What's really going on in Evan's head during "Astraphobia"? And what happens after? One shot. And my first-ever completed fic! Thanks for reviewing...
Though I originally wrote this story as a one shot, there is a follow-up story currently making its way from my brain to the page. Slowly.
"Damn the end of summer."
Damn that Freudian slip. He had just been mumbling to himself, but trust her to pick up on it anyway. Evan watched her in the flickering glow of the candlelight. When she told him gently, "Maybe this isn't about the storm," his heart stopped at the thought that she had figured him out.
"Your father could be going to prison," she said, and the breath he didn't know he'd been holding escaped as he shifted in his seat. "Many of Hank Med's clients will be leaving their summer homes–"
"You'll be leaving the Hamptons," he finished for her, hoping she didn't notice the emphasis he used and trying to cover with, "which means we'll still have a zillion resumes to go through. Then I'll have to train your replacement–" Their eyes met and just as quickly looked away as they each considered the prospect. Evan's head dropped at the thought of anyone replacing Divya. He couldn't deal with that right now. Or ever. "Yeah, it does feel like everything's up in the air," he finished dejectedly.
He looked at her intensely as she spoke of starting a whole new life in London in a few weeks. "It is… unsettling." Unsettling? Strange way to describe the beginning of her marriage. And also understatement of the year, at least in his eyes. "But like all storms, this one is going to pass." She sounded determined to make it true. He wished he could be so sure. "And you'll be fine, Evan. We both will."
She looked around the room as the power hummed back to life, but Evan couldn't take his eyes off her right away. He needed a second to drink her in, to cherish the rare intimacy of the moment – brief as it had been – not knowing if there would ever be another chance for them.
Travelling the muddy lanes through Bridgehampton State Park, Evan was feeling justifiably proud that thanks to his thorough (obsessive?) storm preparations, he and Divya should have no trouble locating Hank and Jill. And seriously, what had his brother been thinking, going out to dinner in such dangerous weather? It boggled the mind.
"But who's grateful now that I put state-of-the-art GPS locators in your bags?" he asked.
"Grateful that you can track my every move," she grumbled.
"Ah, Divs," he sighed, unperturbed. "I prefer to think of it as protecting my valuables, actually." He let his gaze linger ever-so-slightly longer than necessary, then turned back to the GPS tracking device in his hands as Divya regarded him thoughtfully, if somewhat skeptically. The tracker beeped. "Bingo."
Sprinting from the van almost before it rolled to a stop, Evan realized just how relieved he was to see Hank's car – mud-bound and covered in fallen leaves but apparently undamaged. He knew that Divya had stayed with him last night to try to ease his anxiety over the end of summer storm (and although she had guessed – correctly – that the storm wasn't the only source of his anxiety, she didn't seem to realize just how apprehensive he felt over her looming departure), but she hadn't been truly worried about the lack of communication from Hank until they realized he and Jill had never made it to the hospital last night.
Evan dashed up to the window with a cry of "Hey, we're here to rescue you!" – and quickly realized that not only were Hank and Jill unharmed, they were snuggled together asleep under his emergency kit blanket and seemingly without a care in the world. WHAT? When did this happen? He took a step back, surprised, as Divya stepped up, alarm turning to amusement on her face.
"Looks like they rescued each other," she grinned.
His eyes smiled at her as he whispered back, not wanting to wake them and spoil the adorableness of the moment. "What should we do?"
"Well, we should leave them be while we call for road service," Divya answered practically. Since there was no cell signal, they decided to go back to the ranger station to use the emergency phone.
Evan could barely contain himself as they walked to the van. "Oh my God – Jill and Hank. Jank! Jank is back!" he crowed triumphantly. Divya turned to give him a look. "That's hilarious," he answered her unspoken comment. "Hey, we made a pretty good team." She looked as if she wanted to respond – probably sarcastically – but indulged him instead. "We should have a combo name, in fact. Evan and Divya… EvaDivs. Eva—that's weak," he muttered. "Divya and Evan… Divyan. Divyan?" He tilted his head as he considered the possibilities.
