"Christmas… is not an external event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart." - Freya Stark
"To Peeta Mellark–the only one among us with a velvet tongue and a heart of gold!" Marvel's booming voice cheers as glasses clink in celebration of their big, big, big achievement earlier today.
The buzz from the small group of advertising men and women catches on throughout the crowded bar. Christmas is just around the corner and any celebration, even that of a stranger, is meant to be acknowledged. So hoots, hollers, and high-fives are passed from one person to the next with no regard as to what they are celebrating.
Peeta Mellark knows what the hubbub is about. His charming style and way with words, not to mention his refined artistic talent, got him what he'd always desired since graduating college. He'd finally earned his very own account with Trinket Cosmetics. The partners at Coin, Heavensbee, and Associates had been so pleased with his pitch that they allowed him to present to the CEO of the corporation, Effie Trinket herself.
Captivated by his good looks and brilliant effort, Ms. Trinket signed with the agency insisting that Peeta be the senior executive of her account. He and his team of junior executives were told the news after lunch and couldn't wait to hit the city streets tonight in celebration.
Delly Cartwright, Peeta's friend and associate, edges up to him, leaning closer so she may whisper loudly enough for him to hear her over the clamor. "You don't seem yourself, Peeta. I thought you'd be the happiest one here."
Peeta rests his head thoughtfully against the bar post and turns to his dear friend. His smile is weak, but it's there. "I am happy about this, Delly. I just..." He looks down to the liquor in his hand and swirls it around before taking another swig. He exhales a hot breath and continues, "I just miss home sometimes."
Delly's golden locks rest on his shoulder, and his head finds comfort on hers. "Aww, Peetie. I miss home sometimes, too. But we're in New Panem City, the most metropolitan place in Panem!" Her enthusiasm causes Peeta's grin to widen. "Think about it. Even well-to-do Capitol kids want to come here, go to college, and work in the big city."
"Delly, how do you always find a way to cheer me up?" Peeta asks as he kisses her cheek lovingly.
She gazes into his cornflower blue eyes, her hand smoothing his blond strands that aren't so well-styled on his head anymore. "Because we're best friends, and I love you." She kisses his nose. "Now, chin up! We didn't work so hard at NPU to be all sad and dreary over a multi-million dollar national account, did we?"
He flicks his head so those renegade hairs move from his line of vision. His chest out and shoulders back, he beams at Delly. "You're right! We worked our butts off, and we deserve this time to shine, right?"
"Right!" She agrees and pulls him by the hand to join their friends at the center of the commotion. Delly knows that even though she and Peeta grew up in the same part of town in District 12, they still came from much different families. She never wanted for anything growing up except for true friends. She knew that Peeta had to work hard for his family and was often treated roughly.
So when she had planned to apply to New Panem University, she brought another application and a scholarship form to Peeta. She had desperately hoped that she would not only have a friend accompany her to the big city but possibly provide an escape and a new opportunity for one of her favorite people from home. Her dream came true when Peeta turned in the forms "just to see," and not only did he get accepted, but he received an academic scholarship as well.
His major was in graphic art and hers was in marketing. As luck would have it, they ended up graduating the same year and earning internships at the same advertising agency on Madison Avenue.
Everyone had always thought that Peeta and Delly were romantically involved since they were never apart. And if one asked Delly, one might see a glint of hope in her sky blue eyes, but she knew it would never be. They'd never talked about their feelings for one another, but Peeta had had many opportunities to advance their relationship. Delly figures if he really wanted her, he would have snatched her up already.
She thinks wistfully of their closest encounter yet, which happened after their NPU graduation ceremony five years had both been drinking with their friends and took a cab to Delly's apartment because she lived closer. She remembers his slurred words of appreciation and his hands finding parts of her body she never thought would be touched by a man, let alone Peeta. She remembers sloppy kisses filled with the aroma of beer and his body pushing against her.
