Rikku muttered as she made her way to the table to eat some fruit."
"Umm guys, I'll be back soon, too. I have to go do...something." Yuna said.
Yuna had seen Seymour carrying a small box around several times before, and she was curious as to what was in it. It was something she just felt she had to see.
She checked the room on the left. As she took a few steps in, she realised that it was Seymour's room. There was a big four-poster bed in the middle, surrounded by sheer curtains. There were drawers either side of the bed. Yuna checked these first: Pen and Paper, a few books, a blank sphere, some jewellery…Nothing of interest to her,
She wondered…Was whatever was in the box important enough to hide in a bed? She drew back one of the curtains surrounding it. A squatter monkey jumped out – Fancy keeping on of those in the house.
Besides the small area where the monkey had disrupted the sheets, the bed was immaculately made. The pillows were propped up against the wall behind the bed. She tipped one of them back…and there was the box. It was fairly small, and made out of dark wood Maybe mahogany? Yuna thought, but she wasn't interested in the box as much as she was in the contents of it.
Yuna unlatched the box and opened it. It was full of paper, ordered by age, by the look of it. The pieces at the back were crisp and yellow, whereas the ones at the front looked like they could've been written in the past week. Yuna flipped through the papers, feeling their textures, and selected one close to the back.
The writing on it looked like it was written by a very young child. There were a lot of Spelling mistakes, but she could make it out:
It is Tuesday today. The other kids in Guadosalam still tease me a lot. They hate me, I can tell. It's because I'm ugly. My hair is different to theirs, and there are marks on my skin that they don't have. Mum says that I'm just special, but I know she's lying. I hate it. I hate it so much. I wish I was never born. I hope I die. Will the other kids be happy then!?
Yuna closed the paper. She was a little shocked. 'So he wasn't always the cocky, know-it-all Maester he is now'. She thought. She estimated that he was around 7 or 8 when he had written that page. She looked again at the box. There were so many pages…were they all like this? What were the new ones at the front about? She knew that she couldn't read them all because Seymour would come back and notice that she was gone any minute. So she picked out several pages to read, staged all throughout the box. She sat down on the bed it was very comfortable and started to read. From the writing, this one looked like he had been about 9 when he had written it. It was also tear-stained, and hard to read in some areas.
Mom's gone. Forever. And it's my fault! She killed herself for me. She said that when She died people would love me, because she would become a fayth, and give me tremendous power with the aeon that resulted. But I didn't want her to be a fayth! I love her so, so much! I begged her not to die for me, I really did! I told her how I felt, that she was my mother, and the only person that really loved me.
I'll never use the aeon. Never. She's my mother, and I refuse to lose her…
I don't want to be here any more. Life's not work living without her. No-one cares about me, not even me. I will be happy if I die.
I still miss mother. I don't think I will ever stop missing her. There are pictures of her in the album downstairs. She was so beautiful. And she gave herself up for me! Stupid fking me! If I ever use that aeon it will be to kill myself. I think I need to avenge my mothers death. The only way to do that is to kill myself. It's not like anyone would miss me. They all hate me, and my father only wants to use me as a tool to get closer to Yevon. I have to avenge my mothers death! I must!
Yuna was astounded. So his aeon, Anima...was...His mother? 'but he said he would never use it!' She thought. 'when did he change his mind?' She folded that piece of paper and but it back in the box. She went to pick up the next piece of paper...and…wait a minute. The corner of this piece of paper was red. A deep, rusty red. And this was no pattern on the paper. It was old, but Yuna could tell that the stain was blood. She looked at the other papers she had picked out of the box…these all had blood on them. How could she not have noticed before? She felt like she was in a bad horror movie… a part of her screamed to put the papers back, and pretend she hadn't seen them, but a bigger part told her to read on. She opened the paper and continued reading about the tortured Maester's life.
This paper was very short…
To: Seymour
I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you! Fk you! I hope you fcking die! I hate you!
From: Seymour
His exclamation was punctuated by drops of blood, all over the page. Yuna doubted it was anyone elses blood but Seymour's. After this she barely wanted to read the next page, but she forced herself to go on: The writing was starting to look like it had been written by and older person…15, perhaps?
This sucks. Life sucks. Everything sucks. And I don't think that will ever change. I'm so ugly. And I'm the only one of my kind. The only ever half-guado, half-human creature in Spira. And it's not like I can really hide it, either. I have awful blue veiny things that stick out on my forehead, and my hair is gross! It's stiff, hard, pointy and blue! All the others have beautiful silky green hair. No girls will ever like me. They're all too beautiful for me. I'll probably never kiss a girl and I'll probably be a virgin till the day I die. Which I hope is soon. I want the pain to end. Everyone would be better off without me, They wouldn't have to look at me: the ugly, half blood freak.
