A/N: Just as a heads up…there's a new forum and community called Upon Open Wings… it's a fan group looking for fans spanning all types of fandom, where pairings are diverse and wide…anyway, hope you'll check us out…
As for why I wrote this? Well, it was just sitting in the back of my head recently, and I thought to myself, well, why the hell not?
For A Later Time
Laziness was a poor excuse to explain away what would have been an incredibly odd situation. A mild ache throbbed within her head, pattering like a drum, faint enough to be tolerable, and just loud enough to be consistently tugging at the fractured edges of her thoughts. She was no great imbiber after all, and although she took to the drinks occasionally, there came a time when even she put the bottle to rest.
However, there were some nights when such a thing could not be further from the truth…when denial came in the form of any and all liquor that she could swallow, as if the very thought of not inducing her own stupor would put the world in peril. Perhaps, in some far reaching, obscure ways, it would.
She never knew, because she always gave into the rare urge when it came upon her suddenly to do so.
Even still, drunk as she usually got in the solitude of her own mind and room, she never did anything that could be called ignorant. There was a law in the universe, that stated that anything could happen once, and that, under the right conditions, it was a fate that would be destined to repeat once again afterward. Once, twice, thrice…how long would it take?
How many times more would she fall prey to the calling left before her, or rather, atop of her?
Rei snoozed, one long and slender leg slung over and tangled between Setsuna's own. It was with no small effort that she pried herself from the miko's embrace.
I wonder, is this continual ebb and flow something that remains so unchanging, even now…can it be such a solid, unwavering reality?
It was a rainy day. The drops of rain clung to everything, and made the warm air sticky. It was a passing annoyance at best, but an annoyance none the less. Sooner or later someone from the household would have to go on an adventure to retrieve Hotaru from school. With any luck, Haruka might, and that's inwardly what Setsuna hoped for. She needed time to think, and frowned deeply.
Or, is it something else? Something softer, that binds the world so helplessly to the path that fate lends it? Can it be so easily thwarted, forgotten about by even those it demands retribution from? No, surely it can't be that easy...but, it sure seems as if it is...or that, I've truly forgotten my place, even believing that much.
No one can beat fate, merely survive it.
Setsuna sighed, looking to the woman that rested, nestled in her bed. It was incredibly unlike her to open her doors so willingly, and even less likely to turn down her sheets. She hated to do so for anyone other than a terrified little princess, who'd often come running to her during thunderstorms. Perhaps, in her own unwavering way, she expected that one day, she might seek to change something…but this….this was far too drastic.
This was unlike any usual one night stand...and, if memory served her correctly, it wasn't only that...this was one of those paradoxes she so feared, when repetition reared it's ugly little head from the bowels of hell. It wasn't as anything negative could come from it, but, it still troubled her.
Either way, this is far from appropriate. Far too removed from normality to make proper sense, and yet, it was not a dream. She is still her...terrified by what she knows will be her fate. Usagi will never see her, and Rei will never demand to be seen in the light that she truly wishes...of course she would seek me to read what she can't...
To give her an absolute answer, even if she already suspected it.
Of course, it was wrong of me to speak, so I held my tongue, and now look at her. The bed she warms now is mine, and that in and of itself is a sin against her own desire.
The woman in the bed began to stir, a distinctly womanly sigh falling from her lips as she rolled over, looking for the warmth of another body that was no longer there. The covers fell beyond her bare shoulders, and in doing so, soft, creamy skin began to expose itself.
This does not bode well…
Setsuna was not a warm lover, of this she knew. Her past experiences were always very much a matter of inebriation, or, answering the call of a queen. Either way, it was never a choice made out of casual friendship alone. Never once had she turned down her sheets for a lover of such low standing...not to mention a comrade.
After all, Hino Rei was not of the bloodline that kept the moon coveted for so long. Setsuna shook her head. That too, was a foolish thought after all. She would never take Usagi to bed either, in spite of the care she had for the princess. She cleared her throat gently, and went over to sit at the side of her bed.
"Rei, the time for rest has ended." Setsuna spoke with her usual calm. "You should wake."
"Come back to bed." Rei said, pulling the thick comforter over herself. "I don't have shrine duties, and it's disgusting outside anyway."
"It is also the middle of the afternoon." Setsuna told her with a smile, causing Rei to crack open one very sleepy, agitated eye. "Almost two, in fact."