Her memory goes black after that, and she only recalls the awkward morning after when they both woke up on the living room floor, hair tousled, clothes partially removed, and the worst hangovers in history. Peeta has not spoken of that night since, and Delly is too embarrassed to bring it up. They've remained intimately close since but have never crossed those boundaries again.
She looks over to him and smiles brightly as she notices him finally partying. Drink in hand, tie loosened, he's singing some pub song with the guys and having a grand time. Delly wants him to enjoy this night and knows it will only get worse for her if she hangs around.
She knows what's coming. He's a man, and he's getting drunk. The last thing she wants to witness is Peeta picking up his flavor of the night. She's seen it too many times before, and as much as she wants him to be happy, her stomach goes sour at the thought of him with some stranger.
She bids goodnight to some of their friends but avoids Peeta, knowing he'll beg her to stay. And when he begs–well, Delly is strong-willed, but he's her weakness. So with a final glance at the new senior executive of the Trinket Cosmetics account, she exits the bar.
The chilly air whips around her. She senses winter approaching while gazing at the trees, all missing their leaves but festively adorned with white twinkly lights for the holidays. She hears a beautiful song that reminds her of home, one they would only sing at Christmas time. The singer is a young woman with dark hair flowing from her wool hat. She has such a familiar voice, but Delly can't place it. She tosses a five dollar bill in her guitar case and says, "Thank you for that lovely song."
The street performer smiles and breaks from her song quickly to return the thanks. Delly, all bundled up save for her eyes, mouth, and nose peering from the hood of her coat, takes a second look at the songstress. She sits on a crate, legs crossed, and holds a guitar on her lap. She seems so familiar, but Delly can't place where she might have seen her. There are so many buskers in New Panem City that she determines she must recognize her from the streets. Satisfied with her assumption, Delly flags down a cab to escape the cold.
Peeta, unaware his friend has left, looks throughout the crowd to find Delly. He wobbles slightly but is able to maintain his balance while he scans the room. He passes over several blondes, all being ruled out as he moves onto the next. One of the girls catches his immediate attention, however. She's statuesque, possibly a model, but he's never seen her in their agency. Her hair flows like flaxen silk down her back and stops just at the curve above her bottom.
Her eyes focus directly on Peeta. She smiles as she turns from her conversation and walks toward him. "Not sure if you found who you were looking for, but she must be a lucky lady."
Peeta smiles shyly, looking around the bar nervously. "No, no, couldn't find her. She must have left early and slipped out knowing I'd want her to stay."
The blonde sidles up to him, wrapping her arm around his waist, and whispers in his ear, "Not so lucky after all then, hmm?"
He turns to her and laughs, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "I guess she missed out. I'm Peeta, by the way." He takes her free hand, dusting his lips on top.
She giggles at his formal behavior. "I'm Glimmer, Glimmer Johansson. I just started interning last week at Coin, Heavensbee, so I've heard a lot about you." She takes the glass from his hand and sips from it coyly, peering at him as he watches her drink the amber fluid then set it down on the table. "Congratulations on your big coup today."
"Thank you," he says coarsely as he draws her closer. "I'm not sure how it looks to have an ad exec fraternizing with an intern, but I'm sure there is something I might be able to teach you."
Glimmer, enchanted with Peeta's good looks, charm, and high status at the agency, replies instantly, "I do need more administrative credit hours, so I'm all yours, and I won't tell a soul."
"Let's get out of here," Peeta says, motioning the blonde toward the door. They pick up their coats, bundle up, and head out to the street. Peeta hears a familiar Christmas tune coming from the street performer outside the pub. He fishes in his wallet and drops a few bills in the open guitar case while humming the tune and smiling at his soon-to-be bed buddy.
As he waits for the valet to hail him a cab, he realizes that he recognizes the busker's voice. Could it be her? He's never heard another like it. It must be. Suddenly, his heart fills with memories of the girl with the braids running up to his family's bakery. The same pretty girl who had mesmerized him in school so long ago with her lilting voice that had caused everyone to pause and listen because of its beauty.
