"Letting Go"
By LauraEmily18
Written for 'Novel Novice Twilight - The Wedding' Contest
Charlie's Point Of View
Being a father is not easy, not in the slightest. You have to be there, with a responsibility that is worth more than your life. You have to care, to love, to simply be there at every available time because you have a daughter that needs you.
Of course, with Bella, things were different. I was the part-time father, the holiday home; a place that Bella came to reluctantly, because she'd shared the same views on Forks as her mother, a dreary boring town. Bella's visits were rare and infrequent and to have her come so grudgingly was hard on me.
I loved Bella more than words could say, more than I even knew myself, more than I cared to admit.
Being alone was something I grew accustomed too. My main company came from Billy Black who lived on LaPush reservation. My workload had increased, when I was chief of police, and it gave me something to fill my time.
But then Bella wanted to move back to Forks, permanently.
I allowed a six month old baby out of my home, and welcomed a seventeen year old back in. It was different, and that was... frightening. I'd lived alone for sixteen years, and all of a sudden, my daughter was arriving.
The last thing I expected, however, was for my baby girl – the same girl who I'd watched grow in stages, had her speak excitedly down the phone to me about her upcoming kindergarten play, and who'd relayed endless tales about her adventures in California – to fall in love.
But that was exactly what she'd done, with a certain Edward Cullen. The same boy who'd hurt her and destroyed her. It just so happened he'd come back, and pieced her together again, filling in the hole that no one else had the key for.
It took me a while, a very long exhausting time after numerous arguments with Bella, but I'd finally seen Edward and given in to what I saw; he wanted Bella to be happy, and to care for her. To love her. It was during that moment's realisation that leads me where I am now.
Pulling onto the Cullen driveway, I see the pretty fairy lights that twinkle all the way across the driveway. It's pretty, sure, but it's not Bella. She's not one for fuss, or attention, big scenes or dramatic entrances. I find comfort in this, the way that me and her are so alike.
I slam the door of the cruiser closed, and hurry inside. I see Carlisle and Edward gathered round by the door in the huge living room that is covered in white ribbons and other flouncy stuff hanging from the walls, and filled with other guests. I don't pay much attention to them, but the smell of flowers is strong and I almost gag from the overwhelming scent.
"Charlie!" Carlisle greets me in his suit, looking so young. I feel out of place, and old, too, compared to him. I squirm in my own suit, feeling uncomfortable.
"Carlisle." I nod, eyeing Edward cautiously. I watch him smirk, quickly changing it to a friendly smile when he sees me watching. I've gotta hand it to him – he looks quite the part in his fancy tuxedo, and I'm sure it cost a hell of a lot more than I want to know. Then again, it's not as if they don't have the money.
The front door opens behind me, and another Cullen - there's too many for me to know which is which - walks in with Renée and Phil in tow. Only Phil pays any attention to me, who walks over holding his hand out, muttering his congratulations, as Renée speeds up the stairs. Even from down here, over the music and noise of everyone else, I hear her squeal excitedly.
"I take it Bella is upstairs?" I ask.
"Yes, with Alice getting ready," Esme informs me, popping out of nowhere. "Do you mind telling Renée not to be too long, she needs to settle down here soon?" Then she disappears into the crowd again, getting lost amongst the sea of fancy dressed people, leaving me to nod obediently to whoever's watching and I make my way up the stairs.
I peer through the doors, trying to locate Bella and Renée, until I see the door that's open. Clearing my throat roughly, I inform Renée that Esme wants her downstairs soon. That's when I see Bella; but, well, she doesn't really look like Bella. She is beautiful, with her dark hair and rosy cheeks. And the dress was nice too.
"Well, Charlie, don't you look dashing!" Renée exclaims, holding her arms up, as if in surrender, and I shrug off the surprised tone she says it in. Bella smiles at the two of us.
"Alice got to me," I say with rolled eyes as Alice shoots me a proud smile.
