Disclaimer: I do not own Kim Possible or any of its copyrighted characters. Seriously, if I did, you think I'd be writing fanfiction? Anyway, all the fantastic reviews from my last story, "Mega Mart Madness," got me thinking…what else do super villains do when they're not scheming to take over the world? Hence, I offer a glimpse into the lighter side of evil in a little story I call…
Behind the Bathroom Door
"Come on, Dr. Drakken!" Shego yelled as she pounded on the bathroom door. "Aren't you done yet?"
"NO!" Drakken shouted from the other side. "And I won't be done for awhile, so go away!"
"You've been in there for almost an hour! What are you doing?"
"Never you mind!" Drakken snapped.
"Come on, Dr. D, other people need to use the bathroom, namely me!" Shego yelled. She was wearing a green bathrobe and slippers, and holding a bottle of bubble bath and two scented candles. "It's time for my weekly aromatherapy bath!"
"So use one of the other bathrooms!"
"There are no other bathrooms! There are fifty bedrooms, two game rooms, a cafeteria, a torture chamber, and ONE bathroom! Way to pick an evil lair!"
"It's a very tight market right now! We were lucky to get this place!" Drakken said. "If you need to take a bath so badly, there's a perfectly nice pool of water outside!"
"You mean the moat?" Shego said. "It's full of crocodiles!"
"They're usually basking this time of day. You have a good half an hour before they start getting hungry!"
"Seriously, Dr. Drakken, what are you doing in there? Are you reading 'Mad Scientist Monthly'? Because if you are…"
"I am not! I'm doing something very, very important!"
"Hate to burst your bubble, but anything you do in there can hardly be called…"
"Miss Shego?" A voice behind her said. Shego turned and saw one of the henchmen looking at her with a pained expression on his face.
"What is it, Anderson?"
"I'm Henderson, ma'am."
"Whatever. What do you want?"
"Well…me and some of the other guys were wondering when the boss was gonna be finished in there, 'cause…well, we gotta go…in there."
"You'll have to get in line behind me," Shego said.
"It's just that…we really gotta use the bathroom," Henderson stammered.
"Tough," Shego snapped. "I've had a rough week and I need a bath in the worst way!"
"Believe me, ma'am, I know you do, but…"
"I meant that I'm tired and I need a bath to sooth my nerves, which are very brittle at the moment," Shego said, powering up her free hand. "What did you mean?"
"I…I…didn't mean anything, really!" Henderson gulped. "It's just that I…we really really gotta go…"
"So go someplace else!" Shego snapped, her hand glowing brighter. "I don't care where, JUST GO!"
Henderson took the hint and scurried off. Shego turned her attention back to the door.
"All right, Dr. Drakken, you have until the count of five to open this door or I'm blowing it off its hinges! One...two…three…four…FIVE!" Shego dropped her things and blasted the door with both hands. Much to her surprise, she couldn't even scorch it. She tired jimmying the lock, but it wouldn't budge.
"Having trouble, Shego?" Drakken laughed. "That door is made of reinforced titanium! Huff and puff all you want, you won't blow this house down!"
Shego was seething, but she realized he was right. She also knew that she was now stiffer and tenser. She needed that bath more than ever, but she wasn't going to get it anytime soon unless...
Shego looked at her watch. She still had twenty-five minutes until the crocs woke up.
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Shego looked down at the moat. "This isn't so bad," she mumbled. "The water looks pretty clean…with the right accessories, it's the same as being in the tub."
She hesitantly placed her big toe in the water. It was warm, much warmer than she expected. Throwing caution to the wind, she shrugged off her robe and slid into the water. She then lit the candles and grabbed the bottle of bubble bath; moments later she was happily lost in her own little peaceful world.
It lasted three minutes.
"Miss Shego!" A familiar voice behind her exclaimed.
Shego spun around and saw Henderson standing on the bank. "HENDERSON!" She shouted in alarm, quickly covering herself with the bubbles. "Is the lair on fire? Because that's the only way you will be able to walk away from here under the power of your own two feet!"
"Please, Miss Shego, I mean no disrespect," Henderson cried, covering his eyes. "I didn't know you'd be here! I just came here to…" he suddenly fell silent.
"To…what?" Shego asked.
"Uh, nothing, nothing at all," Henderson replied. He turned to leave. "I'll just be going now."
"Not until you finish that last sentence," Shego snapped. "You came here to do…what?"
"To…um…well," Henderson gulped. "It's just that you told me to go someplace else, so I told all the guys we had to go someplace else, so we all went…someplace else."
"What are you babbling about?" Shego snapped. "What do you mean go someplace else?" Suddenly her eyes grew wide. "When you say go…"
"I mean go," Henderson squeaked, slowly inching away from her. "Can I go now?"
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Wrapped in her now-damp bathrobe, a dripping wet Shego stormed up to the bathroom door. "DRAKKEN!" She yelled. "I don't care what you're doing, I need that bathroom NOW!"
"Too bad," Drakken replied. "I'm still using it and since the door is still made of titanium, there's noting you can do about it!"
"I beg to differ," Shego replied. "The door might be made of titanium, but the walls around it aren't!"
"You wouldn't!" Drakken yelped. "I command you to…"
Shego blasted the wall to the left of the door, which quickly gave way. "All right, Dr. Drakken," she said, stepping over the rubble. "What's the big…" suddenly she froze.
Shego found herself staring at the most horrifying sight she'd ever seen in her entire life. Equally horrified at being caught in the act, Drakken stared back. For a moment, time stood still. Then…
"AAAAAGH!"
"AAAAAGH!"
Shego ran for the safety of her bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her. Trembling, she leaned against the door and took several deep breaths. Once she calmed down a bit she crossed the room to her desk; with a shaking hand she grabbed a tape recorder and hit the REC button.
"Note to self…"she said in a quivering voice. "Never, ever interrupt Drakken while he's shaving his back."
THE END