"Katniss? Is that you?" he questions softly as he turns to focus on the mystery girl who's bundled up with so many layers that it's difficult to recognize her face. She doesn't answer him, just looks down and continues her song. He frowns, so hopeful it's her, but quickly jolts when the taxi blares its horn. He helps Glimmer into the cab then takes his seat, looking out the window as they drive off.
But as luck would have it, a pedestrian causes the cab to stop unexpectedly, so Peeta glances back through the window. He sees her slate grey eyes staring right back at him, the twinkling lights from the trees causing them to brighten in the dim night. "It's got to be her," he says to himself and smiles, hoping she might recognize him, too. As the taxi speeds off, she continues playing her guitar as if she never saw the baker's boy from back home.
Katniss Everdeen. Peeta lies in bed, her name echoing in his mind. Those eyes, how they shot through him as he sped off in the cab. She didn't speak, didn't show any sign of recognition. Is it possible she erased him from her memory?
He understands the need to leave the past behind. Hell, that's the main reason he left District 12 with Delly to attend college so far from home. Peeta forgets the disappointments of childhood by throwing himself into his work; that's how he manages.
Neither he nor Katniss had the easiest time growing up. Katniss left school early to take care of her deteriorating mother at home. Mrs. Everdeen never fully recovered after the tragic death of her husband. And after Katniss' recent loss of her sister Primrose, he's surprised she's even coping.
Peeta turns to his side, focusing on the colored lights flashing from the street outside. Christmas. He remembers one of the last times he saw Katniss before he left for college. The bakery was gearing up for the holidays, working overtime to prepare all the decorated cookies and pies. Peeta was pulling an early shift when the door jingled and she walked in. The two had barely ever talked, but she had a soft smile gracing her expression that morning.
She placed two bills and some coins on the counter asking what she might be able to buy with her money. Peeta, who had been enamored with Katniss since they were children, had difficulty squeaking out a greeting let alone conversing with the black-haired beauty. "Um... I'll put a bag together for you." He had watched carefully throughout the years and remembered her favorite snacks, so he bagged up assorted cookies, tarts, and a boxed sweet potato pie.
He recalls how Katniss' expression changed when he scooted the baked goods toward her. He had expected her to be happy and thankful for the treats, but she scowled instead. "Peeta, this is too much. I didn't bring nearly enough to pay for this."
He remembers the way his heart leapt when she said his name. Had it been the first time? He couldn't recall, but it sounded heavenly leaving her lips. He would never forget what an effect she had on him. If speaking his name caused him to shudder, what would happen if they ever became friends or more?
"Peeta," Katniss had sighed just before he explained that it was a special gift to her family for Christmas. She eyed him suspiciously then accepted it. "Okay, I'll take it as a gift then but only because it's the holidays."
He hadn't seen her again before leaving for college. They had grown up in different parts of town and didn't cross paths very often, but everytime he heard the birds sing, his mind traveled to her voice. The melodic voice of an angel that would cause even the birds to stop and listen. That was who he heard earlier tonight; he was certain of it.
The soft touch on Peeta's back pulls him out of his reverie as he turns to see Glimmer next to him, cuddling in closer. He drapes his arm around her and closes his eyes. He'll have a better chance of finding Katniss tomorrow after a full night's sleep.
The streets of New Panem are filled with holiday shoppers as Peeta makes his way amongst the crowds. He has a long gift list to work through including his family, his friends, and his team at work. He likes people, but the experience of Christmas gift-buying can test his patience. His priorities are clear, however, as he checks off listed items and moves on to the next shop.
Every time he passes by a street performer, though, he does a double-take. He is determined to find her, to be certain that girl he heard really is the miner's daughter he's longed for all these years. Yet he wonders what the hell he will do if it is her? He could barely utter a sentence to Katniss when he saw her last. How is it that he can be confident with someone like Glimmer but lose all sense of wit and charm when it comes to Katniss?