"Is it really time already?" Renée asks quietly, looking around nervously, as if waiting for something to do at the very last minute. "This has all gone so fast. I feel dizzy."
I don't know whether she's referring to the wedding preparations or just Bella as a whole; I remember when she was little, a tiny, tiny thing. I felt like I'd snap her if I held her too tightly. But now she's all grown up. So big and… grown up, and to think that Renée was a similar age when we got married…
"Give me a hug before I go down," Renée demands, stepping carefully over to Bella with great caution. "Careful now, don't tear anything." That'll be just Bella's luck, to have her dress ripped. She will probably fall down in those high shoes and break her leg.
Just as Renée turns to leave, she spins back round again, frantic and worried.
"Oh goodness, I almost forgot! Charlie, where's the box?"
My hands spring to my pockets, rummaging for the gift that I'd had for ages, taking great care not to lose it or damage it. I pass the small white box to Renée who hands it straight to Bella. She looks at it in confusion, until Renée speaks.
"Something blue." She smiles.
"Something old too," I add, "They were your Grandma Swan's. We had the jeweller replace the paste stones with sapphires," I tell her and I watch as she looks inside the box at the little hair comb things that have floral shapes on them. Her mouth drops open.
"Mom, Dad… you shouldn't have." Bella mutters, but I shrug off the emotion in her voice, sniffing loudly to empty my own thick throat before disguising it with a small cough.
"Alice wouldn't let me do anything else," Renée explains, "Every time we tried, she all but ripped our throats out."
Bella smiles widely as if Renée's said something funny, and she giggles a little nervously. I can't blame her… she's still a little girl, really - still my little girl.
Alice moves forwards and takes the clips out of Bella's hand, putting them in her hair carefully in a certain position. They look good, at least. Mumbling something, Alice eyes Bella up and down, before flicking something towards her.
I cough awkwardly when I see the garter in her hands and turn my attention to Renée who's watching completely unembarrassed. I put my hands in my pockets, only to quickly take them out – strict instructions from Alice to keep my hands out my pockets at all times, and I daren't disobey her.
Renée rushes past me out the door, making me turn to look at Alice who asks me to fetch some flowers. Once outside the room, I breathe heavily, telling myself to keep it together as I grab two bunches from the table outside and make my way back in.
I mention something to Alice about Bella looking unwell, asking whether she's going to make it through. It's just Bella's luck to collapse walking down the stairs; just my Bella's luck. Alice gives her some kind of prep talk, which I turn away from again, rubbing my hands across my cheeks and wiping my mouth.
The recognisable march starts playing on the piano, and nausea fills me. I have to keep it together, for Bella; it's her big day.
"Bells, we're up to bat," I say, nudging her carefully to give her a push forward.
Bella lets Alice guide her out of the room, and I follow like a lost puppy. I know what I have to do, but it doesn't make doing them any easier; walk her down the aisle, and then hand her over to Edward – I feel my muscles tense and my hands clench together tightly at the idea.
We stand at the top of the stairs, and the music is noticeably louder here. It amazes me how many people have come to watch Bella get married, but then again, she's a pretty smart girl who gets on well with people.
"It's my turn," Alice tells us in a hushed voice, "Count to five and follow me."
As she starts walking down the stairs, bouncy and confident, I wonder whether she was talking to me or Bella, but I decide to take the lead anyway. Bella probably wouldn't manage this on her own, she looks so scared.
"Don't let me fall, Dad," Bells whispers to me, and I grip tighter on her arm. For the last time, I can protect her. Because after today, she's not my little girl anymore. I hold onto her because I know it'll be the last proper time.
I take one step, and so does Bella. We try to sync our steps, but it doesn't work exactly as it should; our lack of coordination making it difficult for the both of us.
When we reach the bottom, all heads turn to look at the blushing bride - and Bells is certainly blushing. As I hold her hand tighter, keeping my promise to be her rock, something I tried to be for so many years, I watch her.
She's not looking at me, or the crowd of people who are gawking like they're watching something on TV; she's looking directly at Edward, and my throat closes up.
