Stephanie Gets Her Robbers
Stephanie blinked. Her eyes had to be seeing things. She read the words on the skip file Connie handed her.
"You're kidding, right?"
Connie looked up from filing her nails, "Nope. It seems like Trenton has a problem with a band of marauding senior citizens causing havoc around town. And, Arthur Giggleman appears to be their leader."
""So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen? And, my crazy cousin just had to post the bond."
Connie shrugged her shoulders, "They were actually cap pistols. The way I think of it, we're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open to anyone that he can make a buck off of in this town."
Stephanie stared at her, "He's seventy-nine and rides a scooter."
"I know, it was extra money for the scooter. It goes extra fast," getting out her bottle of Passion Purple nail polish. "The rest of the files are his cohorts who have been picked up for various petty robberies."
"There's seven here."
'Yep, and they're all yours."
At that moment Lula's Firebird pulled in outside and she comes ambling in with a McDonald's bag and wearing a hot pink spandex shirt reading "SAVE A TREE. EAT A BEAVER."
"I miss anything, White Girl?" plopping down on the old sofa and biting into her breakfast biscuit.
"I'm going to go see Grandma. Finish eating, Lula, and I'll be back. We're going to need a plan to catch a band of 7 senior citizens on a crime spree. The leader rides an electric cart."
She stopped in mid-bite, "Uh huh. Go talk to Granny, I'll be right here."
Her black Rangeman SUV pulled up in front of her parent's house just as her phone rang that Batman theme. Answering it, she was awarded with the usual "Yo."
"Hi, Ranger."
"Babe, where are you?"
"Just pulled in at my parent's house. I need some Grandmotherly information. I have seven senior citizen skips all belonging to the same band of thieves."
"Babe."
She could hear the upturned lips.
"How about lunch at Pino's before I have a few job inspections this afternoon?"
"Hmmmmm," Stephanie said in his ear, "I'm not eating rabbit food. I want gooey pizza."
"That will kill you."
"Ranger, live a little."
"One O'clock, Babe."
"It's a date," but her phone was already dead. "Damn Man, he could say
Good-bye just once."
She found her parents and Grandma in the kitchen drinking coffee and having still warm Cinnamon coffee cake.
"Hi," kissing her parents and Edna Mazur. Stephanie grabbed a mug and poured herself a cup and grabbed a plate for the coffee cake. Ranger made them his healthy fruit smoothies this morning. Ella and Luis were visiting one of their children for a few days in Virginia Beach.
"How's everything, Pumpkin?" Frank asked.
Ellen cut her a slice of coffee cake, "Why isn't Ranger with you?"
"Everything is good and he's busy, Mom. Grandma, I need your help with some skips."
Glee showing on her face, "Do I need my gun?"
"No!" Stephanie shook her head. "Do you know Arthur Giggleman and his gang of robbers?"
"Oh yeah. He's a pip. That new three wheeled cart he got, Sonny down at Lefty's supercharged the motor. It goes over 40 miles an hour. I'd like to ride him and the trike."
"Mother!"
Frank banged his mug, "Woman, can't you go knit something in a corner!"
"No, I like sex and I'm getting all I can while I can," Grandma stuck out her teeth at Frank and put them back in. "Now, Stephanie, Arthur and his friends just want some fun!"
"Fun!" Stephanie replied a little louder than she meant, "He robbed the 7-Eleven with six cap pistols. Can't he got to the track, take a painting class, or hang out of the Senior Citizen Center."
"Well, sometimes he has insomnia and needs to relax I think. Also, he's not lucky like me who has a family close by and I got the bounty hunting to help you with to add some excitement."
"Oh brother," Stephanie's father moaned.
"And," Grandma continued, "he's a retired school teacher who was used to being around young people who kept him young and he loved making wine. Now, all he has is bingo, Casino nights, and cruising' around on that cart."
"OK, Grandma, what would it take to get them all together in one place to take them all in at one time?"
She thought about it, "Give them food and some type gambling, that will draw them in like ants to a picnic."
Stephanie put her plate and cup in the sink, "Thanks," kissing her Grandmother.
"Wait, I got something for him."
Frank was walking Stephanie to the door, "I won't stand in Ranger's way if he ships her off with one-way transportation."
"Here, give Ranger this," holding up a black t-shirt. In white lettering 'THE MAN' with an arrow pointing up and 'THE LEGEND' with another one pointing down.
"This is shirt that screams 'The Package'."
