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It wasn't enough to slam the door, it needed to be locked. The door didn't have a lock. He got a chair and slammed it beneath the doorknob; it only broke it off. Fine. He would be the lock. He took out the bottle he brought with him; it was the scotch Tony gave him. Tony. As he slid down the door, he opened the bottle and locked his eyes on it until he was securely on the ground. Secure, yes, but safe? No, he could never be safe. Not from what he needed to escape from.
He brought the bottle to his lips and took large swallows, nearly choking as the liquid struggled to fit down his throat. He gagged, but he wanted it. Not the taste, he hated that, but he wanted the escape everyone talked about. That Tony talked about. So he swallowed it, desperately, he wanted it to work. He started choking; maybe he swallowed to quickly. Leaning forward, he dropped the bottle and coughed. It didn't do much, he wasn't only choking on the liquor, but on his sobs. He couldn't breathe. He took the bottle and threw it - hurled it across the room and watched as it made the soundless shatter against the wall. He could barely see it anymore, the tears were building and blinding him. That bottle would have never given him what he wanted, the bottle Tony gave him. He should have known, it was given to him by the bastard himself.
Tony was just like the bottle; Steve always knew the opportunities the bottle could give were there in front of him but he could never have what it had to offer. He never could. Other people could enjoy the bottle's effect, so why couldn't he? A soldier was not meant for an escape. A soldier was meant to protect, to defend, and to fight. A soldier was not meant to be able to take advantage of the thing everyone else can have. Luxury, pleasure, love. A super soldier, the ultimate soldier, that title was destined for this if he was to be stupid enough to think of love. And that's what he did. He thought he could have love. This pain, the tears, the loneliness - this is the result. Love and happiness does not fit the description of a super soldier.
Hope you enjoyed the fic! It's the first written by Madamoiselle Jello!
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