A/N: This a lovely story I had the pleasure of writing with Iva: my best friend, my bby, my big sis aka Flowing Latern. This is something we've been working on for awhile now and hope you enjoy it! This originally started as a Tumblr AU prompt but turned into so much more then that. Please review and rateand tell us if you like it, it would mean a lot!
Stefan's P.O.V
I'm walking down the street after a long day at work, I'm tired and I don't ever want to think about repairing cars anymore, I don't even want to drive, which is why I preferred walking all the way downtown and grab something to drink. I was sad, miserably actually and I wanted to forget all about losing my brother. I was afraid that by the end of the evening I'll either end up at our relatively big house by myself and collapse on the front porch, only so that Lexi, my best friend would pick me back from the ground and drag me to bed or help me get sober, or I'll go to the cemetery and cry my eyes out. I was betting on the second one, since it hasn't happened even once this week.
Lately I don't even feel the guilt, it's all about the emptiness that consumes me and how hard I'm trying to drown myself into it. Lexi says that I need to start moving on, but I can't. More importantly-I don't want to. He was my brother for God's sake and I wasn't there when he needed me-I deserved to suffer. I deserved to die even.
But I couldn't-I was in perfect health, well maybe except my liver, which was probably gonna give up on me with the rapid speed I was consuming whatever alcohol they were offering in the bars. Almost all the owners knew me by now-I've gone to different places every evening, but at some point, after a month or so I started repeating them, there weren't that many places in the town I was living in and well half of them had to call the police and kick me out of there, because I was causing troubles. Which is why I guess I was heading to the place where Lexi was working tonight-she said it might be a good idea for me since there would be some life music. She had no idea music only made me sad. I would always remember Damon playing on his black guitar on our front porch when I was still a kid and how much it calmed me down-but now he wasn't here and I was all alone. I was pretty sure that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
I push the heavy wooden door as I let myself in. It's already way too loud and I almost regret coming, but at least I'll get to lose myself and drown in my own personal misery, because I knew well enough that I didn't want to dream of my dying brother that night as well. I would most probably wake up yelling and in sweat as I did every time. That or I'll think about Katherine and how she cheated on me-either one is awful enough.
-Stefan!- Lexi yells at me and I head to the bar. She immediately furrows her eyebrows when she sees my usual desperate expression and my partly, still greasy from working at the mechanic shop hands-You could have put on a clean shirt at least-she scolds me and I shrug my shoulders, not even slightly bothered by it. I didn't care. It's now like I was about to meet anyone here-I was a lost soul and girls don't like greasy working all day long mechanics. I guess that's part of the reason why Katherine cheated on my-I was doing it all right, I was playing by the rules, I was working hard and she didn't want that-she wanted to live in luxury and spent money on purses and shoes, while I was trying to pay the rent or the electricity bill. We were never a match, I don't even know how it all happened.
-Pour me a drink-I beg Lexi and she's about to start scolding me, before I interrupt her-If you don't, I'll just go to another place-I warned and she sighed defeated, because she knew well enough that I won this time-she didn't want to let me go, preferred to keep me close to herself so I wouldn't get into a fight or drink myself to oblivion.
She slides the bourbon to me and I drink it all at once, nodding to her to pour me another glass. She furrows her eyebrow but does it anyway as she tries to make small talk about how my day was and how am I feeling, but I just respond vaguely because I don't want to talk about it and she knows how hard I'm avoiding the subject.
-Stefan, please-she puts her hand on mine-It's been more than a month already, you have to get yourself together.
-I'm fine-I respond harshly as I pull away from her and take another sip from my bourbon.
-You're not! You're just lying to yourself and everyone else and if you keep going that way, God knows where you'll end up.
-Save me the speech, Lexi, will you? I'm not in the mood right now-I glance at the stage where I see some people fixing up the mic and explaining something to the person who has just sit on the chair in the middle of the improvised stage.
-You're killing yourself- Lexi raises her voice and for a moment my attention is brought back to her-And I'm not gonna watch this much longer.
