WARNING: This is NOT a Nick and Jeff fanfic! It's a riker and curt fanfic and it's super angsty. And i felt really guilty writing this. really i do. And i really hope that Curt or Riker won't find this fanfic. I know they like to troll around. Also, their personality in this fanfic is NOT accurate. And i know Curt's married but this is a fanfic and hence, in this fanfic he's not yet married. Also, im pretty sure neither of them are gay. And lastly, don't hate me after reading this fanfic. It's pretty angsty! You have been warned. And i repeat THIS IS A RIKER AND CURT FANFIC!
(If either Riker and Curt happens to come across this fanfic and felt offended by it, please tell me. I will take it down immediately)
After filming for uptown girl, Riker immediately ran to their dressing room. He needed to get a grip of himself. He use this few minutes he have to compose himself before his fellow warblers come in. They are most probably hanging out with Darren for a while now that he has transferred to the New Direction. It's not that he doesn't want to hang out with Darren, it's just that after that uptown girl performance, he couldn't be around Curt. The performance is turning him on. Scratch that. Curt is turning him on. He had to use every bits of his strength to control himself so that he will not kiss Curt there and then. He was sure that he wasn't gay. He loves girls. He had a crush on Nina Dobrev! And he had never looked at any guy in a romantic way except for Curt. Curt... Riker was pretty sure that Curt is straight. He kept talking about Lea Michele whom he had a crush on. Lots of people asked if Riker had any crush on Glee. He wished he could tell people that it was Curt but no. He told them that it was Dianna Agron. Sure, she is pretty but Riker doesn't like her that way. At first, he was able to keep his love for Curt a secret but now, his feeling for Curt has grew and it hurts. It hurts when he has to keep it a secret. It hurts so much when he couldn't tell Curt that he LOVES him. Riker felt tears forming in his eyes. He's confused about that whole thing. Why must life be so complicated? Sometimes he felt like just cutting his life short. All he wanted was for this feelings to go away.
Suddenly, the door opens and all the warblers entered the room, chatting animatedly. Riker tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. Unfortunately for him, Curt saw it.
"Hey Bro, you okay?"
"Oh yeah! Dust got into my eyes, that's all"
Curt nodded, looking at Riker curiously. Riker decided to occupy himself by logging in to twitter. The fans always make him happy. He decided to give a reply to some of the fans. After a while, he was back to his normally cheerful self. The fans asked the funniest questions such as:
"What is your favourite brand of socks?"
"If you had a child, what would the name be?"
"Can i touch your hair?"
"Do you have a rocketship?"
"Can i marry you?"
"You looked just like that guy from Glee. The warbler dude"
"Do you ship Niff?"
Riker took a deep breath. That last question. He hated that last question. He really ships Nick and Jeff hard but he doesn't want Curt to feel awkward if he does. With a heavy sigh, he typed "no, they are totally just best friends". He remembered the time when Curt, him and Titus were doing a livestream and someone asked if they ship Niff. And Curt immediately answered no. It breaks his heart that Curt was so against the idea of Nick and Jeff being together. Riker couldn't imagine how Curt would react if he ever tell him that he loved him. He'll probably freak out and hate Riker forever. It was that livestream too that Curt told him that he looked cute in glasses. In fact he said this "yes, VERY cute". This brought a smile to his face. But what was Curt thinking? He's playing around with his feelings. He can't just give such flattering comment that made Riker's heart goes crazy and then, act like nothing.
"Urgh...!"
"Dude, seriously. Are you alright?" Riker looked around and saw all the warblers staring at him.
"I said that out didn't I?" Riker asked, sheepishly.
"come on, dude. We are bros. If there's anything troubling you, you can tell us. In fact, we'll be happy to help."
"Thanks you guys but i'm... i'm fine"
"well, okay. But remember if you need anything, we'll be here" Dominic said.
He noticed Curt staring at him. "Are you sure?"
"I said I'm fine! Can you please stop talking to me and leave me alone? I'm really not in the mood!"
Riker snapped.
The Warblers are all staring at one another, looking confused. Something must be seriously wrong with Riker because first of all, Riker is always cheerful but right now, he sure as hell didn't look happy and secondly, Riker never snapped at anyone, especially Curt.