Stephanie said the only thing she could, "Thanks. I'll call you because I'm going to need your help with these skips after Lula and I come up with something."
"Hot damn. I'll keep at least my stun gun handy."
Frank's eyes shot up, "Lord help us."
After stopping back at Vinnie's and putting her head together with Lula's, they had an idea to bring all the seniors together in one place, but Stephanie might need some Ranger help.
He sat there in Pino's while they ate pizza, the temple could take the afternoon off to make Stephanie happy, listening patiently to the crazy plan Stephanie and Lula came up with to catch all the senior robber's again and get them all bonded out together.
"So, do you have access to an 18 wheeler?" Stephanie asked batting her blue eyes and walking her fingers teasingly up his arm.
Ranger was trying to keep a blank face but the corners of those Cuban lips twitched up, "What do I get out of this deal?"
'I knew you would ask that, so Grandma sent you a present," Stephanie unfolded the black t-shirt from her purse and held it up.
After reading it, Ranger smirked, "Am I a legend, Babe?"
"Oh yeah, Cuban Sex god, all myths have been broken and Mount Olympus residents packed it in. They can't compete."
"Good to know. So what else for an 18 wheeler?"
"Maybe some wild gorilla sex with banana split flavored body buttered covered bodies involved and I'll let you find where I'm hiding the cherry on top."
"Babe, when you want the truck?"
"Two days. Do you think also Hector could clean up some of the old Rangeman computers and a few could be dropped off at the Senior Citizen's Center? Arthur was a school teacher so maybe he could teach a couple of computer classes to the seniors to get him and his band off the streets?"
"So they can find porn? Sure, Babe. It would get them out of the storage room."
TWO DAYS LATER:
Bobby and Lester parked an 18 wheeler in front of the Trenton's Community Senior Citizen Center. It was, of course, black. On each side a big magnetic sign
reading 'L & S Traveling Casino On Wheels'.
Lula dressed in white shirt and black pants and bowtie comes out back and down the ramp placing a standing sign 'Free wine and cheese party at 7'.
Grandma made sure the 7 skips would be there by handing out extra chips to them for a free hand of Blackjack. If they looked real close, they'd see Grandma's face stamped into the plastic chips.
Ranger watched from his Porsche down the street. The men and women were filing out of the Center and coming from all directions getting in line to board the casino truck. Tank was the dealer at the Blackjack table. Bobby was running the Roulette wheel. There were a couple of poker tables. Lester and Frank Plum were pouring the samples of wine behind the bar. He couldn't believe it that Ellen Plum even made sugar cookies to serve.
He saw an old man on a motorized scooter shoot up the ramp followed by six men. Those must be the thieves or ex-Mafia since they were dressed in black pin striped jackets and white shirts. Stephanie, Grandma, and Lula were handing out wine and cheese samples to each who entered the back of the truck. These seniors would do anything to sample some of Ranger's private stock wine that Stephanie was using to liquor them up.
After a while, he saw Lester run around to the back and pull down the back door and lock it. He jumped in the cab to drive to the police station. Ranger followed the casino truck. The cops were coming out of the building when Lester tooted the horn pulling into the police station lot. Once it was parked, he opened the back door. Stephanie and Tank had the 7 skips lined up to come out.
"You promised we could have more wine and cheese after we got rebounded!" Arthur Giggleman demanded.
Tank began ushering them out to the waiting cops, "We'll have it waiting and then we'll take everyone back to the Senior Center."
"Arthur, I'll be waiting for you for as long as it takes. I want a ride," Grandma waved out the back thrusting her pelvis at him.
He gunned the motor on his scooter driving up the police ramp, "Hold that thought. You got my motor running, Edna!"
"Mother!"
All the 'good' seniors drank and ate while their friends were in the police station.
Ranger couldn't hold back the chuckle anymore, "Babe, some of your plans," shaking his head, "but you got all your men."
"I know," Big Dog handed Stephanie body slips, "Ready to rock the jungle."
"Babe, I've been ready. The temple is short one cherry in it's food pyramid."
Stephanie purred in his ear, "You got to find it."
"Never fear, my tongue is flexible."
"Don't I know, Ranger."
P.S.
Arthur and his friends were never arrested again and their crime spree ended. He was too busy teaching the seniors the INS and Outs of the internet and Power Point. All the popular porn sites were bookmarked. There were a couple of incidents were all the police computers were running porn and for some reason Joe Morelli's was locked into a Gay porn pay site. It must have been a glitch in the department's internet connection.