He ponders his weaknesses as he trods along, the breeze picking up momentum in the late, overcast afternoon. As his muscles tire from all the walking, Peeta takes a late lunch in a corner deli. There are many things he misses from home, but pastrami and cheesecake keep him in the city. Worn from his shopping, he looks out the window, watching all the pedestrians holding their hats and keeping their bags from flying as the wind blows more fiercely.
It's the guitar case that grabs his attention. A small figure bundled in a black coat and grey hat holding that case scurries by the restaurant. Could it be her? Not wanting to miss his opportunity, Peeta leaves a large bill on the table and rushes out the door. He's weighted down with shopping bags, but he's on a mission. He tries to keep a short distance from the cloaked figure ahead to keep up but not be too obvious.
Luckily the people on the street camouflage him, so his heavy steps and noisy bags don't attract her attention. It's when the drops of rain fall that he gets worried he'll lose her. He fumbles around to open his umbrella but keeps his eyes trained on that grey hat. She slips into a coffee shop, but Peeta remains outside hoping she'll come out once the torrent has subsided. He peers down at his bags, disgusted that they are becoming more wet by the minute.
He slowly and nonchalantly walks by the front of the coffee shop, hoping to catch a glimpse of the woman in the coat. He spots the grey hat and zooms in, focusing directly at her face. It's her–Katniss; it's unmistakable. He paces in his spot for a minute deciding what to do. Should he go in and talk with her? He waits it out as he plans his next move.
She makes the decision for him as she slinks out of the cafe and walks to the next block to the subway. He continues his pursuit, curious where she'll lead him next. She hops down the stairs as if she's floating on air. Peeta's feeling quite constrained with his shopping bags and heavy coat. He's surprised she hasn't turned to see who this bumbling idiot is behind her.
The train rushes through several stops, then he follows her again for a line change but heads even further away from the city. When he finally sees her getting up by the door, he tries to inconspicuously exit so she won't know he's tailing her. Unfortunately there are only a few people at that stop, so he lags further behind. She takes him only a few more blocks before he sees her destination.
Katniss jogs up the dilapidated steps of an old four-story building where Peeta surmises she must live as she turns a key in the lock. There are bars on the windows, peeling paint, and rotting wooden stairs. He stands there for what seems like a few minutes taking it in. The neighborhood isn't much different than some of the older places in District 12. In fact, this may feel more like home to Katniss than the skyscrapers in the city.
A gust of wind sends a chill through Peeta's body. He glances around and realizes that he has no idea how to get back from where he came. The darkness starts consuming the sky, so he contemplates catching the next train. He walks backward slowly along the sidewalk, the image of Katniss etched in his mind as he stares at her door. Why doesn't he walk up there and pound on the door, talk to her, and make sure she's safe?
He turns and shakes his head, mumbling to himself, "Coward."
I can't stop thinking about the other night.
It's only Sunday morning and another text from Glimmer appears on his phone.
Glimmer. She is the last person Peeta wants to talk to now. He's never seen her in the agency before, so he hopes he can avoid the awkward brush-off on Monday when he returns. Fearful of making a new enemy, he decides to respond innocuously.
Yeah, the alcohol was flowing. Thanks for making sure I got home safely.
The last thing Peeta wants is for Glimmer to think he's inviting her to repeat the other night. That is out of the question, especially since he desires someone else.
Katniss. Why does a girl from home, a girl he's barely said more than a few sentences to, have such a pull on him? Sure, he's had a crush on her since they were in elementary school, her voice is like hearing angels sing, and her eyes are like silver-plated pools.
Damn, he's a fucking goner.
"I really think it was her, Delly." Peeta's eyes widen as he reveals his surprise about Katniss.
"So you really followed her into that neighborhood? What if you had gotten mugged? Or killed?"
