Title: Never Going To Be Alone
Pairing: Sam/Dean as in WINCEST
Spoilers: 6x22 Swan Song
Summary: It's seems as if it's a dream, not a concrete reality. Because even now, only 24 hours before, Dean still can't quite believe that Sam's going to do this. Dean can't quite believe… that he's going to be left alone.
Warnings: Wincest, as in incest between two Winchesters. Some cussing, but that's to be expected. Slightly OOC Dean.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Nothing, I own nothing; but if Mr Kripke is willing to share…
-X-
"Come on Sam, we're getting out of here." Dean said, standing and moving out of the booth he and Sam had been sharing in a nameless diner just outside of Michigan. With his speechless brother watching, he took out his wallet and dumped a few bills onto the table, before walking out of the diner. Sam stared at the money for a good 2 and a half minutes, before realizing Dean was gone. He quickly stood and followed his brother, nodding to the waitress who was watching him with a raised eyebrow.
Dean opened the door to the Impala and quickly got in, ignoring the fact that his brother wasn't two steps behind him as usual. He clutched the steering wheel with both hands for a second, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. He hadn't been able to stand it, sitting there and watching Sam across from him. He still couldn't comprehend what was going to happen the next night.
It seemed surreal, a dream instead of a concrete reality. Sam was going to jump into the Pit, hopefully taking Lucifer with him, but leaving Dean alone topside. Dean had never had to even contemplate a world without Sam, even when he was at college, there was always the certainty that Sam would come back to him. Now, there was nothing. Dean was going to be truly alone for the first time in his life.
He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed Sam stalk up to the Impala and get in, "Dude, what the hell?" Sam said, making Dean jump.
"What?" Dean asked him, turning his head only slightly so that Sam was just a profile in the corner of his eye.
"Dean, you just up and walked out of that diner without even finishing your pie. PIE, Dean! What the hell is going on with you De?" Sam said as Dean started the car and put it in gear.
Dean choked a little at the nickname that was rarely used by Sam, "Nothing Sam; just wasn't hungry."
"Fuck that dude, you're ALWAYS hungry. Seriously Dean, what's going on bro?" Sam almost pleaded; his hazel eyes huge and bright.
"Nothing is going on Sam, drop it." Dean said. Before Sam could reply he quickly leant forward and turned the radio on. Turning the volume up, he began singing loudly. He faintly heard Sam huff next to him, and he could imagine the bitch-face he was pulling. Dean steadfastly ignores his little brother, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. They make it to the motel in record time, and Dean gets out of the car as quickly as possible.
He quickly walks into the front office, still ignoring Sam who's trailing behind him. Dean walks up to the counter where an ancient man looks up at the two of them, raising a bushy eyebrow at the two men travelling alone together.
"Two queens." Dean says, pulling out his wallet.
"Sorry, only one king left." the old man says. Dean freezes and looks up at him for a second, before turning around to look at Sam, who shrugs his acquiesce. Dean swallows thickly and nods, taking the bills out of his wallet and paying the old coot.
-X-
Dean walks in to see Sam without his jacket and shoes, already lying on the bed, side furthest from the door. That's how it's always been when they shared a bed. Dean would place himself between his baby brother and the door, ready to protect him from anything and everything that dared threaten him.
Except for this, there is no way Dean can protect Sam from this. He has never felt this helpless before, except when Sam had died the first time. And isn't that a fucked-up thought if there ever was one? That's basically their lives, barely making it out by the skin of their teeth, but always together, always fighting. Sam is the one constant in Dean's life, always has been. He is the thing that keeps Dean grounded, reminding him he is human and not a machine. Sam is the only person Dean unconditionally loves in this world, always has been.
And now, watching Sam flipping through the meagre channels on the creaky, black and white set, it finally crashes down on Dean. This is real, this is really going to happen, and Sam is really going to be gone. He must have made a noise of some sort, because Sam's eyes immediately flick towards Dean, like a second nature, which really it is. It's always been second nature for them. It was as if they were two halves of one whole, never meant to be separated from each other. Maybe that's why they seemed incapable of functioning without each other, because they really couldn't. Dean had never even considered a life without his baby brother. Even after Cold Oak, Dean had only thought of how to bring him back, not even entertaining the idea of leaving Sam dead. Like he would be soon…
"Dean, you okay dude?" Sam asks him, his eyes still trained on the TV. And Dean snaps.