"Crap…" One unladylike grumble followed another as she sat up, suddenly realizing her state of undress, feeling very exposed as she covered her breasts with her arm. "Could you, ummm…" Shyly she twirled her finger, causing Setsuna to smile at the display.
She complied, nearing her desk to put away a few of the thick tomes she had pulled out to occupy her morning. "Given the position I woke up in, I'm surprised you're still feeling the need to be so modest." In fact, such a position is what worried her so greatly, the memory already burned into her mind. "Not that I don't understand, of course…this was little more than terribly misplaced judgment."
The rustling of cloth was all that came from Rei's end of the room for a little while, and then a breath cut through the air. "Misplaced judgment, huh?" She didn't like the sound of that, but took it for what it was. "Setsuna…do you ever think of anything besides being…" Rei cut herself off, and continued getting dressed. "I mean, don't you just like to forget sometimes?"
"Yes Rei, if such a thing were possible, then I'd be inclined to agree." She would love to forget, more often than not, actually. However, that was not an option. "Blindness would not suit my station here."
"It's an addiction." Rei murmured. "Looking into the fates as much as you do."
"The same could be said for your fire." Setsuna returned, feeling yet another crack of emotion fall upon her face. "Yet, is that not part of your duty? Is that not a task that you live by, without question?"
"Faith is not without reason." It was an answer spoken with hesitancy. "Or rather, sound reasoning is why faith must exist…everyone has faith within something, even if it is only within proven truths of the world in front of them." It was something Rei had decided for herself, long ago. "However, Usagi sees the need to question duty. If even she has that right, then so do we."
"Perhaps that is the conclusion brought to you after the kindness you've been afforded." Setsuna answered as she slowly turned around. "However, be that as it may, this should not have happened between us."
"I don't regret it." Rei walked over, taking the time to look into the mask that kept Setsuna so stern. "Then again, I do understand the nature of your tasks. There are things that are unfathomable, and won't be willingly changed for anyone. I am not blind to that."
No, of course you are not…by the gods, you know best the path with which you take. You understand that it will continue to be sullied if you keep this up…and that is not something you'd divine yourself willing to do, Hino Rei.
A grin willfully tugged at her lips, pulling from her a moment of something besides her usual stoic sadness, but even that kept a bitterness hand in hand. "This…this can't possibly be."
"One day…perhaps not." Rei agreed. "It comes as no question to you, so it should not be a surprise if that is the case."
"Rei, that day will come far sooner than even I would like. A time when this world will be subjected to what is without a doubt an equivocal dark age reborn anew." It worried Setsuna even now, kept her senses sharp, like the tip of a warrior's blade. "All of us will have to be at our best, it goes without even conjecture. It simply is the truth we face, as what we are."
"Even so Setsuna, what you speak of is the future." Rei told her as padded across the room, looking the woman in the eye, gazing upon her, and feeling though nothing in that moment mater. "For now, it is merely today, within this very moment. For now, we are here, and that time is not now." Lavender met crimson. "So please just hold me…lie to yourself, even if you know the truth."
To do that, would be to poison herself…I wonder why she seeks such an awful thing…
"I can't corrupt the timeline." Setsuna murmured quietly.
"We won't." Rei said, so very sure of that. "I swear to you, we won't." Closing her eyes, she bit her lower lip. "Gods, I would never do something to put Usagi in that kind of danger…not now, and not ever."
"I have only ever loved one woman…" Setsuna replied, coolly.
"Me too." Rei swallowed, her admittance something that came difficult to her. "It's not you."
"I don't love you either, Rei." Setsuna said then, but lavender eyes told her that Rei understood…and that she never expected otherwise.
"I know." A wavering voice was all that Rei could muster. "I'm not asking you to." Still, she found her arms acting of their own accord, wrapping around Setsuna hesitantly. "Just hold me, pretend until my vision comes true…that's all I want."
As a mage, she knew all about the ramifications of actions, and the ties that bound duty so tightly around them. It constricted the sailor warriors in such a way that left no question to the dangers that would befall them…and thus, the foundation that would slip out from under them. With a nod, Setsuna pulled Rei closer, closed her eyes, and tucked the head of the shorted girl under her chin, feeling as if that alone would never be enough.
This is not love, nor adoration…this is warmth…merely that, and little else. Perhaps in that way, reality does waver…just as people with selfish hearts do. Maybe, her poisoned future is worth it, just for this one thing that I can afford her…maybe, in that, I will pay too, once she can no longer come to me like this…once my station at her side truly lost.
Then, it will be cold…then she can still make her vow, to never love, or be loved again.