"Okay, here's one," she replied. "Divya… and idiot. Didiot." She leveled a look at him.
Evan knew when he'd been beat. He nodded and gave a small, wry smile. "Not bad."
Riding back home with Divya at the wheel, he pretended to be listening to the weather reports on the radio. In reality, his mind was trying to process his jumbled thoughts. He'd always found her brilliant and beautiful, just as she had apparently always seen him as nothing more than Hank's annoying, money hungry, social climbing, younger brother. So he'd kept his attraction to her at bay, telling himself it had no more substance than a teenager's crush, and kept himself content instead with their playful, teasing rapport. Then came her official engagement to Raj, and try as he might to make Raj the "bad guy" in their arranged marriage-to-be, he hadn't even managed to convince himself that was true. And then his faux relationship with Paige had somehow evolved into a real relationship, despite all the mishaps and missteps along the way.
So why was it that when Divya had given her official 3-week notice to Hank Med that Evan suddenly realized that all he wanted was for her to stay?
And the more days slipped by before her departure, the more desperate he was becoming to keep her near to him.
So when this stupid end of summer storm appeared on the radar (literally) it slammed home everything he'd been trying to avoid: the end of summer and maybe the end of this current way of life; the possibility (probability?) of Eddie R. maybe ending up in jail; and most of all, maybe the end of Divya at Hank Med. As much as he hated the thought of her moving to London and marrying Raj, he thought that maybe he could handle it… if there was a chance she would return next summer.
He had pretended even to himself that he just didn't want the hassle of trying to hire and train a new PA when they already had an amazingly well-oiled machine of a team. And if Divya needed to spend the next few months in London, he and Hank could surely negotiate the slower-paced winter months on their own. Then she could return to Hank Med next summer, and it would be just like nothing had changed.
Except that, of course, everything would change.
And the threat posed by the coming storm had also made him realize there were so many other ways to lose her. What if she were struck by lightning while talking on the phone? What if her car was washed away in a flash flood, or a tree fell in her path? What if, what if, what if?
So he panicked, and she humored him, not understanding that when he asked, "What would Raj do if he lost you?" what he really meant was, "What would I do if I lost you?" And when he said she didn't need to be out on the open road by herself what he really meant was, "Don't leave me here by myself." As in, "Don't leave me." As in, "Ever. Please."
He saw the look she gave him when she agreed to stay. That she only agreed because of his childish fear – his astraphobia – because that's what she thought he was… childish. He didn't care. If it kept her here, with him, out of harm's way… well, whatever worked, right?
But then, when the lights went out and they sat together in the dark, he thought he saw understanding spark in her dark eyes. He thought, "Finally."
And now he didn't know what to think.
When it was just the two of them, sometimes it seemed like she almost got it… got him. And every time they had a moment like that, he paused, waiting to see if this time was it… watching her face, her eyes, her mouth for that instant when she finally realized his secret. When she would turn to him with an "ohhh" escaping her lips in a sigh, and he could finally let go of the equal parts fear and hope of her finding out that he loved her. When she would finally just… know.
He looked at her now as she drove, peering from the corner of his eye, knowing she didn't see him. Maybe she would never see him, not the way he hoped. Maybe he should take his chances, maybe let her know once and for all, before this summer ended and she was gone for good.
"Evan?" She gave him a questioning look. "What is it? You're staring."
He blinked. "I am?"
"Yes. You are."
He noticed they had already turned onto the drive at Boris' estate. Were almost to the end, in fact.
"Evan?" she asked again as she pulled the van to a stop and turned to face him. He couldn't look away. Now she blinked, puzzled at the intensity of his gaze. "Is there something you need to tell me?"
"Divs, I —" he stammered.
"Yes, Evan?" She waited expectantly, smiling. "What is it?"
He smiled back, then took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak.