Anime Talk with Oni-chan (also known as warui chiisai oni) and Kousei
Episode 1: Trowa's Hair Demon
Author Notes: This is going to be an ongoing silly fic that will basically be written in talk show form. It will be hosted by myself and my good friend Oni-chan. We will be interviewing characters from various animes and sometimes other authors may be making guest appearances. Each chapter will be one episode so consider this the pilot "episode." We hope you enjoy the sick, wacky fun of it all and please read and review. ^_^
Signed,
Kousei
Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply
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*Scene- Oni-chan and Kousei are sitting behind a large blue desk with their feet propped up and sipping Pepsi.
Disclaimer guy: "We do not own Pepsi."
Cameraman pans out to show the audience. One lone guy with a Bud Light-
DG: "We also don't own Bud Light."
Kousei&Oni-chan: *look around in a confused manner* "Who the hell said that?!"
DG: "Me, the disclaimer guy."
K&O: *sweatdrop*
O: *to Kousei* "Did you hire a disclaimer guy?"
K: "No, I thought you did."
O: "No…how creepy."
DG: *laughs evilly*
K&O: *blinks*
K: "Weird…"
Bud Guy: "Kousei, Oni-chan, I love you *hic* guys! You're the *hic* greatest!" *falls off the balcony. A loud thump is heard*
O: "Maybe we shouldn't have given away free beer to the audience members…"
K: "I told you we shoulda just handed out gummi bears."
*loud giggling and squealing can be heard*
O: "Looks like Trowa's Fanclub is here." *at the mention of Trowa's name the fanclub immediately begins screaming and squealing uncontrollably*
Fangirl: "Oh my God! Is he here?! Where is he?!"
Kousei: "Hey quiet down or we'll kick you out! We're gonna start the show!" *they are instantly silent and the sound of cricket chirping can be heard*
Oni-chan: "That's better." *turns to face the camera* "Hi and welcome to the series premier of Anime Talk with your wonderful hostesses Kousei and me, the ever wonderful and exceptionally talented, Oni-chan!"
K: *sweatdrop* "Anyway, our show mainly focuses on Anime news, special guests and the occasional face off. Chairs will be thrown, insults will fly, feelings will be hurt and blood will be drawn!"
O: "That's right! We also guarantee that everyone will be offended at least once!"
K: "So without further ado, let's bring out our first guest!"
O: "From Gundam Wing we'd like to welcome the pilot of Heavyarms, also known as Trowa Barton!"
*Trowa walks out onto the set and sits in one of the comfy blue chairs next to Kousei and Oni-chan's desk. The Trowa Fanclub begins squealing and tries to rush the stage. Kousei jumps up holding a chair and Nakago's(1) whip, wearing a lion tamer's outfit.*
K: *trying to fend off fangirls* "Back! Back! You can all glomp him after the show!" *the fanclub backs away from the whip and reluctantly returns to their seats*
K: *sits back down* "Good. Now let's get started." *Nakago walks out*
Nakago: *to Kousei* "Give me back my whip."
K: *pouts* "Fine." *she hands over the whip. Nakago walks back offstage. The sounds of a whip and loud screams can be heard.*
K&O: *sweatdrop* "Uhhh…"
O: *to Kousei* "That sounds like our producer…"
K: "Anyway…welcome to the show Trowa! We're glad you could be here!"
Trowa: *looks a little nervous* "My pleasure."
K: "As you can see, your rather large fanclub is here." *fangirls scream and giggle*
Fanclub: "Trowa, we love you!"
Trowa: *sweatdrop*
O: *grumbles* "One of them bit me…" *rubs at rather large bite mark on her hand*
K: "sweatdrop* "Anyway…here's something that I'm sure many have wanted to know. Why does Heavyarms always run out of bullets five minutes into the battle?"
Trowa: "…..I pissed off the writers."
O: "How did you piss off the writers?"
Trowa: "I ate the last donut."
K&O: "Ooohh…."
K: "It all becomes so clear now…"
O: "See this is why you should never take a donut from a hungry writer."
K: *sarcastically* "Words of wisdom…"
O: *ignoring Kousei* "Okay here's a question that's also on a lot of people's minds. What's really going on between you and Quatre? Are you guys…you know…?"
Trowa: *sweatdrop* "….."
K: "C'mon you can tell us. We promise we won't tell anybody else." *the fanclub looks anxious as they await Trowa's answer*
Trowa: "There is nothing going on between us! We're just friends!" *the fanclub lets out a collective sigh*
K: "Yeah, sure you are…" *the fanclub glares at her and brandish baseball bats*
K: *sweatdrop* "Eep…"
O: "Okay, I got something I want to know. What's the deal with your hair?"
Trowa: "What about my hair?"
O: "Is it really alive?"
K: "Can it eat people?"
Trowa: *sweatdrop* "…."
Trowa's hair: "Grrrrr….."
K&O: *sweatdrop*
O: *to Kousei* "His hair is growling…is that a bad sign?…"
K: "I don't know…it can't be a good sign…"
*Suddenly Trowa falls out of his chair. He's clutching at his head and writhing around on the floor.*
K: "Uh…Trowa are you okay?"
Trowa: "Hair…taking over…losing…control…arrrggghhhh!!!" *He gets back up and his eyes are glazed over.*
O: "Aah! What's happening?!"
Possessed Trowa: "I never ate anybody! You can't prove a thing!"
O: *looks nervous* "Okay Trowa, we believe you. Now calm down…"
PT: "You little fool! Trowa is not here anymore! I, the hair demon Haniquito, have finally taken over this little weakling's body! And soon I will rule the world! Starting with this talk show! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *Trowa disappears backstage and comes back out with a bazooka*
TP: "Prepare to die, you miserable mortals! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *starts blowing up the audience*
Audience: "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! MAD HAIR! MAD HAIR!" *the audience begins stampeding towards the exits*
K: "Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing!! Nobody tries takes over our talk show and gets away with it! Especially on our season premier!"
O: "Yeah, and were really pissed that you're blowing up our audience too!" *Oni-chan whips out her warhammer and Kousei whips out her scythe from their subspace pockets. They rush the possessed Trowa and a huge battle between Kousei, Oni-chan, and Trowa ensues. After a while, the dust settles and Kousei and Oni-chan limp out covered in various scrapes and bruises, with Kousei triumphantly holding the remains of Trowa's uni-bang. Trowa is lying unconscious on the floor.*
K: *slaps Oni-chan a high five* "That was weird! Who knew Trowa's hair was possessed."
O: "I wonder if he's okay? I hope we didn't hurt him too much…"
Trowa: "Ugh…wha…what happened…to my …hair?"
K: "We killed the hair demon that was possessing you."
Trowa: "You have?!" *runs over and hugs Kousei* "Thank you so much! Now I can pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a lama farmer!" *runs offstage to go pursue his dream*
O: *sweatdrop* "Okay…"
K: "I guess that's the end of our show…"
O: "Yeah…"
K: "Join us for next week's episode: Gundam Wing vs. Big O! Dorothy and Dorothy face off!"
O: "It'll be eyebrows against robot and we may have a special guest author here covering the fight!"
K&O: "Until next time!" *they wave goodbye and the screen fades to black*
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Well, what did you think? Please review and if you have questions you'd like to ask our guests or any ideas or suggestions please feel free to e-mail us at
(1) Nakago is one of the villains from Fushigi Yugi who whips people a lot.