Blue eyes were trying to deter their gaze away from those soulful brown orbs trapping him "does this feel wrong" she repeats again causing him to try and shift his gaze away, but she doesn't allow it as she cradles his face in her hands forcing him to meet her gaze again. "Damon" she whispers as her fingers brush against his cheek.
How could being content for a change be so wrong? How could loving this woman and enjoying those moments in heaven be labeled as wrong? Today he had woken up completely alone in bed and for a fleeting moment his stomach sunk thinking that it had all been a dream, a beautiful dream turned nightmare over the simple fact that she wasn't there, but then her soft voice caused his attention to turn towards his bathroom doorway as he saw her leaning against it, and the second he saw her gleeful smile he knew last night hadn't been labeled as a regret for her. They had lived in the moment, basking in the passion that had always consumed them. When Stefan had been off the rails and Elena was still holding onto hope Damon knew it wasn't the right time for them, but now, here and now it had been right and his dead heart soared the moment she had agreed to revel in the day instead of coming clean.
Everything had worked out perfectly until he swung that front door open revealing his brooding brother's expression and the second Elena headed out the door and off to school Damon's happy bubble had been burst the moment Stefan revealed the sire bond. Obviously Damon wanted to fight it off and hear Stefan's Shakespearean apology the second he found out he was wrong, but of course Damon couldn't be right considering he was against Stefan. Not to mention the second he encountered Charlotte in New Orleans he knew the sire bond was well still in play. Charlotte had been a clingy and crazed type of woman, the type that he wouldn't have been surprised if he had found her hiding under his bed, he was well aware that he easily could have exterminated her, but he had actually felt bad so instead he told her to count every brick in New Orleans as he made his quick get away. Literally he didn't think she'd actually do it, damn he had been wrong. If it hadn't been Elena who was sired to him he would have found the situation comical even felt the need to use that as a new ditch the girl line, but if Charlotte has been that obsessed to pleasing him what would that entail for Elena?
Damon was suppose to be the selfish one, he had claimed himself to be the bad guy and he had done a damn well good job at making everyone believe it, but at the end of the day his love for Elena and his brother would always be his weakness. Damon had let Stefan go years ago, he had just gotten his brother back, finally buried the hatchet and then Lexi greeted him with the fact that Stefan wouldn't be able to keep himself in control with Damon by his side so instead of saying a new hello to his brother he found himself saying goodbye. Finally Damon had gotten Elena and now here he was introduced to the sad fact that he was going to need to let her go, set her free if you will, and it was tearing him apart.
His name brought him out of his thoughts as he was forced to meet her intense gaze again "Elena" he whispers leaning into her touch savoring every sweet feeling "it's not real" he murmurs slowly removing her hand from his face. "Stop it Damon you know it's real…..stop saying that this isn't real….this is real" she pleads reaching for his hand and pressing it to were her heart is located "this is real." They were Vampires, without beating hearts "Elena" taking her hand he shifts the movement to his chest "do you feel that it's nothing….for years it's been non beating and dead but for the first time in a long time I swear last night and this morning it restarted itself….you were the cause for that…..god I wish….I wish this was real you don't know how much I wish this was real…I"
The last part of his sentence not able to end as Elena places her fingertip to his lips silencing him. His gaze darted down to her finger, hell he found himself wanting to kiss each one of those slender fingers, but he resisted the temptation staying completely silent knowing she had something to say. "When Tyler was sired to Klaus he hated him Damon but he still carried out with every order…..I don't see Tyler falling and kissing Klaus's feet…..the sire bond makes you wish to please your master it doesn't enact feelings." It's sad how he actually has to bite back a laugh "if any of the males here were to have a thing for the Big Nasty Hybrid I'd put my money on Stefan those lingering looks they give one another is a little too long for my taste" he says offering a smirk wanting to lighten the tension seeping in this room. Raising his hands up he clasps Elena's hand in his, returning back to seriousness "Elena I'm not your master" hell the idea produced many naughty images in his head on how he could go about that, but now wasn't the time "I don't want you doing things just to please me…it's like you're losing out on your free will and I refuse to be the one that takes that from you….you've had enough taken away, which" gripping her hand "is all the more reason why you need to stay clear from me."
Elena wasn't going to have it, she knew he was pushing, and for once she just wasn't going to allow him to do it "last night Damon I told you I wanted to dance with you" her eyes boring into his "yes you asked me but I wanted to dance with you…you have been the one to kiss me first but I" a shy grin pulling up on her lips as she casts her gaze to the floor and then back at him "I'm the one who pinned you against the wall….I'm the one who shredded your shirt because I was desperate to feel your skin against mine…..I was the one begging to have you….you didn't tell me to get naked for you Damon or to make love to you" her tone softening "I did it all on my own because I wanted to."