-Well then don't!-I'm getting too tired of this. She keeps nagging at me every night she comes to save me from myself, but the thing is I don't want her to-she has to go on with her life and forget about me. I'm nothing but a mess, headed nowhere, with no future, with a dead brother and a girl who didn't love him enough to stay.
I drink another glass and stare down at the bar. Lexi is talking something to me again, but I'm not listening. I close my eyes as I try to remember the last good thing that happened to me and almost wish to cry when I can't recall anything.
That is until I hear a guitar playing, the strings are gently waking me up and I unintentionally look at the stage. My breath gets stuck in my throat when I see her-a girl with a hazelnut hair and deep brown eyes is looking away uncomfortably as she pulls the strings of her black guitar. Dressed in nothing but jeans and a nice red plaid shirt which gives her a bit of a cowboy look, she steals another beat of my wrecked heart.
I feel the tears in my eyes as I hear her voice and I move away from the bar so I could get a better look at her. I swear this is the first time in months when I can hear every beat my heart is making-I watch her skinny pale hands pull the strings.
And there isn't enough air in the room to help catch my breath.
Elena's P.O.V
I push open the metal back door of the bar I'm going to be playing at this week. I'm so nervous I can feel my heart beating fast against my chest. I swallow and close my eyes, walking in, carrying a black guitar case. The room is small, maybe a few inches bigger then my studio apartment, I follow the sign to the warm up room, walking in my combat boots. It took me forever to get ready but I finally decided on a red plaid shirt and a dark acid washed jeans with combat boots. Simple but says "I'm going to rock your socks off L.A." I usually wasn't the nervous type. The thought of playing in front of a live audience turns my legs into jelly. Sure, this wasn't a show and I didn't have any adoring fans but it was a gig, a promising start my dad would of said.
I started playing guitar when I was 11, my dad taught me everything I know. He used to be apart of an underrated band called "The Spikes". My mom, a writer didn't approve of me learning to play in the beginning but she never once didn't support me in it. They pitched in: guitar lessons, voice lessons, they did whatever loving parents did: they supported their child. Guitar was always my passion, music just came second nature to me. Music also helped me deal with their tragic death, a car accident. I was only thirteen. My brother Jeremy who was 11 and I at the time moved in with my aunt Jenna, my mom's sister. She supported my guitar too and payed for me to finish my lessons. This gig was for my parents, I was doing this for them tonight, in remembrance of them. My parents death affected me in ways I could not even explain to you. I used to be socially balanced, I had a great boyfriend, great friends, cheerleader, straight A student, everyone loved me, but once I lost my parents I realized none of those things mattered anymore, I started pushing every one away, that's why I moved to L.A after accepting a degree in music theroy after high school. To get away from everyone, the forget all the memories of my deceased parents. It hurt less not to care I realized as time went on. Why should I care? It's not like anyone cares for me, everyone leaves in the end. Love does not exist in my world. Breathe, eat, sleep, wake up, and do it all over again until one day it's not as hard anymore. That was my motto and I was sticking to it.
A knock on the door interrupted my ongoing thoughts.
I knew it was time.
"Their ready for you out there, Elena."
"Okay, thanks."
I calm my shaking hands and strap my guitar on, walking out the door.
This is it Gilbert, you either make it or break.
I walk out on to the stage when they say my name, I'm instantly blinded by the lights and awkwardly sit on the stool. I get my guitar and laugh nervously, hoping no one notices how petrified I am.
I close my eyes and begin picking at the strings.
As soon as I play, I relax.
I begin to sing:
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
As I sing images of my parents flood my mind, the way my dad would pick me up from school randomly and have lunch with me begging to know about my recent boy troubles, my mom in her tan dress every summer, laughing as we lit up the fireworks, my father in our cruddy basement, teaching me the different strings on a guitar.
I feel a tear trickle down my cheek, oh what I would give to have them here with me right now. My eyelashes flutter open and I see a boy with dark brown hair and green eyes staring at me in awe. I give him a look and then look away, wondering why he's staring at me so intently. I'm nothing special. I finish my song and wipe the tears from my eyes, standing up. Applause erupts the room and I smile, wide.
"Thank you!." I say, taking a bow.