Paint Your Days Black

Summary: Clare and Drew deal with the loss of their son.

Author's Note: I'm going to do a couple of oneshots surrounding Clare's pregnancy and some possible outcomes. The next outcome will be keeping the baby, broken into two parts. One where the baby is Eli's. One where it's Drew's.

The worst part of all of losing AJ had to be the pitying looks they received from their friends. It was even worse than the looks of judgement that they'd been the receivers of when it first came out that they were going to have a child. The thing was, Clare hadn't even been sure if she wanted the baby until they'd learnt the gender. If someone had told her this would happen to her, she'd have gotten an abortion. At least that would be better than this. Than feeling that baby grow in her stomach, only for it to be born much too soon and to hold the child and to name him, only to have him die mere hours later.

Drew wasn't reacting any better. She knew to him, it must be like losing Adam all over again. Especially since they'd named the child after him. Little Adam Jonah Torres. All pretty blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and brown hair. Born much too small and much too soon. They hadn't talked much, especially not about the loss. Luckily, her college was rather understanding to her absence from the school. They'd even tried to tell her that she didn't have to do any work until she came back, but Clare had disagreed. She wanted to keep busy so the pain didn't overwhelm her and so that she didn't burst into tears continulously.

No denying the loss now. Not when today was the day that they'd be burying their baby boy.

Clare's hands shook as she wrapped her fingers around the locket dangling from her neck. In the locket was a strand of her son's hair and his picture. Drew had one as well.

"I am so sorry, Clare." Alli said, walking into her friend's room and wrapping her arms around her. "This shouldn't have happened to you."

Jenna, Connor, Imogen, Jack, and Jake walked in as well.

"I hope you didn't mind that I called them." Jake said, moving swiftly forward to hug his little sister.

Clare hugged him back, squeezing him tight. "Thank you so much, Jake." She whispered, tears stung her eyes as she looked at her friends giving her comforting smiles. Taking a deep breath, she let it out. "We should go."

Drew was outside the church, dressed in his suit and talking softly and sadly to Dallas, his parents behind him when Clare arrived. Clare chewed her lip as her parents met with Drew's and they all went ahead into the church, she and Drew's friends following them. It left she and Drew alone.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready for this." Drew said with a laugh, one that broke Clare's heart into a million more pieces. "I'm so goddamn tired of burying people that I love. First Adam and now AJ? What have we done to deserve this, Clare? Why did we deserve to lose them both?"

Clare shook her head. "I don't know. I just don't know, Drew. I grew up believing everything happened for a reason, but what reason did God have to take Adam away? What reason did he have to take away AJ? I try so hard not to dwell on it but I can't stop thinking of it. I'm hoping this might be some closure, even if I'm always going to wish our little boy was still with us."

The man gave a bittersweet smile. "I guess at least, Adam and AJ are together. Adam will take care of him for us. I mean, you believe we'll see them both again when we die, right? So I guess it isn't goodbye forever.

She said nothing as she threw her arms around Drew's neck, letting her sobs take over as Drew did the same. Minutes later, the two entered the church and walked to the front pew to sit beside one another.

Life wasn't fair. Adam shouldn't have died, AJ should be with them, but at least they had each other, they had their friends and their families. And for that at least, they were grateful.

End