The Warmth in My Soul

by JadeHeart

Usagi awakens feelings in Seiya that makes him realise that he had been missing something for a long time.

Title: The Warmth in My Soul

Author: JadeHeart

Fandom: Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance

Summary: Usagi awakens feelings in Seiya that makes him realise that he had been missing something for a long time.

Author's Note: This was a bit of a challenge to myself to see if I could write something for this fandom. Sailor Stars seemed to be more 'realistic' in some ways in how relationships were dealt with, especially with Usagi having another man wanting to be with her so much to whom she was attracted as well. As much as the Usagi and Mamoru pair is lovely, it was nice to see the possibility that it might not be 'happily ever after' for them.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Sailor Moon', nor am I making any profits from it.

-oOo-

Could she have been?

The thought kept running through his mind, over and over again.

Could she have been? Could it really have been her?

He lifted his head, gazing at the blue sky above from behind his sunglasses, watching the soft white clouds flit across the expanse. The sun was warm on his face, touching his skin like a soft hand caressing his cheek. Warm, just like she had been in his arms.

He closed his eyes for moment, leaving his head tilted back, letting that warmth soak through his entire body. This warmth was nothing compared to the warmth from her; a warmth that seemed to penetrate to his very being and touch something that had seemed to have been frozen deep inside and was slowly beginning to thaw.

It had felt good when he had held her back in the club. That had been the closest they had been before; always they had to be careful to follow the proper protocols allowed by society, even more so because he was an idol and so often in the spotlight.

But when it had felt that danger was near, when he believed that she could come to harm, it had been completely instinctive to put his arm around her shoulders and draw her in close to him. He had felt her lean against his chest, her hand resting there almost directly over his heart.

He knew that the way his heartbeat had increased wasn't due just to adrenaline. The feel of her small, slim body pressed tightly against his had felt so right and he hadn't wanted to let her go. The wave of protectiveness that he had felt, the intense desire that he had felt to keep this person he held safe and let nothing harm her had surprised him. He had only ever felt that way about their Princess, there had never been another that had affected him in that way so why her? Why Usagi? .

He kept his eyes closed, listening to the rustle of the leaves of the trees as the breeze raced through the branches, the distant sounds of traffic. Yes, it was warm in the sun – but the metal post he was leaning against was cold against his back. Icy cold. Like that feeling that had flooded through him when Sailor Moon had picked up that small brooch and all the doubts had crashed down upon him.

He dropped his head so his chin almost touched his chest, his shoulders slumping as he was assaulted with those feelings again.

Could she have been? He wasn't sure, not truly sure. He didn't think he was wrong, yet at the same time he hoped that he was with all his might. He didn't want Usagi to be Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon was still an unknown. They had fought together certainly and she seemed to want to do good but as Starlights they were only supposed to be concentrating on finding their Princess. This wasn't their fight and if Sailor Moon and the other Sailor Senshi got in their way they would be forced to fight them as well. He didn't want that. So he didn't want Usagi to be Sailor Moon. He wanted her to just be herself; a simple girl at his high school.

Well, not simple, that was something Usagi had never been.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he thought of her. She was special, a special sort of person that he liked to be around. From that first moment he had passed her at the airport there had been something.

At first he had thought that it was just because she was a pretty girl. He had an eye for the girls, he didn't deny that, and he had half thought that perhaps he had just noticed her because she was the only girl there that wasn't screaming and carrying on at them as the Three Lights which was unusual in itself. But she had had only eyes for the man she had been holding, a man he hadn't even taken any notice of at all, but the way her face had been turned to look up at that person, the glow in her eyes that showed the love she felt for that one, it had all been entirely captivating.

And the warmth – that feeling of warmth that had encompassed him as he had passed her, that had reached out and wrapped around him like an embrace. It had been enough to make him stop, enough to make him turn to look again, to watch her. That warmth had made his entire body tingle and react in a way that he had forgotten. After, he found he couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop wanting to have that feeling again.

It had been such a surprise when he had bumped into her again at the park, such a surprise to see her face which, yes, he did recognise – that hairdo was unusual enough – but what he recognized more was that feeling of warmth again. Being around her made him feel good and she was just so different from anyone else he had ever met. It had been a shock but in a way a relief that she hadn't known who he was. It made him feel more 'normal' to be seen as just a person by her.

From then it had seemed that they were fated to meet. No matter what happened it seemed that she was always there, her and her friends. Suddenly he, Taiki and Yaten had friends – strange friends to be sure, and sometimes a little scary when Minako went into fangirl mode – but they were friends. Especially Usagi.

His smile grew broader thinking back on all the things that they had done together. Okay, he knew that he'd been trying to show off to her. How could he help it? She was the only person who hadn't seemed to be in awe of them in any way. She was certainly the only person to argue with him about things and not seem to care! That was what he liked so much. He could act like a normal teenager and not be concerned about his position as either one of the Three Lights, or as a Starlight. Just for those moments he could simply be Kou Seiya, and it was nice to be seen as just a normal teenage boy and act accordingly. He found he liked that very much.

He lifted his head again and gazed around him. What a beautiful world this was. He watched the people passing by; a mother with a young child holding her hand and a balloon in the other, a couple sitting side by side on a bench with eyes only for each other, an old man sitting on another, sprinkling crumbs for a dozen pigeons at his feet. It was so beautiful and peaceful, just like his own home world had been once.

He squeezed his eyes shut in pain, trying to block out those memories. He wouldn't dwell on that; it was all in the past. That was why they were here – to try and find their Princess and to be able to restore their world again. They could do it, he knew they could, if they could only find her.