I can't deny the smile that graces her face, with no nervousness or embarrassment, just happiness. It's that smile that keeps me walking, for Bella, because I could all too easily turn around, put Bella into my car and take her home, locking her up forever so she never leaves my side.
I squeeze her hand tighter as she tries to gallop down the aisle; I want to delay that final moment.
Even then, when I finally get to the end, when Edward holds out his pale hand, waiting patiently for Bella's, I take her hand in mine. My throat closes completely and my eyes well, but no one is looking at me, thankfully. They're all staring at the happy couple.
Then, just like that, I hand my precious daughter over to the man she loves – and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I begin to ache as I stumble to my seat beside Renée, who's wedged between Phil and me. There's nothing more I can do, or say. Bella's finally old enough to make her own decisions, and she has Edward now, her own life.
As I watch the ceremony, the ache finally dissolves, as I fob myself off with things that she'll stay in touch, she'll still be my Bella. Because I'm not ready to let go; she's only eighteen, and I've only had her, completely, for a year of that.
The minister speaks his part, and I shuffle in my seat awkwardly. Renée reaches out to me, and feels for my hand with her own, gripping it hard when Bella says the aching "I do." Glancing sideways, I see her tear stained cheeks, and her glowing smile; how very much like Bella she is.
I look back at Bella and Edward, just in time to see her throw her hands around his neck, and they kiss. Mortified, I turn away, busying myself with the white stuff that's hanging from the ceilings, anything to distract me from seeing them kiss.
I cough loudly, clearing my throat as Renée giggles at my reaction. I do not want to watch it – I expect it, maybe, now they are married, but still… I do not want to think about it. No father wants to think about that.
Thankfully, Edward breaks the kiss soon after, and the room erupts into applause. As they turn to face us, I see Bella's own streaks of tears but then Renée is blocking my view, as she jumps up towards Bella and begins wrapping her arms around her.
The crowd swallows her whole, but I remain in my seat, just watching everyone and thinking; my little girl, my little Bella Swan, is now Bella Cullen. It's that realisation that makes a tear of my own leave my eyes.
Slowly, the ceremony flows outside into the dusky evening with lots of little lights hanging around which is quite pretty, like inside. I guess its Alice again, although I know Renée played a part in it all, too. Such a traitor; I'd been relying on her to keep our daughter exactly that, our daughter. But no, she was happy, she was excited, and it bugged me.
I watch from a distance as the people surrounding Bella and Edward offer their congratulations, hugging them and shaking hands. I see Billy go over, and I silently thank him for his effort; he wasn't going to come, but I'd insisted that he did. Some other pretty people, who look like the Cullen's, greet them too, but I turn away and take a swig of the beer in my hand.
It's a strange day, with all the mixed emotions. I'm happy, because Bells is. I'm happy 'cause I know she's having a good time. But I'm sad too, because I've finally had to let go.
Bella and Edward flow around the mass of people that have assembled outside, and I watch them intently. Even I can't deny they go well together; they just fit, despite how much I want to shoot him for being so greedy and holding Bella so close to him.
They cut the cake, shoving it into each other's mouths. I take my own piece and eat it ravenously, going back for another piece when the first one disappears after two bites.
Then Edward starts pulling the garter off Bella's leg, with his teeth! That's too much for me, as I mutter incoherent things to Renée who laughs at me, and says Bella's 'done well for herself, getting someone as handsome as Edward'. I continue to mutter as Renée laughs harder.
Although, Edward does flick it at another boy, Newton, and I mentally praise him; he'd been goggling at Bella all night. At least I know there's only one boy for Bella now, no boy trouble anymore. Edward's hardly going to allow it, is he?
As the music starts, Edward pulls Bella for a dance, which shocks me. They actually manage it alright, for saying Bella can't dance for her life. People snap pictures of them twirling around, as I discuss Bella's habits with Carlisle who stands beside me to watch as well.
