Listed
Kurt's To-Do list is sitting on the kitchen counter when Sebastian gets up at 4:39 am to piss and get something to drink. If he was as organized as Kurt was he'd drink his water and then piss. He wonders momentarily as he's aiming and rubbing his face, how people become as organized as Kurt is. How does Kurt always just know to piss first when all he needs to do is wash his hands but decides halfway through that maybe he should pee before he goes back to his task?
See that's something that's always frustrated Sebastian- when all he wants to do is wash something sticky off his hands like maybe lube or something, and then halfway through he decides it would benefit him to pee before getting trapped underneath Kurt for the next seven hours. Then he has to wash his hands again or Kurt will accuse him of being a filthy heathen. Again.
What was…What was his point?
Oh yeah. The To-Do list on the counter. Three items in the middle of the page:
My name is Kurt Hummel Smythe
My husband's name is Sebastian Hummel Smythe
Eat Chinese food on Wednesday
Sebastian tries to figure out what any of this means. What Chinese food on Wednesday has to do with them being married. Or with their names even being written out in such a manner. He hasn't figured it out by 4:49 so he pours the rest of his water into the sink and goes back to bed where Kurt immediately rolls into his body and continues sleeping.
Sebastian wakes up first the next morning but the To-Do list is gone so he thinks maybe he dreamed about it. That makes sense, more sense than that stupid list Kurt made. Kurt says nothing about it when he finally gets up and gets dressed for work. Sebastian makes them breakfast, it's not a Saturday so it's nothing special but Kurt is weird and likes fruit and oatmeal and it makes him happy when Sebastian eats it with him even though Sebastian thinks the texture of oatmeal is something he'd find in a really gnarly diaper. He considers where to find grits while Kurt is scrolling through the news on his phone.
"What do you want for dinner tomorrow?" Kurt asks and Sebastian looks up from the strawberries he's stirring into his oatmeal. He wonders briefly if this is a trick question, it's Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Should he say Chinese food? They always order take out on Wednesdays. Would Kurt pick up sushi if he said he'd prefer Japanese?
"Whatever you want babe." Sebastian answers. That's always a safe answer, he's learned with marriage that agreeing with his husband always makes Kurt smile. He likes to be in charge of little things like dinner plans and what color the curtains should be when they paint the living room in the summer. In return Sebastian gets to be in charge of the scary things like the mortgage and the light bills and what is going to make Kurt happy in bed that night.
Kurt nods, stands up and loads his dishes into the dishwasher. He grabs his portfolio, his bag, his keys and bends down next to Sebastian, "I love you." He says smiling, "You've learned so much since we got married." He's out the door before Sebastian can say anything smart back. Sebastian collects his own things and spends most of his day at work wondering what that To-Do list means. He barely gets anything done on his case but he's got time to worry about that later.
Wednesday night Kurt and Sebastian get home within an hour of each other and there's Chinese food on the kitchen counter. They eat it while Sebastian makes notes about his case and Kurt mumbles about what hell Isabelle is putting them through this week. Sebastian guesses the list is done with if they ate Chinese food. They eat and talk and work a little because Kurt never scolds Sebastian for bringing work home on Wednesday nights. Probably because he's learned that Sebastian's job does provide him with a lot of extra work and while Sebastian has agreed to cut back, Kurt has also agreed to cut back on complaining about it. Marriage is pretty cool to Sebastian. Compromises are a lot easier to make now.
Kurt's To-Do lists return to normal for the next couple of weeks. They're long and ridiculous and they plan out his whole week. What is going to be cleaned every day, what they need from the grocery store with a list attached, what he's going to make for dinner on the days that they cook, and what he's going to pick up on the days they don't feel like cooking. It also usually has a budget attached although they aren't short on money, Sebastian has a good job and he comes from a family with money. He took a large inheritance when his great grandmother died in February, but he lets Kurt make his little budget because Kurt has always had to work on a budget when he was a kid.
