Disclaimer: No, I do not own Buffy. Wish I did though.
AN: A one shot, just a random thing that I wrote really. Set during season 6, when Buffy's all, don't care about no-one, lets have sex with Spike. Rated M because...Well, I think thats what its supposed to be lol.
Enjoy, and please review. So I know if you like it or not.
Dirt.
That's what she was. Hell, she was probably worse than dirt. When did she become so low? When did she stop caring about her family and friends? She used to be so goodly. She used to know how to love. Something had changed within her, when she had been pulled from heaven and crawled from the grave something had changed. She didn't feel love any more. She rarely felt anything. Anger was the only emotion she knew how to feel. And she felt it with a vengeance.
She was angry with her friends for what they did to her, if they had left her be dead she'd be happy. She was angry with her sister for needing her so much, needing someone to be 'mom'. She was angry with her lover, no, not her lover, she wouldn't call him that, but then, what else could she call him? He wasn't her boyfriend, they didn't act like a loving couple, they fought and they fucked. That was it. But she was angry with him still, angry that he was the only one who could make her forget, angry that he loved her and angry that he knew her so well.
Most of all though. The one person she was truly, deeply angry with was herself. She was angered at the thoughts she had. At the way she behaved. And at the way she treated people.
As her feet carried her swiftly through the streets she found herself heading to the cemetery, not surprising really, seeing as this was where she spent most of her nights. She thought over the argument she'd had with her sister less than half an hour ago. It wasn't that she didn't want her around, she did, really she did, she just didn't want to be the perfect mother figure that she was expected to be.
As she pushed open the gate to the cemetery she walked the familiar route, knowing exactly where she was going without even thinking about it. As she neared the door to the crypt she froze. Did she really want to go in there? If she opened that door then she'd have to endear a night of fighting and rough sex, because after all, it was never passionate between them.
She moved towards the door when she heard a noise behind her, she spun around into a fighting stance, her fists raised and her legs poised. The cause of the noise raised an eyebrow at this, and had a cocky smirk to match. She walked up to him and punched him square in the nose. Ignoring his shouts she swung again, he caught her fist this time and threw her back into the wall. He moved closer and slammed his body against hers. She growled as his lips crushed down against hers. She didn't want to have sex yet, she wanted to punch and kick and be punched and kicked for a bit first, she wanted to fight until she was burning with desire, but then his hand slid into her trousers and she knew she'd give in. She pulled him down to the floor and let him take her there and then.
In the dirt that you belong in Buffy Summers. Was her last thoughts before she slipped away in ecstasy. Forgetting everything for a short time. Eventually she would think again, and she'd know once again that she truly was dirt, but for a now, she'd find her release.