"I'm sorry okay? Chill"
Riker angrily grabbed his iPod from his bag and plugged his headphones in. He really doesn't want to hear anymore from the Warblers. He knew that they only wanted to help but it's hopeless. He knew no one can help him except for Curt but he was sure that Curt doesn't love him at all. He decided to go online and listen to some one direction. He just heard one of their songs the other day, "What makes you beautiful" and they are freaking awesome. Music always seems to calm him down. After he had started calming down, he began to regret snapping at Curt. He wanted to apologize. He really did but he can't. It hurts too much to talk to him. He closed his eyes and start breathing deep. He used to think that putting contacts into his eyes is the hardest thing he ever did but he was wrong. Dealing with the fact that he will never be with Curt was even harder. Just then, "more than this" started playing. He couldn't take it anymore and started sobbing. This song made him realise that one day, Curt will have a girlfriend. He would love someone that is not him. He will leave him heartbroken. He just couldn't bear the thought of it and started sobbing harder.
"Hey, are you okay?" Curt asked rubbing his back awkwardly.
Curt smelled SO good. He put his head on Curt's shoulder and nodded slightly. Curt looked a bit shocked when Riker placed his head on his shoulder. It was a bit... too intimate. Riker felt Curt stiffened for a bit and then began to relax. He noticed that the room had gone unnaturally quiet.
"I'm so so-sorry" Riker said in between sobs.
"Why?"
"I..." He made a last minute decision to tell Curt the truth. Sure, Curt might not even love him back and maybe even stay away from him and that will break his heart but even if he didn't tell Curt, he will still be heartbroken when Curt finds someone else. Furthermore, there's still a teeny-weeny chance that Curt might love him back. He doesn't want to live in regret.
"I..." he felt himself tearing up once more. "I love you"
Riker felt Curt pushed him away. "What the fuck man?" A minute later, he felt Curt's fist colliding with his face.
"You stay away from me!" Curt shouted at him.
Riker felt really disappointed in Curt. The most he expected from Curt was to reject his love. He didn't expect him to reject his love AND punch him in the face. It wasn't his fault that he loves Curt. It just happened. Riker grabbed his beg and turned on his heel to run out of the room. He can see that all the warblers are staring at him. Some were even whispering among themselves.
"Riker!" he heard Titus, his other best friend, calling him but he ignored him and ran out of that room as soon as possible.
He got into his car and managed to reach home safely. Even if he got into an accident, he didn't care. In fact, maybe it would be better. He quickly ran into the bathroom that is in the bedroom that he shared with Rocky.
"Riker, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he heard his mom asked.
"Bro!" his little brother, Ross, called him.
He ignored them and continued running up the stairs. He quickly got into the bathroom and shut the door. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw that his eyes were red and his cheeks were flushed. He looked a mess. He cannot believe what just happen and started sobbing uncontrollably. He fell down on his knees because it could not support his weight.
"Why the hell would you punch Riker?" Jon Hall asked Curt.
"You were there. You know what happen" Curt stated.
"Yea, but you don't really need to punch him you know. He's already hurting and you're just adding on to it" Titus said.
"Weren't you his best friend?" Jon asked again.
" I was. Not anymore. He only wanted to be friends with me so that he could be close to me."
"What? How could you say that about Riker?" Titus asked incredulously.
"Whatever okay Curt. We're going to Lynchville and you're coming with us. We want to check on Riker."
Riker finally stopped crying but that's only because he cried too much until there's no more tears left. Now, he's just sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at nothing. Just then, he caught a glanced of a razor blade. He stood up and smiled, bringing the sharp blade to his wrist.
"Riker is upstairs in his room. Did something happen?" Stormie Lynch asked the warblers.
"Yes, but it's not serious. We'll get it fixed soon," he answered her, looking at his fellow Warblers.
All of them walked up the stairs slowly. They knocked on the door three times before opening it.
"Riker, you there?"
That's weird. He's not in his room. They decided to checked the bathroom next.
"Riker? Riker? Are you in there?" They didn't get any answer so they'll doubt he's in there. But they decided to open the bathroom door to make sure.
They were met with an unpleasant sight. Riker was on the floor, holding a bloody red cloth to his wrist. Fortunately he was still awake, but barely, and staring at his wrist. He looked up at them, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Riker? Oh god... what are you doing?" Cord took a piece of new cloth and pressed it to Riker's wrist.
Riker leaned on his shoulder, looking up at his fellow warblers. Only one face stood out. It was Curt. Unfortunately, he wasn't wearing any emotion on his face. He looked at Riker, his face blank. Riker chuckled. Here he was dying and his best friend was acting like a stranger. Like he's watching a stranger dying. But even if it was a stranger dying, he should still felt pity but there was nothing on his face. No emotion. Nothing.
"Riker, please stay awake. Don't close your eyes! Don't sleep" Cord begged him desperately.
He brought his uncut arm to Cord's hand. "I don't want to live. You should just let me die. It's too... lat-"
Hello! You guys hate me. I'm so so sorry. This is just a fanfic. I don't wish anything like this to happen to Riker. It's SO hard for me to write this fanfic. I felt so guilty! im just gonna go away now. Bye! -hides-