That was one thing Sebastian always wanted to give Kurt when they started dating- financial stability. Kurt still prides himself on being able to save them money and Sebastian is learning to not be so frivolous with his money. If Kurt wants groceries in the pantry before he wants a new sweater these days then so be it.
But then three weeks later on an early Tuesday morning, probably the same time of 4:39 am he gets up again and sees another strange little list. Three things in the middle of the page that aren't errands at all.
I have a tattoo on my left shoulder
Sebastian and Kurt have been married for over a year now
I hate Italian food
Sebastian thought about adding a fourth item to the list: Kurt needs to relax and go to bed. But he still wasn't sure if these little lists meant something deeper than their literal meaning so he popped the Advil he'd been looking for and made his way back to bed. All those things were true, Kurt still had that tattoo, and it wasn't going anywhere. He's tried in the past to convince Kurt to get another one but it hasn't worked so far. Yes they'd been married for over a year and it had been great. The third statement threw Sebastian for a loop, Kurt definitely disliked Italian food because of a case of food poisoning he contracted a few months into their marriage but Sebastian can't figure out why it's made it to the list. They haven't hated Italian food since then, is he worried Sebastian is going to make him eat it? Because as much as Sebastian likes Italian food he's not that mean.
Kurt is out cold when he gets back to bed, he's nearly in Sebastian spots so Sebastian man handles him back to his side of the bed and within minutes Kurt has suctioned himself back to Sebastian's side. It's funny, Sebastian thinks, everyone says when you get married the charm wears off. You learn about the grosser parts of your significant other, you learn how grateful you are for personal space, but Sebastian can't imagine not feeling the weight of his husband's body way too close to his, snoring in each other's ears, accidentally breathing rank morning breath on each other. He loves the bad things as much as he loves the good things about his marriage.
The list is gone in the morning even though he wakes up first and throws a couple of frozen waffles in the toaster. The most important thing is coffee, K would be happy eating a stale baggy of frootloops as long as he's got a cup of coffee to take with him. Sebastian is the same way, sometimes he doesn't have time to whip up homemade pancakes and eggs benedict so he settles for splitting a poptart with Kurt and heading out the door.
On Wednesday night Kurt brings home Italian and Sebastian is too distracted by watching his husband try to eat spaghetti without puking to make any kind of attempt at the case he brought home. When Sebastian finishes he says he needs to grab some orange juice from the store on the corner and Kurt says nothing, still sliding pasta on his plate. Sebastian comes home with half a cheesecake and dumps the rest of the food Kurt has bought. He serves them cheesecake and vodka on the couch and now he can relax and work without worrying Kurt will projectile vomit across the table and ruin Sebastian's notes.
He does not ask why Kurt bought Italian food. He does not ask what Kurt's To-Do list meant. Or what the previous one meant.
By the third list Sebastian knows he has to say something to Kurt about the lists because he's getting worried. It's about five in the morning when he finds this one, same format- three statements written on it.
I work at Vogue
I like my job at Vogue
I am very scared of what would happen if I left Vogue
Sebastian doesn't understand why Kurt would want to leave Vogue because he has never had anything negative to say about the job unless Isabelle was pushing him too hard too fast. He would not mind if Kurt wanted to leave and find another job but he does want to know what's happened to cause these kind of questions. Kurt was happy right? He wasn't acting any differently. Not the way he usually acted when his depression flared up, Sebastian had learned how to handle that, he wasn't sure he could help Kurt with whatever this was if he wasn't saying anything about it. Although he did realize that half of marriage was speaking up when your spouse couldn't.
On Wednesday he left early and picked Sushi up and for good measure he picked up another half of a cheesecake. Then he texted Kurt not to worry about dinner. Kurt answered him that he didn't have to do that but he also didn't argue. When Kurt got home at five that afternoon Sebastian had all three lists on the coffee table along with sushi, cheesecake, and a bottle of wine. He managed to find the lists in Kurt's desk but he tore the house up as soon as he got home to find them.
Sebastian let Kurt drain his glass of wine and eat a little bit for he asks, "K is everything okay? At work or outside of work? I've been finding these little lists early in the morning and when I wake up they're gone but you're back in bed."
