Title: Legacy
Date: September 15th, 2008
Word Count: 1, 040
Summary: In a moment of pain, Jayne allows River to see. And she sees everything, including his legacy.
A Copper for a Kiss September Challenge: baby!fic / kid!fic
Rated: PG13
Warnings: Post BDM. For the purposes of this story, Mattie is Jayne's daughter. Pre-Rayne. Hurt/Comfort.
Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one. If Jayne insists in stalking me, you should talk to him, not to me.
A/N: English is not my native language, so feel free to point at anything weird you find.
Maybe kid!fic/baby!fic is not my happy place…
--o--
From a dark corner in another space station nameless bar, River watched sorrowfully as Jayne took a big gulp straight from the bottle, trying uselessly to drown his pain in a nasty and cheap whiskey. She had been standing there for over an hour, but he hadn't noticed her yet. He had his eyes closed and was too focused on his own misery to notice anything else. It was a pitiful image, the big bad mean mercenary sitting there, broken and hopeless. She had followed him when he stormed out of the post office, drawn to him by his palpable pain as he read out loud his mother's letter – the one where she told him Mattie was dead. After a moment of silence, Mal had quietly asked if Jayne wanted to go home to see his family, but Jayne shrugged the idea off, claiming the letter was over three months old, and he'd never met the girl anyways, been already out in the black by the time she was born. Mal insisted, saying that Mattie was still Jayne's sister, but Jayne didn't bother to answer, he just stormed out muttering something about wanting to be left ruttin alone. River had been the only one to see how Jayne had flinched at the word sister, and that's when she knew she had to follow him.
She had her walls firm in place and didn't want to pry, but the pain emanating from the mercenary was too strong and intoxicating, and River wanted nothing but to touch him, comfort him, make it all go away. Jayne's mind was racing with a turbulence of thoughts that she couldn't understand, but there was one word screaming louder in his head: alone. There, in the middle of the crowded bar, Jayne was feeling lonelier than ever, and River couldn't resist any longer. Taking a deep breath to clear her mind, River slowly approached the almost drunk mercenary. She stopped by his side and he merely nodded, acknowledging her presence without opening his eyes to look at her. She took a seat in front of him and waited. River knew Jayne needed someone to share his heavy burden, but she also knew he wouldn't talk about it, so she waited.
Jayne finished his bottle and slammed it on the table with his eyes still closed. He took long deep breaths and River could see he was trying to organize his thoughts. When he slowly exhaled the air through his mouth, she knew he had reached a decision. He opened his eyes and intense blues met her pair of chocolate browns, inviting them in. Their eyes remained locked for only a moment, but it felt like an eternity for both of them. In that small moment, River saw it. She saw everything. She saw how Mattie had been a mistake. She saw how drunk Jayne was when he slept with Mattilde, an attractive blond woman who was married to the sheriff of his hometown. She saw how the sheriff got revenge by blaming Jayne for killings he hadn't done, and how Jayne had to run away to the black. She saw how Jayne was still wanted for those crimes and could never go back home.
She saw how Jayne's mother told him through letters that he had got Mattilde pregnant. She saw how the sheriff had tossed his unfaithful pregnant wife out, and how Jayne's mother had taken her in. River saw how Mattilde had given birth too soon and passed away during labor. She saw how Mattie had been born a small delicate little thing, and how Jayne's parents had taken her as their own - Mattilde Radiant Cobb. She saw how Mattie had always been frail and sick, and how Jayne always sent money home to pay for the girl's medicines. She saw how much it hurt him to only know his daughter through the few captures his mother sent him, and how it hurt even more that, to Mattie, he was just an absent older brother she had never met. She saw how he had always wanted to see her, touch her soft blond hair, stare at her bright eyes, blue as his own. She saw how much he longed to hold his little girl, and how it hurt him knowing he would never have that chance. Never.
River saw and felt Jayne's pain, and her eyes filled with the waterfall of tears Jayne was fighting to hold back. Jayne finally looked away as the girl started to sob and cry his tears. He ran a hand through his tired face, then brought it to rest on the table. River gently put her small hand on top of his big one, eager for some sort of contact with the broken man. He didn't hold her hand, but didn't pull his hand away either, as eager for some sort of comfort as she was, but afraid of seeking it himself. As River's tears started to subdue, she looked at him and whispered so softly he could have missed it.
"I'm sorry for your daughter..."
Jayne shook his head and lowered his eyes, his voice no more than a shadow of his normally thunderous barks.
"If he was alive, the Sheppard would prob'ly call it holy justice, ya know? I mean… Hell! I kill folk for a living! I killed too many sons, so mebbe I ain't got no right to my own…"
Despite Jayne's words, River could see how much he loved that little girl he'd never had a chance to meet, and how much he wanted a family of his own. She could feel his emotions running through her, and her heart ached for him. Her pain mirrored his own, and she couldn't see anymore where she ended and where he started.
As they locked eyes again, River saw something new. She saw Jayne holding his little girl, blue eyes and chocolate curls dancing in happiness. It surprised her how right the image of Jayne as a father was, and how warm that image made her feel. Blinking the vision away, River squeezed his hand in reassurance. She knew this wouldn't be the end of Jayne Cobb's legacy. Not if she could help it.
--o--
"I've killed too many sons, what right do I have to my own?"
It's a quote from the movie King Arthur that inspired this whole fic - I guess I spent too much time writing my beloved Lancelot to forget his voice completely…