"What the fuck Sam? How can you be so relaxed?" Dean all but yelled.
"What, wait…? What?" Sam asks, sitting up now and facing his big brother.
"How can you act like everything's okay? Like this is just another day in another chicken shit motel." Dean exclaimed.
"Dean, what's going on?" Sam said.
"This is how you want to spend your last night Sam? Just sitting here and doing nothing?" Sam's eyes narrowed and he jumped off the bed and stalked around until he faced Dean.
"Dean I'm fucking terrified. Tomorrow I'm going to have to face goddamn Satan and jump into Hell. But I can't think about that now, because this is my last night. I want to spend my last night like I spend all my others, with you. Watching crap TV and drinking beer and pretending that tomorrow I'm not going to die." Sam shouted. But suddenly the fight seemed to leave him and he sank back down to the bed. His head hung down so his bangs covered his eyes. He looked completely defeated, as if he had accepted his fate. Dean's heart broke as he took in the sight of his strong brother reduced to this.
He slowly walked towards Sam, crouching down in front of his figure. "Hey, hey look at me." he whispered.
Sam slowly lifted his head, his bangs still hanging in his eyes. Dean gave a small smile and pushed them back, the strands feeling just as soft as they always looked between his fingers, "I'm sorry Sammy, I didn't mean it like that."
"I know, it's just… I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this." Sam said softly. "I know I can, but I don't know if I can leave you behind."
"Don't worry about that, I'll be right behind you." Dean said.
"NO! No Dean, you are not dying. I'm not going to fucking Hell just so you can follow me."
"Why the fuck not? What makes you think I'm going to be any better off up here?"
"Dean, the only reason I'm doing this is for you. The rest of the world can go fuck themselves for all I care; I just can't stand the idea of you going back to Hell when I can do something about it."
"Sam…" Dean whispered. He could see the tears pooling in his brother's eyes, threatening to fall. Without thinking, Dean lunged forward and pulled Sam into his arms. Sam immediately wrapped his arms around Dean and tugged him closer. They settled on the floor in front of the bed, arms wrapped around each other. He nuzzled his head into Dean's neck and Dean pressed his face into Sam's hair. He slowly inhaled the scent of Sam's shampoo, and just underneath, the scent of Sam. Sweet and warm and like home.
"I love you De. I'm sorry for making this one huge chick-flick moment, but I do. You're the only thing in my entire life I can say that about." Sam whispered into Dean's neck, his voice slightly muffled.
Dean could feel his tears soaking into his shirt, so he pulled Sam impossibly closer and replied, "I love you too baby boy." he pressed his lips to Sam's temple, slowly rubbing up and down his back.
Dean lost track of the amount of time he and Sam spent like that, their arms clinging to each other. Soon Sam's sobs subsided, and he slowly pulled his head away from Dean. He looked shyly at his brother, worried that Dean would start teasing him mercilessly. But Dean was distracted. Sam's face was still so close to his and he could clearly see the tears still decorating Sam's arched cheekbones. He cupped Sam's cheek and brushed his thumb into the hollow under his eyes, wiping away the stray tears.
Sam's eyes fluttered closed at the caress, and Dean took the opportunity to study Sam's face. His bangs that were still threatening to cover Sam's liquid hazel eyes. Those eyes were Dean's one weakness, always so huge, rimmed by long chocolate eyelashes that now rested high on Sam's cheekbones. Dean's thumb still stroked them down to Sam's slightly parted lips. Soft pink and trembling slightly, Dean felt hypnotised as he watched Sam's tongue come out and wet his full bottom lip.
Dean took a slow, stuttering breath, his own lips parting. Sam's eyes fluttered open when Dean stopped stroking his cheek. Dean looked up from his brother's inviting mouth to his eyes. There were so many emotions swirling around in Sam's eyes, confusion and fear and want. Their faces were still so close that they were practically breathing each other's air.
Dean's head was whirling, this was Sam, Sam. His baby brother, but that was no deterrent. In fact, it made a strange sort of sense. Sam was his entire world, his everything. Dean was defined by Sam, his baby brother being his greatest achievement. This was just another step in their already fucked-up lives.