Kurt picks the first one up, then the second, then the third. He flips through them, he pours himself another glass of wine, he shrugs, "Everything's fine." He says.
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, "Weren't you the one who schooled me on what 'I'm fine' really means?" he asked. He remembers that talk, when he asked Kurt if he was okay and Kurt had said yes and so he let it go and then he received an earful of Kurt screaming about how he wasn't really fine. About how he was sad and he wasn't sure why but it would be really helpful if Sebastian would just maybe hold him for an hour or five and hell Sebastian had but the whole time he couldn't stop thinking about the signs he had missed and how sometimes Kurt just stopped communicating and expected the world to know what was up.
He understood, really he did. Kurt prided himself on being strong and emotionally constipated, so he hated to prod too much and set K off but he learned that sometimes he had to risk it in order to help his husband.
Kurt smiles and his eyes are tired and it makes Sebastian so sad that Kurt is sleeping but he's still exhausted. It's all over his face. "I trained you right." He says and leans into Sebastian and sighs, "Okay so I need that bottle of wine so we can talk about this." Sebastian does not like the sound of that but he gets up and grabs the bottle and brings it back to Kurt, watching as Kurt pulls from it and then leans back one hand going in his hair, "So Isabelle hired a couple of new people and most of them have been great."
Sebastian hates what Kurt is saying already, his body feels like something is terribly wrong and he doesn't want Kurt to say what he thinks Kurt is going to say. He isn't sure how to respond so he settles on, "Okay, and?"
"And it was fine most of them were young females who had a lot of really good ideas and I was really excited to collaborate with them. But then there's one, his name is Alex and he thinks he's like some kind of fashion god or something. I've seen his portfolio and I was not impressed. In fact I saw it before Isabelle hired him and she asked me what I thought about him and I said he didn't look like he would make a great contribution to my team but she hired him anyways because who the hell listens to what I say." Kurt takes another pull and passes it to Sebastian who does the same, "So he comes in throwing shitty ideas out and the girls and I work around them to the best of our ability and he's satisfied because he's got some kind of hand in the finished product but it doesn't last long." He stops.
Sebastian hands the bottle back to him. Alcohol really was liquid courage.
"So he starts to get pissed that we're only using pieces of his ideas and designs and starts to demand that we incorporate more of his design or he was going to go to Isabelle and get us fired which didn't scare me because I've been there way longer and I have a lot more tie with Isabelle then some snotty Parson's graduate." Kurt rolls his head over to look at Sebastian and Sebastian wishes Kurt would just tell him what the problem is because his stomach is starting to hurt thinking of all the things that could possibly be wrong, "So we use one of his designs and it goes over terribly with Isabelle and her team, she hates it and she blames me for letting it happen. And then Alex blames me for letting this design on paper turn into something very ugly because I used a shitty material."
Sebastian wrinkles his nose, "But wouldn't he have told you what material he thought it should be made of?" If he asks questions Kurt will open up more.
Kurt nods, "And he did tell me what kind of material he wanted it made with and we used that material and guess what? It was still ugly and so I got marked for that one. Anyways he comes to me later and says that he forgives me for the way his design turns out and says he wants to meet me for drinks somewhere and I guess some people are completely oblivious to the wedding ring and the pictures I have of us on my desk because I told him I was married and he acted as if he never realized. So he leaves me alone for a week but then he comes back and says that we can still meet for drinks and what you don't know won't kill you. But like in my head I know that it would kill you because it would kill me and then I'd have to say something because I'd feel so shitty about doing it." He shakes his head, "So I turned him down again because he's not even attractive if we're being real."
Sebastian's phone rings and when he glances down at the screen it's his mom but if he leaves this conversation it'll be over with and he'll have to work harder to get Kurt to talk again. If she really needs him she'll call again.