A deep sigh slipped from his quivering lips. Where was she? Why was it taking so long? They had been trying so hard, singing and singing, sending out their message over and over again. They desperately wanted to find her, they were sure she was here somewhere – but where? And why wasn't she coming to them?

His eyes stung with unshed tears. He wanted to find his Princess, to know that she was safe, that everything would be all right once more and they could begin again. He wanted his world to become as beautiful as this one was; a place where people could be happy and safe, where people could grow and love together.

A cloud blotted out the sun for a moment, casting a shadow over him and the sudden chill made him shiver, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets.

He hated it when the warmth disappeared. That is what it had felt like when their Princess had left – it was as though she took all the warmth and love and caring with her. He and the other Starlights had felt completely bereft, lost without her presence. That was why he had been so surprised to feel like that again that time at the airport. That sudden infusion of warmth that reached directly to the very core of his soul and touched every part of him. It had begun to change him then, he was sure of it. She was responsible for that.

The cloud raced away and the sun shone brightly once more and he took in a sharp breath as though he could suck in that warmth and hold it inside. It was due to Usagi that he was changing. Taiki and Yaten had noticed it, but even they were slowly changing also, he could see that.

Watching them, realizing the changes within himself, he began to realize that they had all been without something for so long. When had they forgotten how to truly laugh? When was the last time they had truly cared for something other than their mission? When was the last time they had embraced the warmth of love and friendship from another? It had been so long now, so long since they began their search, always pushing onwards, determined to win, determined to complete their mission and find their Princess. It was a worthy goal, and certainly one that he had no intention of giving up – ever. Yet…..

Didn't they still have time to experience other things, to do other things, to meet other people? Shouldn't there be more to their lives than just that? He remembered how once, long ago, they had shared laughter, they had shared love, they had shared it with their Princess. When had they forgotten how to do that?

And now, now he was remembering it all. Remembering it because Usagi had opened his eyes and shown him, offering that friendship to him with open hands and open heart. When he was with her she seemed to spread that warmth like wide wings that wrapped around him, drawing him in closer and holding him tightly. When she smiled he couldn't help but smile back, when she hurt he couldn't help but protect her, and when she cried, his own heart broke.

He heard the tap of shoes on the pavement and turned his head to see Usagi walking towards him. He watched as she walked slowly, long blond hair lifting lightly in the wind. He half smiled. Dumpling head, he thought in soft amusement. She was his dumpling head.

Then he noticed that she was looking down at something in her hand, her face sad, concerned. As she drew a little closer he could see that it was the small pink bear brooch that he had won and worn to tease her. His heart clenched as he saw again the image of Sailor Moon kneeling and picking it up, asking them if 'Seiya' was safe, worry in her voice as she clutched that small trinket.

He frowned again, was she really Sailor Moon or was it just a coincidence?

Usagi drew nearer still. Either way it didn't matter. If they were one and the same, even as Sailor Moon she showed that same caring for him, and if they were not, he didn't care. Usagi was enough for him.

"Dumpling," he called out quietly and watched as she stopped and her head snapped up to look at him. He remained where he was and just gazed at her, seeing the flash of relief, the brightness increase in her eyes as she met his. She looks like she's going to cry, he thought fondly. He wished he hadn't made her worry.

But instead of tears falling she suddenly said, "Where were you? I was worried about you!"

He smiled and walked up to her. "Sorry," he said softly, looking down at her.

"Sorry? Well, are you hurt?" She looked him up and down as though searching for injuries. How like her, he thought. Always concerned about others.

He shook his head. "No,"

She seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief. "That's good."

Looking down into her upturned face he felt his heart warm further. All he wanted to do was protect her and keep her safe. More importantly, he wanted to keep her by him. "I'll give it to you," he suddenly said.

"What?" she tilted her head to one side in confusion.

He nodded down at the small pink object she still held in her hand. What he wouldn't give to be that toy, to be held so gently. "My gratitude for spending the day with me," he explained a little lamely.

"Oh…." She gazed down at the toy and he saw her fingers close over it lightly and it felt like he was that tiny bear, cradled so carefully against that warm flesh. She looked up again. "Thank you." she said in a soft voice.

They stood there silently as the sun dipped lower in the afternoon sky, beginning to change the light to a soft golden glow. He wished he had the courage to reach out and touch her, to feel that warmth once again and hold it close, to cherish it. The image of Sailor Moon overlaid Usagi's face, the two melding for a moment and then gone but it was enough for his heart to catch. Was she…?

"What?" she asked, looking at him intently.

He started a little then shook his head slightly with a smile. "No, nothing." he reassured her. No way, he thought. There was no way that she was really Sailor Moon.

He looked up at the sky. It's not like he could actually ask her outright. No, he had to have been mistaken.

He smiled down at her again, a warm and heartfelt smile this time. "Come on," he said, turning around. "I'll walk you home."

"Sure!" Usagi said, falling into step beside him. "Thank you for the gift!" She smiled up at him brightly, both hands clutching that tiny pink bear to her breast.

He gazed down at her fondly. "Just take care of it," he said, not wanting to think it sounded like he was talking about his own heart.

"I will!" she said, skipping ahead a little before turning around swiftly and looking back at him. "I promise!"

He caught up with her, basking in that warmth that she directed towards him, through her smile, her eyes, her presence, her friendship and, he hoped, her love. His spirit reached out and took that warmth, drawing it within himself, hoarding it inside so whenever he closed he eyes and concentrated he could feel it, bath in it, and remember all the things that he had forgotten and all the things that he wanted for the future.