The music changes, and I walk over, tapping Edward on the shoulder. I smile at him as he politely hands Bella over to me, whispering something to her before disappearing off.
Over Bella's shoulder, I see him ask Esme to dance, and they're off, twirling and whirling in a way that puts my awkward side shuffle with Bella to shame. My hand twitches on her waist, feeling uncomfortable there, but I hold on tight as we take several steps in a square shape. It's a shame Bella inherited my dancing skills.
I gulp to clear my thick throat, so I can speak. I'm pretty sure she'll be whisked away from me as soon as the song changes.
"I'm going to miss you at home, Bella." I smile sadly, "I'm already lonely."
Bella laughs tightly. "I feel just horrible, leaving you to cook for yourself – it's practically criminal negligence. You could arrest me."
Grinning widely, I think of the possible ways I could take her home. There's still time for a chastity belt… from what Bella told me.
"I suppose I'll survive the food. Just call me whenever you can," I bargain, more with myself than her.
"I promise."
And with that, we go back to dancing awkwardly, Bella occasionally laughing as we stumble over each other's feet and the odd wince as I step on her toes. I try to spin her, at one point, after watching Esme and Edward for a split second, but the train of her dress gets tangled, to which Alice is quickly there to sort us out. She shoots me a deadly look as if to say 'not again' before whisking away again.
When the song ends, my time is up, and I gracefully give her up to Carlisle who asks her for a dance as her new father-in-law. I swallow my jealousy, and take several steps back, only to be made even more of a fool when Carlisle turns out to be just a good a dancer as Edward.
Scowling, I revert back to the bar, grabbing another beer.
It's Renée that seeks me out later in the night, asking me for a dance, quickly rephrasing to a 'stumble about on the dance floor' with a loud laugh. I agree, thinking back to our own wedding when we'd tried to dance but knocked over my mother in our attempts.
"You've got better," I state as she leads me, obviously knowing I'm not up to it.
"You haven't." She jokes laughing loudly and leaning her neck back to free her hair. She seems nineteen again in that moment. "I took lessons for a bit."
Just then, she trips a little and I tense so she can lean on me.
"Oh, really, for how long?" I grin mockingly.
"A month."
We both laugh, knowing full well that Renée can't keep anything up for too long. Marriage, to Phil anyway, and motherhood was the thing she actually kept to, and it's the most commitment she's ever had.
Renée's eyes glare over my shoulder, and I turn her around so I can see what she's looking at.
Edward and Bella are hurrying out of the trees, with the large muscley Cullen and the curly-haired southern Cullen standing next to the trees too. Bella looks sad, but Edward quickly seems to make her smile again, and the muscley one pulls her onto the dance floor, making Bella laugh loudly.
"What happened there?" Renée asks, but I shrug. She starts to lead again when she realises we'd both stopped still on the dance floor, causing the rest of the dancers to flow around us like water to a rock.
"Don't look," Renée warned with a mischievous smile, so I of course, turn around instantly.
There's Bella, kissing Edward all intensely as he holds onto her tightly.
"I told you not to look," Renée says smugly, almost in a sing-song voice with a glint in her eyes as I scrunch up my face. "I saw the way you cringed during the ceremony!" She laughs loudly again as I remember... it was strange to watch; I'd not seen them kiss so openly before.
"There are some things a father doesn't want to see," I snap playfully at her, as she shakes her head as she continues to laugh.
"Whatever, Charlie."
But our dancing is cut short when I hear Alice's chirpy little voice over the sound of all the hustle of the party.
"Bella! It's time!"
My heart drops a little bit at this. Renée's hand leaves my shoulder when Esme comes over and asks for her help.
The crowd seem to find Bella and Alice's interaction amusing as Alice desperately tries to drag Bella into the house and up the stairs. After several attempts, Bella finally gives in and follows Alice inside. I've been a subject of Alice's wrath, so I sympathise with Bella completely.
But as the realisation hit that Bella is actually going now, on her honeymoon with her new husband, it is all too much. If I shed a tear during the ceremony, it is nothing compared to the many that fall quickly now.