Peeta shakes his head, rolling his eyes at his overprotective friend. "It was raining, so thieves had more to worry about than robbing me, although it's strange no one snatched my umbrella. That's about all I had that would have done some good." He strokes Delly's back. "Thanks for worrying about me, but I made it home safely after taking a few detours."
"Do you think she'll be back again tonight? Maybe you'll get up the nerve to talk to her." Delly's lips curve into an amused smile. "I remember you had such a crush on her in school."
"Did not," Peeta says, crossing his arms in front of himself.
"You did, and that's why you're risking life and limb to find her." She pats his cheek a few times and continues, "That's okay. I support your craziness. You'll talk to her, she'll discover just how charming you are, and you'll live happily ever after."
He shrugs. "I wish. I can't wield the same magic on her that I do on other women."
"You should hear yourself, Peeta Mellark. This is not the boy I know from District 12, nor is this the man I know from Coin, Heavensbee, and Associates." Delly closes in on him, poking him in the chest as she speaks. "You go find her and see what she says. The worst that could happen is she wants nothing to do with you."
Peeta stares deeply into Delly's eyes. He is not ignorant of her feelings for him, and he's tried so many times to think of her as more than a friend, but he cannot. So her enthusiasm in encouraging him to pursue Katniss both pleases and puzzles him.
"Why would you push me to find Katniss? I think what you and I have together is perfect."
"Oh, Peeta. Why do you tease me all the time? You know we're not meant to be together. But you need someone. Can I be honest?" Peeta nods, so Delly continues, "I see you with different women all the time, and none of them can fill that hole in your heart. When you told me about Katniss just now, you looked more happy than when you got that Trinket Cosmetics account. That has to mean something."
"But what if she doesn't remember me? What if she doesn't care?"
Delly smirks. "Why, of all places, would Katniss Everdeen come here? You may just be surprised."
Peeta has a few more errands to run to prepare for Christmas day. He pushes himself to decorate, buy gifts, and cook because as much as the holiday doesn't mean much to him anymore, he still remembers those times around the table with his family singing Christmas carols and eating a huge feast.
He wistfully recalls looking forward to that time of the year because Christmas was the one day he wasn't hit or made to feel stupid or awkward or clumsy. There was a sense of freedom in that day. He could be himself, have fun with his brothers, and actually feel safe in his own house. His father laughed and his mother smiled a little. It had always been a good day.
Living on his own has given him the ultimate freedom. Everyday is like Christmas in New Panem City; however, his family is so far away. He doesn't miss the bullying, the yelling, the name-calling, the punches and slaps, but he feels empty not belonging to someone. If only he could bring the best parts of home to the big city. He has Delly, which has been the most rewarding friendship he's known.
He finds himself bogged down by bags once again when he halts abruptly at the sight. It's the same girl, the busker, singing and playing her guitar. She has quite an audience so he feels much less nervous standing by and gawking. The chill is still in the air, but it's a clear day, and he identifies her immediately as Katniss. There's no hat hiding her ebony hair today. It's tied in a single braid, just like she wore it in school. Her small hands strum the instrument with accuracy, her voice like silk wrapping its way around those paying attention.
After a few songs, Peeta finds the courage to move closer. "Katniss, Katniss Everdeen? Is that you?" He bashfully asks, hoping he won't be rejected.
She is tempted to deny her identity, so willing to turn him away. But his upturned lips, his sparkling eyes, and handsome face are so full of hope, she answers, "Yes, Peeta. It's me." She can't quell the flutter that rises in her chest as he draws near.
"You remember me?" Peeta says hopefully, approaching her without a care about the audience surrounding them.
She bites her bottom lip shyly and nods as he pulls her into a tight embrace. Katniss stiffens reflexively and tries to recall the last time someone touched her so intimately. Was it Prim before the accident took her life? Was it her mother before she lost all capacity to care for herself? Was it Gale begging Katniss to stay before she jumped on the train to head north?
