Author's Note: I posted this on my Tumblr, but I thought I'd post it on here as well. The idea was out of pure randomness and I was actually rather proud of it. So let me know what you think at the end. This is the only Author's Note I'm posting, so no really big one except that if you want to see more I will usually write these on Tumblr, so follow if you actually enjoy this. That is all for now (:
Title: Cheesy I'm Sorries
Word Count: 3,033
Rating:PG
Paring: Brittana
She could hear the rain making pitter patter sounds on her roof as she stared out her window. Her view was slightly impaired as she saw a few cars pass here and there. She didn't really know what to do, but just think. Santana wasn't the type to really think things through unless something was truly troubling her. Through the window, she could feel the rain cooling down the temperature, making her rub her bare arms warmly.
She hated feeling this way; not knowing what to do or what her next move was. So she just sat there and listened to the rain. She was thankful her parents decided to take a trip to Michigan to see her grandparents. They asked her if she wanted to come, but she just chimed a simple no and a lame excuse that she'd miss school if she left. She was thankful they accepted her answer.
She slid off the window seat with a sigh and laid flat on her bed, staring lazily at the ceiling. She closed her eyes slowly as her mind spiraled out of control. Her mind was becoming overly hazy to the point where only one memory remained in her mind and that earlier today.
Ironically it was Valentine's Day; the day she practically dreaded, but that was only because the person she loved was taken last time. This time, she wasn't and she was determined to make her hers. She was worried about the possible stares and looks she'd get if she quite possibly dated her openly, but she knew there was only one way she was ever going to get her and that was coming out (in Santana's case she is slowly going to "veer out of it and do a double take in both directions" ). It was almost ridiculous as she thought about it. The front of her mind was telling her that Brittany didn't understand that this was hard for her, but in the back of her mind, she did.
Brittany probably understood this part of her better than anyone else because if she came out, Brittany would be walking along side her, holding her hand, giving her kisses, and holding her publicly. She'd be right by her side the whole time. Santana was beginning to think, maybe coming out isn't such a bad idea, she'll gain Brittany as a girlfriend and plus if Kurt can walk around openly and proudly, why couldn't she?
So it was early, a little earlier before Brittany got to school. She knew her choice of "romance" was a little cheesy and childish even, but Brittany loved that cute sappy stuff that Santana couldn't help, but gag at (but secretly enjoy). She placed a neatly folded piece of paper in Brittany's locker and something else Brittany probably wouldn't expect to be in there. She knew her combination since freshman year, so it was easy to put these things in, then she quickly walked away for the next fifteen minutes or so.
After occupying herself, she turned the corner where Brittany's locker was and leaned against the wall, just so she can steal glances over at her. She was dressed so beautifully today, even though Santana thought she always did as her long blonde hair hung freely over her shoulders.
Santana gulped when Brittany opened her locker and pulled out the rose with a growing confusion. She couldn't help but chuckle softly to herself when she saw it; she was absolutely adorable. She then pulled out the piece of paper and opened it eagerly, pleasantly leaning against the lockers next to her. She rocked back and forth gently, with a growing smile forming on her face, which Santana took as a good sign.
She noticed Brittany stopped reading and began looking in both directions down the hall with an even goofier grin on her face and that's when it hit Santana; the panic. If Brittany saw her, she may run over to her and kiss her before she could even get a chance to let it register. She knew there will be stares and the possible gay slurs or comments. Her heart began to pace at such an intense rate, that she just turned on the wall and ran down the hall. She needed to get away.
She skipped school the rest of the day, well for the day since school didn't even begin by that timeframe. She felt so lost; so discouraged. She dug deep into her inner "cheese" to plan that and when she does it and it clearly was invisible on her face that she loved it; she panics.
"Why does this always happen to me?" She whispers to herself, covering her eyes with her palms. Her phone vibrates. It's another text from Brittany and she didn't have the heart to pick it up to read them; any of them. She knew this could end terribly and there is a chance she probably could hurt the girl and everyone knows she doesn't want to do that.
"But aren't I hurting her more by ignoring her?" Her subconscious mind spoke aloud for her, so with a huff she finally gives in and begins to read the text messages; they weren't all from Brittany, one was actually from Puck.
Puck
Where are you? Brittany has been texting you all day. She keeps thinking she did something wrong since you weren't in school. Well whatever your reasons are, she's at Breadstix with the rest of us. The Warblers are doing their singing show again and she'd really like to see you. We all would, so hit us up.