There were times were Damon found himself questioning if Elena actually was a Vampire, her features still held that human innocence and he could swear that he saw a tint of red forming on her cheeks as she recalled last night also known to him as heaven, happiness. Falling, he was falling, he was trying to keep himself grounded to from falling over the edge and back into her, but she was making it damn well complicated with her retorts "you did it because…..because you knew it would make me happy" he hesitantly states "once the bond is broken everything will return back to normal you'll fall back into my brother's arms….and everyone will live happily ever after" he coolly states slowly starting to put his walls back up.
Her eyes ignited the usual warmth reflecting in them turned deadly as she found herself raising her hand as her hand came into straight contact with his cheek "did you tell me to do that" she questions glaring at the blue eyed Vampire standing before her "I didn't do that to please you….if anything I did that to please myself because that was a real cruel thing to say" she harshly spats at him. Happiness is brought into the conversation as she releases a low growl "happy…..happy" she repeats throwing her hands in the air "everyone wants to see me happy and yet you're all too blind to see that I already am…..god Damon for so long I felt as if I was consumed in complete darkness since turning….I thought what's the use why get up when my life is hell…..and then….and then I finally admit to myself and you about…..about what I feel and we share these beautiful moments that mean the absolute world to me…..and I'm not just talking about sleeping together, because I felt so complete….more complete then I've ever been….but those aren't the moment's I carry with me it's this morning just laying in bed with you….or you walking me down the stairs and spinning me around to kiss me….I felt…I felt human again Damon" tears beginning to well in her eyes "I thought" licking her lips "I thought for the longest time I'd never feel my humanity again but you bring it back to me Damon….you saved me in more ways than one why can't you see how happy I am."
The sting of the slap he still feels against his cheek, his eyes shocked at her action, his mouth opens up to try and get a word in but he has no time as she begins her little speech. His dead heart begins to drop as she mentions happiness, he had given her happiness, him, Damon Salvatore had actually given Elena Gilbert happiness after all the hell she had gone through. Her tears are his weakness, her confession embedded into his brain knowing it's something he will play on repeat over and over again, because even with her breaking in front of him his stubborn nature still forces himself to believe this can't be real. He's Damon Salvatore, worthless, selfish, reckless and undeserving of the type of love Elena possess and there is no way in hell a beauty like her could ever love a beast like him. "Elena" taking both his hands he cradles her face "you saved me in more ways than one….for centuries I lived without my humanity acting as if it was nothing….but deep down craving to feel again" the pad of his thumb brushing away her fallen tears "I felt it again with you….I feel it with you Elena you restored my humanity and for that I'll always" swallowing hard "love you for it….which….is why I have to let you go" he's blinking back his own tears now "it's going to be fine though because you'll be fixed….and."
She finds herself leaning into his touch, leaning into his comfort hoping against all hope that he's finally understanding what she was trying to say, but then he begins about being fixed and she finds herself pulling away from his hold gently pressing her hands to his chest and pushing him away, betrayal in her eyes "last night I told you how Caroline, Stefan and Jeremy want me fixed….and you" shaking her head as tears roll down her cheeks, damn heightened emotions, "you said you've never seen me more alive and now….now you're telling me I need to be fixed….you…..you were the one person who liked me for the way I am….and now I need to be fixed" tears now running straight down her cheeks "not you Damon please not you."
His baby blues cast themselves towards the ground to hide the shame reflecting in them knowing she's absolutely right. A defeated sigh escapes his lips as he forces himself to look up at her "idiot" he thinks to himself seeing the tears progressing. "Elena" advancing a step forward, he's cautious with his movements "you need to understand where I'm coming from…you've given me the always Stefan speech so many times that I can damn near recite it….you tell me you're going to let me go and then this" signaling between the both of them "excuse me if I'm having my doubts on if this is real or not" he hisses through clenched teeth.
Water works were not working, crying her eyes out and looking like a pathetic mess was not the best way to get through to Damon at the moment she needed to find a new tactic. Remaining silent for a few moments trying not to flinch as Damon throws Stefan their way, wiping away the tears with her sleeve she closes her eyes for a few second mentally counting to ten as she calm's herself. Reopening her eyes, no longer are they showing pain, but determination "I understand why you're having doubts Damon and for that I'm truly sorry…..you think my feelings are sired to you" taking a step closer to him "they've always been there Damon I just was good at keeping them hidden….well most of the time" she explains meeting brown with blue. "When I was human" she pauses for a moment feeling as if that's forever in the past "I wasn't sired to you…yet I kissed you when I thought you were going to die….and yes I kept insisting it was a goodbye kiss, but it was more than that Damon….I couldn't let you go without kissing you…..I kissed you back that night on my porch somewhere during the summer of Stefan being gone you became my best friend Damon….my rock my security and I fell for you….the sire bond did not tell me to make that split second decision to kiss you in Denver…..you didn't tell me to let you press me up against the wall and have your way with me."