She's spent all that time traveling to run away from the memories that torment her. And now she's here, wrapped inside the arms of the boy with the bread. The one who always greeted her with a smile and gave her extra treats without expecting anything in return. The boy that could never utter a full sentence to her as a child but holds her now like family.
"I saw you follow me the other day," she mumbles against the fabric of Peeta's shirt.
Loosening his hold on Katniss, he stares down at his feet, shuffling them along the pavement as he thinks of a reasonable explanation. "I thought I had seen you walking, so I wanted to see if it was really you. I wasn't sure, and I was curious where you were going." Peeta rolls his eyes knowing she will surely think he's insane now that he's said that aloud.
"So you're a stalker?" she asks, but Peeta is unable to read if she is serious or joking.
"No! I prefer to say I am a thorough investigator." He grins, but she doesn't budge.
"Stalker," she repeats with arms crossed in front of her chest. "Are you satisfied? Did you find what you were looking for?"
"Um," Peeta, nervous now and unsure why her demeanor has changed so drastically, says, "I did, but I'm concerned about the place you're living. I'm not sure that neighborhood is very safe."
She shakes her head in disgust. "You know, I thought you were better than that, Mellark. Typical townie wondering how I could possibly live in that old building. Well, I'll have you know that many people in District 12 would love to live in a place like that."
"I was not, um, what I'm trying to say is I don't care–"
"Nevermind. Anyway, it's a women's shelter. They took me in and accept whatever I can spare for rent, so it's a perfect situation while I get on my feet."
Peeta's face brightens. "If you need help, I'm sure I can get you a job at Coin, Heavensbee. I'm a senior exec now; I have some pull."
"That's okay, thanks. I'd rather not have to wear clothes like the girlfriend I saw you leave with the other night."
"Glimmer?" Peeta's scoffs. "She's not my girlfriend."
"Oh, so that's how you play now. Wow, Peeta Mellark moves to the city and goes from sweet, gentle baker's boy to hot executive stalker playboy." Katniss walks away and turns back. "I think I already miss the old Peeta. My Peeta."
He doesn't have a chance to say anything in his defense. She walks off, and fearing he will be labeled a stalker once again, he stands there in the middle of the sidewalk watching her fade away.
As Peeta heads home, her words haunt him. She noticed him leaving the other night. "My Peeta," she said. Her Peeta? He's not sure why it means so much to him, but that memory stays with him the rest of the night.
It's two nights before Christmas, or as Delly likes to say, Christmas Eve eve. Her party is tonight, and anyone that's anyone from the agency has been invited. Peeta must make an appearance, not only for the sake of his job, but to support his dearest friend as well.
He takes a swig of whiskey as he packs up his briefcase with items from his desk. It's only two in the afternoon, but he's done with work for the holidays and has no need to return until January. He looks in the mirror, straightens his tie, and tames his blond hair with both hands. First pub, then party, Peeta decides.
Katniss' look of disdain for Peeta's lifestyle sticks in his mind. He can't free himself of the lingering disappointment she expressed to him. But what does she know? Peeta thinks to himself.
Tired of following a girl around like a puppy, he goes to the pub to drink and let the ladies come to him. Who needs Katniss anyway? he justifies to himself half-heartedly.
Clove Rogers, the petite brunette from legal offers to buy their fourth round. Peeta sees two Cloves because he's that hammered. She doesn't mind how many he focuses on, as long as his attention is devoted solely to her. They are in each other's arms talking and laughing by dusk. She's unfastening his top two shirt buttons by seven o'clock. He pulls her toward the door to leave by eight, but he pauses when he looks through the window and notices Katniss sitting outside playing guitar.
His pride gets the best of him as he grabs a nearby cocktail napkin and writes her a note: Katniss, I still know how to bake. Come over some time so we can talk and eat. He scribbles his phone number and address, then rolls a hundred dollar bill inside. Once they don their coats and scarves, Peeta and Clove head outside and wait for a cab. Peeta glides over to Katniss as she sings. He tosses the napkin with the money into her guitar case.
