A/N: Hey hey everyone! First off, THANKS for checking out my James/Lily story! I started writing this story back in 2003 *gasp* and totally quit after about two chapters. Well, I re-read it last September, was totally re-inspiried, and I've been updating frequently ever since. And I'll keep updating until it's completed: my promise to you.

Side note on me: My true aspiration is to become a novelist (I LOVE to write). Unfortunately, I know I definitely need a lot of work, but that's where you can help! Any guesses? ... REVIEWS, duh! Any feedback will help me to figure out what readers like and what they don't, and I'm equally interested in both. So whatever you're thinking when you're done reading, if you could jot it down for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. Feel free to give me the bad or the ugly… I can deal, and I will thank you for it.

So, in conclusion, I'll trade you my James and Lily story for some reviews… mk? Deal!

The Chauvinistic Stag

Chapter 1

At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, transfiguration was one of the hardest branches of magic for most students to master. The precise wand movement, imperturbable concentration, and tongue-tying incantation needed to conquer the complexity of a spell contributed to the difficulty of the subject, making transfiguration one of the least-liked classes in the school. And with the new and strict Professor McGonagall, no student was exactly thrilled to attend the excessively challenging and altogether demoralizing lessons three-times-a-week. All except, perhaps, James Potter and Sirius Black.

James and Sirius were widely renowned throughout Hogwarts. James, with his messy black hair, large hazel eyes, and slightly skinny, but fitted physique, acquired quite a fan club from the start of his second year when he was elected seeker of the Gryffindor quidditch team. Sirius Black, made beater the following year, was commonly known to make girls drool as he passed, his dark brown hair always falling perfectly into his chocolate eyes and his masculine physique intimidating passerby. However, if they weren't recognized for their meddlesome personalities, mouth-watering sex appeal, or skills on the quidditch pitch, someone always managed to point out James's twelve and Sirius's ten OWLs achieved at the end of the previous year. The entire female population was obviously deeply impressed by this duo. Brains, athleticism, good looks... I mean, honestly, who wouldn't be?

Lily Evans was also a sixth year. She had deep, thick red hair and almond-shaped green eyes. She was pretty and popular, and regarded highly among her peers. She had a bright mind, was a Gryffindor prefect, and rather enjoyed playing Wizard's Chess, although she rarely found an opponent as it was common knowledge she was impossible to beat. More importantly, however, Lily Evans was the one student in the school who was not deeply impressed by James Potter and his cronies. Actually, his cronies weren't entirely horrible... James was the wretched, maniacal leader of the group. Always ruffling his hair, playing with that damned snitch, and asking her out every other second of the day, Lily found his actions annoying and rather egotistical. And his treatment of Severus, who had been her friend even before she had started school, was not much to brood about either. What was his nickname for him? Snivellus? Disgusting...

At the moment, however, James was not letting the little golden ball flutter a few feet in front of him before snatching it into his chest, Lily was not defending Snape from Hogwarts' bullies, and Sirius was not lounging in his chair, being as sexy as possible. James, Sirius and Lily were all listening intently to Professor McGonagall in their last class of transfiguration before final exams. At least, Lily was listening intently. James and Sirius were fidgeting with a piece of shabby parchment under their desks in the row in front of her, muttering a little too loudly for their own good.

"Filch there yet?" Lily heard James ask.

Sirius shook his head. "He's on the fourth floor, and Mrs. Norris is in the Dungeons."

"We've got to go close it. I can't believe you left it open, Sirius," James continued.

"I had a few too many firewhiskies... you know that bartender down at the Hog's Head. He'll give you anything you like," Sirius shrugged.

"Filch already knows four though. You'd just better hope this one's not found-"

"You have something more important to say than me, boys?" Professor McGonagall interrupted, peering at them over her spectacles.

James and Sirius looked up appearing unbothered, shook their heads, and picked up their quills.

"You would think with final exams next week and NEWTs in only a year, all 6th year pupils would find it necessary to pay attention during class," she continued, looking at the boys scathingly, before turning around. But as soon as Professor McGonagall had turned her back on the class to continue teaching, Lily noticed how hurriedly James muttered something and flicked his wand, then threw the parchment into his bookbag.

Intrigued, Lily strained to get a better look at the grubby and torn sheet of paper, but her 16, almost 17-year-old eyes seemed to be wearing out on her, or else the paper was perfectly normal. Lily looked at the girl sitting next to her, Kylie Sanders, her best friend of six years since her first day at Hogwarts. Kylie was very pretty with blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin, but at the moment she was passed out on her desk. Lily expected she had had a few too many firewhiskies with Sirius, for they'd been unofficially dating and denying their feelings for each other for the past three weeks. Lily slowly looked around to see that no one was watching.