With that, Santana tossed her phone on the bed then let out a large sigh, running her hands over her face again. All this thinking was beginning to give her a headache, but she knew that she had no choice. Her mind wasn't going to shut off; not just like that.
It's simple. You go to Breadstix and profess your undying love for her in person- She gulped fearfully when the last part of her thought ran through her mind –in front of everyone. Sure, the idea terrified her, but then she remembered one thing from those sappy love movies she always watched with Brittany.
Love is a terrifying thing, but you have to do what terrifies you most or you'll regret it in the long run or it was something like that, she didn't pay too much attention to it; and just like that she pulled herself off her bed and ran out of her door. She didn't bother to put a jacket on, but she knew she'd regret that decision later. She cursed under her breath when she didn't bother to take her car either, in too much of a rush to care.
The rain was really pouring down with an even harder intensity; she didn't think it was possible it could by the time she got to Breadstix. She cupped her eyes over the window and noticed the Warblers performing with Kurt as Blaine danced freely around with him. Santana could tell by the adoring look in his eyes that Blaine truly loved Kurt. She wanted that and that's why she was there; to get that.
In the corner of her view she spotted Brittany smiling brightly, giggling when Blaine spun Kurt around. She looked so pleasant, it almost made Santana think she wasn't thinking about her to begin with. Brittany turned her head to Artie who gave her one of those little Valentine's Day cards that you'd bring to elementary school and hand out to everyone in the class.
She gave him one of those toothy grins and kissed his cheek and even from outside in the downpour she could see the blush crept upon his pale cheeks, but that's when it hit Santana. He did miss her. He doesn't think he's being obvious, but a blind person could tell he wasn't over her and if he continued to sweet talk her and give her the childish Valentine's Day cards and stuff, she'd quite possibly be swooned.
Santana didn't realize what happened until she felt the cool air hit her. Her entire body was beating her up for not taking her car or even a jacket for that matter, but she didn't care; her objective was her. That tall, blue eyed blonde that sat eyeing her from across the restaurant; face blank, but eyes saying a thousand words. By this time all the attention was on her as she stood in the way of the entrance, soaked from head to toe, desperately awaiting her next move. In her mind she had a million and one words she could say and maybe just as many lyrics she could sing, but she wasn't sure if singing would be enough.
She closed her eyes; her heart picking up in pace once again, allowing her to let out the unsteady breath she's been dying to rid her body of. She balled up her fists and squeezed her eyes tight, then opened them, meeting eyes with her once again. No one else mattered in that restaurant at this moment. To her everyone else was invisible, merely non-existent.
Santana made a move, walking through the restaurant, leaving wet footprints as her shoes squeaked with each step until finally reaching the booth Brittany sat in. Brittany slowly adverted her eyes up to the visibly scared Latina, then Santana turned around and finally everyone else was visible.
"I'm sorry about a lot of things; things that I'm sorry can't cure or erase. I'm sorry for being a bitch all the time. I'm sorry for making crude gay slurs and remarks to Kurt. I'm sorry for disrupting your party," she starts off, pointing to the door at the end of her last sentence, making the people in the room laugh slightly, stopping for a moment to turn and look at Brittany, who was looking right at her. Her face was showing she was thinking, but not voicing it, so Santana continued, still facing her.
"I'm sorry for being so cold, but most of all, I'm sorry for not being truthful. I stated that I tell you guys like it is and granted I do, but-
Her voice trails off, long enough for her to lick her bottom lip, taking it between her teeth as she glanced down at her feet. "My actions aren't right and I know that, but I'm a bitch and I make gay slurs because I'm afraid of dealing with my own…feelings," she chokes out the last word as tears fill her vision, blurring the one person that was keeping her speech going.
Her bottom lip quivers as she feels a hand grasp hers. She glances down at the pale hand covering her own then up at the owner of it, who's giving her an encouraging smile, then she mouths: keep looking at me, so she does.
"The truth is and you guys probably won't believe me, but I'm in love with someone. Someone who makes my world better, someone who doesn't know that the things they do instantly make me smile, someone who through all the bad never leaves my side," she tells to Brittany; not anyone else because in this moment; nobody else is here.
"Someone who can make my heart race at the sight of them and I could say a million more reasons why I love them, but that's for them to discover. I've dated too many guys in my life, but none ever compared to this person. For once, I'm not afraid to say this out loud in public. I'll deal with the slushies to the face for the rest of my life if I have to because I know now that if I don't tell them how I feel, I'll never have them at all," by this time, Brittany's flawless face was becoming stained with tears, but Santana thought she looked beautiful anyway, but she turned to the rest of the group and looked at them, taking in a breath and letting it out.