"Great job, sweetheart," he says with a wink, then moves over to wait with Clove.
Needing some peace and quiet after Delly's party last night, Peeta opts to stay home and take comfort in holiday traditions on his first day of his vacation. There's already a batch of cookies in the oven with more dough chilling. The wood crackles and embers glow in the fireplace as soft holiday carols drift from his speakers.
He's resting on the couch doodling in his sketch pad when the door buzzes. Delly? he wonders. She's the only one who might come visit. He rises from the couch to answer the intercom. "Hey, what's up?" he says casually.
"I need to talk to you," the voice from the intercom states gruffly.
Peeta looks off, perplexed. What is Katniss doing here? "Katniss, is that you?"
"Yes, it's me. Are you going to let me up or what?"
Peeta buzzes the door. "Come on up." He scratches his head trying to remember if he's told her where he lives. Then he remembers. The note. What the hell was he thinking? He opens his door waiting for the elevator to bring her up, but instead he sees a wild-eyed, red-faced Katniss bounding toward him from the stairwell.
"Easy, easy," he says, holding his hands out in front of him to stave her off. "What's going on with you?" Peeta motions her to sit on the sofa, but she shakes her head, the tail of her braid whipping around her shoulder.
"When did you get such nerve, Peeta?" She is irate and throws the napkin with the money at him.
He bends down to pick it up. He's confused but tries to make light of the situation. "You're even beautiful when you're mad, Katniss."
"Don't patronize me, Peeta."
"It's just, well... your scowl reminds me of home."
She stands perplexed. "Are you fucking serious?" Her hands find her hips. "You think throwing a hundred dollar bill at me with an invitation will change my mind about you?"
"Change your mind about what? About some rash judgment call you made about me without asking me the circumstances? Who should be pissed at who here?" Now it's Peeta's turn to deal the heat. "At least I'm trying to help and reach out to you."
Katniss walks up to Peeta and stands on her toes so they're nose to nose. "I don't want your charity. I don't need you tossing hundred dollar bills at me and inviting me over for food when you're about to take a girl home to fuck."
"Whoa, whoa," Peeta says, astonished at her accusations. "How do you even know what I was about to do? We were going to Delly's Christmas party. What we did after is none of your business."
Katniss eases back onto her heels and steps back as Peeta continues more delicately, "I saw that you were struggling. I wanted to make sure you had some money to get you by. I was drunk, and I'm not sure what I might have said, but I'm sorry if I was somehow offensive."
The timer chimes in the kitchen so Peeta motions Katniss to follow him. He uses mitts to remove the cookies from the oven. He notices Katniss taking a deep breath, smelling the aroma of the baked goods. Peeta takes a cooled cookie from the prior batch and hands it to her. "Taste test?"
Her scowl is gone and replaced by a meek smile. "It does smell wonderful in here. Just like your father's bakery back home."
"Yeah, I miss it this time of year," Peeta confesses then looks into Katniss' eyes. "Why are you here, Katniss? I was surprised to see you on the street."
His empathetic tone is too much for Katniss as she breaks down. She's not one to cry or even share her feelings, but she senses that she has a friend in Peeta, and she's been alone for so long. "Prim died." Her shoulders heave as she fights her emotions from spilling out in front of him. "Everyone thinks I should be over it by now since it's been two years, but she was my family. My home."
Peeta wraps his arm around her shoulder and takes her over to the sofa to sit next to him as she continues her story. "After she died, my mom lost all ability to care for herself. I tried, Peeta, I did. She was too much for me to handle. And I'm young. I want a life. I had to put her in a full-time care facility. My mom and Prim were the only family I had after daddy died."
He brings her in closer to his chest and brushes his lips on the top of her head. Her charcoal strands are like satin on his lips. "What about Gale? He was like your brother, wasn't he?"