"Accio Parchment!" she muttered under her desk, making the paper fly into her opened hand. Smiling with satisfaction, Lily unrolled the parchment that both James and Sirius had been so intently discussing.

"Uhh..." Lily heard herself mumble under her breath as she stared at the grubby, dirty, but entirely blank piece of paper. She glanced around the room and at the professor to make sure everyone was still intrigued by the lesson. Then, she pulled out her Revealer from Diagon Alley and rubbed the large red eraser across the middle. Nothing happened. Lily grabbed her quill and added a dab of ink to the corner. Nothing happened, except the ink gleamed brightly and permanently back at her. Growing slightly frustrated, Lily pulled out her wand and muttered, "I, Lily Evans, command you to show your secret!"

Immediately, the ink in the corner vanished and large curly letters began to appear down the page, and Lily almost gasped loudly as she read the inappropriate comments.

Mr Padfoot presents his compliments to Miss Evans, for she is very pretty, though he'll never look twice at her for she belongs with Mr Prongs.

Mr Wormtail wonders where Ms Evans inherited her lovely smile, brilliant eyes, and billowing hair, for Mr Prongs has great taste.

Mr Moony agrees with both Mr Padfoot and Mr Wormtail, and would like to add that if Mr Prongs mutters "Lily Evans" in his dreams one more time he is going to bash his own head in with a broomstick so he'll be knocked out and finally able to obtain some peaceful sleep.

Mr Prongs would like to ask, Lily Evans will you ever go out with me?

Lily wrinkled her nose in deep disgust. Disturbed by the obscure parchment in front of her, she shoved it into her bag and returned her attention to Professor McGonagall's lecture. As the bell rang to signal the end of class, Lily nudged Kylie to awaken her from her deep stupor and pulled out the parchment still glowing brightly with the same comments as 20 minutes before. She walked straight over to James's desk and glowered at him irritably.

"Very subtle, Mr Prongs," she said, and she threw the paper into his hands.

James gaped at her. How did she have their map? He had put it in his bookbag halfway through the period. He looked at Sirius in disbelief, then read the parchment, his eyes widening as they scrolled down the page. When he read the last line, he pointed at it and smiled sheepishly up at her.

"So what do you say, Evans?"

"Get a clue, Potter. I don't date chauvinistic pigs. You know that," she said, her eyes narrowing and lips going thin.

James shrugged, "Yeah. You may have mentioned it a few times before. Though you should know, I'm not a pig. I'm a stag. So how about it, Evans? Will you go out with a chauvinistic stag?"

Sirius laughed loudly and Lily raised her eyebrows, relatively confused. "Not a chance, Potter," she snapped, rolling her eyes and stalking away to where Kylie was stumbling dangerously toward the door.

After Lily exited, James turned to his best friend with a much different look in his eyes. For the first time in his life, James appeared lost and defeated, hardly able to sigh, "It's hopeless isn't it? She'll never want to date me."

Shocked by his friend's helplessness, Sirius stared at James for a moment, virtually stunned. Where did high-and-mighty James go?

"Come on. We've got to check that passageway," Sirius muttered, hoping to change the subject and alleviate his best friend's gloom.

************

After a week's time, Lily, James, Sirius, and the rest of Hogwarts all scraped through their final exams, and lazily awaited for their scores to return. With a week of free time and the promise of hot summer weather, few students remained in the castle. Of the few students, however, James remained idle in his dorm-room, pacing the floor, lying on his bed, standing on his hands, all in attempt to think of some possible way to win Lily over.

"There has to be a way," he muttered, pacing the floor for the millionth time that day. "There just has to. She has to see some good qualities in me, and I can change the bad... Ugh... That's a long list to change... Hmm... Maybe I should write them all down? Yeah yeah. Good idea, James."

He mentally patted himself on the back, pulled out his quill and parchment, and began writing.

Ways to Improve My Chances With Lily Evans

1. Stop ruffling my hair.

2. Stop playing with the snitch.

3. Leave Snape alone.

4. Stop asking her out no matter the temptation.

5. Pay attention in class (or at least appear to).

6. Let her beat me on a couple transfiguration tests.

7. Acknowledge that Remus is a prefect and respect his duty.

8. Reduce the number of pranks around the school.

9. Appear more composed, mature, and studious.

10. Improve at chess.

James stopped writing immediately. Improve at chess? Why hadn't he thought of it before? Lily was always looking for a decent chess opponent. Why couldn't he be that person? If he gave her a good game she would have to look at him in better light! Genius! He bounced over to Remus' bed and pulled his chess board out from under the mattress. He opened up the box with excitement and picked up a black pawn.

