Just a little something I had on my mind after seeing the episode The Squab and the Quail. A heart-to-heart talk between Kate and Castle.
Are You The One?
Castle had been scrutinizing Kate all day. She had seemed distracted at work and nervous now that they were home. She obviously had something on her mind and he was about to find out what. She had told him they would talk about it that night. This was it.
"So?" Castle said in a sigh handing her a glass of wine before sitting next to her on the couch of her living-room. "Tonight it is. What's going on? Why did he give you his business card?" he asked not beating about the bush.
Castle had walked into the reunion room as agent Jared Stack was handing Kate his card. He had even overheard him say think about it.
# # # # #
Nine hours earlier
"Getting access to your database helped a lot. Thank you for your help, agent Stack. But we still need to check on Evelyn's whereabouts. To be honest, I'm not sure she has anything to do with it."
"Evidence suggests otherwise," Stack answered, as though he was testing Kate's confidence in her theory.
"Maybe, but the evidence is not the whole story," Kate said. Someone taught me that.
Kate was discussing the case with FBI agent Jared Stack, who had a little smile on his face as though he was amazed by detective Kate Beckett. She was special.
"You're good, detective. Very good. Smart, confident, you definitely know your job," he nodded in admiration. "You've ever thought about doing something else?" he asked, leaning back on his chair.
"Like what?" Kate asked, not understanding where he was getting at.
"You've been in homicide for what, ten years now?" he asked.
"Something like that," she said not taking her eyes off him, still trying to understand his point.
"Maybe it's time to think bigger? Have you ever thought about... federal?"
"I became a cop for a very personal reason..." she said softly, explaining her choice.
"I see," Stack said with an understanding smile. "Justice not dispensed for one of yours, you wanted to fix that. It made you realize you didn't want others to go through the same injustice... I know that too well," he paused. "But really, you should consider it and with your record, it's very likely you'd be accepted. Youngest woman to ever make detective in the NYPD, highest closure rate in the precinct... It's impressive, detective. We could use people like you."
"I'm flattered. Is that a job offer?" she asked joking.
"It could very well be. Would you be interested?" he said very seriously.
Kate was caught off-guard and stayed gaping for a second.
"I... I've never really considered the option."
"You definitely should. Would be a good opportunity for your career. I could talk to a few people about you, for you, if you're interested," Stack insisted, looking at her like he was studying her, trying to unravel a mystery.
"Beckett?" Castle asked softly, sneaking his head into the room.
"I'm gonna go," Stack said getting up. "Here's my card. Give me an answer. Really... think about it," he said with a wink as she took his card nodding. "Mr Castle," he said walking pass him to walk out.
Castle followed him walk away to the elevator before looking back at Kate who was staring at that card.
"What was that about?" Castle asked.
"Nothing," she said evading the question.
"Kate?" he asked softly, insisting.
"Look, we've got work to do here. Can we talk about this tonight?" she asked, frowning as though she was ill-at-ease.
"Sure," he said gently. "I came to tell you Esposito is waiting for you. He's got something to show us on the surveillance footage."
# # # # #
Back to present time
Castle was staring at Kate, waiting for her answer. He had been waiting all day. Why did he give you his business card?
"He offered me a job," she said being as direct as Castle had been.
"For the FBI?" Castle chuckled.
"Yeah..." she nodded. "He said he had looked at my record and was impressed. He said I could be an asset and it could be a good move in my career," she said before taking a sip of wine.
"I'm not surprised, you're the best detective in the city," Castle complimented her. Kate did not react. She didn't smile, she didn't even look at him. "Are you... seriously considering it?" he asked as his concern grew.
She knew this would be a big decision, one which would have repercussions on a lot of people and on them more particularly. Castle would not be able to follow her anymore. They would spend less time together, she would be home less often and her partnership with Ryan, Lanie and Esposito would be over too. It was not a decision to be taken lightly.
"Maybe," she said shrugging her shoulders, as to show she was still undecided.
"But... you know that this job would require you to travel around the country, to be away from home for days, if not weeks?" he said.
"I know."
"That you could even be transferred to another city. That means living in another city... I mean it's the FBI, it covers the country as in... every state."
"I know," she repeated.
She knew it would not be an easy transition. That was why it was not an easy decision to make. She had been trying to weigh up the pros and cons all day.
"Then..." how could you even consider it? he thought.
"I know the consequences, Castle," she sighed, holding her fingers on her forehead. "That's why I think it comes at the right time. I've been thinking about it lately, you know? What does the future hold for me?" she asked eventually looking up at him.
Castle chuckled nervously. This was something he was not good at. Serious talks. And indeed, she sounded dead serious.
"I think it's time you answer the question you intentionally ignored or that you sincerely misunderstood last time I asked you..." she said.
"What question?" he asked with a nervous smile.
"Where are we going?" she asked gently, looking him in the eyes.
Castle's smile disappeared and he quickly looked away.
"Right..." he said remembering that question very well.
To the bedroom had been his answer. It was not the kind of answer Kate had been waiting for. Castle stood up from the couch to head over the kitchen.
"Stop it, Rick," she said more firmly. "Don't do it again..." she said shaking her head.
Castle turned around and they stared at each other for a second, as though neither of them knew what to say.
"Do what?" he asked, knowing full well he was trying to dodge the question again.