Though she was a Vampire she found herself stopping to take a breath knowing this part now would be the hardest "Stefan" she gives him a pleading look seeing his body still at the mention of his brother "Stefan came to me at a time when I needed him when we were at a bound fire him and I took a walk he asked about my relationship with Matt why it ended I told him it lacked passion…with what I had with Stefan I thought that to be passion….but then you came into my life Damon the arrogant, snide, sly and reckless older brother and I found myself immediately drawn to you the moment you kissed my hand….when you and I met you told me I wanted a love that consumes me….I want passion and adventure and I found that all with you Damon…..Stefan" blinking back the tears "Stefan was my security…..but somewhere along the way you became my rock….and with you it was passionate we didn't even need to kiss all you had to do was give me one lingering look, or a simple touch and I felt goose bumps erupt on me…I'd find myself always looking at your lips wondering what they would feel like against my own but I always fought off the temptation. "You and everyone else puts me on this pedestal thinking I can do no wrong….thinking of me as selfless but you're wrong….you're all wrong you want to know why" reaching down she grasps his hands into hers "because I am selfish…..a selfless girl who claims to be in love does not end up falling for her boyfriends brother…..a selfless girl doesn't feel relief when she's told that her boyfriend traded himself in to save his brother…..god Damon the thought of you dying terrified me I kept trying to picture my life without you and I….I just couldn't but Stefan being gone….I….I knew it would hurt but I knew I'd get by because I'd have you" her gaze remaining locked on his "a selfless girl does not make out with her ex's brother against a motel pillar and then feel annoyance when her own brother completely interrupts her from the man that consumes her causing them both to pull away and her to fall into the confused that's wrong act…..Damon" raising his hands to her lips she presses a kiss to his palm "I fell for you when I was human….. I kept telling myself that Stefan was the right choice…..the safe choice….the blue dress" a hint of a smile on her lips hoping he catches the hint "but all I kept seeing was red….you told me I wanted danger, passion and a love that consumes me…..the safe choice wouldn't give me that Damon…but you do….I want you Damon."
Damon remained silent the entire time his expression stone cold as he tried his hardest to keep his façade of a mask on, but he found himself faltering at some moments during her speech as he recalled those past moments. It's not right her past words echoing in his head the night after their kiss on the porch; she had avoided him like the damn plague and then of all things decided to fall back into Team Stefan to the point where she had suggested he snap Damon's neck so she could have the opportunity to talk to Mama Witch. After everything they had been through she had chosen Stefan yet again, which had caused Damon to act out sleeping with Barbie Klaus just to spite Elena and needing comfort of his own. After that things had been completely tense for them until she randomly suggested he be her road trip buddy to pick up Jeremy, he had been surprised by the out of the blue question but accepted it none the less. That night while Baby Gilbert had been snoozing Elena and him had bonded in bed taking part in pillow talk which then resulted into Elena fleeing the room with Damon of course chasing after her ending with her leaping into his arms and crashing her lips to his in a searing kiss. She had molded against his body perfectly, as they allowed themselves to be lost in each other, and then that damn cock blocking Baby Gilbert interrupted them. Damon had found it amusing how he was a Vampire and yet his attuned hearing never once picked up on the sound of footsteps approaching or the knob being turned, but he knew the reason, he had been too consumed in Elena. Raking a hand through his dark locks he gives a brief nod of his head giving her the case in point that no sire bond was occurring at that time she had feelings for me when she was human a small faint smile on the corner of his lips. Had he put her on a pedestal? In Damon's eyes Elena could do no wrong he viewed her as selfless because he knew she'd sacrifice her own life if need be, which ironically she had many times until it had completely cost her. Everything she was telling him he found himself drowning in her words, past pains slowly mending and healing. Struggling, he actually found himself struggling to keep his expression collected, but each new word caused a new part of his wall to break, to fall.
Damon may not have muttered any words, but Elena knew she was getting to him, causing the Vampire to fall silent was a good thing it meant he was letting her words sink in, but it wasn't enough for Elena she needed him to be on her side one hundred percent "I kept telling you I'm not like you….but I am I'm selfish…..we're selfish we deserve each other…..sire or not sired Damon I want this….after everything we've been through we deserve this" she strongly states cupping his cheeks in her hands pulling him down a bit so he's more at eye level "we've been through hell on earth and yet we always return….we always come back stronger…we'll survive this Damon" her orbs pleading for him to not push, to hold on, to not walk away when it's real you don't walk away her eyes silently passing on the message.
He was breaking, hell she was right, he was selfish he had tried to play the good guy card, but that role had been reserved for his brother. He allowed her to pull him down, blue meeting brown, his dead heart racing how can something so beautiful be wrong…..it's not this is real…she's right we'll fight this her words causing him to make his decision as he leans his forehead against hers, both their eyes closing getting lost in the powerful connection held between the two of them, he finds himself saying the only thing that seems to fit the occasion.
"We'll always survive."