Again, his words were punctuated with his own blood. Yuna sighed. She didn't think he was THAT bad looking… She folded the bloody paper and put it back in the box… or tried to. It hit something hard… some sort of plastic? She put her hand in the box and felt around. Her hand closed around something round… She pulled it out. A sphere!
She knew it would be a violation of Seymour's privacy to watch it, but she had already gone this far. She had to see it. She turned on the sphere.
Seymour sits on a lounge. He starts talking.
"If you're watching this I'm hopefully dead. This is to avenge the death of those I loved. It's my fault."
He stands up, and lifts the pillow he has been sitting on. From under it he takes a medium-sized steak knife. He sits back down on the pillow.
He plunges the knife into the start of his wrist, just below his hand. Then he starts to drag the knife down the length of his forearm, through his flesh. He doesn't wince. He barely blinks. He just stares straight into the sphere. Blood runs freely down his forearm, staining his clothes.
"This is for my mother."
He takes the knife out, and plunges it back in, next to the first cut. Again, he viciously tears the knife down the length of his forearm.
"This is for Lehenite."
He doesn't mention anymore names, but he continues slicing his own flesh until there seems to be no more room on his arms. As he leans to pick up the knife, the sphere gets a good view of the bloody, vertical lines on his arms. He's very faint from the blood loss now. He picks up the knife, slippery with his own blood. Once he has gotten a good grip on it, he turns it towards himself. He stares into the sphere for a solid few seconds… His eyes are so strong, so powerful. They aren't scared. They show only determination, and hatred for himself. He opens his mouth to say something…and he passes out. From the blood loss? His body makes a 'thud' as it hits the ground.
Yuna kept staring. She found herself begging "Wake up, please wake up"
He doesn't wake up. But shortly after, a guado, presumably a medic, rushes into the room, puts tourniquets on both of Seymour's arms, and turns off the sphere.
Yuna stared blankly. She felt a lot of pity for Seymour… But more so her mind was filled with questions. In that sphere… he was about her age. How could someone so young be so full of hate?... and who was Lehenite?
Yuna brought her thoughts back to the present. She realised that she was still sitting in Seymour's bedroom, with all his secrets spread in front of her.
She wondered… Could there be more information about this 'Lehenite' in the box? She grabbed a handful of the papers closest to the sphere and began to scan through them for the name…Here's one…
You know what? I'm almost actually… happy today. I met someone. I think I love her. Her name's Lehenite. I met her when I went out for a walk in the forest outside of Guadosalam… I was just walking, and feeling kind of… depressed. I tried to kill myself again using a twig… rather bloody. So I was sitting there, trying to find an artery in my thigh, and then I heard someone yell out.
"Stop!" She had said. I turned around and there she was. My beauty, Lehenite. Straight away I could tell she was not human or any other pure blood race. She definitely had Guado in her… Possibly more guado than anything else. I couldn't tell any other the other races her blood held but it didn't matter. She was beautiful to me, no matter what. We stared at eachother for a few seconds, and she walked closer to me. I looked down at the floor. Even though she herself was not of pure blood, would she see me as an abomination? Slowly, I looked up at her. She had beautiful, exotic eyes. They were green and blue and almost… catlike, in some way. But what was more important than their colour was what they showed. They didn't show hate, they only showed care for me.
"Put the stick down" She said to me. I did as she asked of me.
"I want to help you. Let me help you." She sat down with me. She tore a strip of the handle of her bag, and started to wrap it around my thigh where I had gouged a large cavity with the stick. She gave me some water, and sat with me while I drank it.
"You ok?" She asked me.
"Yeah" She grabbed my arm and ran her fingers along the still scars. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
"Yeah"
"… Seymour Guado, right?"
"Yeah"
"are you going to say anything other than 'Yeah'?"
"Yeah… Oh, sht, sorry."
"Well, my name's Lehenite. Lehen for short."
"I'm Seymour… Umm… Just Seymour."
She laughed. She had such a beautiful laugh. I think I smiled back at her then. It must've been the first time I've smiled in a long time.
"So, where're you from?" I asked.
"Nowhere, really. I was born in Guadosalam, because my dad is guado. My mum is ronso-human, and she wanted to go to gagazet to see her parents, but dad didn't ler her. They separated after a while, and I didn't want to go with either of them so I came out here into the forest. I go into Guadosalam when I need food. You know, I'm so happy that I found you. You could've killed yourself. And I really wanted to meet you. I think we're pretty much the only ones around without pure blood."
"I think so. I thought I was the only one… apparently not. You said you live in the forest? Come back to my house, please!"
I knew that my father wouldn't care. His only with was to keep me alive, so he could use me. I had to convince her, But after a bit of talking she came back with me.
I let her use some of my mother's clothes, but I can't really cook, so we cooked a meal together. Mainly seafood.