"He was, and still is, but he's creating his own family now." Katniss delights in the closeness she feels with Peeta, who before this week was a relative stranger. But was he? Maybe they were better friends than she realized. Maybe she just hadn't paid close enough attention.
She looks up at him. "Remember Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter? They were married last year and are now expecting a baby. They don't need my drama in their lives."
"I was distraught, losing it. I had nothing–nothing that felt like home," Katniss admits, "and I heard that you were here doing really well. I remembered how kind you were to my family whenever we were in need." Katniss pulls away from Peeta's arm and places both of her small hands on his chest. "I came here for you. To find some piece of my former existence. To find someone to remind me of home."
She shakes her head, holding back her tears. "But when I found you, you had changed. Going home with loose women, getting drunk, being so materialistic with your fancy clothes and hundred dollar bills, as if money could buy you happiness. So I was crushed."
Peeta empathizes with Katniss, but anger rises as red in his cheeks as she shoots one judgment after the next. He stands and paces, trying desperately not to blow up at her. He looks at her, rage behind his blue eyes. "You don't even know me. You came to find me expecting a perfectly wrapped package waiting for you?"
Katniss slouches back into the sofa as he rants. "I'm not that stuttering boy anymore. I'm a grown man learning how to make a living and get through this world without my family nearby. Delly's been so helpful, and she's here as my best friend, but I miss home so much sometimes." He looks down, picking nervously at his nails. "But I know it's not in my best interest to return there. It only causes me misery."
He peers at Katniss through his blond eyelashes, a faint smile painting his lips. "But then one night, I thought I heard you singing. It was like a miracle. Like someone had answered my prayers."
The calm settles within him as his eyes fog over with emotion. Katniss relaxes into the sofa as she listens. "But I wasn't sure it was you. I had to be certain. So I followed you when I saw you on the street that day. I noticed how poorly you were living and only wanted to help."
"Come here, Peeta. Sit next to me?" Katniss pats the cushion for him, and he complies. Grinning his pearly whites, Peeta confesses to her, "I remember the mad crush I had on you growing up. But I know it's silly… silly to bring up old childish feelings."
Katniss' fingers graze Peeta's cheek. She remembers feeling a flutter when he would greet her in the bakery years ago. She had never understood it then, but she begins to have an idea now as the blond stubble on his jaw lightly tickles the palm of her hand.
Peeta savors her touch, closing his eyes to enjoy that pure moment. He's never felt like this with anyone before. "Katniss," he says under his breath, "what do you want from me?"
He tries to count the delicate freckles that grace her nose and cheeks as she responds, "I want to get to know you. I want to know the little things about you. Like–" she breaks momentarily, contemplating her next sentence. "Like how you take your tea." She looks down to his shoes. "Like how you tie your shoelaces."
He feels her hand tickling the hairs at the nape of his neck. His heart pounds under the heat of her gaze. She moves in closer to him, the space diminishing with every word. "And other things, like how you sleep–if you sleep on the right or left side of the bed." She leans in for a soft kiss on his lips. He's surprised by her boldness, but she keeps on, her lips hovering over his.
"Like what do you wear to sleep–pajamas or absolutely nothing," she says thickly, pulling his bottom lip for another taste. "Or if you like to sleep with the windows closed or open."
"Open," he says in a rumbling whisper. His hands cup her cheeks as he pulls her in for a passionate kiss. His desire is too strong to hold back any longer. Their lips seek answers to so many questions, questions left unanswered for years. His tongue finds hers, becoming one with the miner's daughter with the unearthly voice.
Katniss had always been adventurous and bold, but when it came to men, she was usually very shy. So as Peeta kisses her, she knows coming here was the right decision. As his tongue swirls around hers, and the air from his nose puffs warmly on her face, she feels like there's no other place she'd rather be. The taste of sugar on his lips, the cinnamon from his tongue, the smell of fresh baked cookies from the kitchen.
This is home.