"Dean." Sam whispered, and Dean cracked. He slowly leaned forward, giving Sam time to pull away. But he didn't, instead he tilted his head and closed his eyes again. Dean's mouth covered Sam's, their lips moulding together perfectly. It was simple and chaste, just the movement of lips upon lips. Then Dean felt the swipe of Sam's tongue across his bottom lip. Dean gave a short gasp, and Sam seized the opportunity. He pushed forward, his tongue breaching Dean's mouth.
Sam cupped Dean's face and pulled him closer. Dean moved without complaint, his tongue tangling with Sam's. They were completely lost in one another, nothing able to breach their bubble. Sam's tongue retreated and Dean followed it, taking his turn to explore Sam's mouth. The first taste of Sam and Dean knew he was addicted, his baby brother tasted of something inexplicably like sunshine and peppermint. Dean moaned into Sam's mouth, clutching his collar and leaning back onto the carpet pulling Sam on top of him. He felt Sam wrap his long arms around his waist and pull him closer while Dean twined his arms around Sam's neck.
Dean spread his legs and Sam slid between them, his body fitting perfectly as if they were made to be like this. They kissed harder, trying to devour each other. Dean was moaning his approval, he knew because Sam was making breathless whimpers that made Dean kiss him that much harder. Suddenly Sam pulled away, his arms framing Dean's head as he stared down into Dean's eyes.
"What are we doing?" he whispered onto Dean's lips.
Dean caught his cheek and pulled up until they were staring into each other's eyes, "We're saying goodbye."
"This will only make it harder." Sam whispered.
"I don't care. I need to feel you Sammy, I need to know that you're alive, that you're with me."
"I love you." Sam said, and Dean felt tears gather in his eyes. He nodded, feeling a few escape down his cheeks at the movement. He sat up, making Sam do the same. He cupped his brother's face and whispered,
"I love you too Sammy. Always."
-X-
After, they lay tangled together in the centre of the bed. Sam was on his back, sitting up slightly. Dean lay on his chest, his ear resting on Sam's tattoo. He felt the rhythmic beating of Sam's heart, which only made him press closer to him. Sam's arm was wrapped around his shoulder his head buried in Dean's hair.
Neither of them were unscathed. There were bruises lining the jut of Dean's hips and hickeys covering his torso and neck. Sam had long scratches from Dean's nails stinging his back, and hickeys covering his neck. Both their lips were red and swollen, still tingling from the force of their kisses.
"Dean, I want you to promise me something." Sam said quietly. Dean looked up at his brother, their eyes meeting and locking together.
"Anything Sammy." he whispered.
"I want you to go back to Lisa."
"What?" Dean sat up quickly.
"Wait, hear me out. Dean, you know once I jump I'm gone for good. You can't try to bring me back; I don't want you poking at the cage. You have to go back to Lisa, pray to God she's dumb enough to take you back. You're gonna live De. Live for me, for mom, for dad." Sam said.
"I don't think I can do that little brother. How am I supposed to live in a world where you aren't there?" Dean whispered, leaning forward and burying his head in the crook of Sam's shoulder.
Sam's arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer, "Live for this Dean. Live for us, our love."
"Sammy…" Dean whispered.
Sam tipped his head and their lips met again. Dean swung a leg over Sam's lap, effectively straddling his baby brother. He pressed himself closer and kissed Sam harder. His fingers tangled in Sam's hair, while the other hand was wrapped around Sam's broad shoulders.
Slowly, the brothers pulled away from each other, but stayed close enough that they were sharing breaths. Dean felt tears burning his eyes again and he ducked his head to hide them. Sam tilted his chin so that their eyes met again.
"I don't want to be alone Sam." Dean whispered.
"You're never gonna be alone jerk. I'm always going to be with you, even if you can't see me. Forever." Sam whispered.
Dean's answering sob of, "Bitch." was swallowed by Sam's mouth. Dean clutched his baby brother tighter, and just hoped that Sam was telling him the truth.
-X-
This is my first ever fanfic ever. So all reviews and comments will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, and don't hesitate to drop me a line.