I rush off the dance floor and hide in the corner of the party, wiping my eyes vigorously. Pull yourself together, Charlie, I scold – I'd broken my promise to myself to keep it together for Bells. She picks that exact moment to rush over to me through the parted crowd.
"Oh, Dad!" she exclaims, noticing my red eyes, and hugging me tightly around my waist. Her body shakes against me as she lets out a small sob and I pat her back; we're both trying to comfort each other as we say our goodbyes.
"There, now. You don't want to miss your plane." I cough, trying to peel her off me before I give away too many emotions, but she ruins that plan.
"I love you, Dad. Don't forget that."
"You too, Bells. Always have, always will."
I choke through the tears in my throat as we exchange kisses on the cheeks. My baby daughter...
"Call me."
"Soon," she promises, but she makes no attempt to leave. I give her that final push, encouraging her to go. It's her wedding day, her honeymoon; she doesn't want to be hanging around with her dear old dad all night. Besides, I am scared that if she did, I'd never let her go, then.
"Go on, then. Don't want to be late."
She walks away, Edward pulling her into his side, and I stand there helpless.
Renée finds me out again, pulling me through the crowd as people start throwing rice at Bella and Edward as they get into the car. We stand watching, and I feel Renée being hugged strongly by Phil, who's comforting her. But her hand never leaves mine, until long after they have driven out of sight.
"Are you okay?" Renée asks me, noticing my tears that I quickly try to wipe away.
"Fine, yeah," I say gruffly, clearing my throat again. "You?"
"Mm-hmm," She nods emotionally. "Can you believe our little girl's all grown up?"
"Nope."
Renée pulls me into a hug, strong and forceful as I pat her back, trying to comfort the both of us like I had with Bella. She lets out a quiet sob, and I let her cry it out before she pulls away and laughs at a small wet patch on my suit that she tries to wipe it away.
"You sticking around?" she asks, looking around and noticing Phil talking to the muscley Cullen - I guess they both like sports and all that.
"I'm gonna head home. Not really my scene, this."
She smiles goofily, her laugh lines obvious, and I kiss her cheek like I had with Bella. Wiping another tear off my face, I leave her standing there as I walk over to Carlisle and Esme who have their arms wrapped around the other. Surprisingly, neither of them have tear marks, but both look emotionally exhausted.
"Thanks for doing all this," I mutter to them, but they both shake their heads dismissing my comment.
"Not at all, Charlie."
"I, erm, realised earlier that the father of the bride should pay." I cough, "I know it's a little late in the day, but did you want me to pay for anything?"
"Of course not. We've been more than happy to give Bella and Edward the perfect day." Esme smiles and I nod at her.
"I'm heading off now," I tell them, "thanks again."
As I get into my cruiser, I feel the confines of my suit. It's out of place in here. I doubt I'll ever wear it again.
When I get home, I go straight up to Bella's room after pouring myself a scotch. It doesn't seem like a violation of privacy, because technically this isn't her room anymore – just another empty room in the house that feels too big for me. She's taken the majority of her belongings; I'm just left with the ratty old computer and her purple bedcovers.
I sit on the bed and look around, remembering Bella being here when she first came. I can still smell the 'Bella smell' that's lingering on the bedcovers. So I close my eyes, and with no one here to see me, I curl up on the bed and pretend that my beautiful daughter never left.
Author's Note: I found myself laughing and crying through that! Portraying Charlie is quite hard - he only notices certain things, and doesn't really seem the one to look at something in detail, like Bella's dress or the decorations. But the bits I liked were when Charlie sees Bella and Edward kissing, typical dad attitude there, I thought :) I hope you enjoyed it.
Update: www . fanfiction . net/u/2349324/Novel_Novice_Twilight (without spaces)- here is the link that you need if you'd like to vote 'Letting Go' as your favourite in 'The Wedding' contest. You can vote using the poll at the top of the page :) Voting ends August 15th. Thank you!