Killing a Monster
Disclaimer: Not mine
Then wind howled. It screamed. Almost as if it were something hidden in it. Like a message. Begging you to not come outside. Almost as if it knew it was a monster and was tired of hurting people. Tired of people calling it a monster. A monster that that killed solely for the purpose of killing—Oh man. Damn it. I think I just began to describe myself again. God I'm good at that. I start off by describing something and then I apply some of my attributes to it and then BAM! I'm describing myself.
Yes, I am a monster. I never used to think I was. But some things do change; I supposed it was when I was granted my own body did I realize how horrible I was. But I'm really getting distracted here. This story isn't about me being a monster. That's another story for another day. No, you see... this story is about how I dealt with being a monster.
Ryou had gone out tonight. With Yugi, Yami, Anzu, Mai, Shiziku, Jounouchi, Honda, Otogi, Malik, Isis, even Rishid (WTF??) and my Marik. Yes, my Marik. He was mine and mine only. Although he would be surprised to find out, but whatever.
Why was I here all alone and not out with all of them? Simple-- it's because no one invited me. I forgot to mention that even Kaiba and Mokuba went. But I was happy here alone. Honest I was. I've always preferred the quietness of solitude. The shadows could never leave you out. Or call you names or avoid you. No. The shadows would always be there. Even if you didn't want them to be. See? The shadows and I have a lot in common.
So what do I do in this lovely quiet time? Its really not much. I sit on my bed, with only one light on and the doors closed, locked. I sit, and think. Usually about how much I hate myself. Or how much I wish to be dead. You know...that sort of stuff. And then I cry. A lot. I let tears cascade down my face until I can barely breathe with all the sobs running in and through my body.
And then came my favorite part. When my lovely knife would come out. But only for about five minutes I assure you. Which give me ample time to slash my wrists a little. Enough to draw blood. Enough to feel pain. But never enough to kill me.
I have to say, I honestly think this feels better than when I would go on successful raids. Although...its been so long, I've forgotten what it felt like. How depressing. 1 I was forgetting my life in Egypt. That deserved another slash.
But that was enough to set me off. I think tonight has done it for me. I'm tired of being left out despite what I said before. With a gun to my temple a smile on my face and a pen in my hand I write a final note to Ryou.
"My dear Hikari, Ryou,
I have taken my own life because I know it will improve the life of other's. So now that i'm gone please tell the Pharaoh that I hate him and this is his fault. Anzu, that her friendship speeches make me want to throw up. Malik, that it was fun at Battle City. And Marik...my dear Marik. Tell him that even though we were the best of friends I was deeply in love with him."
I heard a banging on the door somewhere in the distance and yelling. But I paid neither any attention as I finished the letter.
"I love you too Ryou but not in the way Yami loves Yugi. But more in the way Jounouchi loves his sister. You always had kind words for me when the world did not. Good bye my dear Hikari. I hope to see you again.
Love Always
Bakura"
My hand shook as I wrote the last few words. My finger pressed the trigger lightly when suddenly Marik barged into my room My Marik. His eyes widened at the sight before him. When I didn't take my finger off the trigger, he tried to taking the gun away from me. And when he did, that's when I lost it. 2 I began sobbing uncontrollably. And he held me in those big arms of his.
He said nothing and just let me cry. He knew that at times like this useless words didn't help, but just crying it out did. Letting all the pain and miseries of life just be forgotten in that one moment. Just shedding the past, releasing all the pain you've hid so well, to just be you in that one moment.
And he sat with me, through it all. Until I couldn't cry anymore. And even if I wanted to, I just couldn't it was almost as if my body decided not to produce any of that salty water called tears.
Finally he spoke. "Why?"
I didn't answer. Instead I just avoided his eyes.
"Why?!" he almost yelled that time.
"Because I'm tired of being alone!" I actually did yell.
"Don't say that!You know you always have me. I...I didn't know you wanted to die."
"I"ve done an excellent job of hiding it."
"How long?"
"Since we got over bodies. Too many things were brought up. I realized what a monster I was. And why no one liked me. Or even wanted me to be around. I didn't even want me around anymore. But you can't leave yourself out. It just doesn't work that way. You're stuck with yourself until you die. And that's why I wanted to. But you ruined it!" I yelled the last part out. I was overwhelmed by all these emotions. I hate emotions!
"Were you planning on leaving behind a note so we could actually know why you did this?!" Marik yelled angrily.
I extended an arm to him. Giving him my suicide note. "Read it then!"
He was surprised. I guess he though that I was actually that stupid. Thanks.
He read the note. And he gasped. I suppose when he read my revelation of my love. When he finished the note he folded it. "You love me?"
"Yes. But its not like it f-ing matters."
"Why not? Are you saying you know my emotions better than I?"
"What?"
"I love you, you baka!" Marik smiled and took me in for a kiss.
1. I borrowed this line from something my mom said. My dad past away a long time ago and she told me she was forgetting her life with him. :( How sad.
2. Yuck this is so OOC. I hate it, I'm sorry.
A/N: Hope you liked it