Mom After Death
Meredith couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth .
"Meredith, this is Derek. Addison was in a car accident today and didn't (pause) she didn't make it." How could this be? She and Addison had been friends all the way through school, med school, etc. Yeah-pretty much always. She was the maid of honor at Derek and Addison's wedding. She was there when baby Zach was born. Now just like that she's gone.
The funeral was beautiful, so they all said. Beautiful, what is so beautiful about burying a wife and mother to a 1-½ year old? Derek held up as good as to be expected though Meredith felt the pain he was hiding. She tried to take Zach off his hands for a while but Derek wouldn't give him up. It was his child with Addison. Meredith understood.
Meredith did her best to help Derek with Zach over the next year. She would watch him when she was off work and show him pictures of her and his mommy. For the anniversary of Addison's passing the three of them went to her gravesite and took sunflowers. Yes sunflowers made Addison think of sunshine and happiness. She had her kitchen redecorated in sunflowers so everyone could think of happiness while they ate.
They wondered if she was still happy.
It seemed to be easier on Derek now. He actually had a date tonight. Meredith watched Zach of course. Meredith had to admit she was developing feelings for Derek. Who was she kidding she already fell. Now he has a date and not with her. That made her sad. He was a wonderful man and Zach was the best child and deserved a mother that would teach him about his mother. Nobody could replace Addison, but if they tried and Derek married them where would that leave her. Some woman wouldn't want Meredith sticking around. She couldn't think of that. Zach had fallen asleep on the sofa and Mer didn't want to move him and with the depressing thought she had about being pushed out of his and Derek's life she didn't want to let him go so she just cuddled up with him on the sofa and went to sleep. "Addison, you're my best friend. I miss you. I wish you could see your little boy. You would be so proud of him. I love Derek. Sorry to tell you like this but I have always been honest with you. I'm afraid if he falls in love with someone else they will push me out and nobody will teach your son about how wonderful you are. Oh yeah and Addison, if you were here I wouldn't be in love with your husband." She always talked to Addison. She hoped she could hear her. Maybe she would put a good word in for her and "will" Derek to love her and no one else. Meredith didn't want to replace Addison. There is no replacing Addison; she just wanted to be Meredith. Step mom to Zach and 2nd wife to Derek. She would teach Zach how wonderful his mommy was and they would always talk about her whenever he wanted because Meredith wouldn't be jealous. She loved Addison too after all.
She drifted off to sleep and didn't hear Derek come in. When Derek did come in he noticed the two of them sound asleep. He smiled. She looked natural. He never noticed before how natural she really looked with his son. Something felt different when he looked at her tonight. She was a beautiful woman. He hoped it wasn't because of his bad date. I mean the date was nice and all but no Addison. Nobody would ever be Addison but he felt at peace to move on. Zach loved Meredith. He was so attached to her. Derek wondered if his son knew the answers of life. If only he could tell him. Derek went over to Meredith and gently tapped her on the shoulder. "Mer" he said. She opened her eyes. "Oh hey. How was the date?" She asked. "Not for me" he answered. "You can sleep here if you want seeing how tired you already are." "Thanks." She replied. He picked up Zach and carried him to bed. Meredith got up to use the restroom. "Hey Derek, do you mind if I take a shower real quick?" "No." he said "Go ahead. I'm sure you didn't get a chance to tonight." She told him no and she took a shower.
He decided to make some coffee seeing how she would probably wake up and if so they could talk. She was so easy to talk to. He never noticed before. He suddenly started getting very nervous and his palms got sweaty. He couldn't decide which coffee cups to use. He ran his fingers through his hair. He wiped off the counter and fluffed the cushions on the sofa. Why was he so nervous? It was just Meredith. Meredith. When he said that his stomach flipped. Could it be? Could he love Meredith? Why hadn't he noticed this before? Was it only now he realized? Was it only now he decided he could move on? He would still have Addison in his heart and Meredith knew that because so would she. What if Meredith didn't want him like that? What if she rejected him? He had to find out though. I mean this is just some coffee at home like they always did. It seemed Meredith rarely went to her house anymore. She was off tomorrow because she was on call two nights in a row which is why he made the date for tonight… so she would watch Zach. She was too kind. So thoughtful always thinking of the two of them. She already cleaned, she even learned how to cook grilled cheese and macaroni and cheese, and baked chicken, so she even fed them on occasion. And nights she was there after Zach went to bed they would have coffee. She walked into the kitchen. "I made us some coffee. I thought the shower might wake you up and maybe coffee would make you sleepy since it is hot." He told her "Yeah and the caffeine wouldn't make a difference at all would it?" She laughed. Nice going Derek. That was stupid. Why are you making a big deal over this? "Coffee does sound good though" She told him. He poured their coffee and they went to the living room to drink it.
They both sat on the sofa and talked. They talked about everything. Addison, Zach, the house, everything. "I think I can actually move forward" he admitted to her. "Oh, that's good Derek, seriously it is." With me? She thought to herself. With you. He said to himself, afraid to say it to her. "Yeah, I want someone that will be there and love Zach too, and me." He said. "I understand. You two deserve happiness. I mean she will always have a piece of your heart but it is good that you can also share it with someone else. Someone who will love the both of you endlessly and teach Zach about his mommy without getting jealous. People get too jealous over spouses that passed away. She is his mommy forever." Wow! He thought. "You are perfect" he said out loud even though he meant to say it to himself. She looked at him. "What?" "Um, I mean, Um" He stammered. They looked into each other's eyes and got closer and closer until their lips touched. They both knew it was meant to be and Meredith couldn't help but feel Addison did put in a good word.
It was the 2nd anniversary of Addison's passing now so they got the sunflowers and headed to the gravesite. Derek held Zach's hand and Meredith's hand too so she wouldn't fall. He knew with her being pregnant she wasn't as sturdy as normal. They walked up to the tombstone and laid the flowers down for her. They sat and talked to her. "Thank you" Meredith told her. "I love Mommy Mer, and I love you Mommy Addi" Zach said. "We all miss you Addison and you'll always be in our hearts." Derek said. They stayed for awhile after that before going home. 4 months later Michaela Addison Shepherd was born to Mr. & Mrs. Derek Shepherd and welcomed by big brother Zach. Though some thought it was wrong and criticized them for giving their child Addison's name, they knew they did it to honor her. She brought them together as a family, and it was the right thing to do. They felt it. And they lived happily ever after