How the House Burnt to the Ground

Summary: Three words...Emmett and Jasper.

Emmett's POV

How the hell did Jasper and I get into this? Esme was going to rip our heads off and no I'm not exaggerating. Carlisle will have to restrain her!

"Ummm" Jasper whispered looking over to where a yellow Porsche was coming up with a very angry driver.

"Crap" he whispered as his angry pixie wife ran up to us.

"What…did…you…do?" she hissed.

"Didn't you see?" I asked. Jasper glared at me.

"No…I…was…helping…Jacob…and…Nessie…shop! I thought I told you not to break anything" Alice said, speaking in a monotone voice so she wouldn't start screaming.

"Well…" Jasper said uncomfortably. I thought back to this morning.

"Okay, we're going to the mall!" Alice said skipping down with Nessie over her back. I laughed as I saw my wife carrying a thrashing Bella and Jacob with a dog collar and leash. Jasper started laughing too.

"Don't" Jacob threatened. That just made us laugh harder.

"We'll be back by sunset!" Rosalie said.

"We'd better be!" Bella screamed disappearing with the rest of them. Alice poked her head around the doorframe.

"Can you try not to break anything!" she sighed. With that she left us.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"He went to the hospital with Carlisle today" Jasper said, shuddering. Esme had left two days ago to visit Tanya so she was gone too. Tanya needed help decorating Garrett's new bedroom. Since Garrett had moved in with the Denali's, Esme had been back and forth arranging things, they need a bigger house of course and Esme jumped at the idea of designing one.

"What are we going to do, Jazz?" I said falling back, over the arm and onto the couch.

"Here's a thought, you could leave me alone!" Jasper pointed out.

"Yes, and I'm also going to go buy a pony but something's are never going to happen my brother!" I laughed flicking a toothpick at him. I then stopped and started grinning. I had just thought of the best idea ever.

"Oh brother, I have a feeling were going to break something!" Jasper said, sensing my excitement.

"Jasper, get my Jeep started. We're going to buy a pony!"

"Come on Buttercup!" I hissed trying to get the pony onto the back of my Jeep. Jasper was sitting in the driver seat with the engine running. Sure we could go buy a pony but stealing one is so much fun! Buttercup wouldn't move.

"You called the horse Buttercup?" Jasper asked.

"Firstly, it's not a horse it's a PONY! P-O-N-Y" I said spelling it. "And secondly, yes…I called her Buttercup" I said pulling on the rein we had attached to her. Jasper got out of the Jeep.

"How do you know it's a girl?" Jasper asked.

"It's a girl okay!" I said. Jasper rolled his eyes and walked over to me.

"Smells good!" he said.

"Buttercups a friend…not food!" I said slapping his hand.

"But I want to eat her!" Jasper whined.

"Ha you just admitted it's a girl!" I did one of those victory punches. A door slammed in the farm house near where we were stealing the pony. We both froze before picking up Buttercup, dumping her in the back of the Jeep and getting in the cab in vampire stopped. We sped off again towards the forest.

"Damn, the guy got a look at our number plate" Jasper said looking behind us as we disappeared into the forest.

"Emmett did you strap the pony in?" he asked. I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the Jeep. Buttercup was shaking so I strapped her in nice and tight. We sped off really fast. When we got home we let Buttercup off her leash inside and she immediately went wild, breaking everything.

"BUTTERCUP!" I yelled. Jasper chased the pony and caught it but it slipped away.

"Go get the Jeep, she's going back home. Esme…and Alice are going to kill us!" I screamed as Jasper sprinted off to get the Jeep. I spent the next ten minutes trying to catch the pony.

We were flopped on the sofa when inspiration hit me.

"I'll be right back!" I said ghosting to the kitchen. The place was a mess from the pony riot. I grabbed some matches and took them back to Jasper. He immediately straightened up.

"Emmett, put the matches down!" Jasper said cautiously.

"No" I laughed. "We're going to burn Edwards's piano!"

"Do you actually want to die?" Jasper asked.

"We're already dead" I pointed out. Jasper shrugged and I skipped off to the piano. I lit the match.

"Emmett, you really shouldn't do that inside!" Jasper said but I had already lit the piano on fire. Oops. The fire caught on to the curtains and the floorboards and spread instantly.

"RUN!" we both yelled at the same time. We got out of the house but everything was crumbling.

"Were dead…" I squeaked watching our house burn to the ground.

So that's how Esme's house burnt to the ground. We were about to explain it to Alice, Rosalie, Bella, Nessie and Jacob when sirens came around the corner. Two police men got out of the car and pointed guns at Jasper and I.

"Freeze! You're under arrest for stealing a pony!" one of the police men said. Alice started laughing so hard. Jasper and I sighed. This was going to be our 3rd mug shot. We got into the officers car, our wives waving. The last thing we saw as we drove away was a black Mercedes coming up the drive…how we got out of jail you ask when no one paid our bail, you ask. Well that's another story…

So what did you guys think? Should I do a seqel where Emmett and Jasper escape from jail? You tell me?