"I assume you know who I'm referring to now, but I need to say it. I'm in love with a girl. I'm in love with a girl who makes my world spin round and makes my brain take a backseat to my heart; if that makes sense. I'm not good at being romantic, but I'm in love with this girl for all the right reasons and I hope she loves me back," Santana finishes, spinning around back to Brittany as everyone watched in their direction, awaiting for what happens next.
"Please say you love me back," Santana whispers to her sensing the déjà vu, tears streaming down her cheeks freely.
And when she didn't respond after a few minutes, Santana mentally kicked herself for saying everything she just said. She did everything Brittany asked of her. She sang a duet with her, she talked about her feelings, she sang her song for her; sure it wasn't asked, but she goes the extra mile and now she just came out to an entire crowd at Breadstix and she says absolutely nothing.
Santana shakes her head and lets Brittany's hand hang down by her booth and runs out of the restaurant, mumbling the words "stupid, stupid, stupid," repeatedly, slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand as she walks back up the road to her house.
Halfway up, she hears frantic running behind her; they were coming closer and she stops and turns to see Brittany, completely drench from head to toe. Brittany stood in front of her gasping for air, squinting her eyes through the downpour at the darker girl in front of her.
"Why did you leave?" Brittany asked, walking closer so they didn't have to yell over the rain.
"I said this whole speech and when I asked you a simple question, you didn't say anything back!" Santana yelled flabbergasted; she couldn't believe Brittany even asked her that question, so she was angry at her for not opening her mouth.
Brittany shrugged, kicking an invisible rock on the sidewalk and looked her deep into her brown eyes. "You already knew the answer," she simply said, making Santana shake her head. Yeah, she knew the answer, but she wanted her to say it.
"I want you to say it again. I wanted you to say it in front of everyone. I poured my heart out to you twice today and I thought this time would make a difference, but I guess I was wrong," she spills, starting to walk up the sidewalk again, then turning around "You know! I've done everything you've asked of me, what more do I have to do Brittany?" she asked loudly, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.
Brittany stalks up to Santana and grasps a hold of her hand and pulls her back in the opposite direction, towards Breadstix. She didn't think Santana would let her originally, but she complied anyway. She was being pulled urgently, but still the grasp was soft to the touch as they walked through puddles on the pavement.
They made it back to Breadstix and Brittany stopped pulling Santana as they stood in front of the large windows. None of their friends noticed that they were outside, assuming they were just other people. Brittany glanced inside and then knocked on the window, causing some of her friends to look up and call everyone else, assuming they were telling the others that the girls came back. Santana was instantly confused by all of this but she decided to go along with Brittany's madness; she always does.
Brittany turned back to Santana, who still wore her confused expression before a growing smile appeared on her face. She opened her jacket and pulled out the rose that Santana placed in her locker and the note, which was completely soaked from her pocket. Brittany leaned down and sniffed the rose then looked up at Santana.
"I've smelled this rose everywhere I've went today and I've read this letter at least four times and never once does it not make me smile. I'm so proud of everything you've done and I'm thankful for all you've done. You've taught and showed me things about myself I didn't even know and-
She draws out her hand grabbing both of Santana's hands pulling her along into Breadstix, having them stand in front of everyone. "-and I love you too more than anyone else in this world and when I told you anything is possible, I meant it," she tells her, making Santana look down at their hands. She wasn't sure exactly what Brittany was getting at, until she felt her hand stroke her cheek softly, making Santana raise her head once again meeting the blonde's eyes.
Brittany carefully and slowly leaned down to the brunette's lips, not showing any signs of pushing or dismissing the affection, she goes the extra 10 % , placing her lips upon Santana's, letting the fireworks and heat rise through their completely drenched, cool bodies. Santana didn't kiss back right away, nervous at the feeling that she was in public, kissing a girl; her best friend at that, but when there was no comments, she wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, allowing the kiss to become far more passionate, until she heard…clapping?
They pulled away and turned to their friends who had smiles on their faces; even Artie. He wanted Brittany, yes but what he wanted more was her happiness. He doesn't like that Santana "manipulated" the taller girl, but he couldn't hold a complete grudge if he wanted her to be happy, right?
The girls exchanged smiles, then Brittany grasped Santana's left hand and placed a simple kiss on her temple then whispered "I wanna be with you, do you think you can handle that?" into the Latina's ear, making her laugh slightly, then grasp her shirt and pull Brittany in for another kiss, causing some "wooo!'s" to be thrown in their direction, which Santana's ego totally took in as Brittany took that as a yes.