Start Time: 4:47pm, November 3, 2007
Time to fess up, that was my first thought as I sat on the hill, watching the sun set. I knew Inuyasha loved her more, so why did I still feel this pain if I knew it was what was to be? Why did I let it bother me so? Well, I really shouldn't be asking myself such questions, as I already know the answer to them. It bothers me so because I love him. I love him so much... and it pains me to know that he loves her. Yes, I know he loves me, but he also loves her, and I can't bare that pain. I don't want to share him. He is my Inuyasha. Not hers.She doesn't belong here.
No... that was wrong. Shebelonged here as much as I did. She was brought here for a reason. Everything happens for a reason, nothings ever just... there. Nothing important anyway. And she... she was important... to him. I am wrong in thinking these things, thinking horrid thoughts abouther, because she is me as much as I am her. Nothing will change that, because in some odd way, we are one, yet completely different. One of us happy, emotion filled. The other... short of emotions it seemed. One as beautiful as life itself. The other couldn't compare the beauty, but was pretty in her own way. We were protectors of the Shikon No Tama, either now or then. Nothing could change that fact, I knew this. I know this.
I looked out to the setting sun a small smile on my lips. The setting sun was beautiful, even more so then a rising sun. Rising sun... funny how I think what I think, don't you agree? A setting sun symbolized the ending of something, yet a rising sun symbolizes a new beginning, so why did I favor the ending as apposed to a beginning? Maybe it was because I knew that Inuyasha and I would end... someway. I don't know why I felt like that but I did. I felt that she would come between us, one way or another. He couldn't have us both, because we weren't complete. She had part of my soul... or maybe... I had part of hers. It depends on which view you looked at it. In one view, the soul was stolen from the person in which it was held and in the other view, the soul was rightfully there because they had owned it first. So, who truly owned the soul of Kikyo/Kagome?
I sit here, watch the setting sun, knowing that Inuyasha and I were like that, yet a smile graced my lips. Why was my body acting on its own? Or did my body know something that I did not. Subconciously, I knew what would happen. Either I would go, or she would go. It was they only way things would finally be easy on my heart. On our hearts. But it pained me to think of it. So, with this pain, why was there a smile on my lips? A small one, yet it was still there, but more of a knowing grin then an actual smile. What did my body know that my mind did not? Or rather... what my mind wouldn't let me admit. As I sat and thought, I realize more and more that I could never be with Inuyasha, because of his love for both of us. It would be the death of all of us. And for some reason this made me smile. A part of me... found it funny. Found it funny that no one could be with him, yet we all wanted too, at the same time. Found it funny that either I or her had to go.
What I seemed to find even funnier... was that I was the one willing to go. I couldn't stand the pain, yet it felt so good. It was a good pain, one that proved I loved him, but was it truly enough to keep us together? A onesided love cannot hold. A twosided love can't hold if the other is not willing to hold it or not willing to admit it. This seemed to be Inuyasha. He made promises of protection to both of us, but he cannot protect us both. Not at the same time. That is the difficulty. I will not tell him that he doesn't have to keep his promise to me and neither will she. It is hard, loving a man who is loved by another and that man loving both of you. If only spiritual powers could be an answer to this, both she and I would be alright, but sadly, the powers cannot help, nor can the Shikon No Tama.
My bow and arrows were next to me. I looked down at them. How easy it would be to take my life, to give him to her. But I was not brave enough to do it... or perhaps, not cowardly enough. That was a better way to picture it. I was to strong to take my own life. How easy would it be to take hers, though. No... Inuyasha would hate me... for a bit. He could never truly hate me, for he loves me. Right? Yes, he must love me. Why else would he have made me my promise if he did not love me? But... was it truly love that drove him to promise... or was it something else? Guilt? Pity? No... it had to be love... it had too!
The sun moved below the horizon, creating a colorful display in the clouds. It was beautiful, being able to sit here and see it. My smile spread, just a bit, at the beauty. It was a beauty unimaginable, unattainable, unforgettable. Was I that way to Inuyasha? Or was she that way to Inuyasha? What if... we both were that way? I shook my head to clear those thoughts, all of them. I didn't want to think about it, not right now. That was why I had come to watch the sun set, to get my mind off of everything, if even for a few minutes. I was going to keep these thoughts out and enjoy the colors. Enjoy the way they make me...happy...if only for a little bit.
Yes, for a little bit, I will forget Inuyasha. Forget the pain. Forget the hatred. Forget the past, present, and future. Forget her. Forget love. Just plain... forget.
End Time: 7:55pm, November 3, 2007 I really had no plan for this. All I remember is writing the start time, then I blanked out and when I came back, I was writing the end time. But as I reread it, it seems it could be either Kikyo or Kagome thinking this. You choose.