"I'm almost thirty-four," she said getting up as well. "It's time I start making plans. Both on a professional and personal level. Professionally, I don't know what I really want yet. To tell you the truth, I don't know what to do with this offer and... the decision will probably depend on what I want on a personal level. And about that... I want to know that someone will be there with me. For better, for worse. And when I'll be ready, someone with whom to even possibly start a family." Castle looked up at her for a few seconds when he heard these words. Kate let him a moment to think about it. "Is that you?" she asked gently. "Are you the one? Does my future involve you... or not?"
"Does your future involve me?!" Castle asked as though he was surprised she would even think otherwise. He stayed speechless for a moment before realizing he wanted to hear her opinion before giving his. It would be easier. "What... What do you want?"
"I want it to involve you. But I can't force you into it... That's why I'm asking. Are we on the same page? I need to know, Rick. Where do you think we're going?"
Castle was pursuing his lips. He would slightly open his mouth as though he was about to speak but nothing would come out. He would just sigh instead. He seemed hesitant.
It was hard for Beckett to see he didn't have an answer to give her, as though he had never thought about it. Or maybe he was not on the same page. Both explanations for his silence hurt.
"Okay..." she said softly, nodding interpreting his silence as the answer she feared.
Kate looked at him for a moment, disappointed. After what he had done to get her, after all those years he had been waiting for her, she thought it was because he was interested in getting further than simply dating and having a good time. She was hoping he had plans for them. Seeing Castle wouldn't even look her in the eyes, she started to slowly walk away.
"I'm scared," Castle eventually said with a shaky voice.
Kate stopped dead in her tracks and turned around slowly, looking at him as though she had misheard. Castle eventually looked up at her.
"Scared? Of what?" she asked coming back closer.
There was no judgment in her voice, just the will of knowing what was on his mind. Castle nervously ran his fingers through his hair.
"I haven't been in a serious relationship since my second marriage ended. Since then, it's either been one night-stands or affairs that I knew from the start wouldn't go anywhere." Castle had her full attention. "I'm scared because this feels different," he said looking her in the eyes. "Every..." he started laboriously. "Every serious relationship I've been in failed. Kyra, Meredith, Gina..." he reminded her. "I'm scared to screw it up," he said with a lump in his throat.
"It was years ago, you've changed."
"Yeah, I know but... Wait, you think I'm responsible for those failed relationships?" he asked, almost sounding offended.
"I... No. No, I just... Listen. When Meredith stayed at the loft, I asked her why it hadn't worked between you. She told me she was not comfortable with you knowing more about her than she knew about you. That it was a one-way relationship," Kate explained. "But you've changed. You talked to me about Jordan, about your father... You're not the same man anymore. You open up to me."
"It's true, I was like that," he said conceding Meredith's complaints could be justified. "I still am a little but that's not why we divorced." Kate tilted her head a bit waiting for him to go on. "I guess that's a detail Meredith left out when you had dinner together. You were probably too busy comparing notes..." Castle joked, seeing she had no clue of what he was talking about. "She cheated on me." Kate was gaping, unable to find anything to say. "I acted like an ass... when you had to protect Erik Vaughn. But I have my reason. I'm not saying I was right but..." Kate let him speak, she let him opening up. "Listen, Kate... I have a hard time trusting people completely, women especially. I'm naive, I know it. I can believe a lot of things very easily... but when it comes to friendship and relationship, serious relationship," he specified, "people need to own my trust. You may not be like that, that kind of woman," he said comparing her to Meredith, "but there will always be a little part of doubt in me. I'll never be able to trust someone two hundred per cent. If I had never been married before, I'd probably marry you tomorrow but..." he said, looking sorry. "I have been married. And given how it ended..." It was hard for him. He had his own insecurities due to his failed marriages and relationships. "What if moving forward... dooms our relationship?" he asked sounding seriously concerned.
"I'm ready to take that chance. Because not moving forward is what will doom our relationship. I can tell you that much."
Castle was scared. He loved her so much he knew that the more serious it would get, the more it would hurt if it failed.
"Promise me it will be fine," Castle asked her.
Kate shook her head. She knew it was out of her control.
"I can't do that. But I can promise you that it will be worth it," she said with a smile. "And..." she said coming closer, putting her arms around his waist, "someone once told me we don't have the answers. We just have to live with the questions... and find our way," she whispered.
"I know that guy," Castle joked.
"Good. Then you know he can be trusted," she said with a tender smile.
"Okay... And..." Castle said, becoming serious again. "What does that imply for your decision about that job offer?"
"What do you think I should do about it? You wouldn't be able to follow me anymore..." she said as though it was the biggest drawback.
"Right. I don't think knowing the mayor of New York City is enough to get inside the FBI. And given how agencies don't really get along, my father wouldn't be of any help this time," he joked. "You don't need me," he reassured her, with a tender smile.
"You're wrong," Kate said very seriously. "Actually I'm not sure I'd have the highest closure rate of the station if it wasn't for you. Your far-fetched and absurd theories are sometimes very helpful. Sometimes," she said with a smile before being serious again. "I need you."
Castle was looking lovingly at her. She had come a long way from complaining about him stepping on her toes.
"The question is... do you need me to the point of turning down an offer that would make you move up the career ladder? In other words... what comes first for you at this point of your life? Your private or your professional life?"
A smile appeared on Kate's face, as though she had just been reassured. Her decision was made. She had buried herself in her work for years. It was time to change her priorities.
The end.
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