"He leaves me alone for three more days and then one day when I'm trying to pack up and go he corners me in the office and starts getting touchy and I told him to stop that I was married and that this was not appropriate behavior in a work environment and he says that he could take me back to his place and it wouldn't have to happen in a work environment. I guess that was stupid of me to say. I tell him that I will tell Isabelle and he says that if I tell Isabelle he's going to find you and he's going to kill you. Sebastian he knew your law firm, he knew where you worked. Exactly where you worked, which office number you were. It scared the shit out of me."
"Kurt how did he know?" Sebastian asks, moving closer, "People don't just know that kind of information unless they've had an appointment with me."
Kurt looks up at him for a few minutes, "He had." He mumbles, "He said he and his partner separated and you were their lawyer and I guess you were on the partners side or something because obviously we've learned that Alex is fucking crazy but he said that his ex-husband came out with more than he did which I mean makes sense because the husband was the one providing him with everything Alex wanted." He swallows, "I don't know what he was planning on doing if I told Isabelle but I couldn't go to her because I knew she would fire him and he would come after you."
"Kurt, sweetheart why didn't you say anything sooner?" Sebastian asks frantically, "You let yourself suffer so that he wouldn't come back to my office? You know we have security there that would have stopped him before he could even reach the floor I'm on."
"Sebastian that means nothing to me when your life is at stake." Kurt yells and Sebastian knows just how much Kurt loves him if he was willing to risk himself for a threat that could have very well been an empty one, "I can't go to Isabelle and tell her about Alex. I have to either continue working there or I have to quit."
"K you aren't going to continue working there as long as he's working there." Sebastian argues, "I really don't want you to leave if it's going to make you unhappy but I do need you to be safe. Did he do anything besides touch you inappropriately?" Sebastian can't even imagine what he would do if his husband told him that Alex had raped him. It makes his stomach churn.
Kurt looks at him for a long time, "He never raped me if that's what you're asking." He says, "He made me" he trails off and wipes his nose, "He made me suck his dick. Sebastian I'm really sorry I let this happen I didn't want it, I promise I didn't want it."
"Why do you think that I'm going to blame you for something completely out of your control?" Sebastian asks when Kurt climbs into his lap and presses his face into his husband's throat, "Please don't apologize. I'm sorry that I didn't see what was happening sooner. I knew you were acting weird and I ignored it."
Kurt smiles a little, "We both kind of suck at communicating." He whispers, "We should work on that."
"What are you going to do about Vogue?" Sebastian asks, running his fingers through Kurt's hair.
Kurt sighs, "I think I'm going to quit. It's been a good run but I could find something better or start my own line without Vogue." He sits up, "I think…I think you should think about switching firms just to be on the safe side. I'm not going to make you because that's not fair but just consider it so that we don't have to worry about Alex popping in and trying to kill you."
Sebastian chuckles a little just to break some of the tension. There's still a lot to discuss, like if they're going to report this to the police or if it would even be worth the effort. If Kurt really is going to leave or if he just needs to switch departments. If maybe it's time to finally give Divorce Court up and do something else with his time. Instead all he says is, "That's a topic for tomorrow honey." He grabs the remote and flips on an old episode of Cops, "I'll call out and you call out and we'll spend the day doing something much better than worrying about work."
"Like what?" Kurt asks, closing his eyes.
Sebastian shrugs, "Who cares if we get to do it together."
Sebastian knows that the lists were for Kurt to reassure himself of things he did know when things were getting out of hand. He knows that sometimes all it takes to fix Kurt temporarily is to spoon feed him straight facts because that's what he could handle. Yes, he's pissed off that this happened to Kurt because sometimes it's like his husband never gets a break but he's so incredibly thankful that he got it out of Kurt even if it took a bottle of wine and a sushi roll from a gas station. Tomorrow he's going to figure out everything that needs to happen in order to fix this. But right now all he's going to do is hold Kurt close until he's begging Sebastian to give him his space. Marriage is still really cool to Sebastian.
I have to work in like an hour so I don't have time to edit this really well. Lol I stayed up and wrote this instead of taking a nap for my overnight shift so I hope it's decent. Thanks! -SJ