Ever written something and thought 'what the bloody hell was all that about?' Well, this is it. Apologies for ramblings.
GUILT
MI5 internal Inquiry. Harry Pearce Psychological Interview.
PSY: Do you feel any guilt at the knowledge you have given away a state secret?
HP: Yes
PSY: Would you do it again?
HP: Yes.
PSY: Can you live with the guilt?
HP: I live with guilt every day.
PSY: What kind of guilt?
HP: The kind that means I have failed all the officers I have lost.
PSY: But you didn't lose this officer, this time?
HP: No and that is why I would do it again.
PSY: Is this officer different to the others?
HP: Yes.
PSY: Why?
HP: Because this time I could do something.
PSY: Was this officer more important than the others?
HP: Yes.
PSY: Why?
HP:
PSY: You fail to give an answer?
HP: I choose to not give an answer.
PSY: You realise how that will be viewed? Why was she more important?
HP: I failed her once before, twice before, but not a third time.
MI5 internal Inquiry. Ruth Evershed Psychological Interview.
PSY: Do you feel any guilt at the knowledge that a state secret was given up to save your life?
RE: Yes.
PSY: Would you prefer otherwise?
RE: Yes.
PSY: You would have preferred to be sacrificed?
RE: Yes.
PSY: Why?
RE: It was my turn.
PSY: Your turn to die? Like your friends and colleagues before you?
RE: Yes.
PSY: Would you have chosen to die if you had known that a weapon would not be sacrificed? If you had known that the only thing to be given up was a fake, a deterrent?
RE: But it wasn't.
PSY: But hypothetically would you have felt the same?
RE: No, I suppose not.
PSY: Do you know why Harry Pearce chose the option he did?
RE: Yes, I think so.
PSY: Why?
RE:
PSY: Was it because he has feelings for you?
RE:
PSY: Was it?
RE: Yes, I believe so.
PSY: And how do you feel about that?
RE: Guilty.
MI5 internal Inquiry. Harry Pearce Psychological Interview
PSY: You feel guilty for failing her?
HP: Yes.
PSY: In what way?
HP: I failed to find a way to protect her in the past and for that, for me she had to flee.
PSY: And the second thing, you mentioned?
HP: I failed to stop the death of her husband.
PSY: Her husband? I would have thought you would feel glad at his demise?
HP:
PSY: You're angry I should suggest that?
HP: Yes.
PSY: Angry because I am wrong or because I am right?
HP: I didn't want her hurt.
PSY: But you were glad she might return to you?
HP:
PSY: Did you want her back?
HP: She was never mine to have back.
PSY: But you wanted her back, with you, near you?
HP: Yes.
MI5 internal Inquiry. Ruth Evershed Psychological Interview.
PSY: What do you feel guilty about?
RE: What don't I feel guilty about?
PSY: Who's asking the questions?
RE: I feel guilty about so many things.
PSY: Tell me.
RE: I can't.
PSY: Your husband, he died.
RE: He was murdered.
PSY: Do you blame Harry?
RE: No.
PSY: Do you blame the group who held him?
RE: No.
PSY: Who do you blame?
RE: Me.
PSY: Why? Explain?
RE: If he hadn't met me he would be alive.
PSY: But you were happy with him?
RE: Yes. I was with him, lived with him, was happy with him but…
PSY: But?
RE: But I thought of Harry.
PSY: And then Harry let him die?
RE: No, Harry did what he had to do.
PSY: You don't blame him?
RE: No, I blame me.
PSY: You feel guilty?
RE: Yes.
PSY: And why else do you feel guilty?
RE: Because I should have grieved for him? I should have grieved for him for years, people do, don't they. They don't get over it.
PSY: But you did?
RE: I thought about Harry.
PSY: Not George?
RE: No.
MI5 internal Inquiry. Harry Pearce Psychological Interview.
PSY: You are willing to give up your career for her, what about your life?
HP: That too.
PSY: Why?
HP:
PSY: Why?
HP: Because she's worth it.
PSY: Why else?
HP: Because…
PSY: Why?
HP:
PSY: Do you love her?
HP: Yes.
PSY: Wouldn't it be better for your case if you didn't admit this to me?
HP: Yes.
PSY: And so why do you?
HP: Because I choose not to deny it any more.
PSY: Have you told her this?
HP: No.
MI5 internal Inquiry. Ruth Evershed Psychological Interview.
PSY: He has given up everything for you?
RE: Yes.
PSY: How do you feel about that?
RE: I wish he hadn't.
PSY: Why?
RE: Because I feel guilty.
PSY: Why?
RE: Because he has given up so much for me.
PSY: But you gave up so much for him.
RE: That was different.
PSY: Why? You're allowed to be noble and make the grand gesture but he isn't?
RE: No it's not like that.
PSY: Then what is it like?
RE: He deserved it. I don't.
There could be more but I don't know what it is and I doubt whether there will be the appetite for it, but tell me what you think anyway - I can take it!