Even when she was guzzling down food she was beautiful to me. After dinner, we played chess for a long time, until it started to get really late, past midnight. So I showed her around to all the spare bedrooms in the house. After I had shown her all of them, I asked her:
"Which room do you like best?"
"They're all nice… But I think I like yours better."
I think my face must've gone bright red then. I'd never even had a girlfriend, so I didn't really know what she meant. Was she saying she wanted to sleep with me? Even if she was, I thought it was best to play it safe.
"I… only have one bed in my room."
"I know"
"Ok, then… "
I walked in and sat on my bed.
"Wait for me, I need to get ready" She said.
"Do you have any nightclothes or anything?"
She laughed then.
"Do you honestly think I'm getting ready to sleep?"
I was unbelievably nervous. It didn't take long for Lehen to 'get ready'. When she came out of the ensuite, she was completely naked. She crawled into my bed, and then she ---
Yuna closed the note. NO WAY was she going this far into Seymour's personal life. Well at least now she knew who Lehen was. His… Girlfriend? Seymour with a girlfriend just didn't seem right, but it certainly seemed that she was. But… Why would he kill himself for her? She guessed that the answer… was in another note? She sighed and picked up the one in front of her.
Lehen is gone. Not dead… But gone. She left a note saying she had to go, and she wouldn't be coming back. That's all it said. Did she leave because of how I look? I really thought she loved me… What if she didn't really want to leave me? What if she really does love me, and she was kidnapped? Taken away? If she does love me, surely she will come back and find me someday? Life is barely worth living without my love.
Yuna stopped reading. She could hear Seymour's voice coming from outside the room. Oh, sht. She heard her guardians talking to him. She was safe. They would stall for her… But for how long could they stall? Certainly not while she read the rest of these letters. She grabbed one of the new ones at the very front and put all the others back.
Braska's Daughter has become a summoner. I think that she has the power to become high summoner. She is very beautiful, and it pains me that I have to use her. I am going to propose to her. People will probably think it's just a move to get closer to Yevon… But that isn't quite true. I do have feelings for Lady Yuna, But I alsocare for the people of Spira, which is why I have to use Lady Yuna to kill them. When I marry her, she will hopefully take me on board as a guardian. Then when she obtains her final aeon, I will sacrifice myself to become it. That way, I can become Sin. From there, I will be able to destroy Spira. No, I will be able to save Spira. I don't want to destroy it because of some sick urge for destruction. Life is just a spiral of suffering and death. All the time I see people crying and mourning for the loss of others. There are entire races of people dying out, cities failing… When I kill them, there will be no pain, no suffering. Only peace, only darkness. I only hope that lady Yuna will go along with my plan. Whichever summoner that seemed to have the greatest potential is always the one that I would've chosen, but I expected it to be much easier than this. Lady Yuna is special. There is something so unique, so strong, so beautiful about her. I hardly feel that I could force her to do something against her will, but I must. I have to ignore my feelings for her—
"What are you doing? What did you see?"
Yuna had been so absorbed in his writings, she hadn't even noticed Seymour stepping into the room.
"Pretty much everything." She admitted. "You tried to kill yourself…"
She ran over to him and slid up his sleeve.
"Before you ask; Yes, those are the scars. Even after 11 years, they never really went away."
"Seymour, I'm so sorry about… Everything. Your mother, Lehenite, everything. It's… So sad. I had no Idea."
She took his hand in hers and felt his scars.
"It's the past. Don't grieve for me."
She looked up at him. She couldn't believe that he would think himself ugly. He was actually very good looking, now that she really looked at him. And his eyes… His eyes were so blue, so piercing. She walked even closer to him, so that their bodies almost touched. She slung her hands around his neck, and he put her hands on her waist. He leaned down and kissed her. Seymour had never felt anything like this. He expected that when he kissed her it would bring back the pain of Lehenite, but it didn't. All the pain of his past years was washed away as their lips touched. Yuna's arms wrapped tighter him, pressing the whole of her body against his. His lips travelled to her neck, and his hands slid from her waist to her hips. They tripped over each others feet and stumbled into the wall. They slid down it until Yuna was laying down and Seymour was on top of her. His hand toyed with the hem of her skirt and slid under it, feeling the length of her leg.
Part of Yuna wanted this to last forever. But there was something she had to ask him. She pushed herself away from him.
"Seymour… Do you really think you have it in you to destroy Spira? Do you really think you have the heart to do something like this? Will you do it?"
There were a few moments of silence. Neither of them talked. Yuna wondered if he was seriously considering her question.
"Yuna… This in here… It never happened, ok? Pretend you saw nothing. Pretend we did nothing. It never happened, ok? You mustn't tell anyone!"
Yuna nodded. "But…"
Seymour read her thoughts and interrupted her.
"And yes, I will."