Title: I watched him die
Rating: G
Pairing / Characters: Ukitake Jyuushirou, Shiba Kaien
Word Count: 511 words
Warnings: Spoilers for the Soul Society arc
Summary: Jyuushirou celebrates Kaien's life through his death
A/N: I did this at work, scribbled it in a notebook and brought it home to type it up. I sincerely hope that I am still keeping within the canon and I would very much appreciate being let know if I am slipping up. Writing is my passion, and I hope to one day make it my career so all constructive criticism is very much needed. Hmf, long author's note. SOWWI…
There are two kinds of fights.
The first is to defend pride, the second, to defend life. As long as we fight, we must always know the difference.
I tell my division this constantly because I believe that it's true. We are all given choices, and it isn't how we die that determines our character but the way we live. The night I watched Kaien die was the first time I doubted my wisdom. That night, standing under the trees, I was glad of the rain soaking into my clothes because it hid my tears. Not just for Kaien's death, for Kuchiki, who loved him but unintentionally dealt him the deathblow, and for me. That night, I lost a piece of my soul that I can never heal. Kaien's death has hung over my division, one of the many reasons why I haven't yet chosen a new lieutenant. In a way, Kaien was irreplaceable.
It's true I watched him die- but I also had the honour of watching him live.
Shiba Kaien was my second in command but more than that, he was the beloved son I never had. I watched him slowly – very slowly at times – grow into the leader I knew he would become, and my heart swelled with pride. When he passed his exam, I did what any proud father would have done: I invited Shunsui and Kaien over to celebrate and we all got horribly drunk.
When Kaien burst into my office to tell me he was getting married, I wasn't sure how I felt – by turns more than pleased, yet saddened at the thought of the young boy I had literally watched grow up becoming a man. I was present at their wedding, and I hope, with the amount of sake we all consumed, that I fulfilled my fatherly duties. I know I didn't perform them well, I was far too drunk, but I hope I did them at all. (I still can't remember that.)
Kaien loved life.
Never was he happier than in the midst of battle, and I never regretted having him at my side while we fought. He laughed over the oddest things and celebrated even the passing of the seasons. Miyako he loved more than any earthly thing, and the years he had with her were like precious jewels to him.
Kaien had this way about him of befriending people, caring about them, and in turn, bringing out the best – and sometimes the worst! – in them. His laughter was contagious, and of all the people I have known, was unsurpassed at being able to persuade those around him into going along with a practical joke.
I watched him die.
In my eyes, his fight with the hollow culminated in his victory because Kaien knew how to fight for the right reasons and when to do so. Through my grief, I have been able to hold on to that thought and to tell myself that Kaien would have wanted it that way.
You see, in his death, Kaien taught me how to live.