"Now what's your purpose, little guy?" the piece quivered to life and jabbed him with his sword.

An hour later, Sirius, Remus and Peter were just returning from an eventful stroll around the lake (which consisted of flirting with much of the female population) when they heard a muffled groan from inside their dorm.

"Oh geez. What has he gone and done this time?" Sirius sighed, jumping up the stairs in two's. Remus got to the door first and pushed it open, preparing himself for whatever James could have possibly accomplished in the short time the three boys had been out.

James was sitting with his back to the gang, and from first appearance, looked perfectly normal; his hair was messy, his clothes were wrinkled, his shoulders were slumped to a minor degree. But as soon as James swiveled on the spot, Remus gasped, Sirius jumped, and Peter let out a muffled scream.

Chess pieces, both black and white, were clamped all over James's body. Two black pawns were attempting to knife his left ear, the white queen was taking swipes at his nose, both white side castles were head-butting his forehead, and all four knights were ripping at his shirt. "Help me!" he cried.

Remus and Peter rushed over to James's rescue, but Sirius stood at the door, a look of shock still on his face. Then, without warning, he just started to laugh. He kept laughing so hard he was soon on the floor kicking his feet trying to hold back the tears from his eyes. He then jumped up quickly and rushed over to his bed, tearing apart the sheets and covers.

"Now where is the wretched little thing? Ah, yes... Muggles... We should give them more credit." He picked up a camera and looked at the three boys in front of him.

"You filthy bastard, Sirius. You wouldn't dare," James growled, before yelping as Peter tried to grab at a particularly violent knight ravaging his left shoulder.

"Sorry, mate, but this most definitely is a picture perfect moment. Now smile!"

James glowered at the camera as both Remus and Peter looked up, trying hard not to laugh along with Sirius. Sirius clicked the little button and the three boys were temporarily blinded by the flash. Apparently, however, so were the chess pieces and they all fell off James as though electrically shocked.

James jumped up and dragged his hands over his finally free nose, ears, and upper body, ensuring that everything was in fact still there and in tact. Then he turned to Sirius, his eyes narrowed. "Now I don't know whether to thank you or kill you. If you even attempt to get that picture developed-"

"Relax, James. There weren't any pictures left to take on the camera. See? It's at zero," Sirius interrupted.

James looked at the camera relieved, then bent down to pick up the still dazed chess pieces and put them back in their container. Remus however caught Sirius's eye and gave him a small smile. He knew there'd been one picture left on that camera, that's why the film hadn't yet been developed. Sirius mocked a silent evil laugh while James's back was still turned and Peter sniggered loudly.

James turned around staring suspiciously at his friends. "What?"

Sirius shrugged casually, his hair falling into his eyes. "We were just wondering James, what in the bloody hell were you doing?"

James looked at his best mates, a sheepish grin on his face. "I... I simply would like to learn how to play chess."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And why is that?"

James shrugged his shoulders and replied blankly, "Just because."

Sirius laughed. "Nice try, mate, but you're gonna have to do better than that. What's the real reason?"

"Why even ask?" Remus interrupted. "It's obvious it's Lily." Remus picked up a piece of paper of James's nightstand and read it aloud. "'Ways To Improve My Chances With Lily Evans. One, stop ruffling my hair-"

"Shut it," James snapped.

But Remus continued, "And look it ends at 'ten: improve at chess.'"

Sirius snatched the list as Peter leaned around him, both boys glancing down the page shaking with laughter.

"Somebody's whipped!" Sirius howled, slapping his knee to support his hysterical body.

James glowered and slumped down onto his bed. "I am not whipped. I just have a small infatuation with Lily Evans, and if modifying a few things about myself will improve my chances with her, then I'm going to pursue every single one of those options."

Sirius shook his head and sat down next to James. "Why is it you're only interested in the one girl who doesn't like you back?"

James laid back and stared up at the red canopy over his four-poster-bed. He paused a moment then mumbled, "Because she's perfect. Everything about her is just perfect."

A/N: Well... That's the first chapter! Hopefully you enjoyed. ;) If you review, I will REALLY appreciate it. Thanks!